Baby Death Trap

A few weeks ago, Will received a very generous gift from my in-laws. The ever popular Cozy Coupe pictured here:

I had one as a kid and I’m sure most of you did too. These things are a time honored tradition when you hit the age of one. So I was pretty excited to have MJ put it together and give Will his first spin in his new ride. After some initial confusion on his part, he finally understood what it was all about and he began pushing it all around the room. Then, after some prompting, he climbed in and took the wheel. He loved it, as can plainly be seen here:

He tools around the living room like a big shot and I smiled as I pictured him in about 16 years riding around picking up chicks in an actual car. And just as I was about to annoint this car the coolest present ever, I heard a sound from the kitchen.

When I came around the corner, I saw that Will had been in a rollover. The car had fallen on top of him and he couldn’t wriggle out of the wreck. He wasn’t really crying, just more in shock and he certainly wasn’t hurt. I chalked it up to a freak accident and righted the Cozy Coupe so he could continue playing with it.

But it wasn’t an isolated incident.

This thing is a death trap! It topples over at the drop of a hat because it’s so tall. So when a 26-lb mega baby climbs into the cab there is no balance at all, and Will goes flying. Thankfully the paramedics we are always around to use the jaws of life disentangle him from the wreckage before any serious injuries occur.

I looked up some info on the Cozy Couple of Death and it appears these things have been around for 30 years. How have there not been any modifications to this thing? You’d think they’d start changing the design after the first few hundred babies were helplessly trapped under a twisted heap of plastic, right? I mean, they’re not as dangerous as those damn goats but still…

So I’ll be sending a letter to the Cozy Coupe people along with this picture:

And no, it’s not bad parenting that I raced over and took a picture of my son trapped under his car instead of immediately lifting it off of him. Because…well…it’s kind of funny right?

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17 thoughts on “Baby Death Trap

  1. I’m peeing my pants over here. We’ve got the ‘fireman’ version of this car. It’s a huge hit…literally. The kids get hit with it about once a day. The older one pushes the 1 yr old until he’s gotten dizzy from going in laps around the backyard, then he just kinda spills out one of the windows.

    Happy Birthday Tomorrow, Will! My little one turns 1 on 4/3 too.

    Congrats to you & MJ on being parents to a 1 year old!!!

    Hally

  2. Ok, apparently I laugh at crying babies and babies trapped underneath toys. I’m the mother of the year!

  3. Before you brand the Cozy Coupe the Deathmobile, lets take a step back and look at how Will learned to drive. Does he have any experience on a smaller vehicle, pedal bike or wagon? Or did you simply put him in the living room highway and have him drive the Escalade of baby cars? In your expert tutelage, did you happen to mention that he should “Watch out for Engine Failure”? How many bottles did he have before getting behind the wheel? Just a few officer…

    Before you file a class action lawsuit, I am sure the Little Tykes lawyers will open the driving records of the Gouevia/Howell Clan. Can you count all of the incidents on your ten fingers?

    A little bit of Krylon Red and we can get buff those scratches right out!

  4. Pingback: Anonymous
  5. Also useful information…..

    don’t let anyone push him in the car too fast. The Flintstone-esque nature of the car will pull his feet back, effectively sucking him under the car. If it’s a real good one, he’ll have his feet bent backwards, pulled off the seat, hit his face on the steering wheel and get knocked in the back of the head as the car rolls over him, all in one graceful maneuver.

    Go ahead, think of the dynamics of this toy and you can easily picture that scenario.

    And if this isn’t bad enough, wait until his first power wheels. I’m still paying the doctor bills on that one.

  6. Poor baby! I luv ut! The picture of him collapsed on the floor hilarious. We have the blue one but haven’t used it yet. Now I’m scared.

  7. Ok, we have 2 of these (apparently 1 is not enough!) and Riley has almost toppled over in them twice now. My 11 year old still continues to stuff himself inside of it! Good times for years to come!! In all seriousness though, as he gets older, JEE is right, do watch out for his feet if someone else is pushing him.

  8. Hahahahaha!!! I’ve done the same thing, grabbed the camera when my poor kid had a wreck. Too bad it wasn’t a video. You could have won ten grand.

    We never had one of those, but everyone else seems to have one. Maybe Will is top-heavy ;)

  9. OMG Dax is getting one for his birthday from my parents! I read this to my mom and we were dying laughing! Too funny.

  10. Hi

    OMG our 20 month old got this for his first Bday too and it keeps toppling over on him. We thought we’d put the wheels on wrong or something. A death trap is right!! :) It always happens on the kitchen tiles or the wooden floor and he breaks his fall with his head. Que…The scary silence while he catches his breath to scream hysterically. You know the one!

    How hard can it be to design one that stays up right!

    M

    M

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