I was going to let this one go. Really, I was. But all the man/dad bashing is so fashionable lately that letting it go unchecked seemed borderline irresponsible, so once again the dad blogosphere finds itself defending ourselves against idiotic, sexist and unfunny crap that litters the Internet.
I clicked on an article yesterday (and no, I won’t link to it) called “10 Ways Your Husband is Just Another Child.” I cringed at the headline, but since the byline was attributed to Scary Mommy — a genuinely funny and respectable writer — I thought maybe it would surprise me and be witty or a parody of some sort. Hell, I’m definitely not above laughing at myself and so I soldiered on with high hopes.
Well, it turned out to be a guest post written by some woman named Rebecca Gallagher. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t original, it didn’t make me laugh and hell — some of it didn’t even make sense. I’m less outraged than offended by the horrible writing, complete absence of originality, and the entire piece being nothing but linkbait. So without further ado, I’ll give you what she wrote and then what her husband might really be thinking having to deal with such a nightmare of a wife.
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“He gets so hungry on outings as a family, you give him the protein bar you keep for the kids in your purse for snack emergencies.”
Whoa. Starting off with a really egregious one here. I can’t believe the nerve of this prick. Are you telling me he was hungry during a family outing and then — wait for it — asked if you had anything to eat?? Selfish cocksucker!! He’s literally taking the food out of his childrens’ mouths. They’ll probably starve. After all, you never know when a routine family outing will turn into the Donner Party and that protein bar becomes the only thing standing between survival and cannibalism. I guess we know who everyone is killing and eating first. Although to be fair, after enough years married to Rebecca Gallagher I’m sure this poor guy looks at death as welcome relief.
“He would rather play video games than clean the garage or do any chores.”
Well…yeah. Of course he’d rather play video games than clean the garage or do chores. What other human being says “Man, you know what I’m dying to do today? Chores. And lots of ‘em?” Chores suck. We do them because they’re necessary, but we’re never happy about it. Especially when a nag of a wife is harping on us and barking out orders simply because we haven’t done what Miss Rebecca says in the timeframe in which she mandates. At least video games have a mute button.
“He’ll leave his underwear on the bathroom floor.”
Ho-ly shit. Underwear? Dirty underwear on the bathroom floor?? Chances are this poor slob just jumped in the shower and hasn’t even had the chance to put his clothes away, but Rebecca the martyr just LOVES to have any excuse to play the poor mommy who is constantly overburdened and does everything herself. Woe is her.
“He forgets to hang up his towel.”
Wet towel AND dirty underwear?? That’s it. Rebecca’s right, let’s just take this prick out to the backyard and cane him.
“He leaves his ice cream bar wrapper on the end table by the couch.”
Oh boy. Underwear, towels and now trash. Forget the fact he’s still sitting there eating the ice cream, let’s focus on the wrapper because that presents Rebecca with the opportunity she needs to criticize her husband. Nevermind the fact that he might’ve worked all day or played with the kids and is taking a break, the fact of the matter is HE’S LITTERING! Add it to the list of things to complain about when you drive to meet the other soccer moms for your weekly gripe fest in the car his salary paid for.
“You have to remind him where things go in the kitchen.”
This is one of my favorites and a popular one among people like Rebecca. But here’s the irony — this only comes up when Rebecca’s husband is putting things away. That means he’s either cleaning the kitchen or putting away the dishes, but Rebeccca doesn’t recognize his efforts. Instead, she’ll focus on the things he’s doing “wrong,” like putting things in the wrong place. And let’s be honest, the “wrong” place isn’t really wrong, it’s just not where Rebecca wants them to go. Is it any wonder he doesn’t want to put the dishes away or clean the garage? You’re just going to criticize him for it anyways!
“He would rather stay up and watch a stupid TV show than go to bed at a reasonable hour.”
Or, in other words, he’d rather watch that episode of Family Guy for the 100th time than come to bed with you. Do you think it might possibly be because of the constant nagging and criticism of the above items? When the idea of bedding down with you takes a backseat to TV, you might want to take a hard look in the mirror, Rebecca.
“When you ask him to take the garbage out, he rolls his eyes.”
He’s not rolling his eyes at taking the garbage out. He’s rolling his eyes because he’s already cleaned the garage, put things away in the kitchen, and now you’re on his case again. Not to mention he’s realizing he’s married to a grown woman who can’t even take the trash out herself.
