Banned From Daycare

UPDATE: My daycare provider now informs me that even though she’s asking Will to leave the program, our contract calls for two weeks notice. So she is going to CHARGE US even though she’s the one kicking Will out. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!? I’m so pissed off I can’t even see straight and now I have to go over there to pick up all of Will’s stuff. This fucking woman is a joke. She didn’t even call me herself, she had her husband call me and leave that on my voicemail. Bullshit!!!

Five days ago I thought Will getting booted out of his current daycare was just about the worst thing that could happen. I never thought I’d be looking back on that fondly and wishing it was the least of my problems. But even though the situation with the baby has taken precedence, it is only exacerbated by the fact that I feel utterly betrayed by our daycare provider.

It’s no secret Will has had a tough time lately. For the last couple of months, he’s been very hit or miss at daycare. It all goes back to the arrival of a younger boy, who is six months younger than Will. Now granted, a group of daycare kids is not unlike a pack of dogs. The introduction of a new canine into the pack can be disruptive to say the least. Such was the case with him.

At first it was just that Will was jealous. He was the only boy and now he had to share the spotlight. But things devolved quickly. The other boy is a strong personality and very aggressive. So aggressive, in fact, that one day we found out he bit Will. I was alarmed at first, but our provider told us it was really no big deal. At that point, I had no reason not to trust her. She had become like family to us and she has years of experience. So I let it go with no further questions.

But things just got worse and worse from there. Will refused to share and he would not play with the group. He was perfectly content to be alone. And when he did play with everyone else, he and the other boy would get into scrapes. But for whatever reason, our provider told us Will was the problem. She had nothing but good things to say about the other boy, and negative comments about Will. Despite the fact that my son was the one who was bitten.

Things got so bad MJ and I had to come up with a plan to change his behavior. We instituted a “Big Boy Points” system in which he could earn points by sharing, saying please and thank you, picking up his toys, etc. And when he earned enough points he could go outside, play with the basketball or get a treat. And for a while it was working.

In fact, when he came home from daycare on Tuesday he had glowing reviews from our provider. She told him it was one of Will’s best days. That he shared. That he hugged the other boy all day. He was cheerful and pleasant and an all around great kid. I was thrilled and, most of all, relieved.

Which is why I was so surprised when, just 24 hours later, our provider called us and told us she couldn’t take him anymore.

Without going into too much detail, she has some family issues she’s dealing with. She has two kids of her own: one going off to college in the fall and the other in middle school. She already had to re-jigger schedules because she’s having problems with the youngest and wanted to spend more time with him. And apparently the straw that broke the camel’s back was when he came home from the last day of school on Wednesday and Will was throwing a tantrum. He told his mom he couldn’t deal with it and had to leave. Our provider said she can’t have her house become a place her children don’t want to be, so Will had to go.

But that’s bullshit.

YOU’RE A FUCKING DAYCARE PROVIDER!!!! I’m sorry, but whiny kids are kind of in the job description don’t you think? Did she really think she was going to become a daycare provider who only got angelic toddlers and perpetually well-behaved children? If she thought her home was always going to be a pleasant place to be with 4-5 young kids all running around, then she was either on crack or woefully misguided.

My kid is no angel. He can be hell on wheels at times and I can certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to pitch him out a window. I get it, he’s a handful. And she has every right to choose who her clients are. But it’s not like she was doing this on a volunteer basis. It’s her job. We are paying her, and part of that fee is to deal with a toddler. Christ, they don’t call it the Terrible Two phase for nothing.

Then she tried to play it off like it’s what was best for Will. Yeah, because young kids don’t need routine or anything and breaking that routine that he’s been in for 15 months is going to be beneficial. Right. Keep telling yourself that.

But I have to take some of the blame here. First of all, this is the second child she’s asked to leave daycare in the last year. Apparently kids need to be perfectly well behaved in order to keep their spot. But second and most telling, for the last 3 weeks Will has cried and begged me not to drop him off every morning. I just chalked it up to him being difficult, but obviously I should’ve listened to him. Every day it was “No dada, no go.” He didn’t want to be there, probably because she didn’t want him there and most likely has been making him feel that way for some time now.

