Baby Bubonic Plague

This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

As you all know from the rectal thermometer story, Will was feeling a little under the weather this week. Well, I’ll give you three guesses as to who is feeling like crap now.

I have been ridiculously sick since Wednesday night. This is irritating for many reasons. First of all, I am a complete and total baby when I am sick. I expect to be pitied, waited on hand and foot and coddled completely. Second, I have learned that trying to care for an infant is exponentially more difficult when one is sick. And when the plague has stricken both parent AND baby, it’s even worse.

But last night I think the Gouveia household experienced a Perfect Storm of sorts. I was sick. Will was sick. I was fussy. Will was fussy. The house was a mess. Dinner wasn’t cooked. The dogs were OUT OF THEIR FRICKIN MINDS and driving me crazy. And while all of that is bad enough, it all got much worse. Because all you married folk out there know that for things to truly go bad, the woman has to be involved.

MJ came home in a HORRIBLE mood. I know this sounds like it might be commonplace, but we usually have an arrangement. If she’s in a horrible mood, I’m in a good mood. Or vice versa. But when both of us are irritated with life in general at the same moment in time, nothing good happens.

I’ll spare you the details but last night included MJ strangling and wrestling our dalmatian on the floor for eating her dinner, arguing about whether to the dalmatian back to the MSPCA, criticizing each other’s personal hygiene and concluded with my wife yelling maniacally about hating our house and our life while simultaneously dreaming of mounting a cabana boy in a tropical paradise as she sips on an umbrella drink.

At least that’s what I think happened. Truthfully I was so doped up on NyQuil I was passing out by 8:30.

The bottom line is this parent thing is tough. Don’t get me wrong, I love it for the most part and I believe it is the best decision I ever made. But don’t let people tell you how easy it is and that all it involves is butterflies, coloring books and cute little outfits because that’s crap.

Being a parent makes you question yourself and all of your abilities. It keeps you up at night with worries that range from financial to personal. It puts your marriage, your wallet and your sanity to the ultimate test. In short, it is a 24/7, 365, around the clock ulcer of epic proportions.

But I guess if it were easy everyone would do it right?