Evil Comcast


Even the best parents have dirty little secrets.

Will has been watching movies On Demand, which has been extraordinarily helpful for the times we need him to quiet down and prepare for naps/bedtime. Through our cable company, Comcast, the movies are free and available anytime. And that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Until Comcast decides to change their On Demand movies.

For weeks Will was fascinated with a movie called Dragon Hunters. It was this weird little animated film that was mildly entertaining for me, but Will frickin’ loved it. Couldn’t get enough of it. And so we watched it. A lot. Over and over again until we both started to memorize the words. We would seldom watch all of it because he can’t sit through an entire movie, but if I turned it on I knew he’d settle down.

A few months ago Will got up early on a Saturday and wouldn’t go back to sleep. So I told him I’d turn on Dragon Hunters and then I planned on getting some much needed Zzzzzs.

But Dragon Hunters was gone.

Comcast occasionally switches out some of their movies in the On Demand section and apparently Dragon Hunters found itself on the chopping block. I checked all the other channels, hoping against hope it might’ve just switched to another section of On Demand. But alas, it was gone.

And in its place was a screaming, inconsolable toddler.


Instead of explaining why the cable company keeps movies on a rotation, or just making up another excuse a kid would believe, I said the first thing that came to mind. Which was also the truth.

“Comcast did it pal.”

He asked who Comcast was and I told him it’s the company in charge of playing all the movies. Then he asked if Comcast is evil. Suddenly I flashed to every time the damn cable company said they’d be there between 2-5 p.m., every billing problem, every time they changed the friggin channel numbers. And then then I looked my son in the eye, nodded solemnly and confirmed that indeed, Comcast is evil.

Since that fateful day, many of Will’s beloved movies have come and gone. But we didn’t exactly draw the line at missing movies.

My back was really hurting me one day recently and I told Will I couldn’t pick him up. He asked why my back hurt, but before I could answer he said “Did Comcast do it?” Since I didn’t feel like explaining the complexities of my back pain, I rolled with it. Yes son, Comcast hurt my back. Then one day we couldn’t find his favorite stuffed animal, Monkey. We couldn’t find it because I had left it at my parents’ house by accident. So, as a responsible parent, you’d think I owned up to it right? Hell no! I blamed that one on Comcast too.

Now it’s become somewhat of a running joke:

Why is Mama sick? Comcast did it.

The Red Sox lost? Comcast did it.

Why can’t I have a new toy? Because Comcast said no.

I’ve blamed Comcast for just about everything over the last two months. Comcast is responsible for acid rain, global warming, the recession, bad weather and early bedtimes. Last week Will asked for Mac & Cheese for dinner but we were out. You think Mom or Dad took the hit for not going grocery shopping on time? Hell no, that shit is Comcast’s fault.

Last week Will asked me if Comcast lived with the Yankees and the Gmork. I figured we’ve come this far, why not go the whole nine yards?

As a result, I don’t think a kid has ever feared/loathed anything more than my son hates the cable company. We were watching TV recently and a commercial for Comcast came on. The second that name was uttered Will’s head snapped around and he growled at the TV. Yup. Growled. With bared teeth and all. It was funny at first, but now I worry he’s two steps removed from pulling a Ralphie in A Christmas Story when Scott Farkus pushes him just a little too far.

But hey, even if that happens it’s not on me. Comcast did it.

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17 thoughts on “Evil Comcast

  1. Do you have Netflix? If so, Dragon Hunters is on their instant streaming selection. You could even get a Roku box and play it on the TV. As bonus points, you can tell Will that, thanks to Netflix, you don’t have to go through Comcast again. (Well, unless your Internet service goes through Comcast, but you can gloss over that part.)

  2. I definitely think Comcast lives with the Yankees. Luongo has a presidential suite at Comcast headquarters too, right across from Osama Bin Laden’s old house.

    I cancelled my cable altogether for this reason.

  3. Hello there!

    I am sorry Dragon Hunters is no longer available on the channel that you were watching it on. Unfortunately, the movies on each channel are not available permanently. They are often controlled/circulated by the channel or network to make other new movies or shows available.

