When I’m really hungry, I’ll eat almost anything. And yesterday that almost got me into a world of trouble.
I came home from work starving and craving something sweet. MJ had just picked up some things at the store so I started to peruse my choices. I was looking up on top of the fridge where the cereal and other assorted snacks are located, when I came across a brightly colored package. In my haste to satisfy my hunger, I immediately grabbed the box and took a peek inside. The brightly colored, bite-sized objects made my heart soar because I was sure I had found just the thing for my sweet tooth.
I reached in and grabbed a blue one. It felt flaky, like it would dissolve in my mouth. And just as I was about to pop it in my hungry pie hole, my eyes caught the label:
“PIDDLERS: toilet targets.”
Yup, I came that close to eating a urinal cake for toddlers. After getting over the shock, I checked out the box and tried to figure out what the hell these things are. They’re manufactured by a company called Cheeky Monkey in Illinois. Apparently you’re supposed to pop one of these things in the toilet or your kid’s potty, and they serve as a floating target for boys during potty training.
I immediately had several thoughts.
1) Why is my wife putting kiddie piss targets in the same place as food? She knows my ravenous hunger, so did she just want to get back at me for something by having me eat something that’s supposed to be peed on? She says no but I have my doubts.
2) It must have been a woman who designed this product. She was obviously stuck in a house full of guys and tired of cleaning up all the pee that inevitably lands on the bowl, the lid, the floor and even the walls. So she thought she’d find a way to start training boys to aim better right from the start.
The only problem is that’s not going to happen. Ladies, I know you’re mystified and frustrated with us. You just can’t understand how we can’t aim it into the toilet every time. I know it sounds like it should be an easy task, but we’re often distracted or facing other impediments that make this more difficult than you realize.
First of all, it’s true we don’t like putting the seat up. But even if we don’t pee right on the seat, the subsequent splash sometimes kicks up and lands on the lid. Second, our heads aren’t always in the game. Let’s say we’re really tired or it’s in the middle of the night. Or in my case, you don’t want to turn the light on because the slightest noise or sound can wake up the sleeping baby. So now you’re either peeing in the dark or half asleep, neither of which improves our accuracy. Also, if you’re trying to pee with morning wood you really need to get creative. You end up doubled over in front of the bowl desperately trying to point that sucker down, often to no avail. And lastly, simply peeing right in the toilet is boring. We like to spice things up a little sometimes. That’s why we’ll pee in a circle around the bowl or try to write our names. Consider it practice for the winter when we do the same in the snow.
Either way, buying these targets in an attempt to train your little boy to pee on target is futile. Because eventually his male DNA will kick in and he will piss EVERYWHERE! Walls, the floor, the seat…it’s gonna happen no matter what.
So buying this product is not only a waste of money, it’s also a health hazard to hungry husbands.