“He needs to be reminded to not eat junk food when he goes out with his friends.”
Are…are you kidding me? Really?? Rebecca, he doesn’t need to be reminded about anything. You’re not “reminding” him, you’re driving him friggin crazy. On the rare occasion you actually let him out of his cage and out of your sight, if he wants to eat some fucking junk food he’s entitled. And forget junk food, you need to worry about him mainlining tequila in his quest to forget who he’s married to and what he’s become under your tyrannical rule.
“He stashes his brussel sprouts to the side of the plate hoping you won’t notice he didn’t eat them.”
First of all, it’s Brussels sprouts. Apparently you’re too busy to proofread, but I’m sure you’ll blame that on your husband too. Second, you’re standing over him, telling him what foods he can and can’t eat, and then criticizing him for not eating them? Who cares if he doesn’t eat Brussels sprouts?!? Maybe he doesn’t like them, or maybe your cooking sucks. Bottom line is he’s not acting like your child, YOU are acting like his mother.
Look, I’m not above a funny piece that pokes fun at dads or husbands. I’m about as far from politically correct as there is. The problem with Rebecca’s piece is that it sucked — every part of it. It was lame, uninspired and it wasn’t funny at all. So if there’s no funny, then it’s just dumb, offensive and nonsensical. And if you put something out there like that before it’s ready to be published, you deserve any and all backlash. If I were Scary Mommy I’d seriously reconsider who she lets represent her brand.
PREACH!
Let’em have it brother. It’s unfortunate this link bait was published. There are not standards anymore, only profit motive.
Vincent aka @CuteMonsterDad recently posted..Parenting Experts Bribe Their Kids Too
Speaking from personal experience, and possibly why I now find myself alone forEVER…
Most women aren’t confrontational about the “big ticket” items that are bothering them in their relationships. This is why not putting the lid back on the toothpaste or using the wrong serving bowl turn into issues.
Men don’t do subtlety.
Me thinks Rebecca needs some attention from her husband…and that she has also fallen into the trap many of us women do:
Not being clear with our own needs and assuming that our partner will eventually get the hint…thus leading to hurt feelings, frustration, anger, and then defeat.
I’ve probably just released the proverbial kraken with my comment…but that’s just because a lot of women don’t want to submit to a concept that requires them to be completely honest and transparent about their needs…and instead try to squash everything around them into their imagined ideal molds, refusing to be open for anything aside “societal norms”.
Andrea: Spectacular insight, and I agree completely. I also think men can fall into the trap but regardless, it’s not a healthy place to be. Frank and honest discussions are tough work, but it beats the alternative you described.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
This list of things is crazy. The grown ups in a relationship need to be grow ups. If you see something on the ground, and it bothers you, pick it up. Don’t call the offending dropper in and rub his nose in it like a dog that peed on the carpet. If your SO eats or doesn’t eat something it’s none of your business. No one sane wants to clean out the garage, and quite frankly I’d rather play video games than do a lot of things. Sounds like Rebecca needs a stickectomy.
I hate cliched pieces like this, and I also dislike the dumbass stereotype of the helpless male who can’t function like an adult without his female partner telling him what to do.
That said, I felt like although some of your points were spot on (especially about “reminding” him not to eat junk food or to eat his sprouts – whoa) I think you’re falling into cliche yourself here. When you cast the author as a nagging, unattractive shrew whose husband would welcome death as an escape from her, I think you’re putting more onto the relationship than may actually be there.
I take your point about her post infantalising and patronising her husband. But the odds are that they love each other. Most couples do.
Elizabeth: Absolutely. I hope they love each other. And I certainly don’t know them. All I’m basing this piece on is her writing. And in her piece, she did come off as a nagging shrew so I don’t feel bad about anything I’ve written. Is it hyperbole? Definitely. But it’s supposed to be to highlight the ridiculousness of her original post.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
I understand the point of not liking the message, and your NEED to point out Men rock when they help and all that blah blah blah. However, I strongly disagree with your personal attack of the writer. When we blog, we put ourselves out there. Some people use comedy, some sarcasm, some true stories and there will definitely be people who MISINTERPRET or not find it funny. However, it is against blogging manners to go after the person. You don’t know her, I am assuming. You don’t know her relationship and it is extremely rude to attack Rebecca like that. We can all have freedom of speech, opinions, and not find others funny, however, would you want anyone to talk to your wife they way you talked to Rebecca on your blog? What does that say about you and how you respect others? Just some thoughts for you to think about the next time you decide to personally attack someone who was NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.
