Fatherhood Friday

There’s a new site called Dad Blogs and it’s pretty cool. They’re starting up a group called Fatherhood Friday in which all daddy bloggers unite and write a post, and then everyone shares some linkage love and the world is united, cats and dogs live together and Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olbermann share a sloppy man kiss. You get the point.

They left this week’s assignment pretty open-ended so I can write about anything I want. The problem is, I’ve got nothing. My brain is fried from yesterday, where I sorted through a 441-page legal document and tried to make sense of it for a story in today’s paper. So, what do you do when you’ve got writer’s block? You make a list of random thoughts clunking around in your head. Here are mine:

  • I love that Will walks well now and has good coordination, but I’m not a huge fan of how he twists and contorts himself like a fish out of water when I’m changing his diaper. Do they have changing tables with leather straps, you know, like for mental patients?
  • Speaking of diaper changes, Will now feels the need to put his hand directly in his own shitty diaper as soon as I take it off. Let’s hope that stops soon.
  • These are tough financial times. We’re down to one income. We need to be smart in how we spend our money. Yet all I want to do with our tax return is go to Foxwoods and play blackjack to double it. Reason #5,694 why I don’t work in finance.
  • One mom asked me what the theme of Will’s 1st birthday is going to be. Ummm…he’s fucking 1. We don’t need a theme. Or invitations. We’ll call up friends and family and get a cake. He’s more interested in wrapping paper at this age, so a friggin theme is a little over the top.
  • Another mom started in on me because I’m looking forward to turning Will’s car seat to forward facing when he’s a year old. She said it’s too dangerous, even though it’s perfectly legal. These overprotective moms are the same ones who are going to have 8-year-olds suckling them down the road.
  • Will’s birthday is April 3, just before opening day at Fenway. I want to start a tradition where he and I go to Opening Day every year for his birthday, but money is tight and those tickets are expensive. All the more reason to chance it all at the blackjack table.
  • Is it morally wrong to bring an infant to¬†a casino¬†blackjack table as a good luck charm? You know, like those old ladies at Bingo with their troll dolls.
  • I want to apologize to all the people I’ve accidentally called with my new Blackberry while the phone was in my pocket. My ass did not mean to contact you and if I farted while the phone was inadvertently calling you…well, my apologies.
  • I kind of like having MJ without a job because she’s home with Will. Do you think some kind, wealthy Internet benefactor will read this and pay her $60,000/year to be a stay-at-home mom? Crazier things have happened.
  • Alex Rodriguez is a filthy fucking liar and I’m thrilled the Yankees have to put up with his ass for the next 9 years. Wouldn’t it be great if they miss the playoffs again after all the money they sunk into Teixeira, Sabathia et al. God I hate the Yankees.
  • My car just hit 100,000 miles. We have no money, MJ has no job and every dime we spend goes toward the roof over our heads or the baby. You just KNOW something’s gonna happen to my car. Every time I get in I chant a Native American spell to ward off evil spirits.
  • And finally, Pam from The Office is the hottest woman on TV. I will not argue about this.

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16 thoughts on “Fatherhood Friday

  1. I can’t watch that show, I AM Pam from The Office, lol. I wish I had a dollar for everyone that has called to tell me I’m on tv. I don’t look a thing like her, mind you. She just acts like she spent a year following me around my office. That show is my life 35 hours a week. Most of my friends have decided I’m a Pam Beesley/Ari Gold hybrid. Seeing as I take it as a compliment, they’re probably not too far off the mark, lol.

    Maybe it’s only because I don’t know MJ and have only seen pictures but doesn’t Jenna Fischer resemble her?

  2. About the birthday thing- I thought it was important to have a theme (sports) and all that but really what I ended up doing was cheap and everyone had fun. Don’t sweat it. There will be time for that later- like when he wants you to take him and all his friends to fenway!!

  3. Thank goodness Stan isn’t pawing his poop but the calisthenics on the changing table are sooo frustrating! When I put him on the changing table to get changed or to get dressed after his bath within about 3 seconds he’s flipped over and in position to try to crawl off the table or pushing himself back to sit up on the table anything but lay there and cooperate with the whole diaper changing thing. And I agree, a theme for a 1 year old is unnecessary. Although as it’s what I like, I’ll probably continue with the Winnie the Pooh theme of his room. When he gets older and develops preferences of his own then we’ll pick a theme accordingly.

  4. The diaper thing. The twisty thing will pass. The grabbing at the penis thing – I don’t think that ever ends. Ever.

    We had no theme for our kids’ birthdays either. The theme is… BIRTDHAY! Imagine that!

    I turned BOTH of my kids’ car seats around when they were 11 months old. They met all the requirements (weight, etc.) except age and it made them so much happier when we were in the car.

    Cars always break down at the most inconvenient times. It always happens to us just before Christmas or something.

    I love the Office.

  5. When my oldest nephew was born, we used his birthday as an excuse to have a family BBQ and bocce tournament. No theme necessary until they are old enough to choose their own.

  6. You stopped me with the Rush Limbaugh/Keith Olberman man-kiss thing. I was oddly repulsed and turned on at the same time.

    My kid’s first birthday was a mismash of left over baby-shower party plates, Elmo, Monsters Inc., and Toy Story. His second birthday was too, now that I think about it. You’re right. They won’t know/remember. And, also, save your money on gifts and just give him a bunch of large empty boxes. They NEVER play with the gifts at that age…just the boxes. Hell, for that matter, buy YOURSELF a new television and let HIM have the box. It’s a win-win.

    I remember the first day I pulled up to the daycare with the top down on my Jeep, doors off, and both kids (under 2) in the backseat in their carseats. I seriously thought CPS was going to be called for “child endangerrment”. I got the dirtiest, most disgusting looks you could ever imagine. Eff those uptight bizzos that want to tell you how YOUR carseats should go, EFF THEM, indeed.

  7. I wish I could tell you that the grabbing at the poop will stop, but it probably won’t. My 2.5 year old still does it. I think the only time she’ll stop is when she’s finally potty trained.

    I think if the parents want a theme then go for it, but I hate how it is almost expected of all birthdays to have a theme. My theme? My kids is 1, get a cake!!

    And while the Mom who got into you for wanting to turn Will around at a perfectly legal time is wrong, but that doesn’t mean mom’s who extend rear face are overprotective. Once it becomes legal it is a personal choice and I don’t think parents should judge either way.

    My car was over 100,000 for 3 years before it crapped out and that was only because the oil cap fell off (I still don’t know how this happened…I screwed it back in and drove around for a few weeks..weird situation) What kind of car is yours? Mine was a Toyota and those last a while!

    Pam is a cutie! I really love that show. Every character is just brilliant.

  8. Awesome post. My son turns 1 about 12 days after yours and I got the same damn thing about a freaking theme, what the hell? People are out of whack, its a kid’s birthday not a prom. My son loves to chew on the cards he gets for holidays, how’s that for a theme? And I’m with you on going forward facing on the car seat, man is that mirror thing so I can see him pissing me off. Oh well, go Pats!

  9. no one has a right to tell you how to handle/raise your kids…if you want to turn his seat around then go ahead. i did.

    that ass calling w your bb reminds me of that commercial..was that tmobile??

    themed parties are o.k., but why? i grew up w regular ol’ parties and i turned out just fine

    you know how much i hate the yankees, too…i’m pretty sure i’ve stated that a few times at dad blogs lol

    hmmm morally wrong to have baby at blackjack table, i don’t know…illegal? yes. i know you’re being funny, but i cannot tell you how many times i’ve had to tell adults/parents that their child could not be in the keno lounge, near machines, etc. somehow they don’t think keno is gaming. (this was when i lived in vegas)

  10. Thank god I’m not alone with the theme question!

    I first response was, “She’s not turning 1 ever. Shut your mouth.”

    Then it fell right into the same thought you had, “Theme? Kidding, right? No? Oh. Shit.”

    Your Olbermann/Limbaugh comment almost decorated my monitor with coke.

  11. I love random thoughts type posts even if they do mean you have writers block. As a big baseball fan I think taking your son to Fenway every year is a great idea. I am a Cardials fan but as a true baseball fan I made a pilgrimabe to Fenway back in 2001 I think. I loved it and as a bonus we saw Pedro pitch 8 innings of shutout baseball that day.

  12. Otter, I haven’t been to St. Louis but I wish I had been able to get to the World Series in 2004. I hear the fans are knowledgeable and courteous, as opposed to Boston where it’s just knowledgeable.

    And yes, I will be bouncing Will on my knee one day talking about vintage Pedro from 98-01. The most amazing and dominant stretch of pitching I’ve ever seen, when anything was possible every five days and Pedro didn’t just get batters out, he toyed with them like a cat with a half-dead mouse.

    Always good to meet another true baseball fan.

  13. My son is 2.5 and just starting the potty training thing and thinks it is hilarious to take his pull up off to show me that he had an accident – meanwhile poop falling on my carpet. Count your blessings that you still have slight control over the changing him thing. once he gets a mind of his own, its all over.

    bday parties – i have different opinion. My daughter always has themed parties. every bday and shes 5. we threw a banger for her first. rented a hall and invitations, dj, whole nine yards. my son on the other hand hasnt. we actually just get him a cupcake for his bday. i dont really know why but a lot of the time it depends on kid. She has had friends since birth becuase of daycare, he has never been in daycre, there fore , no friends. so why would i pay big bucks for family to come over? if will doesnt care as long he has cake and a box to play with, save your money. buy the tickets to the game, so much more rewarding.

  14. Oh, the birthday party thing is so annoying! My son didn’t have a party with anyone other than family and close friends until he was five, and we’ve cut out the parties now that he’s eight. People are NUTS! They invite 20 kids and spend hundreds of dollars on these things.

    Keep it simple now, and stick with it!

  15. I have found an interesting correlation: the parents that go way over the top for their kids 1st birthday parties – including but not limited to pony rides – each year continue to out-do their own parties and those of neighbor’s kids, and will one day wind up with a house that meets the current criteria of being ‘under water’ in that they’ve spent themselves into a whole that not even the US Congress can bail them out of.

    Well, that last part isn’t true: they’ll get bailed out by the rest of us poor slobs who pay our bills. And taxes.

    Parents who whined at you for wanting to turn the car seat around: I’ll wager at least one person in their immediate family smokes. Ironic, huh? Look, my much-better-half’s father in her youth owned a beer distributor. She and her sister used to be driven to work in dad’s work truck: a panel van with one seat (for the driver). She and her sister (as teens) sat on milk crates. Never mind no seat belts: NO SEATS!

    While my two kids have had car seats, I would have gladly stopped using them a lot sooner were it not for the nanny-state law that mandated them in the first place.

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