We’ve found someone who can take Will immediately, which is surprising because I imagined all daycare providers stick together. In my head she most likely sent a fax out to all the daycare providers on the Cape with Will’s picture on it next to a skull and crossbones. I figured he’d be blacklisted at all the high class daycare establishments. Somehow it’ll go on his permanent record and some snooty headmaster will stamp DENIED on his preschool application. He’ll never be able to get a job because by then, Homeland Security will require a background check that dates back to toddlerhood. Getting kicked out of a daycare or not being potty-trained by age 3 won’t be enough to counteract a degree from Harvard.

In the meantime I just feel betrayed. I treated our provider like family. For Christmas we got her and her daughter Pandora bracelets. We gave her husband and her son club seats to a Celtics game. But when it came down to it I don’t think she gave it her full effort and when things got tough she sent Will packing. Now she’s screwing us over during the most chaotic moment of our lives.

Maybe I should become a daycare provider. If I can get paid to only watch toddlers who don’t cry and never whine my life would be made in the shade!

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30 thoughts on “Banned From Daycare

  1. Wow… I can totally understand that feeling of betrayal. When you come to love someone as family, you expect them to come to love your child too. It hurts the most to feel like she just doesn’t care enough to want him to be around anymore.

    I hope things with the new provider turn out better. And I’m sorry you’re getting shit piled on more shit :/. It’s not really fair.

  2. That is awful, but probably worked out for the best. Your son should be somewhere that he is accepted and welcomed on good days and bad. Hope your new daycare is better.

  3. Oh Wow. I actually don’t have much to say on this because I’m so stunned!
    Will is better off elsewhere. You have every right to feel screwed, and this is terrible timing. But in the long run? I believe Will should be someplace he feels accepted, and loved. Not with someone who only has time for him during his ‘good’ days.

  4. Yeah, that sucks… but, I think you nailed it when you said Will was trying to tell you something by suddenly starting to scream about not wanting to go there. Hopefully he’ll be happier at the new sitter.

  5. I am so sorry you guys had to go through that. It’s sad when providers are unable or unwilling to work through issues with children. You are right. Toddlers throw tantrums and if I let every child go that threw tantrums, broke my toys, hit other kids, bit someone, mouthed off at me, acted out when jealous, refused to pick up their toys, and quite frankly I could go on and on…I’d be out of business. No child is an angel. Every child can be sweet as can be sometimes. It sounds like this provider does not know how to embrace their sweet moments and harbors resentment whenever they get on her nerves. It’s not all that uncommon. I belong to lists where daycare providers talk about issues with children and parents. This topic comes up all too often. I wish I had a nickle for every time someone said they were thinking of letting a child go but just hadn’t yet gotten up the courage.

    I have let only 1 child go in 24 years. There were 2 that I couldn’t let come back that were only drop in children and not yet fully enrolled. The only thing that would ever make me let a child go is when a child is dangerous to the other kids and they do something so scary I am afraid I’ll lose my home in a law suit if I keep them.

  6. Oh man. That sounds awful. Sounds like day care lady is looking for a scapegoat in the form of an adorable 2 year old named Will. For your own sanity, don’t look at it as “Will getting kicked out” look at it as a mutual parting or you had to leave because Will was unhappy. 2 year olds don’t know what they are doing, they are testing the waters and acting out in the only way they know how. Us as parents can show them how to behave (like you and MJ with the ‘big boy points’-fantastic idea) and they will eventually learn how to behave. The sucktastic part is that Will is/was picking up the positive behavior.

    Will might regress a little bit. When Charlie (NOT THE SAME KID THAT BIT WILL, just a FYI)started a new day care 2 months ago he all of a sudden developed major separation anxiety. Eventually it will pass, and Will will be a lot happier. Along with you and MJ.

  7. Oh hell yes you are pissed and have every right to be so. But perhaps this is best? Getting a fresh start? Hindsight has showed me that things that hurt me or seemed to have come at the worst time …actually turned me towards what I needed, not wanted.

    Have a beer, hit a punching bag then hold on and see what happens. It is GREAT someone else is there to take care of him. THat is really lucky.

    By the way – didn’t you learn a thing …a SINGLE thing from my old blog about having 2 kids? ;-)

  8. Glad you found a replacement place for Will. Hopefully they’ll understand the full ramifications of being a daycare and won’t call it quits the moment the crying starts.

  9. I’m so sorry! That seems ridiculous! Will sounds like a normal 2 year old to me! When we started our daughter in an in-home daycare at 15 months, she was ‘let go’ after one day and one hour the next day, because she cried and wouldn’t nap. Um….one day?? She had been at home with her dad since she was 9 months old, so yeah…it’s going to take a little time to get used to being somewhere else! Luckily we were able to get her into a daycare center right away, where she THRIVED and we are still there and loving it (just not the cost). I hope the new daycare will be a good match for you guys!