Courtney recently posted..I cried my mask off today
Wow. I am shocked at your response. “A nagging shrew” and your other rants against this woman are uncalled for. It was a humor post for goodness sake. H-u-m-o-r…look it up.
I understand why you could take Rebecca’s post the way you did, especially since I am going to go out a limb here and guess that you don’t know her personally nor have you ever read her before. You could have taken the time to read some of Rebecca’s blog and get to know her sense of humor before attacking her personally as you did here. We are all members of this blogging community and these kind of posts are not very “neighborly” if you know what I mean. None of us are perfect, and our relationships with our spouses are not perfect either. We all blog to entertain and to have an outlet for ourselves. Some writers we agree with and some we don’t. If we don’t, is it really the best route to attack another or would it be better to take the high road and just walk away?
I’m getting tired of this technique of jumping on someone’s popular post and trying to stand on that blogger’s shoulders by taking what is clearly humor and tearing it apart (in a very unfunny way, I might add). Seems someone is trying very hard to get Scary Mommy’s attention. Ellen
P.S. – Thanks for pointing out no one likes to do chores. So that’s why they don’t get done. SMH.
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently posted..Facebook Follow-up Friday #4
Oh hi there Daddy Files-
It’s me the naggy martyr Miss Rebecca, I think that’s what you called me above.
Sorry you took such offense to the piece. I’m not sure why you or some of the folks that commented took this piece so seriously. It was hyperbole. I’ve told my husband he can act childish sometimes. I made this piece. Scary Mommy thought it was funny,she published it. End of story. My husband isn’t emasculated or diminished in any way after this post. I’m happy that you and your wife must have a perfectly balanced and blissful relationship where you would never take any of her foibles and blog about them. I guess that’s your style.
I’ll stop by your blog again sometime and hope to read a piece where you don’t criticize my marriage, my personality, or my writing skills.
Take care.
I find it interesting that you can take such a personal offense to what Rebecca said about her husband (whom she calls “McSweetie” on her blog), yet use such blanket statements as gripe fest, nag, shrew, and on his case to describe her and think that’s okay. Do you say these things to your wife? Or does she just keep her mouth shut and let her irritation and anger fester? If you didn’t like her post, just click away from it. Don’t cut her down. It just makes you look like a bitter, angry misogynist.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Mom Always Knows
I’ll start with the grammar and poor mechanics. You don’t say “First of all, it’s Brussels sprouts” without putting quotation marks around “Brussels.”
This next one isn’t so much a rule as it is common sense, but you don’t criticize someone’s spelling/grammar/punctuation in the same piece that you’ve written this: “You’re just going to criticize him for it anyways!” Why? you still don’t know, I’m guessing. “Anyways” isn’t a word. That’s high school English, chump.
I also found it ironic that you’re assailing some stranger’s writing style and skill level as if you were some sort of authority on the subject, when in fact your own work is so plebeian in nature. And talk about lazy! Holy crap, how much easier does it get than what you did here?
As a dad I don’t enjoy these fluff pieces either, but your reaction just shows that you have issues of your own that go far beyond anything this woman could have said about husbands in general. You crossed the line with your personal attacks and compounded the offense when you used her name. You should be ashamed of yourself, because it is people like you who really give us a bad name.
Let me make this more clear for you, since I’m not sure you get what I’m saying: no one was reading the original post and forming an ill opinion of husbands as a result. People ARE reading your post and leaving with a negative opinion about YOU. Assuming you’re a husband, that means that you are bringing the overall perception of that group down, even if it’s only a teeny, tiny bit.
p.s. Your writing sucks. Now you don’t have to look up “plebeian.”
