Abort Protesters

I made a deal with myself and the universe this morning. If the pro life protesters didn’t negatively affect MJ today, then I wouldn’t let them affect me. After all, she’s the only one who matters right now. It’s not time to be selfish, it’s time to do whatever it takes to make MJ happy.

When we drove up this morning, my blood boiled immediately. There were more of them today, on each side of the street. And this time they had an increased number of signs and banners. One said “99 Babies Saved Since 2009.” Another said “God is Pro-Life.” One guy had a picture of a fetus that said “Is This a Child or a Choice?” I took deep breaths and put my arm around MJ. When they spotted us walking toward the door, they started yelling.

“YOU’RE KILLING YOUR UNBORN BABY!” was the most offensive of the remarks I heard.

I turned toward them ready to unleash every ounce of fury, but I remembered MJ. So I glared at them for one more second and reluctantly walked inside. We were searched (because some anti-abortion protesters have been known to go postal and shoot up a place or just bomb it) and finally seated. I took a deep breath and felt my blood pressure and heart rate return to normal.

But when I looked at MJ she was in tears.

Those self-righteous assholes had gotten to her. Without knowing one solitary thing about her or why we were there, they inserted themselves directly into our nightmare and made it that much worse. So now my wife, who was already nervous as hell prior to surgery, is near hysterics. Me not being allowed in there with her only made it that much more painful.

I was seething and glaring out the window at a woman holding a picture of Jesus across the street. Then MJ asked me what I was going to do for the next couple of hours. I looked at her, then looked out the window, then back at her. I asked permission with my eyes, never uttering a word. And as they called her name she nodded and gave me a kiss.

Here’s the result:

Hands down, my favorite part of that video is when the lady on the right asks me if I’m recording and then turns away. This is a woman who stands out in public all day long yelling awful things at complete strangers, holding offensive signs that are seen not only by the women at the clinic, but also the countless people (and kids) who pass by. Yet when I’m recording her she turns away to hide her face and calls it “ridiculous.”

I was on a public sidewalk, same as her. I was shouting things at her, just like she does to others all day long. But even though she’s in plain view of everyone, she balks at someone recording her (which is perfectly legal by the way). And that showed me something very important. It showed me these people are, at least a little bit, ashamed of themselves and ashamed of what they’re doing. Why else wouldn’t you want to be recorded? You’re already making a public spectacle of yourself, but all of a sudden you’re upset when someone else turns the tables?

And then she threatens to call the cops on me (more on this later). And for what? For standing on a public sidewalk and verbalizing an opposing viewpoint. I was never threatening and I never used foul language. I did nothing wrong and I was well within my rights to be there. She thinks her First Amendment rights should be upheld because she is on “God’s side,” but mine should be squashed because I’m of a different opinion.

Look, I’m not pigeonholing all pro life people. I know plenty of people and have dear friends and family who are pro life. Ardent pro lifers actually. And while I disagree with them wholeheartedly, I respect their opinions.

But I do not respect any person who stands outside a clinic and harasses women when they are at their most vulnerable and frightened. This is a perfectly legal medical procedure. It’s unfortunate, but necessary. And furthermore, none of these religious nutjobs have the right to control what another woman does with her body. And because they lack that power, they turn into bullies who pick on the weak and try to guilt them in despicable fashion.

And I realized today that no one really stands up to these people. When I approached them today they had no idea how to react. I’m sure they’ve had some run-ins before, but for the most part people are afraid of the protesters. And they capitalize on that fear.

Not yesterday.

Yesterday I discovered just how cowardly these people really are. They didn’t respond to a single one of my arguments. They had no salient points and could only fall back on their rehearsed rhetoric. They could be volunteering in the schools or youth programs to try to fix the problem of teenage pregnancy at it’s core. But they aren’t. Instead they take the coward’s way out, picketing and putting on a shameful public display that, in the end, accomplishes nothing.

That woman held a sign that said “99 babies saved.” But I wonder, how does she know that? I assume she’s saying 99 women have changed their minds or been scared away by protesters. But these protesters have no idea what happened to those babies. Maybe they went back to the clinic on another day. Or maybe they were born. Born into families that didn’t want them, and only had them because some woman called her a “baby killer” after she had finally worked up the nerve to make the right decision for her.

I know the protesters are very religious because they were holding pictures of Jesus and they had a sign that said “God is Pro-Life.” First of all, I don’t know about any of you but I won’t even put words in my wife’s mouth. Yet these people picketing on street corners are speaking for God??? Even if I believed in God I certainly don’t buy the fact that a supreme being would pick such lousy representatives to spread his word.

So in making the educated guess these religious protesters lean right politically, that means they are probably fiscally conservative. Mention the welfare program to these guys and they nearly have a heart attack. Which is hilarious because the only way some of these moms-to-be can make it with a kid is to sign up for taxpayer-subsidized social assistance programs. So that means the same people who protest to bring these children into the world are the first ones to cut them off at the knees in terms of care.

Or in other words, these protesters don’t give a shit about these babies once they’re born.

I’m not sure if nutjob lady protester actually called the cops after I left, but there was a squad car there later in the afternoon. They never questioned me or anything, but the protesters all packed up and left shortly after the cop’s arrival. But the fact remains I had every right in the world (as do they) for being there and there was nothing they could’ve done to shut me up. I can’t prove they called the cops because of me and I don’t know why they decided to leave. But MJ (who is doing well and recovering now) told me she was proud of me for standing up to them. And for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy.

So if you’re against abortion, that’s cool. Don’t have one. But when you decide to protest and scare people and make total strangers feel horrible, then you become trash. Human garbage. Excrement. And it’s my sincere hope that more people will stand up to these bullies in a non-violent manner and let them know what they’re doing is not OK.

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284 thoughts on “Abort Protesters

  1. Way to go, well said. I’m so sorry you and your wife had to deal with ignorant people who have NO clue what it is like to be forced to give up a child.

  2. I’ll start off by saying I’m a pro-life Christian (just so there is no confusion on my opinions.) Now, I also think that these people protesting are out of line and are doing the exact opposite of what Jesus tells us to do. If they were there offering help and support and “brotherly love” as one of the women said, that may be effective. Yet, they are offering fear, shame, and anger to people who need just the opposite. As I’ve read your blog and tweets the last few weeks I can not imagine the anguish this brings to you and MJ. It angers me that on top of all that you have people making it worse. I’m glad you know not everyone who is pro life is like that and I think you did a great job in confronting them so they may think about the individuals they are yelling at instead of just blindly pushing their cause. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and I hope there is a turn for the better in the months ahead for you all.

  3. This gave me chills. You did the right thing approaching these women. My heart is with you and MJ on this horrible day. I hope these ladies find some kind of peace in their hearts for doing what they do. I commend you for having the balls to stand up to them and approach them! Good for you!!!!!

  4. Good for you dude! That needed to be said and those people are major a-holes. For me I think it’s one good thing to come out of this shitty situation you guys are dealing with. Although…I kind of wish she called the cops. That would have been fun.

  5. ETA: You are an amazing husband and father! I would not have been able to restrain myself had I been in your shoes. Smile at least just once today, and hug your lil baby Will tight. For the worst part is behind you.

  6. First of all, I am again so sorry that this is something you have had to do. I wouldn’t wish a pain like this on ANYONE – ever.
    The things those protesters said to you & MJ are a million times more offensive than anything you said/did to them. I’m glad you said something to them, I wish more people would. xoxo

    “Mention the welfare program to these guys and they nearly have a heart attack. Which is hilarious because the only way some of these moms-to-be can make it with a kid is to sign up for taxpayer-subsidized social assistance programs. So that means the same people who protest to bring these children into the world are the first ones to cut them off at the knees in terms of care.”

    You are EXACTLY right. My FIL is one of those people. I don’t know how many times I have used that same argument and he never has anything to say. Things like this are why I have such a hard time with religion, it’s so pathetic how people use God as an excuse to shower hate on people.

  7. What a touching story. I’m sorry but people suck! I completely agree that everyone should have the freedom to express themselves even if you don’t agree. As you pointed out though they didn’t even take the extra step to find out who they were preaching to. You and your family were going through the worse day in your lives and what did they accomplish? Good for you to stand up to them and speak up. You have real integrity and there should be more people out there like you. My thoughts are with you as a fellow Dad Blogger whose also lost an unborn child. I’ll be following you and hope you can find some peace over time.

  8. That was awesome. You kept your cool in an impossible situation and made perfect arguments and clear points. They had no chance with you my friend. As you know I am a religious person, and pro-life as well. But I don’t really think there is anything that is 100% black and white. Each situation has its own circumstances so those people have no right to judge strangers. Even if there was a black and white answer screaming at people and belittling them is inexcusable. I hate seeing things like this because it gives all us Christians a bad name. We would all be better off sharing love with one another rather than hatred. Great job standing up for your wife. You should be proud.

  9. I am so sorry that you and MJ are going through this, and then having to deal with those idiots. You handled the situation so well and I am glad that you confronted them.

  10. I am so sorry that you and MJ had to deal with this on top of what is already the worst day of your lives. I can’t believe that you were able to maintain your composure talking to those women. You are an incredibly strong person!

  11. Aaron you rock! I am glad that you were able to give MJ (and yourself) some level of comfort on this awful day. You are absolutely right, they HAVE a right to their opinion. But they dont know anybody else’s situation, and its about time that someone showed them that it isnt black and white.

  12. Ricky said it better than I could’ve (who knew!?). If you could find one iota of good in this shitty situation it’s how you handled those protesters.

  13. Am so glad you stood up to them. And I’m so glad I got to see it! Great job dad. MJ is such a lucky girl to have you having her back no matter what.
    PS. I wonder if any of her adopted kids will land up having unprotected teenage sex & land up – well, you know where.

  14. I, too, am a pro life christian. However, I am not a crazy nutcase who would hold a sign at a medical facility where heartbroken women must go to have a sometimes absolutely necessary procedure. Not all women go there for an elective abortion. Many of them must go there when a baby dies in utero and having to face those nutjobs with the signs is just despicable. I would never force a victim of rape or incest to carry to term. I wonder what these women would do if it were their 11, 12 or 13 year old daughter who was a victim of incest or rape. Would they force their child’s body to carry a pregnancy? I do not like abortion as a method of birth control. However in this day and age, I think cases of this are few and far between. I am thinking of you and your wife as are many people. You have endured a horrible experience. I wish you the best as you both try to move past your recent loss. God bless you both!

  15. Firstly, I am so very sorry you, your wife & your family are going through this. It sounds like you guys have been to hell & back. I applaud what you did today and I think you handled it extremely well. I am a pro-choice, first-time Mom to a 7-month-old, and I have also been a patient escort for Planned Parenthood for several years. Having been privy to pro-life protesters and their awfulness, I am sorry you & your wife had to deal with them on such a day.
    I agree with your statement about how protesters only have rehearsed rhetoric. They don’t give a damn about any personal circumstances, they believe ANYONE going into a PP is there for an abortion (when some are there for regular doctor’s appointments or for several other reasons) and they definitely don’t give a damn about the fact that PP does a crazy amount of sex education for teenagers. 99% of the pro-life protesters I have come into contact with are unreasonable and are too obtuse to see the amount of hate they spew at other human beings.
    I hope you & your wife can begin to heal. Sounds like you have a great support system, and like so many others, you & your wife are in our thoughts.

  16. You are a stronger man than I. How you kept that white hot temper of yours in check I will never know and to be honest I’m impressed haha. I would have gone ape shit on them with a profanity laced tirade and probably gotten myself arrested. Those people make me sick. And I am glad that someone finally exposed them for the idiots they are. And of all the people I know, you are number one or two on the list of being able to make someone feel stupid in 50 words or less my brother “The Bear” being number one most of the time (and if you haven’t figured out who this is by now that should’ve given it away). You and MJ both know that if you need ANYTHING I am just a phone call (and about an hour of cape traffic) away.

  17. You were awesome! I am glad you got your POV across in such an eloquent and calm way.
    I feel so sad for what you guys are dealing with.
    Love and thoughts from Australia xo

  18. Great job, well said!

    Im also a christian and don’t believe in what these protesters are doing in the name of the religion/Jesus. To ME there is no reason to be protesting in THIS manner.

    On Rt 95 about a month back someone had truck pulling a uhaul trailer w/grotesque pictures of aborted fetus on it I was soooo mad I wanted to pull up along side of him. I didn’t, what gives these people the right is my question.

    My prayers go out to you, your wife and son. Good luck.

  19. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I wish I had something comforting to say, or something pithy, or something intelligent, but all I can do is offer remote support. You guys are not alone.

  20. Awesome. Like you said, probably very few people stand up to them and even fewer who would articulate it like you did. They were ignorant and had no point. I loved the part where you asked them why they were there instead of helping at risk kids. Great point!

    Anyway, so sorry to read about all of this here and on Twitter. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  21. I feel sick.

    I have to congratulate you on your restraint, you are a better man than I. I offer you both my sincerest sympathies for your current situation.

  22. I’m so sorry you and your wife had to go through this. My heart goes out to you both. I give you so much credit for standing up to these protestors. They are the lowest common denominator – bullies completely. Bullies hiding behind God. Disgusting. Good for you.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

  23. I think it is so great that you stood up to them! I myself am not for abortion, but I have also never been put in the place where I would need to consider one so I am not going to judge anyone for their choice. These protesters have no idea of the surronding circumstances some of these women are dealing with, so who are they to just assume? And who are they to handle it in such a manner. I think by staying calm, mature, and rational that you made your point perfectly, and made them look like complete and utter fools. Good job! I hope MJ is as well as she can possibly, along with you and your family as well!

  24. I’m very sorry you and MJ have had to suffer through this. I’m a Christian and pro-choice as I don’t feel it’s my right to make that type of decision for someone else. I always want to ask these protesters what they’ve done to help prevent teen pregnancy, if they’ve adopted an unwanted child, or if they support the death penalty.

  25. Think I recognized that area. Just want to say that I will be thinking of you and your wife all day long and in to the next one. I’m glad you took your shot. No one should have to go in to that situation with that kind of mindless animosity aimed at them. You kept your head about you impressively. You were much more mature than I would’ve been. There would’ve been Eff Bombs for sure and possibly c-words, is all I’m saying.

    Mother Effers Self-righteousness is so cozy, I bet.

  26. Incredible. I’m sorry for you and your wife and what you’re going through right now. It’s good to see somebody put these hateful clowns in their place publicly.

  27. Your composure throughout the video is astonishing. I can’t imagine myself in your shoes – emotions heightened to the nth degree, stressed out, exhausted, looking for someplace to unload all that anger – and being presented with such a perfect target… and still expressing myself with such clarify and calmness.

    Extraordinary.

    I’m sorry you and your wife have been going through this whole thing. But I’m so glad she has someone like you at her side.

  28. I once stood up to protesters myself. I was going to PP because they gave me free gynecological exams and birth control. And they yelled in my face that I was killing my unborn child as well. I calmly explained that PP is there to give women health care for OB/GYN and probably 75% of the people they were yelling at were just getting a pap smear. Although some of them were actually getting pregnancy vitamins and other such things. To keep their babies healthy. I hate ignorance with a fiery passion.