  10. Was she aware of what was going on with you guys? When she said she was going to charge you did she know you would be missing work and dealing with doctor appointments in the immediate future?

    After everything I’ve read regarding this supposed paragon of day care providers I’m stunned by this behavior. That’s incredibly fucked up.

  11. Any chance she was right? Afterall you do admit that your kid is a handful even with you. I can just imagine he may up the ante when he’s somewhere else.

  12. Titfortat –

    Every kid can be a handfull. But did you just seriously ask a father if his two-year-old kid could be so bad as to get thrown out of daycare? For crying? In this situation?

    This is a place to freely express opinions. In my opinion – you’re an idiot.

  13. You know you really don’t know her side of the story. I understand what she is saying about wanting to have the her home more tranquil for her own two children. Obviously YOUR child was a problem there and the other children were not having the problems that your child doesnt have. Changing the daycare doesn’t necessarily change how the child will react it can often times make things worse. You are a parent so if your child told you not to go to daycare for 3 weeks maybe you should have listened to what your son was telling you. She may be a “FUCKING DAYCARE PROVIDER” but you are a FUCKING PARENT maybe you shouldn’t be blaming her for everything and think about what is going on more at home.

  14. I would never ever pay an additional two weeks if she was the one doing the severance. The checks in the mail….

  15. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. This whole throwing your child out and then making you pay her for two weeks of “notice” is crap. Take her to court. Seriously. Is she a registered daycare provider? Perhaps you can complain to someone on the city, county or state level. This is no way to run a business and certainly no way to treat a child.

  16. Oldguy

    Well, some kids are more challenging than others. I realize some of it is genetic/personality and sometimes its because someone’s head is too far up their ass. Somehow I highly doubt the kid got booted just for crying. Seriously, you dont actually believe that do you? If yes, Ive got some great land for sale in Florida. Though I may be an idiot at least Im not in denial when it comes to my childs actions and my responsibilty in regards to them.

  17. Tiffany: You’re right. I should’ve listened to my son. But again, he’s 2. He begs not to go home when we’re at grandma and grandpa’s. Plus I knew he was having a hard time adjusting to a new kid at daycare, and I figured that was the cause of it. After all, my son was the one who got bit remember?

    I never said I was blameless in this. We have changed a few things and made things more strict with Will (limiting sippy cups to two times a day, not letting him have rewards if he hasn’t earned them, etc). The point is we were working in conjunction with her and as of last Tuesday, she told us it was working. She sent home a glowing report. Then the next day he has a bad day and he’s out? You can’t operate like that. Toddlers don’t get things overnight. There are ups and downs. And if you’re a parent, you should know that.

    Keep checking back here later today because I’m about to post the story of how I went over there to get Will’s things and how thoroughly unprofessional this woman truly is.

  18. TFT: Fuck you. I’m well aware my kid can be a handful. I’ve admitted as much. And he’s had a hard time these last two months at daycare for a variety of reasons. But we worked with her at every turn to correct things. We did just about everything she asked of us. If we ignored her or put our head in the sand, that’d be one thing. But that’s not the case. In the end, she gave up.

    Jesus, what kid isn’t a handful at times at the age of 2???

  19. DF

    I feel for you(to an extent). Ive seen too much in my years in regards to parenting. The thing is, I can only make my assessment based on the fact that it was your kid booted, not any of the others. So unless this is a recurring theme with her I think you may need to look in the mirror. Fuck me for not being part of the Chorus.

  20. It IS part of a recurring theme. It’s the second kid she’s booted in less than a year. She only has 5 daycare kids, so that’s 40 percent. I’d say that counts. I’ll never censor comments or take them down, but just keep in mind that while I put all this out there for people to comment on that doesn’t mean I’m just going to let it go. After all, this is my kid you’re talking about. So it’s fine if you feel differently and want to post it. I encourage that. But I also need you (and everyone else) to know I’m not just going to sit there without emotion and take it. As long as that understanding is in place, we’re all good.

    Read the latest post and see if you feel any differently.

  21. I dont expect you to let it go. I dont have all the info, so as more comes out I can reassess. Nothing is black and white. I see she owns a fair bit too.

