A ConTEXTual Misunderstanding

My wife and I are different in almost every single way.

Seriously. I’m not just blowing smoke or trotting out tired cliches for the hell of it. We’re polar opposites. I’m a hard news guy, she gets her news from Inside Edition and Entertainment Tonight. I like country music and Irish tunes, she’d rather listen to Nickelback and Creed. We take separate vacations because she needs to go someplace sunny, warm and near the ocean, but I melt and become miserable after 5 minutes on the sand.

But the biggest difference between us is the general, fundamental way our minds operate. In short, I’m a sane person with a logical thought process while I can only imagine MJ’s head contains juggling bears on unicycles with circus music blaring.

Which brings us to the latest drama in the Daddy Files household. I was having a shitty day and MJ and I were trading texts. Well, instead of influencing your opinion one way or the other, I’ll let you see the texts for yourself and then you can pick a side.


OK, there it is. Exactly as it happened. One minute we’re talking about having a bad day, and the next thing you know I have a completely random text that says “We have another one coming.” Now I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, if you were me and had received that text, what would you think that meant?

I thought we were having another baby!!!!

I called MJ up all excited — albeit slightly annoyed she chose to tell me such monumental news via text message — and ready to celebrate as this is something we’ve been trying for for a long time. So imagine my surprise when MJ seemed not to have any idea what the hell I was talking about. Incredulous, I read her back the text she had sent to me. And that’s when she uttered the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever heard.

“I’m not pregnant. I was talking about Will’s birthday party. Another one of his friends RSVPed and we have one more coming.”

I love MJ. To death. But HOW THE HELL WOULD ANY SANE PERSON FIGURE THAT OUT?!?! My wife doesn’t seem to comprehend the fact that thinking something in her own head does not give others the ability to telepathically see what she’s thinking. So when she up and changes the subject in mid-conversation (thanks ADD!), she believes that everyone else has jumped ship with her. I, on the other hand, engage in normal, human conversations that proceed logically from one point to the next.

Needless to say, our marital conversations are a real treat for anyone witnessing them.

Later that night I learned this phenomenon isn’t just relegated to me and MJ. I related the story to my parents expecting both of them to understand and commiserate with me. So I told the story, but when I got to the “We have one more coming” comment, something interesting happened.

My father’s eyes immediately went wide and he said “ARE YOU PREGNANT???” But that was followed by my mother who inexplicably said “No you idiot, obviously she meant someone else is coming to Will’s birthday party!”

My dad and I looked at our wives, bewildered. Despite the fact that MJ’s text to me contained no context clues at all, they both believe it was perfectly clear what she was talking about. My dad and I went point by logical point through the argument of why nothing they were saying made a bit of sense, but it didn’t matter. Apparently women speak a dialect of crazy in which men like myself will never be fluent.

Which is probably a good thing, because if I ever operated on that plane of illogical lunacy, my head would explode.

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7 thoughts on “A ConTEXTual Misunderstanding

  1. I think your mom & wife are just more tuned into the party, and would probably assume that if MJ were going to give you monumental news, she probably wouldn’t do it casually like that. I do know that ADD phenomenon, unfortunately, as my wife does the same thing, but I am so used to it and have to get so much reclarification that it’s almost impossible to have a conversation! I also don’t think it’s related to gender, but that you got your Papa Larry’s logical mind as I did, but it may have skipped your mom!

  2. I’m totally with you on this one, and can sympathize. My husband does things like this to me all the time, and then get’s upset when I’m not privy to the half of the conversation that went on in his head. *g*

  3. This is a tough one. Considering your previous knowledge of the upcoming Birthday party, maybeeee you should have assumed that’s what she was taking about. And as a woman, or as a wife/mother, I don’t think I would ever, no I know that I would never tell my husband I was pregnant via text message.
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  4. You MUST be married to my wife’s long lost twin because her mind works in much of the same scatterbrained manner. I think it probably makes it worse in that I’m an engineer and think in very serial, methodical means. God help you buddy…
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  5. This happens to me almost all the time. I get scared now when I see such an sms.
    I can totally understand how that must feel.

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  6. I don’t think your wife could tell you news about being pregnant via text message, I mean, I myself can never do that to my husband. It’s big news and if she has to tell you it will be in person. She must have assumed you remembered about the birthday party.
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  7. I’m not married but I have this problem my guy of three years. I guess they expect us to just know what they are talking about. Being we’ve with them soooo long lol.

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