    My favorite part of your video was when you pointed out that the clinic was affiliated with a hospital. I bet they didn’t know that.

    I feel sick that you and MJ were subjected to this on one of your darkest days. Deepest condolences for your loss.

  29. This is why I have so much of a problem with pro-life protesters. I would venture to guess that was probably one of the worst days of you and your wife’s lives. No matter how they feel about abortions of healty pregnancies, how can they possibly justify their actions if they cause pain to even one couple like you? I just don’t get it. Like you said to them, why not spend your time on something positive like helping youth and preventing unplanned pregnancies before they start? I’m so, so sorry that you and your wife had to deal with these people. I’m glad you confronted them because they need to know that it’s not just black and white.

  30. OMG — I was silently saying “Right on!” and “Hell yeah!” to you as I was reading your post. Major hats off to you for standing up to those idiots who are a complete waste of space on the sidewalk. They clearly could care less about any one person’s particular situation. What your wife and you were going through was pure hell (I,too, have had to have a D&C after miscarrying), and I can’t imagine how much more painful it is to have someone yelling at you as you are going in for such a dreaded procedure. I completely agree with you that a better use of their time would be in the schools or elsewhere educating people, rather than belittling them. My deepest condolences go out to you for your loss, and amen to you for speaking your mind.

  31. first off, i am so very sincerely sorry for your loss. i cannot even fathom what yesterday was like for you and your wife. that being said, you are truly a remarkable man for confronting the people you did, and i commend you.

  32. Right on! You are a good man.
    I can’t know what your wife is going through, but I had a D&C after a miscarriage and I can’t imagine what I would have felt having to hear that crap! I say your support and speaking out against the nutjobs helped your wife more than you imagined it would.

    Prayers and positive thoughts to you and MJ.

  33. I’m so sorry you and your wife had to go through that entire experience. THANK YOU for sticking up for her and for all women who are bullied by these misguided, misinformed, purveyors of propaganda. Good onya.

  34. I applaud you. This story made me so angry and I can’t even begin to fathom the feelings you & MJ had going through this ordeal. Kudos to standing up for what you believe in. I am pro choice but like you respect the opinion of those who are pro life. I’m just against people in general who try to shove their thoughts, opinions and generalizations down other people’s throats. Especially when those same people will not even listen to an opinion that differs from theirs. I wish you & MJ the best of luck in the recovery process. Thank you for sharing this story.

  35. I am so, so sorry for your loss. And I am floored that you and your wife had to deal with those idiots. Good for you for saying something to them.

  36. *standing ovation* I’m so sorry for your loss and am outraged that you and your wife had to deal with that on what must have been an already unbelievably difficult day.

  37. my ex husband has been working with Planned Parenthood for 12 years. One of your commenters is correct in that they do A LOT more than abortions and I will correct him only by saying that 88% of what they do, not 75%, is women’s routine gyno care such as pap smears, etc.

    I am pro choice and I have to tell you, that I commend you for what you did. This country seems to be run by nuts on both sides, extremists who don’t give a flying fuck about people but just want their own voices to be heard as it has been shown that a majority of this country takes a moderate stance of many of the issues that we have to deal with day to day.

    I am so sorry you both had to live through this experience. It’s awful and although these ppl should be ashamed, sadly they are not and never will be because if you really think you are a messenger of God, that God himself sent you of all people to tell others how to live their lives, well then, that alone should tell us all that they are not right in the head to begin with.

  38. I am so sorry for both you and your wife that you had to go through this. But bravo to you for standing up to them. I had to walk past protesters on my way to work for two years. They did their best to make everyone in the vicinity uncomfortable, even saying things to me as I walked past.

  39. So sorry for your loss. Cheers to you, however, for confronting how stupid they were. They won’t listen – too brainwashed and just don’t get it – but you did awesome!!

  40. I agree with you and every last thing you said and what you did. This was awesome. The less awesome part is that you and your wife, especially, had to deal with these ignorant close-minded people given the circumstances. I’m happy to hear your wife is doing well.

    Thank you.

  41. First off, I’m so very sorry you guys are going through this.

    Secondly, even though I don’t know you, I love you so hard right now. I couldn’t decide if I should cheer or cry while watching your video. It makes me so proud that there are people out there who WILL speak up. And I am so amazed by your restraint and civility (all things considered) – there’s no way I’d be able to do the same. Kudos to you.

    I’m glad to hear that MJ’s doing okay.

  42. OMFG I am all wound up now….I wanna rip that womans head off and spit down her neck hole. Fucking judgmental piece of shit.
    Good for you for confronting them…kudos for not busting her lip open (I woulda but I also have an arrest record)

    I’ll be praying for you and your wife….what you two are going through NOBODY knows, so they can either support you or shut the fuck up. My God….my heart breaks thinking of your wife…like the day wasn’t going to be difficult enough?!

  43. Thank you for making such a brave, bold and unusual statement on behalf of the women we love against the hate that so stridently seeks to hurt them. I too could never have composed myself in such a laudable way. I have a hero for the day, and an inspiration for a lifetime. Thanks.

  44. Encountering protesters is the last thing you and your wife needed to deal with. Those people should not be allowed to harrass people the way they do. Good for you for speaking up! I am glad your wife is ok. I will be thinking of your family in the days to come.

  45. You are awesome. You are one brave man.

    Let me state that I AM pro-life but I’m not one of these people that stand outside of clinics and protest. Everybody has their own opinion(s) on everything in this world but that doesn’t make opinion the right one so I respect everybodys opinion. (I hope this is making sense.)

    I can see the need for an abortion for medical reasons, like your wifes, but to use abortion as a form of birth control? No. I know some people personally that have had abortions as a form of birth control. I wasn’t exactly happy with them but what can I do? It’s their life.

    I have wanted to go up to the protesters in our town and ask them, “How do you know some people haven’t had a miscarriage? Or the baby is still-born?”, etc. Not everybody goes to a clinic to just have an abortion because they want to.

    I am truly sorry for you, your wife, and your family – you guys will get a orayer from me tonight. I truly commend you for standing up to these women. And I love the fact that they couldn’t answer any of your questions or say antyhing at all.

  46. I’m so sorry you two had to go through that. Ignorance like that is a plague on our society.

    Best of luck to you and your wife!

  47. You did a great thing there, a great thing. It’s extraordinary to me that these people can look at themselves in a mirror.

    I’m so sorry that you and your wife are going through this extremely painful time. Losing a longed-for baby is… well, really, really hard. You’re right, giving birth to a stillborn baby is unbearable, heart-ripped-out stuff. Thank goodness that modern medicine allows us to know more than we knew so fewer families have to go through it.

  48. As a Dad with 3 kids who had to watch my wife suffer through two late miscarriages (17 and 21 weeks) I am with you brother. Those people are arrogant and disrespectful and deserve our derision for what they are doing.

    And had it been me, well, I may have ended up in jail. Good job…keep it up

  49. I’ve had to make that walk before, it is not easy. Walking down the street on one of the most horrific days in your life only to have people spew hate & vile comments at you. It is disgusting. I’m so sorry for what you guys went through today but so proud of how you handled it.

  50. From all of the women who had to walk through a line of protesters on one of the hardest days of their lives, thank you.

  51. God is pro-life? Hmmm, Is that why an estimated 70% of fertilized eggs never implant? Or why 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage?

    I’m so sorry for what you and your wife have gone through. It makes my blood boil that, on top of it all, there are people like this who make everything even worse.

  52. Thank you for keeping it real and going to call them on their intruding behavior. My views on this topic are just that, my views. I, being a stranger, support your decision to opt for this medical procedure with your wife. I am very sorry that you two have to go through this. i dotn believe in abortions for birth control reasons, it should NOT be a form of BC however, it is the woman’s right.
    My thoughts and prayers for a good quick recovery for the both of you. May you both find peace during this difficult time.

    Leeann

  53. It is absolutely horrible that you and your wife had to go through this. This is my first time on your blog…came over from twitter. I’m sitting at work crying for your family and the hand you got dealt with the pregnancy and the way you were treated as a result. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and I am so happy you stood up to those people. There should be more like you in the world.

    “Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.” – Haile Selassie

    Thank you for acting and not being silent.

  54. There are no words for how much I admire what you did. I don’t know you and yet am so proud of you! Your response was measured, all things considered and you said ALL the right things: calling them out on not wanting to be filmed; asking why they don’t try to help children who are born and are in dire need; showing those despicable photos.

    My four-year-old son has a complex heart defect detected en utero. We came very close to being in your shoes, and we hovered on the brink until we knew the extent of what was wrong with him. I am so sorry for your loss. Know that you have done a good thing.

    -Jeanette, in Canada

  55. I am so sorry you had to deal with that, and I am sorry for your loss. In your response you showed way more maturity and respect than what was shown to you. And these individuals have the nerve to call themselves Christian.

    Your story is one of many reasons why I simply cannot support the pro-life movement. I do not support any movement that uses, fear, intimidation, harassment and violence to further its agenda. They have no knowledge of you or your wife’s situation, yet they feel the right to terrorize people who are in the process of making one of the most difficult decisions in their lives.

  56. I am so sorry for your loss-and for the choices you had to make…wait…what am I saying…choice???? Ahhh bullshit….your choices were taken away….you did what was best…and it must have been horrible. You are a brave man. I can feel your love for your wife in your blog. You both should count your blessings and give all that love to your little Will….and FYI…I would babysit that little man in a heartbeat!!! What a handsome little guy!! Good luck to you all.

  57. You rock!

    Your post and the points it makes is spot on about the pro-life movement and anti-abortion protesters.

    I am sorry for the loss you and your wife have had and even sorrier that your wife had to be exposed to trash like those protesting outside the clinic.

    I’d point out that the same forces behind the protesters you ran into were behind the Federal government involving itself in the Terry Schiavo case a few years ago. The government had NO RIGHT to involve itself in what was purely a private decision for Terry’s husband to make. As I had to make a similar decision for my late wife, I was infuriated that the government would waste our tax dollars involving itself where it clearly did not belong.

    Yet, these same people, who claim to respect life so much, are the same people behind the death penalty in many cases. How hypocritical can they be?

    Take care and I wish you and your wife the best.

  58. This is wonderful, thank you so much. I live near a PP clinic and the protesters show up there periodically. I think I will go confront them next time I see them.

    I just wanted to point something out, to oldlady and others like her. When you say you’re “pro-life,” but you would never force a person to bear a pregnancy to term against her will, what you’re really saying is that you’re pro-choice. I think oldlady said she wouldn’t force a rape victim to bear a child against her will, but really, why would you force any other woman to bear a child against her will? Think about it.

  59. So sorry for your loss, and that MJ had to see those people.
    Proud of you for speaking against the protesters and keeping your cool!

  60. I’m not as eloquently spoken as most of the commenters here but nonetheless I still feel intensely for you and your wife, being faced with these thoughtless idiots on such a heart-rendingly painful day. Well done for confronting them.

  61. Good work, my friend…

    My son is 19. My wife was diagnosed w/ breast cancer when she was pregnant w/ him in 1990. Her (our) choices were pretty black and white – to take the cancer out NOW, or wait to have the baby and die. There was no middle ground. She kept the baby and was diagnosed as terminal – 6 months at best – the day after he was born, which was the day she had her mastectomy.

    Through this whole process and afterward she was adamantly pro-choice. It was HER decision, but one she gracefully allowed me to influence. No one else had the right or the responsibility. It was her life and her body. (And damn the government or religion that thinks differently.) We explored the options you explored. We talked it over w/ her doctors, went to Planned Parenthood, etc. She made the decision she made and lived – and died – with it 4 years later. She had no regrets. She was both physically and morally courageous. She never looked back. Nor should you.

    Best,
    Kevin

  62. Why wouldn’t the Dr. do a d&c at the hospital so you wouldn’t have to go through this?

  63. Wow. Just … wow. First time reader here; I just linked over to your site from a comment post on mamapundit. I am so very, very sorry for the loss that you, your wife, and your son have suffered. And I am *so* freaking angry at those women in your video, and all of the other holier-than-thou cretins who walk among us – those who have the audacity to use their “religion” as an platform for intolerance, hate, and persecution. The fact that you had to deal with their vitriolic bullshit that day on top of dealing with your loss … tragic, wrong, insane. You are my hero right now – here’s a standing ovation for giving a voice to those of us who just shake our heads and wonder at the stupidity and the inhumanity of these repugnant, in-your-face “pro-life” (like ANY of us are “anti-life”???) protesters. My “captcha” for this comment perfectly describes those idiots: “pinheads in”. I wish you and your family healing, love, and peace.

  64. You and your wife are very courageous people. Sometimes it feels like the world (especially on Teh Interwebz) is comprised solely of mean-spirited, stupid people…thank you for reminding me that, as Desiderata says, “…many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.” I wish all positive energy of the Universe for both of you.

  65. Wow, I can’t even imagine this in Australia – we don’t really have abortion clinics. I think there is one in Victoria… I’m so glad we have nothing like that over here. I had to have surgery after a missed miscarriage. I actually had someone ask me if having the surgery was an abortion and I felt kind of rubbish having to tell them that no, my baby was already dead so it wasn’t. I’m more pro-life but I’m one of those people who lets others have their opinions. If you don’t like something, don’t push your beliefs on me and I won’t do the same.
    I know exactly how your wife is feeling – I’m keeping you both in my prayers :)

  66. I have no words. But I am sorry for your family. And wish I could have stood beside you. Our world is truly crazy.

  67. Justareader: We wanted to go to the hospital, but they couldn’t get us in until next week. By that time there was a significant risk that MJ would have to deliver a stillborn baby naturally. And we decided that’s something we wanted to avoid at all costs. So this was our best choice.

  68. Good on you – well done! That was a gutsy thing to do. I hate those self-righteous cowards and their standover tactics.

    Hugs from down-under.

  69. You are amazing!!!! Good for you. You put them in their place! Sorry for your aggervation! Just saw this link on twitter.

  70. GOOD FOR YOU!!! These people are the same ones who show up at BREAST CANCER events & claim that breast cancer is punishment for having had an abortion. They are the same ones that claim AIDS is a punishment for being gay! Well, obviously we have different Gods. My God is a kind, understanding God. If God handed out diseases for such so- called sins, I’m sure evryone of those women would be struck down. What ever happened to “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Or “He (or she) without sin, cast the first stone.”? What would Jesus do? Well, if he met those people, he certainly wouldn’t call Himself a Christian! So BRAVO Sir! If you decide to come to South Carolina and take on the hypocrities down here, look me up!

  71. Oh, and please tell your wife that I will be praying to my kind, understanding God to look over your entire family. And I am sorry for your loss.

  72. You are a far more calm, collected, and rational individual than I would have been under the circumstances. I applaud you for that.

    I’m sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through that.

  73. you’re truly an inspiration!! It doesn’t matter what my beliefs are, you stood your ground….enough said!!

