Evil Goats

When I was a little kid — probably just slightly older than Will — my parents took me to the zoo. There was a chill in the spring air, so I had my little mittens attached to my coat. It was nothing special, just a local zoo, but I loved it. I saw zebras and lions and kangaroos and exotic birds…and goats. One goat in particular I will never forget.

Even at that early age I just loved animals and I had no fear of them. I had already seen lions and other ferocious animals, but they were safely out of reach of humans. The goat pen, on the hand, was a totally differently story. The only thing separating us from these creatures was a measly chain link fence. A deadly situation if ever I’ve seen one.

The goat was innocent enough at first. It was cute and played things coy. It came over to the fence, assuming it was going to be fed, and lowered its head to me. I stroked the top of its head. At that point I turned around to leave, but lost my balance and leaned up against the fence to right myself.

That’s when the goat attacked.

The bastard started eating my mitten. When I tried to pull away from the fence I couldn’t, because my mitten was attached to my coat. The rampaging beast would not relinquish its hold on my mitten and was pulling me closer and closer with each chomp. I screamed for my life and thank God someone came over and rescued me. However, it was too late to save my mitten. So as you might imagine, goats became my mortal enemy that day.

And it’s a hatred that’s been passed on by my father. I wasn’t there at the time, but I heard my dad was driving somewhere with my brother and his friends, when they got stuck in traffic behind a car that was towing (you guessed it) a goat. My dad apparently sensed the demonic vibes from said goat, and became convinced it was staring at him and wishing harm upon him. He nearly had a complete meltdown right there on the road, further evidence that goats are malevolent beings.

So why am I telling you this? Because today, Will came face to face with the beast! Words don’t do it justice, so here’s a series of photos that explain what happened:

Looks innocent enough. But goats tend to lull you into a false sense of confidence.

The goat locks eyes with Will and that fence is no match for Satan’s pet.

He makes his move and he’s upon us in an instant! Vicious little bugger isn’t he?

And another generation of Gouveia men learns to despise the evil race of creatures known as goats. You goat bastards!

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10 thoughts on “Evil Goats

  1. I don’t know what it is about crying kids, but that totally made me laugh. Poor Will.

  2. I think Will is mad that you got the kiss … he is clearly jealous that you got the love and not him :)

  3. I concur. A family friend had a pet goat that roamed around her property freely. She was a pain in the ass. Stubborn and aggressive when it was least convenient.

  4. Ahh ..goats are not that bad. We had a couple growing up ..but they can knock you down. My little brother got head butted across the pen one day. Funny stuff. Luckily though he still likes animals.

  5. I can’t believe you led my grandson directly to Satan’s kids! Goats are inherently evil, and steal souls.

  6. Goats are wily little buggers indeed. My friend had one that used to escape and climb on top of everyone’s cars. Try explaining to the insurance company that a goat scratched the crap out of your car and put tiny little dents in it with its head butting mating dance.

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