Daddy Disinterested

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

So I joined a parenting Web site about a month ago and so far I like it. There have been disagreements and just like BabyCenter, some women did not appreciate a man stepping foot on their turf. Especially a man with opinions. But for the most part all the moms have been really cool and they talk about some interesting stuff. Hell, last week someone even started a football thread which I thought was fantastic!

But one thing has really stuck out for me, and that’s the sheer number of husbands/fathers who either barely help out and some who don’t lift a finger at all. It’s really alarming for me to read about these dads who either come home from work and pay no attention to the baby, don’t work at all and go out all day or they just go out with friends to party all the time despite having a newborn at home.

I just don’t understand how a man can act that way with a baby at home. Sure you go out every once in awhile, but when you have responsibilities you need to face up to them even if they are unpleasant. But see that’s the thing…I just don’t understand how taking care of your family can be looked at as a chore. And I certainly don’t understand a man who doesn’t want to play with his baby. When I come home from work I make a beeline to Will as quickly as possible. I want to see that cherub face light up when he recognizes me. I want to practice standing up with him. I want to blow on his belly and watch him laugh. In fact I’m often in such a hurry to see him that I skip right by MJ, who gives me a little “ahem” cough to remind me to say hello to her too.

But what confuses me even more is that there seems to be little to no consequences for these men. I don’t want to get into specifics, but if I did half the things some of these pulled, I’d be out on the street. No question. Yet some of these women seem to constantly threaten to leave, but never do. And I just don’t get that. In my world, things are cut and dry, black and white. If he’s being that awful then leave and start over. MJ tells me I’m naive because she’s a child of divorce and I’m not. And I forget that not everyone has the means, education or general wherewithal to just take off and start a brand new life. Especially with one or more children. So she’s probably right, I am naive. But you know what, if it gets bad enough something’s gotta give and I don’t think it’s healthy for a child or a mother to be with a guy who doesn’t give a shit!

I would lay down my life without even blinking for my son. I cherish each and every interaction with him. Well…ok, maybe not each and EVERY one. He’s had some pretty nasty poops lately. But you know what I mean. I love him and I appreciate how special he is and how lucky I am to be a parent. I just wish I could knock some sense into some of the other dads I hear about who just don’t care.

And now for something completely different…there seem to be a bunch of nymphos on the Web site as well!

One of the women started a porn thread, wanting to know why guys watch porn and if she should be upset about it. And from there, they started talking about how many times a day/week they feed their husband “sandwiches.” I was SHOCKED when I saw multiple women respond with answers like “He doesn’t need to look at porn because I give it to him twice a day.”

TWICE A DAY?!?!!? That kind of voracious weekly appetite equals the number of sandwiches I’ve had in the last 6 months!!! I was beside myself. These women went on to say that they never turn their guys down when he is hungry because that’s how they keep the marriage fresh.

I won’t lie, at first I was jealous. Really jealous. After all, I like sandwiches. I’m hungry. What about my appetite? If I was offered a sandwich twice in a 24-hour span my body would go into shock and I would drop dead on the spot. But then I started thinking about it and you know what? That twice a day stuff is just nuts.

Where are the parents of 4-5 month old babies finding the time to hump like rabid bunnies twice a day? MJ and I both work full-time jobs. Then we come home and play with Will, make dinner, do the dishes, walk the dogs and then get Will ready for bed. By the time he nods off, we’re about to fall asleep too. Our foreplay is relaxing quietly on the couch when there is no laundry to be folded, and our main satisfaction is going to bed for 7-8 continuous hours. We are both working parents. Quite frankly, we have more important things to do.

That’s not to say sandwiches aren’t important. They are. But they’re not twice a day important. For as much bitching as I do, I’m very well off in my situation. I have a beautiful wife who loves me, a gorgeous child, a nice home and a job I love. The two-a-days can have their fun and I hope it works for them. But in the end, I think we’re fine the way we are.

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