  74. As a pro-lifer myself, I am at a loss for words right now. I am strongly opposed to people choosing to murder their innocent unborn children for all of the wrong reasons (i.e. refusing to take responsibility for their careless actions), however after reading your story and watching your video, I see that this was definitely not the case with you and your wife. I am truly sorry you both had to live through such a painful experience. I do believe that abortion is wrong and that God himself is also pro-life, however, I do not believe that God would approve of the methods that certain pro-lifers have resorted to, to get their point across, as these women you have recently encountered have done. I am so sorry for your loss. I have a profound amount of respect for you right now. Standing up to those women and speaking up on behalf of your wife and countless others could not have been an easy thing to do. It showed a lot of courage and strength on your part. I really admire that. Although my opinion has not changed, I do respect you for yours and I do thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that not all of abortions are performed for selfish reasons. If more pro-choice individuals had your strength and maturity, I believe the world would be a much better place. Once again, I am very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that God’s support will help you and your family overcome this difficult time.

  75. First time visitor of the blog (Top Tweets on Twitter). I will say that I am against using abortion as a form of birth control. However, that is DEFINITELY not the only reason to have an abortion.

    Ignorant, and downright disgusting, excuses for citizens that protest outside clinics, like the women in this video, have no business in yelling at other women entering a medical clinic. It is wrong, cruel and not something that is Christian-like at all. I am Christian, but I understand 100% why people that haven’t come to know faith personally are turned off. It’s because of people like this.

    I am ASHAMED to be affiliated with those kinds of people.

    My prayers are with you, Aaron and MJ.

    PS: Good point, Aaron, about the welfare system. You already KNOW that they would never be down with helping out those in need of financial assistance. Their first excuse would probably be something like, “That’s what jobs are for!”, knowing full well unemployment is out of control these days. SMH.

  76. What a tough situation! I was on Twitter and your tweet came up before I logged in so I clicked on it and here I am! Good for you for standing up to them and I’m so sorry for your loss. It was very unfortunate, but necessary. People like that drive me crazy, they make people feel bad on what was already a tough decision to make, they should be helping, not hating. I’m pro-life but understand the necessity for it in situations like these. I hope you and your wife are doing well and never give up, I’m sure your son will get his younger sibling (he’s adorable by the way I saw a couple of your youtube videos) My thoughts and prayers are with you in this tough time.

  77. i tweeted at you already, but 140 characters is not enough.

    you are a marvelous man to stand up for yourself and your wife in this absolutely hellish time in your life. i volunteer as a clinic escort and i hear this vitriol every week. it makes me sick and angry, and it breaks my heart to see the patients and their partners/friends/support people look so miserable while the pro-life cretins harangue them.

    i’m so sorry you had to go through this on top of everything else that’s happened to you and your family. your wife is lucky to have someone as caring and as supportive as you on her team. i’m keeping you all in my thoughts, and again — bravo to you. there are no words to express the pride and admiration i have for you right now. thank you.

    best of luck to you all.

  78. Aaron, sorry to hear you and MJ were subjected to such harrassment and unfounded judgment. Your point about working with at risk kids to prevent the need for abortions rather than ranting and protesting was BRILLIANT! Kudos to you for speaking up and may you NEVER have that experience again. Wishing you and MJ peace during this challenging time.

  79. It always amazes me that ignorant people can be so rude and out right viscious and yet if you are attacked by them and merely defend yourself, you are the one viewed as offensive. I am 100% pro-choice and non-religious (by the way, I’ve been teaching both high achieving children and children at risk for years – funny that)and find it most ironic that the religous right who are so quick to quote the bible never seem to be able to remember those verses about forgiveness, turning the other cheek, love thy neighbour, not judging others, “let he who is without sin….”

    My very best wishes to you and your family. There is a saying that someone very influentional in my life always quotes, it is “never blame yourself for what other people lack.” I think this situation is a perfect example of that statement

  80. I hope you made your wife read all this comments. Quite clearly people are on side that makes sense and that is your side. Feel sorry that you has to encounter these pseudo pro-lifers on a day like that. I wish you and your family the best.

  81. Good on you for standing up for u and ur wife. I am so sorry for your loss.

    I am from Australia and we do have protesters like that. I and my husband had to walk past the same kind of people, he screamed in their faces as we walked past “F…OFF! and it did made them shut up. Those insensitive thoughtless excuses for human begings made a horrible day even worse for me. I done condone swearing but I felt proud of my husband, because he was only thinking of me and our situations, which is private.
    I think you are fantastic and I wish you and your wife all the best.

  82. Good Job these people had it coming. I give kudos to you as a father for standing up for your wife and letting these religious freaks have it. I find people who want to speak for God and hold pictures of Jesus so hypocritical because God will judge those when the time comes and not a moment sooner you should of told them that if you have faith the God will punish those who abort than why in the h*** are you out here screaming at people trying to speed up the process last time I checked and was taught we answer to God not vice versa and the same is said about judgement. Great job and good luck in the future on trying to conceive another child. God will bless you.

  83. hi, i wish to stay anonymous but i would like to say this blog made me cry for a long time. i am 18 years old and my mother was forced to have several abortions before me for her mental illness, rape, and other reasons. i don’t believe in god either, although that really isn’t a factor. the only reason i was born was because finally i had someone who wanted to take care of me. i would like to say my life has been peaches but it hasn’t. i had multiple birth defects but i appreciate being here. what i do is for living children. i love them with all of my heart and i was even a babysitter when i was a little younger, full time for many hours.
    but when i see anti-abortionists or people who do things like this, even driving by them i get so sick. i can’t help but yell at them, scream at them, and my heart pounds too. but i’ve never cried like this. you’re right. even if there is a god, i believe that if they are supposed to ‘love thy neighbor’ harassing women who could possibly die from birth or have a still born (i am very sory to your wife), people who are mentally incapable/were raped, or just had a serious accident and knew their precautions but can’t handle a baby.
    on the flip side, many people cannot have children and yearn for them. i am sure this has all been stated in the comments before. but that’s why there are thousands upon thousands waiting in orphanages here in the u.s. and around the world.
    thank you for this.
    and please be careful. some cops, regardless of what the law says or depicts will find a way to side with god if they believe or what they so called believe in and bring you in for harassment etc while claiming the other party were doing nothing harmless. some cops are very bad people, while others are very noble.
    much love.
    xoxo

  84. My sympathies to you and your wife. I appreciate your video. I only wish these hateful, ignorant people would learn from what you said instead of getting defensive when they realized their error. If they were truly open to god they’d listen to what you said and consider that they’re going about this all the wrong way. I doubt they will though, but even so, I respect your desire to respond and to honor your wife. I’m glad the voice of reason was able to find someone with the audacity to speak.

  85. Unbelievable. No expression of human suffering will convince these people they’re the evil they’re fighting against. They have no common sense nor common decency.

  86. I’m sorry for your loss.
    Thank you for standing up to these people. They are theabsolute worst, holier-than-thou, uncompassionate people I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. These are people so frail and hateful in terms of the way they perceive themselves that they can’t help themselves than to spill their bile onto everyone else.
    And instead of stopping, thinking, realizing the flaw of their ways and the damage they do, they stick their fingers in their ears and sing their mantras of hate and superiority.
    Absolutely disgusting. Lowest common denominator, like you said.

    But thank you for standing up to them.

  87. My heart aches for you. I do attend street side vigils, but always silently, and always in prayer (and usually in tears). I long for another baby, and you’re wrong, I do care about the babies born to parents who don’t want them.

  88. I wish i could shake your hand then shake the sh!it out of those women. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you and your wife all the luck in the future!

  89. Given all the multitude of things that can go wrong, it’s honestly a wonder that any of us make it to birth in one piece and functional, and it’s stupid that people attach so much nastiness to times when we don’t. My personal take on things tends toward a reincarnation theory, so forgive me if this is offensive – it’s meant as a blessing: I have no doubt that your little one knows you both love him, and is looking forward to being with such awesome parents again when the situation is easier.

    Again, good for you for posting this. You’re right that people don’t stand up to them; aside from being afraid of crazy people, society has this peculiar idea that confronting bad behavior is somehow much more inappropriate than the bad behavior itself. I’ve only found that if you let a bully treat people like crap, she (and often her victims) start thinking she is entitled to act this way. You were right to point out that they’re exercising their freedom of speech, therefore you should be free to exercise yours.

    There’s a bumper sticker out that sums it up nicely: “If the fetus you save turns out to be gay, will you still fight for it’s rights?”

  90. I know that you’ve already got over 100 comments, but I wanted to say thank you. Thanks for having the courage to call hypocrites on the carpet. Being a parent is an incredible responsibility, one that calls for difficult decisions from the very first. Sorry you had to deal with these ignoramuses, and my hat is off to you for your actions. Stupid zealots.

  91. Bravo.

    Next time, ask them if they have a private health insurance plan from a major provider. Then tell them that their premium dollars go into a common pool that pays for abortions and that they themselves are funding that which they so despise. Then watch their heads explode. It’s fun!

  92. Oh boy, we get these morons here in England, too. I do not know how you kept your cool, here these sort of people need police protection or they’d invariably get run out of town.

  93. You did well to keep your cool there since you knocking down their arguments meant they had no other choice but to report you for aggressiveness or something similar, something you didn’t give them. Those people didn’t go there to make any discussion which is why they had no idea what to say to you or make any attempt to find out why mothers were going in there in the first place

    And regarding that woman asking you if you knew how many women commuted suicide after an abortion, I wouldn’t be surprised if a high number of them did so after being driven to the edge by people like them being them feel terrible.

    Here is hoping you both manage to get through this, nobody deserves these people doing what they did

  94. Thank you. Thank you for standing up to them. Thank you for publicizing their cowardice. Thank you for doing what I always want to do.

  95. ” I know plenty of people and have dear friends and family who are pro life. Ardent pro lifers actually. And while I disagree with them wholeheartedly, I respect their opinions.”

    Why? The choice your wife made to have an abortion, her ability to access those services – pro-lifers don’t believe she should have that choice and work to deny it to her. How can you respect someone who will not respect the autonomy of your wife’s body and the ability to make her own choice? Pro-life is not anti-abortion, it’s anti-choice.

  96. You rock. Thank you.

    I had an emergency c-section last fall because my baby stopped moving. He died 3.5 hours later because his lungs had never developed. It was a complication of trisomy 13. We had no idea of any of this until after he died.

    The pain of carrying a child to term, being told everything is going well, then losing him is indescribable. All the emotional pain, man, I can’t even tell you. Horrific. But there is another factor. The surgery I agreed to because it was his only chance almost killed me. I knew that was a risk going in (I react badly to most medications and to physical stressers like that). The staff was great and accommodated me as best they could and I still had hours of nearly stroking out and other life-threatening risk, and then months of painful difficult recovery (I couldn’t drive for 3 months, couldn’t bend over without pain for even longer).

    Should I get pregnant again, I will have to do genetic testing, something I don’t want. Because I can not risk going through that again. My husband was sure in that recovery room that he was going to lose me too and so was my then 4 year old daughter.

    And if the testing shows another child with trisomy 13, I will have an abortion. Because the disease is almost universally fatal and always extremely debilitating. And because my life is at risk too.

    I’ve always been completely pro-choice but, even if I wasn’t, I would view this as one of the exceptions. No matter what your personal beliefs, there are risks you can not ethically ask another person (especially a stranger) to take.

  97. DK: In reviewing a lot of these comments you’re right. I think I overlooked the difference between pro-life and anti-choice. So let me rephrase…

    I respect the fact that I love many people who are pro-life FOR THEMSELVES. They would never, under any circumstances, have an abortion. They think it is wrong for them and others. But despite those beliefs, they (albeit grudgingly) see the necessity for it and would never think about protesting and making someone’s life miserable.

    I understand technically that makes them pro-choice, but I’m just trying to clarify my statements.

  98. DK, while I get what you are trying to say I think it is very big of Aaron to still respect the views of others that he does not agree with. These few pro-lifers have very much so gone over board, and do not deserve his respect, but there are plenty of others out there who are normal people with their own respectful opinion. Also, and I hope I do not offend Aaron here, I feel as though you should refrain from saying MJ had an abortion. She did not in fact have an abortion, she had to have a procedure done to unfortunately remove the child that they loved very much who they could not keep. I think there is a big difference.

  99. Bravo to you. You kept your cool and made strong points. It is amazing to see supportive comments all the way from England and Australia.

  100. BTW Renee I really dislike the way you assholes keep trying to redefine abortions you approve of as not “real abortions”.

  101. khan: Do you consider my wife’s procedure a “real abortion?” The baby was basically dead. There was no amniotic fluid left. No kidneys or bladder and no chance for survival. The only other option we had was for her to needlessly carry around a dead baby inside of her for 5 months and then give birth to a stillborn at increased risk to her own health.

    Who’s the asshole now? (Hint khan, it’s you!)

  102. Thank you Aaron.
    Kahn, I am going to guess that maybe you are one of those people who doesn’t educate themselves on the topic at hand before they open their foul mouth to say something. If you had, and if you had kept up with the comments you would have seen before that I said I am not for abortions, and would never have one. But I am also not here to judge. If you had also been reading, then you would have known what Aaron just expalined to you. Would it have been better for MJ to put herself at risk to deliver a still born? Would you prefer that two innocent people passed instead of one? I am guessing that someone as close minded and judgemental as you would truly think that was the way they should have gone. If me supporting someone who is going through an incredibly painful time, and has to have a medical procedure done that they don’t even want to do makes me an asshole, then I am proud to be one of the biggest assholes you know, you tool.

  103. I had to have an abortion 24 years ago because my baby boy was dying inside of me- this was after three late miscarriages and a prem baby who survived – my husband was in the UK army at the time and their medical treatment of me – although not good to today’s standards was good at the time- if I had been forced to walk through the crap and hate and idiocy that women in the USA have to I can only imagine how it would have made me feel. I remember crying for days before and after and still crying when I remember him today – I really feel for you both- these people are despicable creatures who do what they do for their own pomposity and narcissism – certainly if they cared about human beings they would do as you say and help people who are actually there in front of them- this is just their easy way of making themselves feel superior- most likely because they are not.

  104. DK, well done. I think you’re correct in that these people are not used to having to defend their actions. While I’ve never had to choose to abort, my wife and I did end up having a miscarriage, and it felt horrible. Having people judging you simply because of where you go, on top of already feeling something similar… I’m not usually a violent man, but it would have taken tremendous willpower to keep from getting physical with those people (or at least right up in their faces). Bravo, sir, bravo. I hope your wife was able to shrug off those assholes a little later.

  105. As your situation becomes more and more well-known, these extremists will come after you. They will say things about you, they will attack you, they will misrepresent who you are and what you are about, all for one simple reason – you are a threat to them. You offend their righteous sense of purpose. They are not representative of all, or even most of the the “pro-life” movement. But you hurt their cause, and they cannont let that stand. The more play your video and situation gets, the more they need to lash out and counteract the effects. I’m so proud of you, but be careful. I know you know what I am telling you, but still be careful. Courage and integrity always come at a high price, which almost always is well worth paying. Just be prepared for ignorance and stupid crap the likes of which few of us have seen. And then after you deal with it as I know you will, wear it like a badge of honor.

