I have heard of the video you filmed, but haven’t watched it…after reading this, I want to see it. I am pro-life, I’m also a Christian, but I don’t agree at all with protesting at clinics. I don’t think people should do it, ever. I think it causes more harm than good. It hurts people and it’s a terrible way to try and change minds. It WON’T change minds. I think the best way to make a difference and try to talk to people about your views is by helping people and supporting them rather than condemning them when you have no idea what brought them to that clinic in the first place. So a big part of me really wants to apologize for what you and your wife went through that day. That same part of me is sometimes ashamed of some of my fellow pro-lifers and the crap they put people through. It shouldn’t be that way, especially if the pro-life individual also claims to be a Christian. We’re supposed to emulate Jesus, and you know, I just can’t see him screaming in someone’s face and waving signs at them. That’s not how He did it.

We will never know the real reason why we lost her, she was only 20 gestational weeks, she was with us for a small period of time but she will be the eternity in our hearts. We’ll always love and miss her. And yes, for the rest of the world she might been one more baby, for us she was everything. After several years trying to become pregnant, our dreams vanished on October 12. Of all the family, friends and people who cares and loved us, there was one who really touched my heart, she said: Maria, all that Natalia knew in your womb was love. And yes she is so right, since day one she was loved and until the day I die all she will receive from us is LOVE.

Natalia we love you baby and you will always be our first daughter.

The answer is yes, we weighed all of our options. The upside of living near Boston is having excellent medical care available. But our baby was nearly dead at 16 weeks. There was no hope. And when my wife and I talked about it, we decided delivering a stillborn baby was by far the more traumatic choice for us personally.

My heart breaks for you and little James. I think what you went through is 100 times more difficult than my situation. I don’t fault or judge your decision one bit, and I’m glad you took some solace in meeting your boy. But for us, the cons definitely outweighed the pros.

I’ll keep you and James in my thoughts.

I am not saying this to judge your decision to terminate. I am only wondering why you chose not to deliver. You mentioned in the video you didn’t want your wife to deliver a stillborn baby, but perhaps it could be more therapeutic than the termination option where you don’t get to meet the baby, which you express regret over in this post.

Either choice is a very very hard scenario, but in not terminating early, parents are able to actually meet their angels and hold them, and then say goodbye properly, and could even have photos taken. Were you made aware of any options like this or did you think termination was your only option?

I know your grief is fresh, and from your post it is hard on you that you didn’t get to meet her, etc. that is why I am mentioning this. But at the same time, I want you to know that it’s NOT b/c I am trying to rub in those feelings of loss at not being able to meet her etc. I just wanted to know if you had known about the possibility, and decided against it.

I am glad she is remembered in your hearts, and I am very sorry for the pregnancy complication that caused you such anguish, and took your little girl. We also named our little boy, James Alexander H., and I am glad you named your little girl. Because they are their own person, and are incredibly special to their parents, and they will never be forgotten. Re-using the name seems like taking away that status. Like replacing them, which we know is not possible.

The pain does get less raw, but sadly your ache for baby Alex will never completely go away. We will pray for you and your wife, if you accept. This is a very hard time emotionally. You two seem to be strong together, and that is a very positive thing in your favor for eventual recovery. You also have a healthy beautiful son to be thankful for, and carry on for, not just each other.

I checked out a little bit of your blog and I can’t wait to dig in deeper. It certainly does seem you have a compelling story to tell, and I can’t wait to read it.

Thanks again!