The Third Partier recently posted..Bullsh*t Overdrive
I find it interesting you’re all on here talking about taking personal offense, being out of line for criticizing, etc. when that’s how this whole thing started. The original post was about husbands as nothing more than children. I understand it was meant to be funny, but it wasn’t. At all. Swing and a miss. For perspective, it would be like a male writer putting a piece out there called “10 Reasons My Wife is an Overbearing Shrew.” Assuming it was meant as “h-u-m-o-r” HouseTalkN, what do you think the reaction to that piece would’ve been from women in general? The answer is that guy would’ve been ridiculed to no end and mommy bloggers would’ve come out of the woodwork to respond en masse. This is no different.
I was directed to the post when it popped up in my dad groups. A bunch of involved fathers and husbands, most of whom got into blogging in an attempt to dispel stereotypes exactly like the one Rebecca laid out in her post. The fact that some of you accuse me of misogyny while turning a blind eye to the obvious misandry in the original post is nothing short of hysterical.
Also Tara, why would I walk away from a post I found demeaning? It’s put out in public to garner discussion, and that’s exactly what happened. There’s no rule that it all has to be positive. In fact, when you create a list of items that infantilizes men I think it’s very fair to say you should expect some harsh responses. And if you can’t handle that, you have no business doing what you’re doing.
And Third Partier: thank you oh so much for the lesson. However, before criticizing me, you might want to use your keen powers to hone your own writing. One click to your site found a superfluous use of the word “that” in your writing (it’s almost always unnecessary, such as when you write “So I think we can all go back to wondering why Fox thinks that Germany is sunnier than America. That’s like saying that if you can’t hate homosexuals then you can’t hate murder or bestiality either, as Supreme Court Justice Scalia claims.”
But I really enjoyed this blatant mistake later on in the same post when you said “If the idea is that we’ve got to be able to protect ourselves from out own government, then why can’t I buy a damn tank?”
So perhaps you can harness all of your elitism and laziness and go work on your own terrible writing skills my friend.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
FWIW, when a man wrote a similarly over-generalized and unfunny “humor” piece for Babble last year, he got pounded by a lot of the same people who are complaining about Rebecca’s Scary Mommy guest piece. I don’t think the problem is the gender of the writer here, necessarily. It’s the gender stereotypes that the piece supports, however satirically. It’s been interesting to watch the Scary Mommy minions rally around this losing cause, because I would’ve thought more of them would be sensitive to others who are against perpetuating harmful and hurtful stereotypes. Stereotypes that, by the way, injure everyone — not just dads.
Carter recently posted..Seconds to Check, a Lifetime of Moments to Savor
While I agree that the original piece could be construed as hurtful and demeaning (and I think too many women exploit their husbands’ flaws – and exaggerate them – online just to get laughs), I am not sure your response really makes your point. I usually LOVE your posts (even the rant-y ones) but I found myself cringing all the way through this one. Both at the quotes from the original piece and at your responses. The whole thing seemed a little hypocritical, like telling someone that they are childish for calling you a name and then calling them a worse name in response.
I really do think it’s great that you never hold back, but I wonder if this post came from a different place than you usually write from. It just doesn’t seem like you.
Jenn recently posted..if i was someone else would this all fall apart?
I love when a blogger gets all her White Knights to come to her rescue. *not*
The Scary Mommy post was ridiculous and insulting. I’m the first one to roll my eyes when my husband does something that I deem ridiculous or unnecessary, but to put out there a list about how husbands are just other children is low-brow, unoriginal and it absolutely made the writer look like a nightmare to live with. If any adult were to “remind” me not to eat junk food or question why I didn’t eat my vegetables, I would lose my shit, much less if it was my SPOUSE. Yes, we can poke fun at our husbands but this post screamed UNHEALTHY MARRIAGE and disrespect to me. And I have to agree with Aaron that if the shoe were on the other foot, if a dad wrote a piece about how his wife wasted time all day watching soaps or takes up too much room in the shower with all her products, the internet would burn down. Evening the playing field doesn’t mean knocking the men down, it means building the women up. And this doesn’t help.
And the grammar critiques? WEAK.
Christi recently posted..Pretty pictures and the sausage factory
Jenn: Thanks for your comments. Maybe you’re right in that this did come from a place of frustration. I see these types of articles on a fairly consistent basis and try to ignore them. Maybe it’s because this one was featured on a site I usually like quite a bit and I was disappointed, but I felt responding with the same heavy-handed hyperbole might be the only way to make people realize why guys get upset about this stuff.