  106. Hang in there. You’re a good man for standing by your wife and just being there to lend your support. You shouldn’t have to go through that sort of situation and I really hope your story helps someone else. I was “fortunate” enough to be able to terminate my pregnancy because of a birth defect in the hospital where no one hassled me. It was difficult enough without having people there just to judge. I do not regret it. I was pro-choice before and I’m even more now. Thanks for sharing your story and stay strong.

  107. 20 years ago I got pregnant at 19 after a rape. I went to one of those places that offer free testing.( I won’t name them by name.)
    I was very pro-life and knew what they were and I listened to their counseling. My main concern was that I could not afford to raise a child alone. I was sharing a studio with a friend, but that would not work out once the baby came.
    The counselors offered a really great solution. One of their board members had a home with an apartment attached that he let young pregnant woman stay in rent free. Up to 3 of us young mothers could stay there at any given time for as long as necessary. Another ran a day care that I could work at and bring my child. I would not need to go on assistance past the birth. I filled out a rental application, a job application, I was called three days later and told both were approved.
    I let them talk me into not getting an abortion.

    I kept in contact with the counseling center throughout the pregnancy, received free maternity clothes, and they visited me in the hospital when I had my daughter. The plan had been for me to make the move when I left the hospital. They did not show up to bring me home as planned, when I called, the woman who answered the phone insisted I was confused.
    So, I went there in person a few days later. The woman who had counseled me was not there, I was told she was on vacation. They apologized to me, but had no idea what I was talking about. They gave me a bag of baby clothes and referred me to the homeless shelter social worker-which is where I ended up.
    I went back several times to try to talk to the counselor, but she was never in.
    I don’t know if this was simply the one counselor who was so deceitful, or if it was the whole office or the entire organization.
    I have been asked many times why did I not just give the child up for adoption. At the time, since I told the counselor that my main issue was where to live and work, that is the issue they worked on to keep me from aborting. They never once suggested adoption and I rarely thought of it after the PLAN was put into place.
    One thing I learned about this, was that you cannot and should not try to force a woman into doing something they really don’t want to do. I have been adamantly pro-choice since then because although I cannot say that counselor raped me, I was definitely violated.

  108. No, Renee, This is not a simple difference in opinion, it’s actively working to take away a woman’s autonomy. It’s one thing to disagree with having an abortion, or with the Jewish religion, or the role of women in society, or the “homosexual lifestyle,” but when those disagreements become a belief that they know better and can dictate the lives of others – there is nothing to respect because they have you respect for you.

    And yes, this is an abortion. We don’t need to make up different pretty words to make some abortions socially acceptable and others as not. All abortions are valid and “real” and legit and necessary as long as they are made independently. Call it what it is openly and honestly without shame.

  109. Found your blog as @KushielsMoon retweeted it. It certainly struck a chord with me. I had a termination two weeks ago as my baby was found at the 20 week scan to have a very serious heart defect which could not be corrected with surgery/medication, they could have prolonged his life via 3 open heart surgeries but most likely he would eventually need a heart transplant, also he had a high chance of dying in the surgery too. We have two other children and had to consider the impact on them too as well as the suffering our child with endure. This was a very much loved and wanted baby and it’s true what you say that having to undergo this truly is the worst experience of any woman’s life.

    While I am in the UK and my termination happened in a hospital therefore I never had to undergo what your wife did, I blogged about my experience (mostly because initially I wanted input on his condition as we were very much torn about whether to continue with the pregnancy or terminate.) Very few people spoke up when I was looking for advice but once I said we planned to terminate I got a great deal of backlash. To the point where prolifers started to look me up on facebook (where I had shared none of this, just my private blog) to try to convince me to keep my baby. Some of the messages I got were extremely upsetting to me, insinuating that I was abandoning/murdering my baby and such.

    I can only imagine what your wife would go through going through a termination for medical reasons although in different circumstances to mine, and having to deal with pro lifers in person shouting abuse at her in the street. My heart really goes out to MJ for that and to both of you for the loss you have experienced. I hope her recovery is quick and that you both go on to have a healthy baby in the future.

  110. As a Christian, a minister and a father I can only apologise for those whose sole contribution to the abortion ‘debate’ is to demonise others.

  111. DF, I admire you for having the guts to go talk to the protestors and the restraint to not bite their foolish heads off. Really, your composure at that moment — when you were torn by grief and rage — was remarkable. Let’s hope that hearing your story gave them something they’ll think about.

  112. Anonymous, seriously…what the hell are you talking about? I did not come here to argue with people I did not know, nor did I ever once mention anything bad about anyone who is pro-choice or pro-life besides the protesters. I said I thought it was great for Aaron to have respect for people with different opinions, so your comment confuses the living hell out of me.
    And maybe you shouldn’t force the word abortion on a family who is still raw and suffering from their circumstances. Throughout the whole time I have been reading this it has been referred to as a procedure, so I followed suit and called it the same.

  113. Anon was me, sorry I forgot to log in.

    Renee, I’m talking about the idea that we need to respect all different forms of opinion. If DF’s friends really were pro-life (he clarified that they were not), then they believe they know what’s best for his family and the health of his wife and wish to dictate that. These are not “opinions,” they are an attack on our autonomy.

    And why are you so afraid to call it an abortion? That’s what it is. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

  114. firstly, love and prayers to you and your family.
    Thank you for doing this, thank you for posting about this.

    I was born, grew up and live in the UK, the whole ‘protestors’ thing is.. weired to me…. I’m not sure I really understand people who would be abusive to people in this way AT ALL, let alone when some of those people just aren’t who they preport to target. It’s just… odd. In the name of someone who attempted to be a peacemaker and reconciler!

    I got pregnant when I was 19, unplanned, my boyfriend was unemployed and I was about to go to university. I came under a certain amount of presure to have an abortion, but I see it as killing, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do the whole adoption thing either. (it ended happily. We’ve now been married for 11 years and have 6 children in total.)

    However, I respect an individual’s choice, naturally, I mean, of course, what else?! I can’t possibly understand the meriad of different situations, back history etc etc.

    I just wish that society ensured that it really was a choice, a free choice, that women didn’t get presured into having abortions for lack of other options, or pressured into not having abortions by emotional blackmail and abuse. Both are wrong in my humble opinion.

    You cannot force people to make their desicions to please you, they’re are the ones who have to live with the consequences, not you.

  115. I honestly think more women get pressured into not having an abortion than they get pressured into getting one, except, as you said where there is a lack of options, and that is a major issue.
    It’s almost impossible to not hear from a politician that does not talk about how they are pro-life yet want to remove all social support from those who decide to keep their child. The right demonizes both those that choose to get an abortion and those that choose to accept welfare. They also demonize those that want to teach about sex education and planned parenthood who gives out condoms and free birth control.
    Basically, if you have sex at all, you are the devil.

  116. Ok you confused me. I am not afraid to call it anything(nor do I think anyone should be ashamed), because it is not my life. I am just respecting two people that I believe are going through one of the hardest times of their lives and deserve more respect than half the people I know. If he calls it a procedure I am doing the same. Personally, in my OWN opinion, it is not considered an abortion.

  117. I’ve been avoiding reading the comment thread here until now- I was sure it was going to be loaded with trolls. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my natural life virtually screaming at people over the internet, and there’s no doubt I would have been compelled to do so. Although I don’t think I would have maintained your high level of composure, Aaron.

    That said, I think it speaks volumes that the only trolling going on here has come from miscommunication. You really do rule.

  118. If you have video recorded sideways and want to flip it “right side” up, try loading the video into Google’s Picasa.

    Note that by default, it’ll scan your hard drive and add all pictures on it, which might take a while, and when you make corrections to media, it does this on a copy, so it might seem slow, but it’s really just trying to protect you from harming your original media.

    Hope your wife makes a full recovery.

  119. (forgot to add: I’m so glad I live in a country where this is not controversial; in fact, the woman never even has to pay for it)

  120. Even though I should probably wait a bit before crashing into a policy debate here… and even though I don’t want to defend the negativity in Khan’s comment (asshole was way over the top , Renee was being supportive)but what the hell:
    REGARDING KHAN: I know I presume mightily by speaking for someone else so please take all this with a heap of salt, but I think where his/her comment was going was simple: it’s presumptuous of pro-lifers (Renee in this case) to decide that they can choose which abortions are real and which are not. Are some morally defensible while others aren’t? Absolutely. Are you (the pro-lifer) the final say in that? No friggin’ way. But that’s what sneaky language is about. The best way to win an argument is define the terms. If a pro-choice person points out that there are- while tragic- perfectly legitimate morally necessary (or at lease defensible) reasons for abortion- then that point needs to be addressed in the debate. Labeling it “not real” and tossing it out is an all-too-common way to avoid it entirely. “Oh THAT doesn’t count because I said it’s okay…”
    In a way, I’m with Khan. Like I said the whole asshole thing was really unnecessary but I’ll admit I got a queasy feeling every time a self described pro-lifer (or anti-abortion-as-birth-control-person or whatever) absolved with one hand and presumably works against the ability to make the choice with the other.
    Ultimately everyone was good enough to keep politics out of it until Khan misinterpreted Renee. (I’m assuming Renee was merely trying to soften the blow rather than control the rhetoric.)
    Intentional or not though, the whole abortion/not an abortion thing is particularly chilling because that’s literally the first (and most common) step toward loss of choice- someone else deciding what qualifies and is therefore allowable. It’s probably why Khan freaked the fuck out. He or she recognized that and saw it as more malicious than it was (probably) intended.

  121. Wow. That was intense.

    First of all… I’m so so so sorry about everything that’s been happening with you. Its unbelievable and unimaginable. While I am anti-abortion I can’t put myself in your shoes… its a situation no one wants to be put in EVER and I can’t say what I would do because I’ve never been there. I realize these protesters had NO IDEA what you guys had been through and probably thought you were just aborting a perfectly healthy baby because you just didn’t want it when in stark contrast they were making the situation much MUCH worse!!

    Please understand these are the extreme right wing activists. While they are (more than likely) Christian, they lack the tact it requires to reach people. Please know, that even though you may not have a positive view of Christians in general… there are some of us out there like me who desire nothing more than to be there for you.

    I hope your healing process begins quickly and you’re able to get over all this in time.

  122. The Bear
    I am not a pro lifer per say first off. I honestly do not know what I am. I know that I would not choose an abortion for myself, but as I have said before that is because I have never been in a situation where I would need one, so how can I say what I would or would not do. I felt the need to state that I was not for it because I felt as though I was being attacked by Kahn for no good reason. As you said, I was merely trying to soften the blow. I am not saying what is right, and what is wrong for anyone out there but myself. I just thing that at this point in time such harsh words do not need to be used. Maybe that makes me a baby, or a hypocrite, or whatever else someone wants to call me, but I said and did what I felt was right.
    That being said, I don’t like this anymore. I feel as though arguing over the words that people choose to use is taking away from the real point here, and that is how heroic it was of Aaron to take a stand and defend his wife, and how much we all hope they can get through this and come out shining.
    Sorry if by trying to help I screwed things up…

  123. Just came over from Thingamababy. I wish had words to express how sorry I am you guys are all going through this. I don’t know you and hadn’t heard your story until today, but I wanted to express my love and support for you all.

    Thank you for how you handled the protesters and thank you for posting it on youtube.

    Sending healing vibes your way and to your wife. Take Care!

  124. It is people like you who restore my faith in humanity. Thank you for doing what you did and saying what you said. And thank you for making this extremely well-written and insightful post. Hopefully you have changed some peoples’ minds.

    All my respect,
    Olivia

  125. Oh, and I want to add that I wish your wife a very speedy recovery. What she went through–what you both went through–would be extremely hard on anybody. I will be thinking of you both.

  126. I would just to say that you should considerably more patience and restraint than those douchebags deserved. I certainly would’ve handled
    it, er, quite a bit poorer.

  127. I am both amazed and impressed by your restraint. I can honestly say that my Irish/Italian temper would have prevent me from ever approaching them because jail would have been the only destination for me.

    As I’ve said before I am terribly sorry for your loss. I’m sorry that ignorant people who make negligent assumptions upset MJ at such a difficult hour in your lives. My family’s thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all as you begin to heal from this terrible time. I hope these last few threads have been somewhat cathartic for you all and that the healing process begins soon.

  128. What you did for you wife, standing up to those hateful protesters, was amazing. She was right in her post, you are a hero.

    I’m so sorry for everything you guys are going through, for your loss, for your suffering, for your pain. My heart hurts for you.

  129. Hello there. I run a blog at tumblr, http://stfuantichoicers.tumblr.com dedicated to showing how idiotic, unreasonable, dispicable, and hateful anti-choice advocates can be and are.

    I’ve linked to this post on my blog, I hope you don’t mind.

    I have to thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for doing what you’ve done. I am so sorry your wife had to deal with that. I know how hurtful it can be, from personal experience. Thank you for standing up for not just your wife, but women everywhere, regardless of why they want or need an abortion. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did sometimes.

  130. I am so, so, sorry you and your wife had to go through that, and I applaud your courage.

    People like that make me sick.

  131. So glad you did that and so sorry for what you had to go through. They are disgusting.

  132. Bravo! Well done, well said and good job. Tell MJ there are hundreds of thousands of us that feel for her in many ways. It sucks what you two have to go through but perhaps, just perhaps, you saved a protester from becoming a pile of fecal matter.

  133. Brother,
    I’m a doctor and I understand your pain at the realization of your unborn child’s mortal condition. I am also pro-choice. Most of these persons picketing are doing a good choice, and if they persuade one woman from aborting a healthy unborn child then they have succeeded. Your wife’s tragedy is the extreme minority. Are you sure that your wife was not pained by the protesters because they brought to her mind how fragile and valuable unborn life is? You wife is making an ethical moral decision, and I see from the video that one woman realizes this but takes offense that you might record her–afraid that it might end up being used to ridicule her position. Every single woman, unless they exhibit psychotic abnormal behavior, goes through great pains in considering abortion. The vast majority of them should, as their sad decision causes tremendous fallout to them fallout.

    We can never know the pain that your wife endured in the loss her precious child. Such a death is life changing.

    These women protesting know it and I would bet do more than just picket to ease the suffering from abortion and unwanted pregnancies. May your wife take up the cause.

  134. I agree with Mark. You are clearly angry at the ultimate price your child must pay his condition. Your wife knows this and was reminded of this by those who fight for an unborn child’s rights.
    While your case is very rare, you assume that all abortions are “unfortunate but necessary.” This is patently not true. Most abortions are selfish acts done out of fear and, sadly, laziness. The woman’s right to choose convenience.
    You know what? Having and raising a child takes a lot of work, no matter what your present circumstances may be. Your wife KNOWS this, and was moved not because she was making an immoral choice in the face of condemnation, but because she knows how precious a baby’s life is, and it hit her that many women squander it away out of PURE SELFISHNESS.

    I’m tire of the pro-choice bullshit that women who have the balls to protest in front of these death factories do not support unwanted pregnancy social programs, that they do not donate time and money to assist single mothers/fathers.

