Dads’ Group

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

So last night I drove up to Hyannis to attend a “Daddy & Me Pizza Party” at Cape Cod Hospital.

It was a really good time. Although technically I was listed as a speaker, I wasn’t really there for that. I was there to meet some other Dads, talk about some stuff and commiserate. And that’s exactly what happened.

I feel like I should apologize to them all for my lackluster attempt at public speaking. I think I’m a better writer than a speaker. But from the outset, I made it clear I was not there to dispense advice. Because who the hell am I to give advice? I’ve been a dad for 9 weeks and most of them know more about it than I do. My goal was simply to get people talking, and I’m sure all you ladies out there know that sending a bunch of guys to a group to talk about their feelings isn’t the easiest task. So I told a few stories, gave some examples from my personal life about becoming a dad, and from there discussion ensued.

I really liked all of the half-dozen guys who were there. Everyone had different jobs and backgrounds, but it was clear we all loved being dads. Sure we talked about some things we didn’t love (occasionally nutty behavior from our significant others, the high cost of daycare, making ends meet, etc) but from my point of view it was just nice to be with a group of guys around my age, who were going through the same thing. So guys, thanks a lot for putting up with my poor public speaking and thanks for all the helpful advice. It’s much appreciated.

But the real fun started when Will and I got home. When I left the hospital and called MJ, I knew immediately she had taken full advantage of her night off. To make a long story short, she was BLASTED! She had gone to her parent’s house and had six a couple glasses of wine. So I dropped by their house because I knew I’d have to drive her home. She was hysterical. And this is in no way, shape or form a criticism of my wife. She works hard with Will all day and she richly deserved a break. And while I knew she was a little drunk, I realized she was blasted when she looked at Will, sighed, and said “Let’s have another one.”

Whoaaaaaa….easy there!!

Plus I think she was a little upset from earlier in the day because she mixed up the date of Will’s 2-month doctor’s appointment. She told me it was today but really it was Wednesday. Even though it’s no big deal (we’re rescheduled for next Tuesday) she took it really hard and I had to keep telling her she was not a horrible mother. That’s one thing that makes me sad about MJ. She’s a great mom but she’s so hard on herself. Moms are allowed to make mistakes, contrary to what they all think. There is so much pressure on mothers to be absolutely perfect, but that’s bullshit. Moms are human and sometimes they make mistakes. I know for damn sure that dads make mistakes, so it’s not the end of the world if you forget one tiny detail. After all, we’d be lost without moms. They’re the glue holding our crazy lives together.

But I do have to give MJ credit for being sly. Because she was tipsy, that meant no breastfeeding because he’d be drunk in a couple of sips. I temporarily nicknamed her boobs “Bartles” and “James” but I don’t think she remembers that today. So that meant I got to take care of Will well into the wee hours of the morning while MJ was passed out and snoring like a freight train. I actually had to sleep on the couch because despite holding her nose, elbowing her and turning her over, she was louder than a locomotive. I’m surprised our new neighbors didn’t complain.

For any interested dads out there, I think there’s a similar group that meets in the Falmouth area. I’ll post some details as soon as I confirm.

Share Button

3 thoughts on “Dads’ Group

  1. I think these groups are a fabulous idea. I noticed when my ex and I had our first child, when ever we were in a group of parents talking, the mothers seemed to look down on the fathers and their collective experiences and opinions. It was really condescending and patronizing. The general attitude seemed to be one of belittling tolerance. As though fathers fall very short of the awesome power and abilities of MOM.

    Maybe I was just lucky but my ex never made me feel that way towards him. He went to every appointment I had, knew what I was supposed to be eating and doing and basically kept me sane under the circumstances. Even after our son was born and I breastfed, he would get up with him and feed him while I was asleep on my side, blissfully unaware. So, I don’t understand the attitude some of the women would take towards their significant others but I did see the effect that had on the fathers willingness to enter ‘those’ conversations.

    Once again, kudos to you!!

  2. I have to ditto what JEE said.

    My husband is so hands-on and I can’t wait for him to be this way with his daughter as well. Whenever he goes away for business I feel like my partner in life, love and raising children is missing. He tucks my little guy in at night and gives him his baths, changes diapers, and cooks! He does so much that I never felt like I had this burden of Mommy Duty…I think the times have changed a lot and in the sense that most people don’t undestand…

    I had a baby shower a week ago and I wanted it to be for him too because HE’S just as much of a parent as I am…sure he’s not carrying her inside him but he carries her in his heart and can carry me through tough times…

    Dads like Aaron and my husband deserve better recognition…maybe he doesn’t breastfeed, but I consider that a privelage…to have a bond that he can’t doesn’t make me a better parent…just has a different bond.
    I’m glad they have these Daddy groups…it needs to be said that Dads are under appreciated!!!

  3. I’m in tears!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

    How did I miss the Bartles and James the first time around!! Geezus, thats funny.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge