When I was single, I was never bored.
Seriously, I was always doing something. Going to a Sox game, hanging out with friends, playing basketball, going to a movie…I couldn’t stand to sit around and do nothing so I was always out and about. There was no way for me to realize it at the time, but a lot of that wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as I thought it was. It’s only after you get married and have a kid that you realize how much your life revolves around other people.
Take the present as an example. MJ and Will have been gone since Thursday night. Friday was no problem because I worked and then went to my parents house to hang out with them and some friends. Saturday I had to work so that was easily taken care of as well. But today? Today is a different story.
First of all, I got home from work late last night and realized I can’t sleep in an empty house anymore. It’s too quiet. And besides, I’m so well trained to not make noise I can’t even relax. You should’ve seen me last night sitting in the dark watching TV with the volume on low. When I got up to go to the fridge I was tiptoeing around so I wouldn’t wake the baby. It took me 45 minutes to realize there was no baby there to wake.
Now, this morning, I’m completely and totally lost. I don’t know what to do with myself at all. I’ve cleaned up around the house a little, taken the dogs for a walk, made myself breakfast but I’m just so lost. It’s a beautiful day and the sun is shining, but it’s weird. A beautiful day by myself isn’t a beautiful day unless I have my wife and son here to share it with me. Nothing is good anymore unless they’re here.
And a few minutes ago, I found myself standing absent mindedly in Will’s nursery. I was playing with his toys and looking at some of the framed pictures. Then I picked up some of his clothes and got really sad, because they smelled just like him. I love that baby smell. Picture a grown man standing alone in a nursery on the verge of tears while incessantly sniffing a pile of baby clothes. Actually don’t picture that…it sounds kind of creepy when I lay it out there like that.
So maybe I’ll hit a movie or take a walk along the canal. I should go to the gym but I can’t seem to work up the will for that. I used to look forward to my sporadic single weekends when I could relive my single days and live like a caveman, but now I just want to see that crazy cute little midget walking around smiling at me. I know this sounds pathetic, but I can’t help it.
I miss my family.