    I know this is bullshit because I, convinced a woman (practically threatened her, which in lieu of legal support, was one of a few options for me) to bear my daughter, so that I may take her and raise her as a single father. It was the best non-decision my child’s daughter made. I took advantage secular and church based support.

    And these guys protest too.

  135. Mark and Sebastion -

    Ok, here you come. The pro-lifers who are now going to tell MJ how she REALLY felt. What she REALLY meant. What she REALLY understood. And the protestors are just misunderstood.

    Bite me.

    MJ knows how she felt, and she said it very clearly. The protestors yelled at and verbally attacked a woman without knowing her circumstances. They care about the unborn – it’s just the living they don’t give two shits about.

    Don’t you dare tell MJ what she KNOWS. You are more than entitled to your opinion – but you are not entitled to hers. Teh fact you are willing to condone ignorant, cruel actions for your own political, personal and social issues says far more about you than I ever could. And by the way, if you ever told MJ what she thinks or knows to her face – she’d dismantle you.

  136. You rock, Aaron. I’m amazed at how calm you stayed. I would have been shaking with fury.

  137. Sebastian: on your talk of “pure selfishness”—

    All abortions are either the result of medical necessity or social injustice. Nobody wants to kill their unborn fetus. It is a fantasy that the anti-abortion folk have contrived in order to delude themselves into not allowing themselves to agree with the people they try so hard to loathe. What you call “PURE SELFISHNESS” might sound a bit different if you enjoyed the same comforts these “lazy” people so happily endure. It might sound a bit more like “POVERTY, DESTITUTION, AND ABUSE.”

    I, for one, consider myself “pro-life,” but on my own terms—terms that I think fit better with the title. I support universal healthcare, I oppose wars of aggression, I oppose the death penalty, and I also oppose abortion, but I do not want it to be made illegal. That is because I respect the dignity of Woman as well. The picketers are misguided: there is no way of ending abortion. The question is one of ending the need for abortion: injustice. Social injustice is an illness, just like all the other ailments that lead to abortions. And through fighting social injustice, we can throw down many other foes, and work for the good of all humanity, instead of just picking fights with our fellow men and women in need— which is just what the picketers are doing.

    See— people can agree about stuff.

  138. Have to love the gall of two men coming here to try to tell MJ how she is supposed to feel post her loss.

    Mark and Sebastian, unless you walked in that woman’s shoes it is not for you to tell her she is just being “lazy”. I do not think any woman chooses this because she thinks it’s fun. It’s horrible, life changing, something you don’t want to do unless you really have to.

  139. I admire the strength it took to remain reasonable with these people. I do wish there was a transcript of the video, as I am hard of hearing I could barely hear you, but what I did hear filled in the gaps on their end fairly well.

    I am glad that you state MJ is doing well, but she should not have had to face such horrors. I hope she is appreciative of your support as well.

  140. Sebastian: How can I put this delicately?

    You’re a fucking idiot.

    First of all, don’t you dare tell me my wife made an “immoral choice.” She made the RIGHT choice. The only alternative was carrying around a dead baby inside of her and jeopardizing her health. And please stop with the “extreme minority” crap. Yes, the baby had a rare congenital disorder but many women have to terminate for this and other similar conditions. This disproves all of your arguments so you simply try to dismiss it as the minority. Think again. You need to consider all cases.

    Second, you pro-lifers are hysterical. You put words in everyone’s mouths. You talk about moral and immoral as if you’re the judge and jury of what’s ethical. You don’t know shit. Stop judging and start listening, your feeble brain might just absorb something useful besides the next rehearsed pro-life chant.

    Third, you think the protesters have balls? You think it takes balls to scream at emotionally fragile women on the toughest day of their lives? Bullshit. These people are cowards and they’re not interested in making a difference. They’re only interested in making people feel horrible about themselves while simultaneously pushing their religious beliefs on everyone else.

    Fourth, do you listen to yourself? You forced a woman to carry a child to term. You admit to threatening her, and thus forcing her to bear your child. Gee, I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to start a family with a fucking peach of a guy like yourself. You’re a sicko. A real man doesn’t ever threaten a woman, no matter what the circumstances are. It’s so telling of how you people want to assert yourselves through fear, guilt and bullying. I’m sure you’re a great dad teaching those things to your daughter.

  141. You are my new hero.

    Having walked in shoes similar to yours (forced termination of a pregnancy at 23.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia), I’ve been down the road of trying to converse with folks like this. It doesn’t work — not often — but sometimes? I’ve gotten through.

    I’m glad you used your power for good that day. The best you could.

  142. Thank you for posting this honest article. Made my blood boil too! What an ignorant representation of the human race–totally lacking in humanity and compassion. Their god would be ashamed of them.

  143. If you are a ‘selfish’ person, and choose not to bring a child into the world because you know that you could not love the child more than yourself, I call that selfless. It is ignorant to not take proper measures to prevent. But in any case, it isn’t fair to judge people. This is not what AMERICA is based on. We are free to decide. No, that baby cannot decide, but the foster system seems like a lovely place to grow up… when God says “tell thy neighbor what a horrible person they are” let me know. And let those without sin cast the first stone.
    I cannot imagine what you both feel. I hope I never have to. I will not assume what you feel. Loss is pain. And that you two suffered great pain, brings me, and many others pain I am sure. Everybody has viewpoints, but treating people poorly and guilty for being who they need to be, and doing what they feel they have to is the work only the “devil” can produce. Only love will save us.

  144. Way to go, Daddy Files. You made my day! As a 23 year-old educated woman who has had an elective abortion due to contraceptive failure, I appreciate males who are advocates for women. The only thing I felt after my abortion was relief and gratitude for Planned Parenthood’s services. Thank you.

  145. Thank you for standing up to the protestors. I wish more would do the same. As a woman who has had an elected abortion, I understand how horrible it can be to have people yelling at you and even praying for your sins (this happened when I left). I hope your wife is doing well after the procedure.

  146. Hi — First, an apology in advance: I only skimmed through the many comments on this blog entry. I’m sorry if I make any point that has already been made…

    First and foremost: Kudos to you and MJ for knowing what your legal rights are concerning reproductive rights, freedom of expression, and right to privacy. At times people will get so passionate about an issue that those items simply go out the window.

    This is a very passionate issue for many folks — you and myself included. Over the past year I’ve started to volunteer as a clinic escort at some of the local Planned Parenthood offices in the Washington, DC area. What I do is wear a bright, orange vest identifying myself as associated with the clinic. When patients (or prospective patients) approach, with or without their own companions, I ensure that they are able to get to the front door without being stopped by those on the sidewalk who are “counseling” (their word, not mine) them to change their minds. Usually they do this with a very “in your face” approach, whether it be by waving their signs, yelling out to patients about how they’re committing murder, accusing the clinics of racial cleansing, etc. It’s whatever they feel will grab someone’s attention quickly and keep them from walking into that clinic.

    Most of the time they are unsuccessful; as you had mentioned earlier, this is not a decision that is made lightly by the overwhelming majority of women who have made it to the clinic. But what makes me shudder the most about seeing these folks in action is that they’re spreading their message to everyone if only to find that one vulnerable individual on whom they can prey and break down — in the name of “saving a life.” My volunteer position as a clinic escort serves to simply ensure that patients have a safe way in and out — it’s not to promote a specific agenda. I’m all for freedom of speech, but there’s a line where that speech turns into harassment and coercion. There are times when a patient is engaged by a protestor and the patient decides to engage in dialogue; if this occurs, it’s not my job to interfere. But most of the time it comes down to unwanted attention. No means no — if a patient is not interested in hearing your stance, let it be.

    Anyway — it sounds like this was a very rough decision for you and MJ already — compounded by the asshattery of others who felt the right to judge your decisions. Kudos for making your own choices and not being coerced to do otherwise.

  147. I commend you for your efforts on the public sidewalks these narrow-minded protestors were using to voice their anger. As someone who is pro-choice, I am always glad to hear of others who are, too. Who understand that the choices in life are never easy, but sometimes necessary and that there is a legal means of taking care this procedure.

    And extra kudos to standing up to some of the commenters here that don’t get it and are only thinking what an unknown and unseen being cares, not their own physical and current needs.

  148. These pro-lifers are just one contradiction after another. First they don’t want comprehensive sex education in the class rooms cuz they’re hoping on a wish and a prayer (and funding) that kids are gonna stay “pure” and aren’t going to engage in sexual activity. WRONG! They’re still gonna have sex, only now, due to this “abstinence only” crap, they won’t know how to do it safely, hence exacerbating the problem and increasing risks of unwanted/unexpected pregnancy and STIs.
    They seem to think that eliminating access to safe abortions is going to save lives, when in fact, 70,000 women die every year from illegal, unsafe, back alley type abortions. Pro-life my butt. That’s at least 140,000 lives lost (possibly more if there were twins/multiples).
    Then if the babies are in fact born, you don’t see pro-lifers opening their hearts and homes to let these unwanted children into their lives. And let’s not even get started on letting these kids go to gay couples… omg the horror! Foster care or an orphanage is OBVIOUSLY the better choice. They’d rather them have no parents than gay parents.
    I’m definitely pro-choice. While I may not ALWAYS agree with abortions, I don’t feel as though it is my place to tell any woman what she should not only do with her body, but her life. I don’t think there’s a single person on the planet who is pro-abortion. That makes it sound like people have abortions for funsies when that’s just not true. The choice to abort should be available should the need arise, regardless if the pregnancy wasn’t even due to rape or incest.
    I’ve had an abortion, 8 years ago, due to my method of contraception not working (the condom broke) and not being on the pill cuz I was too forgetful to take it everyday (thankfully now, there’s the nuva ring!) No one can possibly understand what it’s like to be “slut-shamed” and made to feel guilty cuz of the right-wing nut jobs who are adamant about having everyone follow their very corrupt and misinformed agenda.

  149. You, sir, are awesome. Seriously, someone has to stand up to these cowardly people.

  150. I refuse to call these people pro-lifers. They are not pro-life. They are ANTI abortion and pro-pushing their religious agenda into the faces of people who are at their most vulnerable. How very Christian of them.

    Dave, my sincere condolences to you and your wife, and huge measure of respect to you for calling these people on their hateful, uninformed bullshit.

  151. To use their parlance: A-FUCKING-MEN! I am so glad I happened to find your blog. I just wrote a piece about this on my own blog, and I often write about this because it is infuriating. I founded a non-profit called 45 Million Voices– you guys might find some comfort there: http://www.45millionvoices.org.

    Glad to hear you and your wife are doing well and recovering. Again– THANK YOU for speaking up and out!

  152. I commend you for posting this. And offer my condolences to you and your wife. In the midst of your sorrow, you did a great thing by calling these vultures on their mindless, ignorant and judgmental behavior.

  153. MY HERO! My husband & I have been in your shoes, sadly (trisomy 13). Today you have my deepest sympathy and my most profound gratitude.

  154. My husband thought I was crazy for crying in front of my laptop first thing in the morning, but I’m really touched by your action. If I were in your wife’s position–and I hope I never have to be–I would want someone to stand up for me. Thank you for trying.

  155. Fantastic. Utterly fantastic! Thank you for showing them exactly what they are doing to our women who go into clinics every day. I work for a women’s health clinic and we see this crap almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. They don’t know the women’s side and they don’t seem to care.
    Thank you ‘angry father’ you are a winner in our book for sure! :)

  156. I got here from Twitter, and I wanted to say thank you for what you did, and for posting it. I’m offended on so many levels by what those protesters did, and I wanted to address something in particular. My apologies if it’s already been said.

    One woman said that she has adopted children. I would like to know what the hell that has to do with abortion. I’m an adoptive mother as well, and to imply that adopting a child “saved” that child from being aborted is revolting. My daughter’s first mom made the choice (HER choice) to carry her child to term, and that decision had absolutely nothing to do with my decision to adopt. I feel sorry for that woman’s children.

  157. I’ve been reading your story today, and was led here by Kim at It’s a Beautiful Wreck. Holy SHIT! I’m so sad for your loss and what you’ve been going through as a family. This is the epitome of tragedy. I applaud you for writing about it and I applaud you for standing up for yourself. Obviously, this was not a choice you or MJ wanted to make, it was essentially made for you.

    As a Christian, I’m appalled by pro-lifers who take it to that extreme. I’m sure you know that not all of us Christians are like, but if not, I’ll say it: Not all Christians are like that and those of us who are not like that generally feel the same disgust that you are feeling now.

    Your family is in my thoughts.

  158. I just want to say that you and your family are heroes and I’ve been reading the past few entries on your recently-discovered blog with tears of sadness, joy, and laughter.

    Thank you for standing up to these cowards. I’ve also been in the abortion clinic waiting room, looking around at the pained faces of men and women from all walks of life as we were all listening to the misguided, misinformed shouting of protesters outside.

    I’ve had a miscarriage, then I gave birth to a sweet nutty daughter (now four, still a baby at the time) and here I was having an abortion. I scheduled the abortion for the day after I found out I was pregnant, which was only a day after I suspected I might be. I thought that was the responsible thing to do.

    Now, some of my very own family members would have sided with those protesters. The same family members who, after an emotionally devastating miscarriage at eight weeks, urged me to move on, let it go, to try again, it’s all part of God’s plan, blah blah blah, get over it, would have been out there attempting to shame me for ending this incredibly early pregnancy.

    Several months later, the clinic I went to was firebombed. The heroes who work there promptly set up shop somewhere else, and continue to help women and their families during difficult times.

    Anyway, I hope you and your family can heal from this soon, and that you can take comfort in the fact that your courageous action (and documentation) have touched the lives of many. Gotta love the Internet.

  159. Wow. Right on.

    Thinking of you and yours… and thankful for Baby Alex for bringing this story to the forefront.

  160. I am so sorry to learn that you and your wife (and all who love you) had to lose Alex. I am so sorry.

    I want to sincerely thank you for what you did when you confronted the protesters who hurt and abused you and your wife. THANK YOU for showing their ignorance, hypocrisy and cruelty. Thank you for showing who they are. How amazing that the one woman will brutalize you and your wife in public but isn’t willing to be videotaped. Oh, the hypocrisy!!

    I am a woman who would love to have a child but can’t due to heath problems. If I were to accidentally become pregnant, I would have to abort because of the medications I am on. As a developmental psychologist, I adore children. I adore them too much to give birth to a child that would suffer because of my health condition.

    I believe in a woman’s right to chose regardless of her circumstances. Most women who have elective abortions feel tremendous relief after their abortions. This “post-abortion trauma” is a myth. While some women do get depressed after an abortion, most are relieved they were able to make the choice they made and that they were able to obtain a legal and safe abortion.

    These anti-abortion protesters have no idea of the trauma they inflict on women and their partners. No woman gets pregnant and thinks “Wooo Hooo, I get to have an abortion!”. For those women who have to have abortions for medical reasons, the actions that these protesters make a hellish loss even more brutal.