And the hypocrisy is truly stunning because I’ve seen guys get KILLED for far less offensive things than Rebecca’s original post written about women. I absolutely hate how that’s out of bounds yet it’s fine — and even fashionable — to write the same tripe about men.
I’m just tired of ignoring it, and won’t from here on out.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Andrea and Christi said what I would say much more eloquently than I could.
I am the first to say ‘live and let live’ but in this instance, as Christi said, the original post does nothing to even the playing field. As a divorced woman, it makes me personally glad that I’m not on that field any more. My field, my rules.
Amy recently posted..Can We Stop This Please?
Really, dude? You want to talk about hypocrisy?
http://www.daddyfiles.com/13-things-prego-women/
Allison: Where’s the hypocrisy? Granted, there’s obviously exaggeration in there. I don’t really think pregnant women will eat your face if you don’t feed them. But I ran that by my wife and several female friends who either are or have been pregnant, and they thought it was funny, mostly true and struck the right tone. And when it comes to things like “pregnancy brain,” I made sure there was actually some scientific evidence that it actually exists (http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/memory_lapse_it_may_be_pregnancy_brain).
So yes, I’d like to talk about hypocrisy. Where is it?
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Both the article and response feel a bit over the top to me, but hey, that’s what the internet is for, extreme POVs ala Faux News.
Anyway, that’s another rant for another time.
Men and women are equally capable of being lazy and irresponsible. What I find in our home is that the tolerance threshold is what sets us apart. I can go for MONTHS without taking notice of dust lining the shelves. The same with a dirty floor or counter. My wife is much less tolerant and so those chores usually fall to her (with the occasional complaint). On the other hand, I have carved out my own niche and dishes, laundry and garbage fall to me because she’s terrible at folding clothes neatly, leaves spots on the dishes, and to be quite honest I’m not sure how I got stuck with trash duty.
Michael Lewis has a book out called “Home Game”, written from a father’s perspective. In it he shares some thoughts about the distribution of labor and how it varies from couple to couple. Most of the time you don’t know how you stack up until you see your other couple friends and then it’s too late to negotiate (I’ve tried, trust me).
I definitely do more house/kid work than my other male friends in relationships, but as much as I do, I know deep down that my wife does more work overall (we’re probably 50/50 on chores and 70/30 on kid stuff) but I’m also still happily married. A small price to pay.
All I can think is that I can’t wait until our household slave labor, ahem, kids, are old enough to take on some of these chores and lessen our burden.
Amateur Parent recently posted..Five Things…
Rebecca created a 10 item list that, IYHO, isn’t as funny as it was meant to be. You created a 13 item list that, IMHO, wasn’t as funny as it was meant to be.
The first item on your list is “Feed Her Constantly.” The first item on Rebecca’s list is “He gets so hungry…you give him the protein bar you keep for the kids…”
You included the gem “Pregnant women are L-A-Z-Y.” She included “He would rather play video games than…do any chores.”
You weren’t terribly complimentary towards your wife specifically or pregnant women in general. In fact, some might find your sweeping generalizations to be offensive. Much like you find the sweeping generalizations about men/dads to be offensive.
Be clear, even though I didn’t like your 13 Things post, I had nothing to say about it until you went off on a tangent on a post that is THE EXACT SAME FORMAT AS YOUR POST. You wrote a very similar post about pregnant women two months ago, and then got on your soap box about this equally harmless post and personally attacked a fellow blogger. You are the definition of hypocrisy.
Disagree Allison.
Rebecca criticized men for eating food in purses when they’re hungry. I advocated making sure pregnant women have plenty to eat.
I’ll grant you the second one. I should’ve said “my wife” instead of all pregnant women. But I also intimated that pregnant women have good reason to be lazy, in that they’re carrying a baby.
But the biggest way our posts were different is that I poked fun at women AND men in my post. I chided men for thinking their manhood is big enough to have an effect on the unborn kid, and I flat out said we really have no reason to complain since women are doing all the heavy lifting. I also poked fun at myself and made the post self-deprecatory in nature. There was none of any of that in Rebecca’s post. Just 10 ways men are overgrown children.
Anything else?
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Wow, amazing the slack that you will cut yourself. Too bad you couldn’t have been bothered to do the same for someone else.
“I advocated making sure pregnant women have plenty to eat,” sounds a lot better than, “Failure to give that woman snacks will result in extreme bitchiness at best, and bodily injury at worse.”