  22. Take my child’s name out of your blog, please. What the fuck is wrong with you that you are dragging Charlie into this? He is 22 months old. He’s a baby-your a grown man. Ok, maybe not grown, or a much of a man, but techically you’re the adult. Blamming my toddler. Do you see the problem with the situation? Do you think it is right that you exposed my son to be subjected to profanities by some fucking asshole who has nothing better to do than read your little fucking diary. “Dear Diary, Boo fucking Hoo, Will was asked to find a new daycare. It’s all Charlie’s fault. Waaah wahhh. It’s certainly not my pompous ass’s fault. I’m gonna blam it on a baby. Boo Hoo.” Get a fucking life and leave my child alone. And Sully, seriously man, “Fuck Chuck?” You’re so clever. He is a toddler. What the hell is wrong with you. Bet you were raised by a parent like Aaoron. Poor thing….

    Oh, and I am honestly and sincerely sorry for what your going through with #2. No one deserves that. Not even a ass clown like yourself.

  23. Lauren,

    I’ll take his name out but I didn’t drag your son into anything. I stated a fact. They didn’t get along and your son bit mine. THAT IS FACT. And how on Earth could anyone identify someone else by a first name only without even the name of the daycare or the provider? They can’t. And the only one who “exposed your son to profanities” was your daycare provider, who was screaming them at me after I had walked away without so much as raising my voice. Why don’t you focus on that?

    Second, I never said your son was solely to blame for all of this. But the friction between the two definitely played a part. I never said “It’s all Charlie’s fault” so how about you try to harness what little brainpower you have left and learn how to read. I put the blame on the provider and also myself for not listening to my kid who was trying to tell me what a toxic situation he was in.

    If you don’t like “my little fucking diary” then piss off. I really don’t care.

  24. Well, if you can READ and harness your brainpower-whoa, think I’m asking too much?, I didn’t mention that I wanted you to remove his name because someone would be able to identify him. I wanted it to be removed because it was wrong of you to post it in the first place. You made sure not to mention other names, but my son was free game? And about stating FACTS? It is not a fact that my son has a “strong personality and is aggressive.” My son is outgoing and has an easy personality. Your son seems to have a ‘slow to warm-up” personality, and I say “seems to” beacuse I haven’t spent much time with him, like you haven’t spent much time with my son-not enough to make personality observations. My son exhibited a bad behavior that is typical of his age. And “friction between the two?” seriously? you say in your post, “my son the devil” that your son does not get along with any kids, and doesn’t want to be around any kids. It’s not friction between the two, it’s that your son isn’t social and doesn’t like to be around kids. My son has never had a problem with any adults or children. And I didn’t read your blog for the fun of it, frankly I have far better things to do. I only read it beacuse I heard it was about my son. As if I give a shit about your inner thoughts. I just don’t want my son talked about, where profanity was used against him, that you made possible. thanks, ass. You are so not worth the time I just spent. There goes five minutes I’ll never get back.

  25. Again, your idiocy abounds…

    I didn’t have to mention other names because as far as I was told, Will didn’t have a problem with any other kids.

    Second, when I posted “My Son the Devil,” I was going by what my provider told me. I’m sure some of it was true but its obvious now a lot of that behavior was due to her inability to properly deal with my son. I’m at work all day, I could only go by what she told me. And unfortunately I trusted her.

    Lastly – and friggin hysterically I might add – I wasn’t the one who described your son as having a strong & aggressive personality. That came straight from your provider. So if you have an issue with that characterization, I’d talk to her.

    My son is actually very social. He’s in a new daycare & doing great. Right now he’s playing brilliantly with another 2-year-old.so obviously its all about the company he was keeping.

    But by all means mom…er, I mean Lauren, keep talking about how this site is awaste of time yet you keep coming back again and again. You’re a joke.

  26. I also have to call bullshit on Lauren/Mom’s waste of time comment. She obviously had enough time to go thread mining throughout the blog previously and was able to refer back to prior posts when they were being edited.

    Lauren, you are an idiot. You state that you want your son’s name removed presumably for the purpose of avoiding attention, yet you start a flame war that does just the opposite. A direct message via twitter or something comparable would have been the way an intelligent parent would have gone about keeping their child out of the spotlight. It would seem that one of two things its true: 1) You are an absolute moron or (2) you have ulterior motives. Either way, keep working on becoming the lowest common denominator because you are very close to your goal.

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