    Abortion protesters do NOTHING to keep abortion from happening. If a woman wants an abortion, she will work damn hard to have one. All these protesters do is make it more likely that the abortion happens later in the pregnancy, which isn’t good for the mother or her fetus, or makes sure that the woman obtains an illegal abortion that could kill her. How is that ethical?

    Thank you for pointing out to these women that they COULD be doing good for those in need. Instead of doing good works, they feed their self-righteous souls, fulfilling their need for narcissistic self-gratification.

    I agree with Hilary Clinton. I want abortions to be safe, legal and rare. These women could be helping at clinics that provide birth control services and education which would lessen the number of unwanted or unplanned pregnancies. THAT would decrease abortion much more than their protesting ever will. Instead, they need the attention that comes with making utter asses out of themselves as they hurt women and their families. Lessen the need for abortion. Protesting abortion clinics makes women less likely to go to clinics for birth control services! That increases the need for abortions!

    Finally, thank you for sharing your and your wife’s experiences with the world. It can’t be easy to write about the loss of a daughter that you both so wanted or to write about how these protesters brutalized you and your wife. Thank you for sharing this.

    I hope that you, your wife, and those who love you find peace.

  161. It took me a while to find this post, which is about the D and E and 15 weeks that my surrogate mother went through — and how terribly difficult it was to find a doctor to help her because they were all afraid of getting murdered by society’s whack jobs. I wrote this post (and sent a check to Planned Parenthood) on the day that Dr. Tiller was murdered by one of the crazy people given permission to murder people by … anti-abortion people.
    http://www.svmoms.com/2009/05/ready-to-go-rip-george-tiller-my-own-abortion-story.html

    As for YOU, well you deserve a “I’m an awesome dad and husband” corsage or something. Seriously. They should have a Vanity Fair article or something about you. Not only did you go and defend your wife, but you did so rationally, using your words (bonus!), and as a responsible member of our society. I’m so glad that your wife could find someone to help her in her condition (e.g. they haven’t been all murdered) and I wish you continued luck in growing your family!

    You rock.
    @catmikk

  162. I’m so sorry for what you and your wife are having to go through, and what you’ve had to do. I can’t even begin to imagine. The protestors are awful. There is a clinic on my way to work, and each morning there are protestors out and I just want to scream at them. I watched a friend terminate a pregnancy in college, but it was the correct choice because she wouldn’t have taken care of herself (stop smoking, drinking, etc.) and would have probably had a challeneged child that would have been given up for adoption. For her, it was the right choice. We all believe that children are sacred, but we also know that the person carrying has to make their own choices. No one believes it should be their form of birth control, other steps should and need to be taken. Mistakes happen. I know your situation is different, and the protestors didn’t want to hear it. They can’t see past their own hate. That’s unfortunate and I’m sorry you had to deal with that hate.

    Just a side note, I hope that you don’t pidgeon hole all conservatives to this group. I’m a proud conservative, but I do have socially liberal views in certain areas; mainly this one and same sex marriage. We do not all think like these people, nor would I ever like to be associated with them. They do not speak for conservatives, but for their own agenda. (Not trying to make this political, sorry.)

    Good luck with everything and sorry for your loss.

  163. Very well done. Excellent point about these people not caring once the babies they’ve “saved” are born.

  164. I like to think that I’d have done the same in your situation but I don’t know that I’d have had the nerve.

    I’m so sorry that you and wife had to go through that. The level of ignorance and lack of the most basic form of humanity displayed by those individuals is horrifying. Not to mention the hypocrisy, cowardice and…well, you get the picture.

    God job, basically.

  165. I’m terribly sorry for your family’s loss. My heart is with you and your wonderful family. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like in yours or MJ’s shoes that day. The protesters really get under my skin, if there was only a way to talk sense to a complete moron…sadly I’m sure they left the clinic and went out to eat without a thought. If only these idiots would start caring about all the babies once they start breathing air (caring for them, not behind child daycare/school funding cuts, etc).

    Waste of flesh the protesters are.

  166. I found this article via The Friendly Atheist.

    First, I am truly sorry for the loss of your child. A medical decision was required and you/your wife made that choice. Nobody else’s opinions or bias matters.

    Second, BRAVO to you for calmly going outside to face the protesters and tell them your side of things. It needed to be done and you did it, whether they found a clue or not. You’re right — the protesters depend on people ignoring them or being intimidated by their numbers. Good on you for throwing them off their game.

    Good luck to you and your family.

  167. I can’t even imagine how awful it must have been for MJ to have to endure that kind of harassment at what was clearly a very difficult time. My heart goes out to you both at your loss, and I would hope that MJ is recovering from the ordeal.

    For Christians, they’re not very good at following the teachings of Christ. These people have no compassion or empathy for their fellow beings at all. They are no better than the WBC. Your MJ is a lucky woman indeed to have a man who is so supportive and willing to defend her – I’m still impressed that you managed to be so civil to them…if I were in your shoes, I don’t think I could have held my temper quite so well.

    As you rightly say, a lot of people are intimidated into silence by these protestors, which is probably why most pro-choice men aren’t more vocal about their beliefs. However, I applaud you sir, for posting this article. Seeing anyone stand up to these bullies restores a bit of my faith in humanity that the nutjobs chip away at.

  168. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I hope your story will open some eyes.

  169. I’m coming here from the Friendly Atheist. I am so sorry for what you and your wife have been going through personally, and this BS with the protestors is just unbelievable. I don’t care if a woman has an abortion because the baby has a fatal malady, the pregnancy could be detrimental to the mother, or just because a woman is making the choice that she does not want to have a child right now. Abortion is our legal right, and everyone should be able to go into their medical procedure without a bunch of assholes tormenting them. You are much nicer than I would have ever been. I disagree with Hemant that you did a disserve to the “cause”. You did better than what most people would have done in your position. I would have been a blubbering mess while screaming profanities at them! I hope that you and your wife are doing well.

  170. i love you for telling those two women off, & you have more patience than i ever will. & this is coming from a vegan!

  171. I love what you did and how you handled yourself. I went through a similar situation, needed an emergency D&C (had suffered a miscarriage a few weeks before) went in to my local ER & after waiting 8 hrs was treated so horribly I left crying, the “Dr.” did not even examine me even though I was running a high fever and had severe bleeding,I’m not going to go into all the details but the a few days later when my bf & I went into a medical clinic, I guess we went in on a morning where they were performing abortions and the protesters on the corner screamed at me calling me a “murderer” a “child killer” and “guiltless scum” I broke down crying while my bf screamed at them that is not why we were there, but they said nothing, did not even apologize just turned away & directed their attention back at traffic. The thing Is I already felt so horrible & guilty because I had an ongoing health issue at the time I became accidently pregnant & although we used protection somehow something still went wrong, we suspect the condom but are still not sure.My Dr let me know that the medications I was taking might have led to my miscarriage so I was already blaming myself and then to have these “people” calling me these names was just the straw that broke the camels back. I was devestated and had nightmares for months and guess what the background noise was to every nightmare? Yup that’s right, the protesters screaming obscenities at me. They were more traumatic for me than the whole experience itself. I know my bf went out there after I went in and gave them a piece of his mind but I am not sure what was said. But to this day I love him so much more for standing up for me at a time like this when I was so fragile and vulnerable and in so much pain. I was also once a very scared, teen girl who felt all alone and growing up abused made me a mess, I became preganant in high school and contemplated abortion but at the last minute decided agaisnt it, if these people can somehow channel their energy into helping helpless scared abused confused kids like I was at one time they would have such a more lasting meaningful effect. I wish someone would have been there for me to explain to me what might happen if I continued down the road I was on. I am a proud pro choice person and although I have never had to have an abortion, I have had many people close to me go through it and these people are sickening. Their approach is all wrong. Shame on them and Thank You so much for what you did! I am so proud of you and your wife is one lucky woman!

  172. “So in making the educated guess these religious protesters lean right politically, that means they are probably fiscally conservative. Mention the welfare program to these guys and they nearly have a heart attack. Which is hilarious because the only way some of these moms-to-be can make it with a kid is to sign up for taxpayer-subsidized social assistance programs. So that means the same people who protest to bring these children into the world are the first ones to cut them off at the knees in terms of care.

    Or in other words, these protesters don’t give a shit about these babies once they’re born.”

    Sorry the above is incorrect. People who disagree with welfare, aka “The Dole”, aren’t against charity. They just don’t believe that the government provides it. There are serious problems when the government gets involved in the charity business. I’m not going to repeat the arguments here but you should do some more reading outside your own ideology.

    Also your last sentence doesn’t follow from the prior ones and is empirically false. You had evidence right in front of you that it wasn’t true because the woman you were talking with was an adoptive mother.

    I know this is emotional and mostly you are in the right but don’t get carried away. Just because they call you “baby killer” unjustly please don’t do the same in reverse. The flak will hit innocent bystanders like me who are against the government providing welfare as currently structured. Welfare as it currently structure has deep flaws that actually violate my rights, and lead to bad results. I’m not against welfare because I “don’t give a shit about babies once they are born”.

    I’m against it because it isn’t charity and pretends to be. Instead it is a vote purchasing program, that along with other government rights violating interventions in private consensual cooperation has generated bad results.

    … and no I haven’t repeated the arguments. Only the conclusions of those arguments.

  173. I confronted a pro-lifer once on the streets holding up a signed and after trolling her for a few minutes I then suggested that perhaps a better method would be to teach people about abstinence, safe sex, and the use of contraceptives. The lady looked me straight in the eye and said that condoms were devices created by Satin to allow us to sin or some thing like that. I then started to laugh and told her that holding up signs with aborted fetuses was only making people hate you more and ignore you.

  174. Fantastic, it makes me feel so much better knowing that someone out there has had the opportunity and taken it, to tell these people that they are completely and absolutely deluded. Thank you.
    ‘Or in other words, these protesters don’t give a shit about these babies once they’re born.’
    Reminds me of George Carlin on abortion.

  175. I’d rather be accused of speaking for God than of playing God. When you take a life through your own choice, you are playing God.

  176. Mare: Who took a life? You think my wife and I murdered our unborn daughter? By your rationale, “God” was the one who saw to it there would be no way for her to survive. “God” failed to give her kidneys or a bladder. And “God” fused her legs together. “God” gave my 16-week-old daughter ZERO chance of survival. All we did was curtail the suffering.

    I find it hilarious your version of “speaking for God” includes telling my me and my wife that we’re murderers. You and your kind are ridiculous. You are the lowest form of life. Go crawl back under your rock you piece of shit.

  177. Mare, are you trying to show off your love of God here because that’s not happened here sunshine. You’re passing judgement and last I checked, the good Lord does the judging…not you. You think you’re “speaking” for God?! Is it warm in your make believe land Mare? You didn’t speak for God, you passed judgement, technically STEALING God’s job…thief.

  178. I just want to give my deepest sympathies on your loss. I suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks, and had to put up with an admitting nurse who treated me like trash because she thought I was aborting. It was over a year ago, and I’m still angry about the nerve of her. It was the second worst day of my life, second only to the day the doctor could no longer find my daughter’s heart beating. You did just what I wish I could’ve found the courage to do. For that I send hearty thanks for all of us in that unenviable position.

  179. I didn’t even see this video when I posted on a later post in which you said goodbye to your baby girl. My heart goes out to you. As a woman, a mother, a woman whose lost a pregnancy and a wife, I am so, so proud of you for defending your wife on a day that she will, unfortunately, never forget. May the two of you find peace as you heal.

  180. singlemama_cc: Where did I pass judgement in my statment? Did I say that people who have abortions are damned to Hell? If I did, that would be judging. That is God’s decision, not mine. The word “judging” is really misused in our society. I just believe that if you take a life through your own choice, you are playing God. I have every right to this belief and it’s NOT “judging” others. Why is it that if you have a value system of right and wrong then you are considered a judgmental person. A sane society has to have a basic value system of right and wrong or it will be chaotic (which it is now becoming).
    Daddy Files: I’m very reluctant to reply to you because I know you are hurting right now and are very angry. I’m very sorry for what happened during the development of your baby. There is a lot of suffering in this life and sometimes it seems so senseless but I do believe that everything happens for a reason and we may never know in this life why. You said that you aborted to curtail the suffering but I worry that you may have added to your suffering.

  181. I’m so sorry for your loss and so sorry those bullies and cowards made an awful situation worse. To confront them under those circumstances – and not loose it with them completely in the process – was amazing. It might just make them reflect on their actions and even if it doesn’t just knowing there are people out there who are prepared to make a stand will make a difference for the other women and men who have to walk past these nasty, hateful people.

  182. First and foremost, I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Second, thank you. Thank you SO MUCH!

    You see, I’m a clinic escort. We don’t get to confront; we don’t get to say things like that, we don’t get to try to argue… and sometimes, I literally have to shove something into my mouth to keep me from saying many of the things that you said. Thank you so much for saying them for me.

  183. As a Mormon, and a pro-choice-er, I want to thank you for standing up to these women and showing them just how foolish they are. It fills me with fury that these are the kinds of people that make religious and pro-life people who are respectful about their beliefs look bad.

    Honestly, I think God would want what is best for His children. Putting them in homes where they are unwanted and risk being unloved is not in their best interest. Leaving married and single mothers alike left the fend for themselves while juggling other responsibilities is not in their best interest. Putting them up for adoption in an already overloaded system is not in their best interest.

    I agree that they could make better use of their time educating youths about the consequences of sex and teaching them abstinence, or at the very least, sexual protection if the kids are defiant enough to do it anyway (which seems to be the norm these days). Preventing it from happening at all does a lot more than heaping shame on scared and defenseless women.

    I wonder what they would say if they had a risky medical procedure that required abortion. Would they die for their baby? Would they risk themselves and the child when an abortion could have spared them both future pain? Would they be like other protesters I have read about and get an abortion one day, and protest the very same clinic the next (because abortion is bad unless it is MY abortion)? Would they want to spend a lot of medical expenses that could be used on their children now on a child who might not make it through the week, let alone the day it would be born?

    Something for them to ponder, I think.

  184. Keeping myself relatively anonymous to avoid Twitter trolls.

    Even though you posted this a month ago, thank you so much. I’ve been pro-choice since I can remember, and I’m so glad to see a MALE on the choice side of the fence…especially someone who would stand up for his wife and the rights of other women.

    So I’m saying thank you in memory of my aunt Connie. She was raped at age 9, before Roe v. Wade (though I doubt her parents would have let her abort, anyway). The doctors were concerned that her body couldn’t handle the pregnancy, let alone the delivery, but she gave birth to a baby girl–who was immediately taken from her and given up for adoption. She was told, at the age of NINE, that she would most likely never bear another child because of the damage her body sustained. She did manage to have another child when she was 20 years old, but lost custody of her because of drug issues. At age 37, she died from complications with the medication that was to help her get off cocaine. I’m firmly convinced her drug abuse and death go back to the abuse from the family and carrying that baby to term. NO nine year old deserves that. So, in her memory, thank you.

  185. I love you. You controlled yourself so well. If it had been me, I would have kicked them in the knees. I also hope MJ is feeling better

  186. I saw a poster being held by a pro-abortion fellow protesting the protesters: “If the fetus you save turns out to be GAY, will you still fight for his/her rights???” Of course, not one of the pro-lifers would respond coherently!

