Close Call

My day off yesterday kicked off with a dubious start.

I had just sat down at the computer and was ready to finish up a project I’m working on, when MJ started to tell me something and then stopped short. I know that means she really wants to tell me something but she’s nervous about it, so I asked her what was up. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to bother me, but I told her my attention was all hers.

“I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive,” she said.

My heart sank into my feet and then immediately skyrocketed into my throat. A loud siren — similar to the ones that go off just before tornadoes hit — was going off in my head, yet I knew this first reaction was crucial to the well being of my marriage.

“Well uh…wow…that’s just…are you…so how do you feel…” is all I could manage. Smooth Aaron, smooth.

I immediately went into reporter mode peppering her with questions. What time of day did she take the test? What kind of test was it? Did she take any other tests? How effective is Mirena as a birth control method? I figured if I could keep thinking of questions maybe I could somehow make the news better. But that didn’t work.

Obviously it’s not that I’m against having more kids. I want to have at least one more. But not yet. Definitely not yet. We have no room to put him, we don’t make enough money and I’m not mentally strong enough to even remotely consider the idea of two kids 17 months apart.

So MJ went on to explain that she took the test two days ago because she had been craving pizza and tomatoes, the same foods she couldn’t stop eating in the early days of her pregnancy. The test she took was one of those ones that needs to make a + sign if pregnant. I immediately asked to see it. For about 20 minutes I studied that thing like the Zapruder film. The vertical line was faint and off-center, but it was definitely there. And the other three tests she had taken immediately afterward were all negative. Being the crazy Google freak that I am, I immediately started searching for answers.

I found that Pee On A Stick is the unofficial holy grail of pregnancy tests and so I began digging. I searched out the brand MJ  used and clicked on “issues and problems.” After a few minutes of browsing, I found a ray of hope. It told me that sometimes women get a false positive where a faint vertical line shows up to the left of the display window, off center. Same as what happened here. But it also said false positives are VERY rare.

Still without a definite answer, MJ suggested that we go to the mall and wait for her to fill up her bladder. Apparently that’s the best way to get a result. Plus, we had planned on introducing Will to Santa (more on this in another post). So the plan was to get lunch, go to the mall, have Will visit Santa, have MJ pee on a stick at the mall and then find out if our lives would be thrown into total upheaval.

The following three hours were torture of the worst kind.

My defense mechanism is to joke about things, which I proceeded to do at length much to MJ’s chagrin. I told her at least our money problems would be solved because our impending lawsuit against the Mirena people would be enough to last us a lifetime. I also told her that the state of Vermont is an evil, evil place because our little getaway at the end of October was the only time this potential pregnancy could’ve been possible. And the only other time we went to Vermont together was when Will was conceived. So consider this a warning, Vermont is an incredibly virile and dangerous state.

And when we got to the mall, it was like God was taunting us. During the day, the mall is FILLED with moms and babies. Here we were, terrified of becoming parents a second time in less than 18 months, and the only things we can see are babies. Moms pushing around twins, moms with double strollers consisting of newborns and 1-year-olds. And all of these moms looked MISERABLE. Like life just keeps punching them in the gut over and over again.

We were definitely rattled.

Finally it was time to take the test. MJ went into the ladies room of the Independence Mall in Kingston and I held Will. In that moment, I stared at him smiling back at me as he tried to touch my face. He’s so beautiful and even though he drives me nuts, he’s such a good boy and he’s completed our lives like I never thought possible. And all of a sudden, a crazy thought entered my head.

“Maybe another one wouldn’t be so bad,” I thought.

MJ came out of the bathroom skipping and walking on air. This time the test was definitive: “Not pregnant” were the digital words on the test.


We exchanged high fives and made our way to Santa’s Village. Someday we’ll be ready for Baby #2 and it’ll be great. But I am relieved someday wasn’t yesterday.

Share Button

22 thoughts on “Close Call

  1. Yeah blame Vermont, we went to Vermont and a few weeks later I found out I was pregant.

  2. Wow…

    I had boys 16 months apart and it was quite honestly much easier than I had anticipated. They are the best of friends and don’t like being without the other.

    Fast-forward about 8 years… and now I have my 8 1/2 month old. I have a nephew that’s about 2 weeks older than my son and a nephew that’s 3 months older than my son. My little monkey is the happiest when he’s around other people, especially babies. He got to spend 3 days this week with the cousin that’s a couple weeks older, and I know that he’s going to miss him today. (I’m having to fight the urge to have another kid just to give him someone small to play with!)

