This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.
Look, I readily admit I’m a practical joker.
In fact, I try to make a joke out of almost anything. I’m a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine…next to Jameson whiskey that is. It’s also my defense mechanism when I get nervous or uncomfortable. Plus I love to be the center of attention and therefore making people laugh has always been a top priority for me. MJ knew this when she started dating me and especially when she married me. In fact, if she hadn’t gotten wind of it, the bottom of my shoes would’ve had “HELP” and “ME” written on them, displayed to everyone in the audience during our wedding ceremony while kneeling. It’s just how I am.
And yes, we have a child now. I’m a father and as such, I have taken on multiple responsibilities. And I take them all seriously because there is nothing — NOTHING — I won’t do to protect and care for my family. But one thing I have learned is that motherhood — despite the many positives it brings — also takes something away: her sense of humor!
Yesterday I skipped the gym because I really missed MJ and Will and I wanted to hang out with them. It was such a nice day I suggested we take the dogs and go for a walk along the Cape Cod Canal. We were having a great time, walking and talking and watching the dogs eat shells, bird poop and rocks, when MJ’s shoelace came untied. So she put the wheel lock on the stroller, turned away from it and bent down to tie her shoe. I really don’t know why I felt compelled to do it, but I made the decision to mess with her a little bit. It was very windy out, so while MJ was bending down I said:
“Your baby is rolling away.”
Folks, I’ve never seen a human being move so fast. First she whipped her whole body around, arms already outstretched in an attempt to grab the runaway stroller. And when she realized it hadn’t gone anywhere and I was just screwing with her, she hit me in the head! I’m serious, she belted me RIGHT ON THE HEAD!! She was like some kind of mommy ninja because I swear she reached for the stroller AND hit me in one fluid motion that took approximately .58 seconds.
I was pissed. I couldn’t believe she whacked me. I mean seriously, did she think that I’d just stand there and watch my child roll away into the ocean?? Although she was doing this half laugh, half glaring at me in anger thing, I asked her where her sense of humor had gone. She replied that it must’ve come out during delivery. Touche. But seriously, just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you have to lose your sense of humor. A good joke is a good joke, regardless of content.
But just wait until I fake dropping the baby when she’s in the kitchen and I’m in the living room. Now that’ll make for an interesting blog entry. That’s if I’m able to type after she tries to break all of my fingers.