  187. Thank you for standing up to these people and for protecting your wife!

    In June of 2009 I was 20 weeks pregnant with a much loved and much wanted first baby. At my 20 week ultrasound they discovered “problems.” Multiple specialist visits later my baby was given a fatal prenatal diagnosis.

    My situation was a little bit different than MJ’s in that I’m Canadian and at 20 weeks, labor and delivery is the only option. 27 hours after being induced, my daughter was stillborn. The only benefit? At least I was in a hospital, a private room, and there were no protestors!

    Until someone has sat across from a doctor and heard the words: “diagnosis incompatible with life” their voice has no place in this discussion. I have told hundreds of people what I went through and not once has someone disagreed with my decision. In fact, it never even occurred to me that anyone would until I started speaking with women from the States.

    Please give MJ a hug from me and know that you are not alone! It is a horrible “club” to belong to, but united in grief we find love and strengh. Wishing you both peace and healing.

    K.

  188. Dear Mr. Macker,

    Charity is not charity when there are strings attached. Let’s not underestimate the time and money that Christians all over this country and this world give to others. Let’s not underestimate how much an awful lot of people do to help others. But let’s also not pretend that there’s something admirable about people who protest the idea of the “dole” in favor of a system that lets them put more strings on the help they give others. Let’s not forget that there is more to charity than giving of your time or your money–that at its base charity is love. Charity means stepping back, releasing all strings or conditions or judgement or control, and still giving. Standing out on the street with a picture of Jesus attempting to judge and control others is not charity. It is blasphemy. Even if you don’t believe that any of the women walking through that door is sufficient to control her own actions, you should believe that God is sufficient to judge without your help. Until those women stop yelling on the streets and instead go inside and offer comfort and charity without reference to themselves and their own beliefs and desires, until you have gone downtown and told every single child who receives some benefit from welfare that their small benefit isn’t worth the whole damn flawed system, step away, sir. And do those of us who think you’re wrong the charity of assuming that one can be extraordinarily well-read and still disagree with you.

    Dear Daddy Files,

    I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thank you for speaking about it.

  189. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

    There are different of seeing the situation. Some see the time in the womb as the only time the child will live. You ended the suffering early, and yet is that the answer? When one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, do we then say, well to end your suffering we will kill you now?
    There are websites of stories of people who had difficult pregnancy diagnosis. One of themt is http://www.benotafraid.net

    Sorry for the quick answer, I’ve got to go. I’m very sad by what you had to go through.

  190. I am very sorry for your loss and your wife’s loss. I wish you hadn’t been subjected to that treatment when you were already in such a painful place. The way that you managed to control your response and your willingness to stand up to those people is admirable. Thank you for sharing this.

  191. Stupid people like those picketers are just proof that God doesn’t exist. God wouldn’t populate the world with so much misused flesh.

  192. It’s unfortunate that we get so caught up in our extremes that we forget to treat each other with compassion and respect. We are incited by passion; we raise our voices at one another and are quick to using belittling phrases and rehearsed defenses. In your case, Daddy Files, and in the cases of many other testimonies here alone, these protestors believed they were doing what was right. You were a challenge to them. Your presence jilted their confidence but not their resolve because they expect to be confronted and persecuted.
    Prolifers are often guilty of misrepresenting the truth they claim to understand. Steve, someone who is truly prolife would indefinitely defend the life of any person, regardless of sexual orientation. If they stumbled, or said otherwise, they are not defending “life” in its entirety. One cannot pick and chose on such a fundamental issue.
    Abortion has always been a hot topic because it is quite exactly a matter of life and death. The educated populous is aware that a “fetus” or an “embryo” is human life. Mothers who have abortions know the consequences of their choice, but feel somehow compelled, be it for financial, psychological or medical reasons. It’s most certainly a tough decision to make and live with. Abortion is just as much about the mother, as her lost child.
    When picketers forget this, when they forget that a suffering woman is as precious as a suffering child, the rest of the argument has been voided.
    Daddy Files, it is hard to express to you my sympathy. I think we all appreciate your honesty on this matter. I would like to apologize for the women on the street who failed to see that you were suffering. I pray that you and your wife can find healing in time for your loss.

  193. First of all im very sorry both for you and your wife. Second I really respect the way you handled that, you kept it as cool as you could. youre right when you say that these people are trash. i can only hope other things go better for you guys in the future

  194. As a woman who has had two mid-term miscarriages, I am very thankful that I was able to have a D&E (dilation and evacuation) and a an full 11-hour induced labor and delivery in a hospital where the staff was kind and respectful, not in a clinic where I would have had run a gauntlet like this. These miscarriages were the worst experiences of my life. Congratulations for standing up to these woman! What they are doing is deliberately cruel to women who are in a vulnerable state. Their “kick ‘em while they’re down” tactics are horrible. Perhaps people should collect names so the protesters can later be sued for inflicting emotional distress.

  195. I’m glad that this happened.
    I’m glad you gave those wing-dings hell.
    I’m glad MARE is here, only to prove a point.

    And I would also like to say
    That Speaking For God
    Is Playing God, and legally i will say (To follow suit)

    In MY OPINION, God also created, RAPISTS, CHILD MOLESTERS, MURDERERS, AND THIEVES. So instead of “playing god” and keeping them locked away, we should LET THEM OUT TO LIVE LIKE ONE OF GOD’S CREATURES, Right?
    We can direct them to the catholic church, if they’d like.
    and also
    If you make an argument, then actually have something to back it up with.
    In reality…
    ALL PRO LIFERS ARE RUNNING ON IS A BOOK WRITTEN THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, most likely written BY A COUPLE OF WINE-O’S SITTING DOWN TO SOME SHEEP GUT.
    Does anyone know god? or who wrote the book for him? NO
    SO DON’T THINK YOUR SPEAKING FOR HIM!
    When a christian comes back FROM DEATH with a Voice Recording of God, THEN I will BELIEVE IT. Till then, RELIGIOUS FREAKS ARE STILL FREAKS.

  196. Thank you. Thank you. Hugs to MJ & you. I only wish I’d had someone with me when I went to the clinic 25 yrs ago. Running that gauntlet of hate alone was really awful.

  197. I want to tell you that you are my hero. Seriously. You are right; people DON’T stand up to those pro-life protesters. And to attack someone, verbally and emotionally when they are already dealing with a very difficult situation, is heartless and pathetic, and extremely un-Christian. It doesn’t matter why someone is there, they don’t deserve to be treated that way, for any reason.

  198. I love this.
    I’m religious, I don’t really believe in abortion, but I understand that not everything is clear cut.
    When I heard that your baby had no chance to survive birth, I felt sad, because that’s one life that won’t get to bloom.
    But I will never once think of you and your wife as having done something wrong.
    I would have hoped that, upon hearing the fact that the child would have been stillborn, they would have done more to seek forgiveness from you and your wife.
    Ah, but there was no Priest there, and I’m sure they justified that you were ignorant and stupid long before they heard the reason. Anywho… ( I’m sure many people could ramble on about how hypocritical some religious people can be…)
    It probably doesn’t mean much, partly because I’m an anonymous face in the crowd, mostly because I can’t bring myself to akin myself to most of the Christians and Catholics that use that preach something they seem to be too dense to understand anything that isn’t printed in a Bible-
    I’m sorry for your loss.

  199. I want to say i feel sorry for you loss. Genetics is massed up sometimes and Embryonic development is so complex a million of things can go wrong.
    I take my hat to you for standing up to those people,they are clueless and blind.
    A they have no idea about how many newborn defects are out there and how many things can go wrong
    B those alleged “99 Babies Saved Since 2009.” do they know if they sentence those babys to a life confined to a hospital bed or haveing to get a million different surgical procedures , and what about the family’s that have to stay by those beds (forget about the cost) and reduce there life to siting next to there sons and daughters bed and feeling helpless.

    and i say this again i really feel sorry for your loss,and if you ever get confronted again by those people buy them and Embryo development book and show them how they are making kids miserable.

    i wish you all the best.

  200. As I sat watching your video and then found out you had a blog, I was crying. Crying because that beautiful baby would never know life or parents that obviously would have loved him or her so very much. Crying because I know the pain you and your wife shared learning that prognosis and crying because I am so proud to read and watch someone stand up in such a respectful and intelligent way. You could have handled it so many ways and chose such a great way to do so. They really are a piece of work most protesters and I always want to give them a piece of my mind. While I don’t know that I could personally go through with an abortion, I know that for many people and situations its the only or best choice. I have had several miscarriages before my present husband and I finally were blessed with our daughter, 1 one of the miscarriages was due to a congenital defect. Im so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby and the suffering you endured that was multiplied by those ignorant and uncaring people. I hope that only amazing blessing come to you and your wife from here on out! You truly are an amazing guy and husband for what you did!

  201. You did an amazing job standing up to those women and I’m so sorry for your loss.

  202. You are a wonderful husband and father – congratulations on putting your anger to good use. I used to escort women past protestors just like those and I had to bite my tongue all the time just to keep myself from entering the stupidity contest. I am sorry for your loss and your pain. I really do believe that, despite their obvious ignorance, the protesting women very likely took pause after their run in with you to reflect on why they were there. If not them, then perhaps someone who has come across your video. Best of luck to you and your family.

  203. I just read the piece on AlterNet re the “pro-life,” thugs.
    Anti-choice “protestors,” are most always fundamentalist and pathologically ultra religious. That they are allowed to harass women atempting to access a LEGAL right is abominable. These so called “pro-lifers,” are anything but. They use the veil of religious dogma to intimidate and coerce women who have already made a very difficult decision to end their pregnancies. I have been researching all of the anti-abortion groups in this country for many years. They have increased at an alarming rate, and make no mistake–they are domestic terrorists.
    Most people in this country do not seem to understand that those on the religious right have no intention of coming to any kind of “compromise,” regarding abortion. Religious fundamentalists are anti-sexuality (particularly the expression of womens’ sexuality), anti-sex education, and anti-birth control. Witness the so called “personhood,” amendments on the ballot in certain states such as Colorado. Their aim is to END all reproductive choices for women as well as overturn Roe.
    I have a very young daughter, and I’m currently doing everything I can to fight back the ugly tide of misogynistic intolerance levelled at the rights of women to control their own reproductive lives. Without the ability to decide their reproductive future, women have no autonomy.
    I also want to express my sadness for what you and your wife had to experience. I truly admire your ability to fight back against intolerance. Way to go.

  204. Saw your video on another site today. Thank you for standing up and saying something, that took guts and . I’m really sorry for your loss.

  205. you are awesome, and this was great.
    i am also proud of you, and glad to hear your wife is doing well, and am also sorry that the baby did not survive.

  206. You are my hero in so many ways. Every year for the past 3 years, a pro-life group on the University of Calgary campus sets up some awful posters of dead fetuses and mass graves, and compares abortion to genocide, and I literally want to punch every one of them in the face (especially the males, can you believe it? MALES!). I wish I was as well-spoken as you were in your video about letting these people know how I feel about what they are doing and how they are doing it. Women have been and still are suppressed in so many ways, and I can’t believe these young girls on my campus who are advocating taking away a female’s right to choose what to do with her own body. It angers me beyond belief. I really admire how you were able to stay so nonthreatening and articulate with these protesters. I would have most likely flipped out.

    I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope your wife is well.

  207. I am prolife and have been involved in movements outside planned parenthoods. Just so you know, the movements I have been involved in are always peaceful and usually we just silently pray a rosary, maybe hold signs with very positive messages offering support, never ever shouting anything. Unfortunately, there are always going to be bad representatives of a group and I’m sorry you experienced that in the midst of a hard time. However, it is not much better than someone calling you a babykiller for you to respond by telling those who disagree with you to “go crawl under a rock you piece of shit”

  208. Atodajo: Had these protesters behaved as you described, I would have no problem with that. I respect the First Amendment and I would never try to deny anyone their right to speak their mind.

    But the difference between what I say and what they say is huge. They are making blanket statements about strangers. They are screaming things at people without any semblance of a clue as to their individual circumstances. That is ignorant.

    I am simply responding to their behavior. I have a reason to speak out against them. While they judge people randomly and without merit, I am judging them by their actions. And their actions are vile and cruel.

    Therefore I stand by everything I’ve said and I don’t regret it one iota.

  209. Now EVERYONE knows about your wife having an abortion and not being able to carry a healthy baby. Good luck with that… People have the right to protest and the right to free speech, PERIOD. I would have left this alone if I were you, you proved nothing and embarrassed your wife.

  210. I do not understand why people wish to kill their unborn baby. It is murder. They may not be held accountable now, but one day they will stand before God who alone has the power to give or take life and they will be held to account for their murder of their children.

    The left has so many population control techniques. This is just another one they learned from Satan.

  211. Whatever,
    That is the nastiest and most disrespectful comment so far. You even beat Mare.

  212. Theres really not anything I can say that hasn’t been said, but you have made it on to my heroes list. I wish there were more people like you in the world. Way to go, man.

  213. Thank you so much for having the courage to confront these bullies. You are a wonderful man and you wife is lucky to have you be so supportive! I’m also so sorry for her loss.

    I agree with you: I wish pro-life protesters would take their energy and direct it towards something more productive. Like helping the 16 year old who’s boyfriend and parents disowned her because she’s pregnant, or teaching safe sex, or teaching self-esteem to women, etc. The world would be so, so much better if that were the case!

    Either way thank you for having the courage to do what many of us wish we could do!

  214. Excuse me as this may sound a bit extreme, but I absolutely love the way you’ve handled yourself. Completely articulate, calm, and, in my opinion, correct.

    The women didn’t answer any questions and did not prove that they have any idea what they’re talking about (even if they actually did).

    Give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve certainly done what, in my opinion the freedom of speech in so many countries actually represents: The ability to have an open discussion. Simply put, the women didn’t stand up for themselves and decided to shy away from a confrontation that should happen more often.

    BTW, give MJ a nice hug for everybody who’s read this.

  215. I just gotta say DaddyFiles, sxephil from youtube says that you are the BAMF of the day.
    BAMF meaning Bad-a$$ motherf-er = all around amazingly awesome of your kind.

    There should be more men like you.
    You stood up to them in the best way possible.
    I would have definitely punched them in the face for their silly comments of saving 99 lives. Those women don’t even understand biology at all.

    I hope that you two are having a healthy, speedy recovery.
    Give MJ all our love here on your blog.

    -this coming from a 19 yr old girl who was nothing but just touched by what you did in standing up to them. =D

  216. Thank you Daddy Files, for what you did. It’s so hard to stand up to ignorance, especially because it feels like such a losing battle.

    To the trolls who taunt a grieving father: have you no shame? You say you believe in God while simultaneously poking fun at a father who just lost an unborn child? What are you even arguing for when you are willing to stoop so low? Even if you want to express those general views…do you really think this is the best venue? Just be silent here…take it somewhere else…show some class. WWJD???

