Don’t Eat the Urinal Cakes

When I’m really hungry, I’ll eat almost anything. And yesterday that almost got me into a world of trouble.

I came home from work starving and craving something sweet. MJ had just picked up some things at the store so I started to peruse my choices. I was looking up on top of the fridge where the cereal and other assorted snacks are located, when I came across a brightly colored package. In my haste to satisfy my hunger, I immediately grabbed the box and took a peek inside. The brightly colored, bite-sized objects made my heart soar because I was sure I had found just the thing for my sweet tooth.

I reached in and grabbed a blue one. It felt flaky, like it would dissolve in my mouth. And just as I was about to pop it in my hungry pie hole, my eyes caught the label:

“PIDDLERS: toilet targets.”

Yup, I came that close to eating a urinal cake for toddlers. After getting over the shock, I checked out the box and tried to figure out what the hell these things are. They’re manufactured by a company called Cheeky Monkey in Illinois. Apparently you’re supposed to pop one of these things in the toilet or your kid’s potty, and they serve as a floating target for boys during potty training.

I immediately had several thoughts.

1) Why is my wife putting kiddie piss targets in the same place as food? She knows my ravenous hunger, so did she just want to get back at me for something by having me eat something that’s supposed to be peed on? She says no but I have my doubts.

2) It must have been a woman who designed this product. She was obviously stuck in a house full of guys and tired of cleaning up all the pee that inevitably lands on the bowl, the lid, the floor and even the walls. So she thought she’d find a way to start training boys to aim better right from the start.

The only problem is that’s not going to happen. Ladies, I know you’re mystified and frustrated with us. You just can’t understand how we can’t aim it into the toilet every time. I know it sounds like it should be an easy task, but we’re often distracted or facing other impediments that make this more difficult than you realize.

First of all, it’s true we don’t like putting the seat up. But even if we don’t pee right on the seat, the subsequent splash sometimes kicks up and lands on the lid. Second, our heads aren’t always in the game. Let’s say we’re really tired or it’s in the middle of the night. Or in my case, you don’t want to turn the light on because the slightest noise or sound can wake up the sleeping baby. So now you’re either peeing in the dark or half asleep, neither of which improves our accuracy. Also, if you’re trying to pee with morning wood you really need to get creative. You end up doubled over in front of the bowl desperately trying to point that sucker down, often to no avail. And lastly, simply peeing right in the toilet is boring. We like to spice things up a little sometimes. That’s why we’ll pee in a circle around the bowl or try to write our names. Consider it practice for the winter when we do the same in the snow.

Either way, buying these targets in an attempt to train your little boy to pee on target is futile. Because eventually his male DNA will kick in and he will piss EVERYWHERE! Walls, the floor, the seat…it’s gonna happen no matter what.

So buying this product is not only a waste of money, it’s also a health hazard to hungry husbands.

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15 thoughts on “Don’t Eat the Urinal Cakes

  1. How long until you use one of these targets for yourself in the bathroom, just for the entertainment purposes? If it hasn’t happened yet, I’m sure it will eventually. After all, how many times can you write your name before it loses it’s luster? Be sure to post video when you do.

  2. Cherrios work just as well and you can eat those. because they are smaller, you can get the whirlpool going and see how many laps they can do around the bowl before you are out of gas. It is just like NASCAR!

  3. I think they should have made them in fun shapes (like battleships) or with point values assigned to them. And if you were on your game Aaron you would have taken a chunk out of the piddler and made MJ feel bad as if you had eaten one.

  4. I’m with Mickle…I’m all for battleship-shaped piddlers.

    That said…why not use fruitloops? I’ve heard they work pretty well too….

    And as for peeing on the toilet seats….

    How about we just leave our tampons all over the place? Oh, we were tired, it was dark, we didn’t feel like finding the trashcan to throw it away….

  5. Nyx. For the love of all things holy, why are you talking about tampons?? First rule of Daddy Files: you don’t talk about tampons or periods. Besides, you’re talking apples and fire hydrants with that comparison.

  6. Targets made out of sports teams logos would be the best. I would neverget tired of peeing on the Cubs.

    In response to your comment about your dad on my blog, I don’t even think my Dad knows they play real games any more. All he cares about are his fantasy team and any previous affiliaton that gets in his way be damned.

  7. Brilliant Otter, brilliant! You should market that immediately.

    What is wrong with our fathers? Last week I caught my dad rooting for Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning!!!!!! No self-respecting Pats fan would do that. Parents today…what are we going to do with them?

  8. If it makes you feel any better I once ate a handful of triscuts that turned out to be dog treats and not at all triscuts.

  9. You better keep your pee-pee rants to a minimum or the next thing you know, MJ will train Will to pee sitting down ;0 Not that there’s anything wrong with that, says the woman who cleans up the splatter all over three bathrooms.

  10. My husband never misses the toilet and neither does my son (he’s 5). Unless they always notice when they do and they clean it up before I see it. Either way is okay with me as long as I’m not the one who has to deal with it. I’m just saying – it’s not IMPOSSIBLE for guys to keep the toilet cleanish.

  11. I think the point of the Piddlers it to make little boys excited about peeing in the potty vs. their diaper, so yes cherrios or fruit loops work just as well.

    I should probably hang my head in shame but I definitely potty trainned my son to sit down while peeing. I figured it was just way easier and he potty trained pretty much by his own initiation just before he turned 2. So he was not tall enough by far and I knew the whole having to get a stool out in an emergency was a bad idea. He is now 4 and a half and he is much taller so it is getting time to teach him to stand… plus I promised my husband I would “fix” it before he went to kindergarten!

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