Let it never be said I’m not completely honest, even when it involves my total humiliation.
So I was at curling last night and I actually ended up playing two matches. One as a substitute for a team that didn’t have enough players and then my real match. When it was time to throw my second stone, my slide foot slipped on the ice in mid-throw and I had a good ole fashioned blowout. I ended up flat on my ass, everyone witnessed it and my throw went out of bounds. But that wasn’t the worst part. Here’s the worst part:
Yup, that’s right. I ripped my pants. Not only that, but as you can see I had to play the rest of the game with my junk hanging out. And if you think the guys at the curling club were compassionate and understanding about this, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn that’s for sale.
To make matters worse, one of the players on the opposing team is a Captain with the local police department. He immediately and gleefully informed me that if I continued to play the game while exposing myself, I could be arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, which involves registering as a sex offender. It was all I could do to keep him from taking a cell phone picture of the debacle to be posted within the department.
Thankfully my mom, who was watching, took it upon herself without me even asking to go to the store and buy some cheap warm up pants for me so I didn’t have to play my next game with my boys catching hypothermia. Thanks mom, you’re the best.
And for the record, despite the pants splitting incident I played really well last night. I’m getting the hang of it and I’m gunning for most improved player by the end of the season!