    Daddy Files: Canada is a lot nicer in that regard…we have a lot less extremism…other issues, perhaps, but radicalism is not really a huge problem. Something to think about.

  217. Brilliant. I wish more people do what you did.

    I work at one of these health centers and not only do they harass women entering for basic preventive health (“Pap Smears are the gateway to abortion” — I kid you not), but they harass the workers. We’ve had acid thrown at our clinic, nails in the parking lot to pop tires, trespassing, bomb threats, you name it.

    They can’t answer your question about volunteering, etc, because *saving babies isn’t the reason they’re there*. They’re there to control women. Pure and simple. They think that women have a narrow role in the world and women who are in control of their own reproduction are not having babies for god and are not serving men the way they’re ‘supposed to.’ So once everyone realizes it isn’t about babies at all, we’ll all be better off.

    So thanks so much for putting this out there. They definitely hate being recorded, even though recording and editing is their current tool of choice of for their misinformation campaign.

    Incidentally, the pictures of dead fetuses that were ‘abortions’ they hold up? They’re not. They’re late term miscarriages. Ask yourself where those pictures came from. Do you think doctors photograph their abortions and then put them on the Internet? Obviously no. It’s fun with Photoshop and taking a few…liberties…with medical journals.

  218. I want to say well done for standing up to these people, but it’s a shame that anyone would have to congratulate a person for doing what should be the norm. These people, and I don’t for a second means all Christians, these…Scum, make it so that it becomes the norm to think in such a closed mind, hypocritical way. That the word of “God” is law, and anyone else is evil, that aborting would be murder, but walking into a clinic and shooting up the place would be a holy act. They take books written by men, Interpreted by other men and judge all others by them. They will ignore the same rules they will judge us by, for them such rules are simply for thoughts not in the right hand of the almighty.

    I Won’t call them retards, even if the word these days has shed most of its links with references to mental handicaps, it is simply not a strong enough word to describe these people.

    Monsters seems more apt.

    I’m sorry you had to experience this, I’m sorry anyone has too, to have to experience loss mixed with thoughts of “what if…” must be the darkest of darknesses. I’m some what happy we don’t get this as much in the UK, such people are considered (rightfully so) to be aberrations from the norms of both religion and humanity and are (most of the time I hope) cast aside and mocked accordingly.

    Mind, here is a useful tip, ask them, where exactly in the good book (yes I have read it, Catholic up bringing and such) does it say, In the word of God or the Christ, That an abortion is Murder?

    It doesn’t, any reference to it is that of “wise” men. People who use the Word of god as if it was a weapon, to beat there sheep into line.

    As I said. Monsters.

  219. Sir, you are one of the bravest, most awesome fellows I have ever had the pleasure of coming across on the net. Abortion is a terribly sad and hard thing to go through, and NOBODY WANTS to do it. I have NO respect for these disgusting, oppressive, anti-woman, anti-family slimeballs like the ones you confronted. They don’t care about women, children, or even fetuses in the slightest or they wouldn’t do stuff like that. No, it’s only about feeling elite and better than you. Your wife is a super lucky woman to have you.

    My deepest sympathy for you and your wife in this difficult time. I am relieved to know that she was allowed to have the care she needed for her, you, and your little ones. I will keep fighting to make sure she continues to get that care. Best of luck and well wishes to you and yours.

  220. Would it be murder to kill a person who is dying of cancer, who will die in a month? In a week? If some gunman broke in your house and your mother has a month to live if she has cancer, and the gunman shoots her in the head and kills her, would that be murder or wouldn’t it be? She was going to die in less than a month anyway, so why punish the gunman?

    It doesn’t matter if the person being killed will die anyway. It’s MURDER any way you look at it.

    Also, there is NO 10000% proof that child would have died after birth! Have you EVER heard of miracles???!!!

  221. No Name have you heard of stupidity? You are a prime example! I had to go through this sort of thing with my daughter a couple of years ago and I must say I didn’t handle it nearly as well. Unfortunately the sign was flimsier than it looked. Sorry for your loss!

  222. I don’t feel one bit sorry for those breeders. Had they have used birth control & other precautions, they wouldn’t have had to face anti-abortion crowds. Poor me…pour me a drink!

    We need less abortion clinics & more special education classes for retarded breeders who can’t stop getting knocked-up!

  223. abstinence is the only 100% way to make sure this does not happen. The left wingers love population control so much I am not sure of their reason for not adopting absitience. Oh, wait. I know. sex outside of marriage is a sin. That’s right. They love evil more than anything. Anything that’s considered bad, they love it.

    Canada is a beautiful country, but is a country filled with arrogant communists and ditatorial fascists. There is plenty of extremism in canada – inside the government! There is no way in hell I could live in canada. I could not tolerate being around that many marxists. I would rather die free in America than live in your Karl marx hell. The worst thing Canada ever done was allow radical leftists marxists take over the country. That is happening in America but thanks to very few people in the media, American, through the tea party is waking up and throwing these sick perverts out. It would be even better if socialism could be made a felony in America and those cought trying it could be stripped of their citizenship and deported to the south pole. Maybe the tea party members can make it happen. I hope so. America has been on the decline since the late 1800s when that pesky freakshow nutjob Karl marx was born. They should have aborted him.

  224. Captain patriot demonstrates his wealth of ignorance.

    Learning from Satan: If killing children is learned from Satan, I guess this means this person was Satan’s student, too.

    Numbers 31:17-18
    “Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”

    Abstinence: The pesky fact is that when Abstinence Only sex education is taught, the rates of teen pregnancy and STDs increase.

  225. I would just like to say that I wish I could come to MA and buy you a beer!!!

    I am very sorry to hear about your loss; no couple should ever have to go thru what the two of you went thru!!

    Having said that…I don’t think I could have kept my cool with those ignorant women the way you did!!! And you made so many valid points on the video and in your blog. I wanna give you a round of applause and buy you that beer!!! Unfortunately, I’m in KC, so that’s not possible!!! But I had to send you my well wishes and let you know that I admire you for this!!!

    GO PATS!!! Jen

  226. Sorry to hear about your loss my man….you guys had a hard decision.

    It’s a choice. That’s what the story is all about – the choice.

    However, with 4 children of my own – I completely understand where you’re coming from…

    That’s the beauty of the little story…not severed heads….not bloody fetuses….
    C-H-O-I-C-E…

    Take care and blessings…hope all is well with the family!

  227. Also, why are you all saying “sorry for your loss”? It wasn’t a baby, it wasn’t a human being, it was just a choice. You can’t be sorry for the loss of something that isn’t a human being or a life.

  228. I’m so sorry you two had to go through that, but thank you for standing up to the bullies.

  229. Captain Patriot, we Canadians are thrilled to hear that you will never live here. :D

  230. You Wish: I love America, but Canada is straight up cool as hell. And might I add, Canadian women are just hot. Not sure if it’s the accent or what, but all the Canadian women I’ve met have just been so cute and awesome.

    Canada: America’s hat!

  231. As one Canadian woman who is married to another (and you’re right, she’s both cute and awesome), I thank you and welcome you to visit our country anytime.

    I’m very sorry you and MJ had to go through that torment and I hope things will get better for you soon.

  232. People like this need to be killed. Extreme? Perhaps, but doing something like this shows a lot about a person. It’s insolent and ignorant. You could even say people who do something like this are simpletons and incapable of learning. Those that only harm society like that should just be eliminated.I don’t mean elderly, sick,ect people but people who do stuff like this. But that’s another issue…. On a somewhat related note,I don’t understand why abortion is such a controversial issue. I mean, just don’t tell, don’t ask. Maybe that last part was just me voicing my opinion…..

  233. Omega: Calling for the death of the protesters is way out of line and ridiculous. While agree yelling horrible things at strangers is despicable and reveals a lot about the (lack of) character one possesses, it is not enough to call for violence.

    And your DADT policy about abortion is something else I disagree with. Abortions are not fun and no one is proud of them, but it is a perfectly legal medical procedure and nothing to be ashamed of. DADT implies there is some dirty little secret that must be covered up, and I don’t think that’s the case.

  234. “Love thy brother.” Do these people honestly think they’re following a creed like that when they’re shaming people on what could be the worst day of their life? Really? Talk about multiple levels of hypocrisy. People like this make me sick (not all pro-lifers, just people like these). I wouldn’t try to tell them what to do with their bodies; what makes them think they have the right to do that to any other woman? Especially using such an underhanded method like guilting them into doing exactly what they want. It’s shameful.

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Daddy Files. This whole story is just incredible, and your courage (as well as your wife’s) is really inspiring.

  235. Sorry for your loss. It has to be tough to have no other real options and then have people misjudge you and bully you. They need to mind their own business. It’s not fair to bring a bunch of sick or unwanted children into the world, it’s much worse than abortion. I always want to ask them how many unwanted babies they all adopted.

  236. I served in a clinic escort group of older professional women for 4 years. I did everything possible to educate the picketers who were largely the same persons, with some others added and subtracted every day. Some were gang members who had recently been released from prison. At one point a picketer threatened one of the escorts with a handgun. The city police were there often and the press even came sometimes to gawk and get a line or two for the evening news.

    I even went to one particular church that was sending picketers out to the clinic and spoke to the available priest about it.

    From the few sentences he uttered, I was able to see that he was the one who provided the exact wording the picketers used in their arguments.

    We wrote letters to the police department of the city and attended meetings they held about their crowd control challenges the picketers raised. None of that effort stopped or discouraged the picketers.

    I assume that all of you have heard and seen news about the murders of abortion providers and horrible injuries of some of their staff members over the many years that this slander against pregnant women has prospered among persons who are actually mentally disordered.

    A nation that crosses oceans with modern weapons of mass destruction to murder the innocent adults and children of other nations is not going to worry about a few local women and physicians being shot, burned and killed at the command of insane persons in their own country.

    As for the crazy picketers, they seem to be getting away with their hateful lies.

  237. I wish more people would realize that abortion is just as valid a loss as a miscarriage, still birth or death of a birthed child. It’s a loss and it’s horrible, gut wrenching and guilt provoking.

    I now understand why Planned Parenthood moved in my city. It’s now in a secure building with screens so no one can see the people going in and out.

    I’m going to look into what I can do to help, either the people going through this or the root cause. No one should be harassed. Period. The fact that they did this to your family at such a vulnerable time makes it even more despicable.

    My views on the subject are summed up at the end of this post. I don’t know if I could ever have an abortion but there is no way I would ever stand in someone’s way. Heck, if I were confronted with your family’s situation I don’t know what I would do. I’ve never been there.

    I don’t know where I could best contribute but you’ve inspired me to action. Thank you.

  238. Thank you for telling these people that what they are doing is abominable. I wish you and your wife never had to go through such a terrible experience, and I commend you both for being so strong. I am a student at the University of Washington, and last spring there was an enormous display at Red Square of aborted fetuses, various fetus body parts, and all sorts of awful pictures, out in public sight, about 20 feet tall and 75 feet long. It is awful having to see such things, and though I do not know anyone who has had an abortion, I can imagine that it is one of the last things you would want to see. Thank you for taking a stand against people who spew out rehearsed opinions, and who make those in difficult situations feel ashamed and guilty for trying to make the best choice for their child and themselves.

  239. Along with the previous post, I’ve seen the same display at the University of Louisville. Unfortunately, the signs are carried around the country in a semi as an ongoing display. The anti-choice movement funds this, as well as several other nasty attempts to prevent legal medical services for women. In my town, they have started an ironically named “Woman’s Choice Clinic” directly across the street from the only legit clinic for hundreds of miles. With large signage and coaxing from protesters, women (esp for non-English speakers)are fooled into going into this place thinking that is where their appt. is. It’s only through intense force of will that they can eventually leave. Thankfully, a group of clinic escorts is typically present to help people get through this nonsense. Thank you, author, for publishing this. You are not the only person I’ve heard give the protesters a piece of your mind, but it certainly was one of the most cogent, calm responses. At our clinic, most people are not willing to come outside once they enter, but then again, there are typically a dozen or more protesters as well. Thanks again for highlighting this persistent problem for women in our country.

    -Andrea, if you’re wondering, escorting is perhaps the most satisfying and most direct way to get involved.

  240. To add to Dave’s comment from 11-11-10 (I just found this site!) I am an RN who worked for several years at the clinic in Louisville. The ‘Women’s Choice Clinic’ across the street has so many tactics to make women miss their appointments at the real clinic. They tell them they are part of the clinic and they are to have their ultrasoun with them. The women are escorted over there where they project the ultrasound on the wall with sound and have told some of them that they are further along in gestation and therefore cost more and the woman doesnt have the increased fee. Some women have been told they were too far along to have the procedure when they really arent that far along. Our clinic uses general anesthetic. The ‘fake’ clinic also feed the women knowing that feeding them would delay her having her procedure that day in many cases. Many of these women come from hours away as we are the only licesened clinic in the state and surrounding border states. The stories are endless. The escorts are great in helping to tell the women the ‘fake’ clinic is NOT associated with the ‘real’ clinic. Thank you escorts!!!!

  241. I am sorry that your family had to go through this experience, but as a clinic escort and as a child of a mother who had a similar experience, I can only say:

    Thank you, sir.

    Your strength and determination are a wonderful thing, and your wife must be the luckiest woman in the world to have such a caring husband. More than that, a caring husband who so obviously believes she is still a free individual. Thank you so much for being so courageous and so understanding!

  242. Thank you for standing up to these “protesters”.
    They are really doing that so that they can take babies away from their mothers “for adoption” but they know that what they are doing is wrong and they are stealing. Plus they are pushy, aggressive, and violent. I’ve been learning to be nonviolent all of my life and the only thing I get for that is stepped on. And I KNOW this is all a scheme so that they can take babies away – two of my Aunts are of them and I’m ashamed of those Aunts. And just so you know that their alterior motive is their personal gain – think of the evidence. They all oppose contraception(the pill, the condom, ect.), they oppose sex education, they oppose forms of birth control like viasectomy and hysterectomy and sterilization, they voted to allow rape and incest, they don’t allow abortion for girls under certain ages without parental consent(and by the way, at the ages those girls are the abortions are far safer than the pregnancies are), they solicit every young pregnant girl to “give” her baby for “adoption”, their church is a place for child molesters, and I bet you didn’t know they also plan on allowing child abuse. Many pastors and so-called adoptive “parents” are child abusers. And on top of that they murder caring abortion providers.
    I’m deeply sorry for you two that you had a difficult pregnancy, but then I’m touched that you both made the right decision and that you stood up against those aggressive harrassers for your wife. Most men are busy beating up their wives and yelling at their wives but you are standing up for your wife against selfish aggressors. Thank you:)

  243. I’ve never been much of a political person, but protesters really do amaze me sometimes with there methods. My university was over run with people protesting all sorts of things this previous fall semester, but I have to say that the WORST batch of them was a group of pro-lifers who set up a giant billboard in the busiest part of campus which was compared abortion to the holocaust. They basically said that fetuses being aborted had no choice just like the jews had no choice. The pictures on that billboard were quite graphic as well, and all I could think about was the fact that my school often hosts scholastic events for children of all ages who would be subjected to these images…

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