You’ll grant me the second one? Thanks. It’s an offensive statement and saying that, in retrospect you’d limit it to describing just your wife, doesn’t make it less so. “But I also intimated that pregnant women have good reason to be lazy.” You’ve just repeated the statement that pregnant women are lazy. Adding a caveat doesn’t make the statement better. Your poor wife…oh wait, Rebecca’s poor husband.
And no, you didn’t say you have no reason to complain. You said you weren’t ALLOWED to complain. That’s not poking fun, that’s bitching because your wife doesn’t want to hear your whining. Of course, I don’t know that for sure…I can only surmise based on your writing. Like you did with Rebecca.
But I’m allowing you to sidetrack me. The fact that I found some of your 13 Things post to be offensive is not the primary issue. The fact that you think the double standard of your drivel being divine while other people’s drivel is worthy of being demonized in an asinine post like this is the issue. I’ll repeat it for emphasis; you are the definition of hypocrisy.
Whilst I think the original article is pretty lazy humour, my reaction would probably not have been the same as yours Aaron. But as one of the commenters above says: that’s what the internet is for.
The part I hate about the entire debate is when somebody jumps in to criticise.. and the thing they start with is your grammar! Good lord, are we really THERE now? Sheesh.
Henry Elliss recently posted..Guest Post – Ways your mother lied to you about parenting
Allison: So you’re offended by the post, and then you’re offended when I admit to you I thought one of your criticisms is valid?? It’s clear you won’t be satisfied under any circumstances. Also, I said my wife was lazy ABOUT THE DISHES. I was talking about a specific example. Rebecca, on the other hand, was talking about all men. Her husband is actually never mentioned. She’s speaking in a universal tone. If you think my post is as or more offensive than hers, then there’s really nothing more to discuss because we’re never going to agree on much. Yet I’ve noticed you stick to criticizing my past posts which have nothing to do with this, and you haven’t given your opinion on Rebecca’s original post. I’d love to hear your opinions there.
Henry: It was certainly over the top. I didn’t start out that way, but as I wrote it I got more and more pissed off. And I felt like fighting hyperbole with hyperbole might be the best way to get the point across. Was it the right call? Depends on your perspective, but I appreciate your comment.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Daddy Files: I’ll weigh in one more time and then shut up to let others have their say. Mine is certainly not the only opinion.
You didn’t complain that your wife wasn’t doing the dishes, you used your wife not doing the dishes as an example of her laziness. You are a professional writer, you know the difference. While your post included a couple of references to your wife, it too used universal tone.
The only reason I’ve criticized your past post is because it is an excellent example of your hypocrisy. If you really can’t see the similarities between your 13 Things and her 10 Reasons then I can only assume you’ve suffered some kind of traumatic head injury. The humorous intent of your 13 Things post was clear even if it was poorly executed. Much like Rebecca’s post. Rebecca’s post also wasn’t terribly funny or interesting. None of it was funny but it all had the importance of a fart in the wind until you decided that your shit didn’t stink with quite as much pungency as Rebecca’s and that was adequate reason to act like a bully. Apparently, you’re the only one who’s allowed to be a dick for the sake of faint humor.
A bully??? You’re kidding me right? Responding to a post I found objectionable casting all men as overgrown children is now “bullying?” Give me a damn break Allison.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Aaaaahhh…I can’t help it, I have to take the bait again. I’ll REALLY try to shut up after this and let others debate.
No, Aaron, you are not a bully because you responded to a post that you found objectionable casting all men as overgrown children. If you had presented a logical, even half-way reasoned article about how 10 Reasons is perpetuating negative gender stereotypes and setting back the SAHD movement then I’d have no grounds to call you a bully. But that’s not what you did, Aaron.
You didn’t attack the post, you attacked the writer. And since you seem to have selective memory about your own writing let me recap what you said about this woman you’ve never met: Rebecca Gallagher – not funny, not original, horrible writing, absent originality, nightmare of a wife, her husband will welcome death after being married to her, nag of a wife, harping on her husband, barking out orders, martyr, advocates caning her husband in the backyard, participates in weekly soccer mom gripe fest, doesn’t recognize her husband’s efforts, constant nag and critic, less desirable than an episode of Family Guy, always on her husband’s case, incapable of taking her own trash out, drives her husband friggin’ crazy, drives her husband to mainline tequila in a bid to forget her, may not be able to cook, acts like her spouse’s mother, is lame, unfunny, uninspired, dumb, offensive, nonsensical and to top it all off…deserves your abuse! And you got all of that off of a 10 item list that was an attempt at humor. I’m just thankful she didn’t go up to 13 Reasons or things might have degenerated further.