    I want to hear about Will’s first meeting with Santa. 🙂

  3. Sorry V3 sent the comment before I finished, he is now duct taped I mean eating cereal. … Two of my sisters conceived kids in Vermont too. The place is way to fertile. You were lucky you made it out with only one positive test and not the twin girls awaiting you in the future. 😉

  4. Bloocheese, I’m glad to hear it’s not as bad as I imagined. My brother and I just more than two years apart and I love him, but right now it seems like the apocalypse to think about another one so soon.

    Liz, amen!

    And Alicia…you bitch! If you ever mutter the dreaded “T” word again there will be hell to pay. Twin girls…what is wrong with you?!?!

  5. Is it possible she actually is pregnant? If she took the first test really early in the morning and the line was faint, there may just not have been enough hcg in her urine to get a positive after the first time. If she would only be a few weeks pregnant. I’d get a blood test to make sure. My sister-in-law had the same thing happen. One positive test and then 3 more negatives. She went to her doctor (thinking something was wrong with her insides somewhere) and he told her that she was indeed pregnant.
    Not to freak you out or anything. 🙂

  6. My two youngest are only 15 months apart. Both were c-sections, the last one weighed in at 9 pounds 9 ounces.

    I feel your pain. Although, they are the most adorable little urchins I’ve ever seen and I did want 5. Economically speaking 5 just wasn’t viable. The co-pay on Prozac is heavily inflated.

  7. OMG! I was so excited that you might be having another Will!!! I was so sad at the end of the story I was teary eyed. Of course, that is the PMS talking.

    Tell MJ I will call her soon to hang out! Big K has been sick as a dog and I’ve be playing Nurse Ratchet.

  8. I’m glad Jenn said it so I didn’t have to, lol. I was thinking when I was reading it that you should have waited until the next morning. the hcg needs to have time to build up in the bladder in order to give an accurate reading. Early on it’s not about filling the bladder so much as how long you wait before emptying it.

  9. You guys are KILLING me. I’m sure I’ll sleep soundly tonight…

    If there’s a sudden lack of activity on this Web site you’ll know I’ve gone on a drinking binge.

  10. Best thing to do is to go to the doctor and take the blood test. The off the shelf aren’t as accurate as they claim. We were torn between two names with my son – the first was “Negative -” and the other was “You have the flu”

  11. Take another test.


    EGS (Aka Mommy)
    2 – …. 1 + .. 1 fell in the toilet. ..

  12. If she still feels weird have her take another test with morning urine. I really don’t want to freak you out, but tests can (and often do) come out positive if you drink a lot of fluid and then test because you have diluted your urine and the hormones aren’t as present.

    And now that you mention Vermont being fertile I realize that my younger daughter may very well have been conceived there! I think we were in Vermont right around the time I got pregnant. Wow.

  13. Passion Fruit Vodka goes down nice and smooth for a drinking binge. I had a good portion of a bottle last night. I’m very close with the Mendes family. Danny was one of my best friends. I see several bouts of semi-binge drinking for me in the next couple weeks.

  14. Oh wow, I’m sorry. That story is just awful and I’m so glad I didn’t have to go knocking on the family’s door or talk to friends. I know everyone hates reporters for that, but we have no choice. We hate ourselves in those situations and although no one believes it, we take it pretty hard after we punch out for the day.

    But I can’t imagine losing not one, but two, members of the same family to murder. I’m really sorry and if you run out of booze just let me know. I’ll deliver a bottle right to your door.

  15. I think we now know why Daddy didn’t get his ******* jelly.

    JEE …. also sorry about the losses in your friend’s family … 🙁

  16. Thank you, everyone. Unfortunately, from what I’ve been hearing from the family, the public doesn’t even know the worst of this yet. I visited with Tyianne for a few hours last night and she is doing as well as can be expected. The strength she showed when we dealt with the Danny’s death will carry her through this as well.

    I think the family understands about reporters questions. In a way it’s much easier to communicate information through the paper than to have their phone ringing off the hook with people calling to find out whats going on. The only problem I ever had with a reporter was actually when Danny died. Karen Jeffries kept spelling his name incorrectly and I finally snapped and sent her an email, lol.

  17. Glad to see that the lack of Smucker’s jelly isn’t keeping you and MJ from making the ever-important genital-to-genital connection.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge