A Quick Baby Update

First of all, thank you for all the support over the last few days. Some day I will devote an entire post to how much it has helped me, but just know that you guys are keeping us afloat right now and I will be eternally flabbergasted at how wonderful you all are.

There’s not too much to report at the moment but MJ did get a call back from our primary doctor today. Unlike Mr. Insensitive Asshole the radiologist, he refused to conjecture or hypothesize as to what’s wrong. He said it is best if we get to Brigham & Women’s in Boston for a high-risk ultrasound that will attempt to determine exactly what we’re up against. That will happen on July 6.

Interesting to note, he said this kind of thing predominantly occurs in mothers who have diabetes. As far as we know, MJ does not have diabetes but we’ll be getting her checked as well. They also ruled out the possibility of Down’s Syndrome through blood tests. Which is ironic because I was kind of hoping it was Down’s. I could’ve dealt with that and at least Down’s isn’t life-threatening.

And right now, that’s my big worry. I’m concerned this baby has a terminal physical or genetic condition that will either kill it in the womb or shortly after he/she is born. And really, that’s the crux of this whole thing and what we need to determine. Because while it will be heart-breaking to watch our unborn die at 17-18 weeks, I have to believe it is soul-crushing and damn near life-ending to bury a child shortly after he/she is born.

Unfortunately, time is a factor right now. If this pregnancy has to be terminated it should be before 16 weeks (we’re coming up on 14 now). Otherwise it gets dicey health-wise not to mention the fact that MJ would have to deliver a dead child. That is something I need to try to avoid at all costs.

Again, these are all hypotheticals and I’m still clinging to the ever-shrinking hope that everything will be OK. MJ, however, has prepared for the worst. And I don’t blame her. If she was optimistic like I am and then got horrible news next week in Boston, it would crush the life out of her. So steeling herself mentally and emotionally is a natural defense mechanism. I feel so horribly for her. She’s carrying a baby inside of her, feeling it grow but knowing all the while there’s a very good possibility it will all be for nothing. That is a mind fuck the likes of which I cannot fathom.

As for me,  I can’t help it. I’m just not there yet, which means the anvil is set to fall on my head next week. I guess I’ll deal with that when I have to.

Again thank you (most of you anyways) for all your support and I promise I’ll keep you updated as this all unfolds. Now go hug your kids.

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22 thoughts on “A Quick Baby Update

  1. I hope you only get relieving news. Just remember that your baby is happy and safe right now. He or she has nothing but love and comfort and keep them your highest priority. Never lose hope.

  2. I started reading your site because we are going to try and have a baby and I wanted to hear the Dad’s side. Damn. Now I understand more of why my husband is so freaked. Thanks for that. I will be thinking super positive thoughts for you & MJ over the next few weeks. Hugs, prayers and all good things to you.

  3. I don’t know exactly what would constitute good luck for you & yours at this point, but nevertheless: sending wishes of boatloads of it your way. And I’m glad to hear you’re going to Children’s — it’s a great place with some of the best specialists on the planet, and they’ll do right by you both.

  4. Thinking of you guys this week and anxious to hear the news. Should I organize some meals for you guys with some of the better mommy bloggers? Not sure how food will be after going through the mail but some of the recipes on the sites look worth the risk.

  5. Hoping that you get good news. I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your wife must be going through. Ben

  6. TwoBusy: Sorry, it’s Brigham & Women’s Hospital, not Children’s. I screwed up.

    Everyone else, thank you. Especially you WM. I know you’ve lost in the worst way and I was actually planning on emailing you to pick your brain a little. You know, even though I’m a hair-brained liberal. 😉

  7. Thinking of both of you and sending lots of love your way. Can’t even imagine what you two are going through and hoping that Will can make you laugh during this difficult time. xoxo

  8. I wish I knew the right thing to say. It breaks my heart and makes me so mad that anyone has to go through a situation like this.

    I am hoping and praying for the best for you and your family. I’m so sorry.

  9. So glad you’re going to be at B&W for the more detailed tests. They’ll take great care of MJ.

    Let us know if you need any kind of helping hands with Will soon. He probably could use the distraction and Zach certainly would love a playmate.

  10. Sending all the positive vibes, well wishes, do goods, and all of the above your way! You and MJ sound like amazing people. By the way, you are one amazing husband too!!! Your obvious support for your wife and family and their well being, emotionally, mentally and always otherwise — is ROCKIN’ the HOUSE!

    God help those that are not being kind to you. Special hell for mean people. I mean it!!! Like I said before, Man… if I had the magic wand…

  11. Hey DF- I’m at a loss for how to express how knotted up I get when I think about what you and your family are going through. I guess I want you to know that I’m totally for you- and that I have been and will continue to take your case before God in prayer. I don’t get an IM from Him or anything, but you know the line- Jesus loves the little children. So I’m reminding him about yours! OK?! Peace to you and your wife.

  12. Gosh I’ve gotten quite teared up reading your posts. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will be hoping/praying for the best. Hopefully the specialists will find things to be not so bad and everyone will be apologizing for scaring you all so. I will definitely be giving my Lil Man Stan a very big hug when I get him from daycare soon. We’re routing for you!

  13. DF, your family is in my thoughts, and I am really hoping this is just a scare.

    That said you are a brave man for posting this and inviting the crazed right to lifers (as though there is such a thing as pro-abortion people) to your site.

  14. Thanks everyone. SeanC, that was really nice of you and although we don’t share the same religious beliefs, I think being a parent transcends all of that stuff and so your message meant a lot to me. Thanks.

    Melissa: I have no problem with pro-life people coming here and respectfully sharing their opinions. But yeah, the pro-life zealots will turn up eventually and spew their crap. It will be horrifying and amusing all at the same time. At the very least it’ll give me something to do and focus on other than what may be happening with the baby at the time.

  15. You guys are in my thoughts…I read your post on BBC and have been coming here every day since…I wish the best possible outcome. I wish you strength.

  16. I’m with Melissa – I do hope the crazies don’t show up. You are brave to be putting this out here – I’m sending all my support your way. I’m hoping that all turns out well, that the baby is fine – just stubborn like his/her daddy!

  17. DF,

    WM nailed it.

    You’re a good man. Keep your head up. MJ needs your strength and leadership.

    Holding you close in thought and anxiously awaiting future updates.

    Stay strong,


  18. My thoughts and prayers are with you and MJ at this time. From having a miscarriage at 16 weeks and 1 day, it is devistating. I know that it is very personal and very hard to play the “waiting game”, thank you for trusting your readers enough to share this personal information. Please also know that your friends and blog readers support you and your wife 100 percent! I pray that things go well for you both…. As for your day care provider, that cunt can fuck herself. Your boy is 2, its NOT like he set her house on fire. He was doing typical boy things…… Hopefully her “next” child will piss on her furniture or shit in her plants.

  19. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and MJ and Will constantly. Hoping for the most positive of outcomes through all of this.

  20. Hi!
    I have been reading your blog since the beginning, but rarely ever comment (maybe once). My little guy is just a few days older than Will and we live on the Cape. Just want to you to know that even though I don’t “know” you I am thinking of you and your family. I am so impressed with your posts and the honesty in dealing with such a life changing situation. You are in my thoughts…And I am hoping for all good things for you both.

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