You could have disagreed with this woman and the sentiments behind her post without being as asshole. You could have scored points for your cause and persuaded people to your point of view. But that’s not the route you chose. You chose to be demean and attack her like…wait for it…a bully! Even better, you wrote a blog with 13 unflattering and sweeping generalizations about pregnant women two months ago, perpetuating negative gender stereotypes. Which means you are also a hypocrite!
You want a damn break? Don’t be a damn fool.
Full disclosure: I know, like, and support Rebecca.
I understand that you don’t like the piece.
I don’t understand how you get that Rebecca was on a mission to berate her husband. I see that she described this as a humor piece that clearly compares his behavior to the behavior of a child. Preferring video games over chores, for example. She did not mention wanting to cane her husband, or to call him in to the bathroom to stare down at his dirty underwear while she emasculated him.
You’ve reposted the piece without letting your readers see it in the original context, and now everyone assumes a) that she’s actually saying or doing things in her relationship with her husband or b) that this is a cry for help when it’s nothing more than hyperbole for humor’s sake. You don’t like the piece, so you wouldn’t link to it. Understandable. But when, for example, I might disagree with an author in a term paper, I would include my source in the works cited.
Dislike the piece, hell, dislike Rebecca, but realize that you’ve manufactured a version of the author to hate, instead of making an argument that the piece (aside from a typo) isn’t well-written or funny.
I’d be interested to see your take on a funny bit ribbing on husbands or wives. I’d be interested to see where you’d take the humor here. What is it that you do find funny about picking on husbands? Show us your stuff! Make us laugh. Don’t personally attack a woman you don’t know, who is exaggerating about husbands generally. Attack the genre if it bothers you. Attack the piece, certainly.
And, if you will rip Rebecca apart on your blog, it’s only fair to respond to her personally when she stops by to comment.
Just wrote a REALLY long response and deleted it. I disagree with you completely Allison but I’m not going to change your mind and I certainly don’t feel I have anything for which I need to apologize. So take care.
Ninja mom, I’d argue if you don’t want to be personally attacked then don’t write something about an entire sex that could be construed as a personal attack itself. Again, I understand you don’t think it was written with malicious intent. Probably because you know Rebecca. I, as I said before, do not. I judged her on this piece and this piece alone. And actually, I did post her piece as it was presented. She didn’t have an introduction or any kind of conclusion. It was just the list and I posted every single word of it.
The truth of the matter is no one is under any obligation to do research on the author of an Internet piece before firing back. Rebecca could be a sweetheart who gives to charity and adopts rescue animals, but it still wouldn’t have changed my opinion on this piece. And that’s what I’m judging — this piece. I’m not trying to get anyone to hate Rebecca, but I’m definitely trying to get them to dislike the original post because I think it’s part of a tired and outdated discourse that does both sexes a disservice. But we’ll all free to disagree.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Right, because all women love Brussels sprouts. I guess I must be a man, then, because I hate the damn things!
I hate sexism of any flavor, and this woman’s post was just sexist. Sure, we can laugh at ourselves, have a little chuckle over gender differences. My son was raised by a feminist (me) and respects women, but there are still certain “guy” things that he does. And there are certain “mom” things that I do that no doubt drive him nuts. We can laugh at those things. But the gender bashing stereotypes on both sides have to go!
Eleonora Usher-Rigby recently posted..Cooked by the Sun
I’m not objective here, so I won’t comment – except to say this:
Allison, I like your style! You stepped up and made your point strongly and with style. I may not agree, but I admired the way you did it!
Your elderly mind is feeble and malfunctioning old man.
Daddy Files recently posted..10 Reasons I Feel Bad for Your Husband
Please remove my previous post. I vented and made comments which did not reflect my complete feelings or situation.
My wife does 8 of those ten things on a daily basis; and I for one love cleaning my garage because its the only time I can be alone.
CJ Cat recently posted..March Madness, No More