All posts by newengland13

Discuss Amongst Yourselves

I think now is a good time to give a shout out and make an announcement.

First of all, thank you to my brother Nate. Nate is not a web designer by any means, yet he has put this entire site together single-handedly. He has spent countless hours on getting everything up to speed and I can’t thank him enough. He may be the only little brother I have, but even if he weren’t I’d still say he’s the best brother I have!

In that vein, he’s always looking for ways to enhance the Web site and he recently had another good idea. So starting today, we’ll have a Forum everyone can click on if you’re feeling frisky and want to debate a few things instead of leaving comments. You can find the link on the top right of this page, on the home page, or go right to to access it directly.

Talk about whatever your little hearts desire. Parenting, politics, favorite colors…go nuts! Depending on the topic of discussion my job might prevent me from joining in, but you can bet I’ll jump in when I can and we’ll have ourselves a good time.

So let the games begin and if you like what we’re doing on this site, I won’t mind if you tell a friend or two and let them know how wonderful truly is!

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Bummed Bachelor

When MJ told me she and Will were leaving for four days to head down to a family party in New Jersey, I have to admit my first reaction was “Sweet! I get the house to myself!!!”

Immediately I had visions of my friends over, drinking lots of beer, watching the Red Sox with the volume turned up as high as I wanted and sitting on the couch with my hands down my pants in total peace. Because believe it or not, there was a time when I could drink copious amounts of alcohol, party until all hours of the night, hop from bar to bar and then get up in the morning and do it all over again. Actually, that virtually describes my life from the end of college until I started dating MJ in 2004.

I lived with friends who could drink more in one sitting than any normal human being should be capable of. I’m serious. My friend Alex (aka The Bear) was known to drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels or Jameson whiskey in one sitting. My friend Dino had an amazing accomplishment at a Jimmy Buffett party once. He took a drag of his cigarette, inhaled, took two mammoth bites out of a raw onion, pounded a bottle of vodka, swallowed it all and then exhaled the smoke! To quote Barney Stinson, it was Legend…wait for it…dary!

And while I was never that hardcore, I could hold my own. And frankly, after you’ve changed thousands of poopy diapers and spent the vast majority of your time caring exclusively for another human being, those glory days start calling to you like a Springsteen song.

But a funny thing happened this morning after MJ and Will were gone. The house was quiet. Very quiet. I tried to sleep in but I couldn’t because I am so used to waking up with Will, changing him and feeding him. So I kind of wandered around the house aimlessly, ending up in his nursery. And like the little bitch that I am I started playing with his toys and smelling some of his clothes.

And that’s when I realized I’m ruined. I’d rather hang out with my infant son than do shots at the bar. I’d rather be on the floor making him laugh than drinking with buddies until I hit the floor. Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends coming over and we’re going to watch the Red Sox destroy the Angels tomorrow night and have a good time. But it’s not the same anymore.

Damn kid. See what they do to you?!?

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My Discriminatory Son

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

You think you’ve raised your kids right. You hope that you’ve taught them acceptance and equality for all. But then one day you realize that despite your best efforts, your child is a discriminatory bigot.

Will hates old people. And when I say hate, I mean it.

He despises the elderly with the white hot fiery passion of 1,000 suns and God help everyone within shouting distance if some poor suspecting old person decides to get close to Will, because he loses his freaking mind! At first it happened sporadically and I chalked it up to Will just being in a bad mood. I mean after all, how would you like it if some complete stranger came up to you, put their face 3 inches from yours and starting make “coochy coo” noises at you while tickling your feet? Doesn’t sound fun does it?

But then I noticed that Will didn’t always get upset by this. For instance, since Will is the most gorgeous baby ever to grace this planet, he gets a lot of attention. Namely, he gets a lot of attention from smoking hot chicks who want to come up and kiss him and grab him and tell him how beautiful he is. And wouldn’t you know it, my son is perfectly OK with this. Not only is he cool with it, he hams it up big time! He starts to smile, kick and make those cute baby noises girls love. By the time my boy is done with these cute women, they’re running back to their boyfriends demanding to be knocked up immediately so they can try to have a baby as cute as Will. My son is such a flirt it’s not even funny. He’s not even 5 months old and he’s already got more game with women than I’ve ever had in my life.

Now compare that to when an elderly person approaches. Both the young hotties and the old people tell him he’s cute, tickle him and get really close to him. But if it’s an older person, Will screams like I did the time I saw Kathy Bates naked in the hot tub in “About Schmidt.” And I’m not just talking some whimpering, he turns purple and starts to shriek like he’s being chased by the devil. It’s a full-blown meltdown and it takes 10 minutes just to calm him back down…or until another young hottie approaches.

I wonder what it is that makes him go berserk. Can he smell the mothballs from across the room? Does he have some kind of abnormal aversion to dentures? Is he already thinking about how pissed off he’s going to be when he’s driving behind one of these people going 25 MPH in a 50 MPH zone?? Either way, for a kid who’s going to grow up on Cape Cod where the average age is approximately 109 years old, he’s probably going to have to shake this phobia of the elderly.

But he should still feel free to cater to the Cape’s scantily clad summer females who flock to him while daddy holds him.

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Sunday afternoons

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

There will always be something special about Sunday mornings.