    I searched Dragon Hunters on our Xfinity site and it looks like it’s still available there. Here is the link for that:

    I hope this helps and I hope this is the same movie that you are referring to.

    Best regards,

    Mark Casem
    Comcast Corp.
    National Customer Operations

  4. Don’t even get me started with Comcast. They’re horrible, just like every other cable service. This new legislation in the works about killing net neutrality will make it even worse. It will allow cable companies to charge different service fees for different levels of broadband data speed, and possibly even different fees to access channels we already get. Want to watch Fox sports, nope, not without the addon sports package for $100 more per month. Want to access gmail, nope. try again.
    Comcast sucks..Call your senator and congressman and stop the legislation. It’s evil. Called the internet freedom act. HR 96. more like internet deregulation act so comcast can F$&! us more than they already do. Sorry for the rant. I hate comcast.

  5. Man, I feel your pain. But you should try my cable company — American Community Networks (ACN) — on for size. For crying out loud, my 12-year-old nephew could run a better cable outfit.


    All my HD channels stick, freeze, and pixelate. Some channels go black for days. Other channels lose sound for weeks.

    And the best part? There’s nothing I can do. My homeowners’ association signed a 20 year contract with them. My cable fees are bundled with my homeowners’ dues.


    Now stop on by my blog and take a look around. And post a comment: http://www.primetimewhitespace.com

  6. Ah the dreaded HOA contract. been there before. I didn’t even use the cable company but i had to pay for it. That’s even worse when you’re staring at the box knowing you’ll never watch it, but it drains a hole in the wallet anyway.

  7. Aside from a ridiculously large bill, I never have ongoing problems with my service. Any time I need something I just call customer service and they jump right on the problem. And by “customer service” I mean my Dad. He’s a tech for Comcast, I totally have an in 😛

  8. Well, quiet as it’s kept…Pretty sure if FIOS was available on Cape he’d be a Verizon subscriber. You know, like the Pepsi employee that secretly drinks coke.

  9. I work for comcast. Comcast has zero say about whats ondemand. Thats up to the networks. Buy the kid a dvd

  10. That is such a funny article and so well written I had to tell several people about it and they had a good laugh. Honestly, those things happen so naturally with kids and they’re so funny despite the deepest of convictions I wouldn’t be able to stop either. I wanted to stop my bills from coming though when I saw my fees for my TV service and so I started looking at the competition to see if I was being gouged. Fees seem to be popular these days so I discovered when I stumbled onto besttvforme.com which outlined the fees of each provider and I saw that my current provider DISH Network gave me the lowest fees on my employee account. I was relieved of course but even more surprised that the packages were cheaper too. Anyway, I hope your counseling bills aren’t too high when he gets older.

  11. It’s hard for me to believe people are still allowing themselves to be trapped by Cable companies, even though I suppose I only woke up myself four years ago. I finally had enough of the rising rates and doubletalk, and the bad customer service, and made the switch to Satellite. As a DISH customer for the last four years I’ve seen my bill drop, my service improve, and my channel selection go through the roof. I’ve been an employee for the last 12 months, sure, but my bias comes from the three years of great service I got before I even started punching a clock for the company. Check it out here http://www.BestTVForMe

  12. Apparently Keith Olbermann wasn’t “available permanently” either, or maybe he was “controlled/circulated” by MSNBC “to make other journalists or shows available.” … Nah, I think it’s rather that Comcast *is* indeed evil.

  13. Comcast sucks…My purse dry!? Seems every month I find myself on an hour long dispute with cust. Svc, in my attempt to figure out why my bill is more this month than it was last?! Once they even tried to charge me a monthly fee for a modem that wasn’t even their’s!? I had purchased my own modem from BestBuy years prior!? Their selection is so limited, I can’t get over the classics that are not available and what I absolutely hate the most is that they’re charging for movies that are 15-20years old??? With the sky high bill I receive and pay every single month, a movie from 1994 should be included in there somewhere!? I’m getting ready to make a call to switch as we speak!? N I’m taking everybody I possibly can with me! Comcast can kick rocks! GREEDY ASSES!!!

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