It’s the only day off that MJ and I both have during the week, which means we can both sleep in a little and enjoy each other’s company. Even though Will decided to get up unusually early today, we still managed to settle him down eventually and sleep in until 8:30. With Will sprawled out and entertaining himself on a blanket on the floor, MJ and I rifled through the Sunday newspaper and had our bowls of cereal. Eventually I went for a run and then came back and took a shower.

When I got out of the shower, MJ was in bed with Will trying to get him to take a nap so he wouldn’t be in a bad mood for the BBQ later this afternoon. But she was having trouble because Will’s tooth is bothering him and he was restless. So I turned the lights in the bedroom off, closed the shades and turned on the ceiling fan. We laid in bed — with Will in between us — and we each held one of his hands. He looked at us, his eyes darting between me and MJ, and a very contented smile spread across his face. That led to MJ and I looking at each other and without uttering a single word, we both conveyed a world of emotion as if to say “Can you believe this beautiful person we created?”

I could see Will wanted to drift off to sleep but he was too happy that both his mom and dad were lavishing all their attention on him. So I began to do what I always do when I want him to go to sleep. I sang his favorite song called “Share the Darkness” by the Saw Doctors, one of my favorite Irish bands.

As I sang the familiar chorus his eyelids got heavier and heavier, until finally — just as I finished the last note — he drifted off to sleep. I put mom to sleep too.

If you’re not a parent, there’s probably no way I can describe that feeling. But it’s just…beautiful. Singing to your child and holding his little hand as he stares at you with huge eyes filled with nothing but innocence and love, knowing that it’s OK to fall asleep because Daddy will always be there to take care of him. And you just stare at your little boy in absolute awe wondering how, with all of your glaring faults, you could possibly create another human being this perfect.

The house is dead silent right now save the clicking of the keyboard. Even the dogs and cats are asleep. And when I’m done writing I’ll sneak back in to the bedroom, as I do most nights, to watch Will sleep. His little chest rising and falling, his tiny mouth making a sucking motion (the kid is thinking about eating even when he’s asleep) as he lays next to my beautiful wife. I’ll look at them and feel reassured that I am the luckiest schmuck on the planet.

And for what it’s worth, if you have never listened to the Saw Doctors do yourself a favor and give them a try. They actually play at the Cape Cod Melody Tent every year and they tour the US annually too. Here are the lyrics to “Share the Darkness”:

Hey I can’t I say that I love you
I cant’ say that I don’t
I cant say that I couldn’t
And I won’t say that I won’t
But I really like your company
I’m enjoying myself no end
But I can’t keep from thinking
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight
Make it warm and burning bright
I’ll not say nothing
I’ll be polite
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight
Ta an dorachadas ag teacht anuas (Darkness is descending)
Tar abhaile liom a gra. (Come home with me my love)
Ta an dorachadas ag teacht anuas (Darkness is descending)
Tar abhaile liom (Come home with me)

Ah life’s too short for wasting
For ifs and might have been’s
Life’s too short for wondering if
You could have lived your dreams
And its way too short for loneliness
We don’t have to be
Now that we trust each other
Why don’t you stay with me?
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight
Make it warm and burning bright
I’ll not say nothing
I’ll be polite
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight

When the world belongs to distant dogs
And the air is dark and still
And drunken conversations pass beneath the window sill
And there’s someone singing
Elvis songs as they make their way back home
and all your fears and worries
attack when you’re alone
when you’re alone, when you’re alone, when you’re alone

Why don’t we share the darkness tonight
Make it warm and burning bright
I’ll not say nothing
I’ll be polite
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight
Ta an dorachadas ag teacht anuas
Tar abhaile liom a gra
Ta an dorachadas ag teacht anuas
Tar abhaile liom
Why don’t we share the darkness tonight

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We Have a Tooth!

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

It wasn’t there last night when I left to go to the Patriots vs. Eagles preseason game, but lo and behold it’s definitely there now.

Will cut his first tooth. It’s a tiny little razor on the bottom and I noticed it this morning when I was letting him chew on my finger. At first I was freaked out because I thought he had something sharp in his mouth that shouldn’t be there, but then light dawned on marble head and I realized he had his first tooth.

I got really excited over this. But then I thought about it and I’m not sure why it’s such a big deal. I mean it’s not like he can control it. He can’t will his teeth to come in faster by concentrating really hard. They come when they come. But nevertheless it’s another milestone and it says in the Official Parent Handbook that you have to call every single relative you have and scream “WILL GOT HIS FIRST TOOTH!” as excitedly as possible. I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.

And frankly I’m thrilled to have good news because last night’s Patriots game was just awful. They sucked so badly against Philly I wanted to gouge my own eyes out with a dull, rusty spoon. And we had great seats thanks to my Dad’s boss 22 rows from the field on the 45 yard line too. What a waste. Not to mention the Sox are currently getting hammered by the Blue Jays 9-0 so I’m not a happy camper. I also had beer for the first time in three months last night so the stomach is still a little unsettled.

And I’m sure you wanted to hear all about the intricacies of my digestive maladies didn’t you?

Off to work now and then a BBQ tomorrow with some friends and family I haven’t seen in awhile, so don’t count on a post in the next 24 hours. Sorry…

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