There’s a new site called Dad Blogs and it’s pretty cool. They’re starting up a group called Fatherhood Friday in which all daddy bloggers unite and write a post, and then everyone shares some linkage love and the world is united, cats and dogs live together and Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olbermann share a sloppy man kiss. You get the point.
They left this week’s assignment pretty open-ended so I can write about anything I want. The problem is, I’ve got nothing. My brain is fried from yesterday, where I sorted through a 441-page legal document and tried to make sense of it for a story in today’s paper. So, what do you do when you’ve got writer’s block? You make a list of random thoughts clunking around in your head. Here are mine:
- I love that Will walks well now and has good coordination, but I’m not a huge fan of how he twists and contorts himself like a fish out of water when I’m changing his diaper. Do they have changing tables with leather straps, you know, like for mental patients?
- Speaking of diaper changes, Will now feels the need to put his hand directly in his own shitty diaper as soon as I take it off. Let’s hope that stops soon.
- These are tough financial times. We’re down to one income. We need to be smart in how we spend our money. Yet all I want to do with our tax return is go to Foxwoods and play blackjack to double it. Reason #5,694 why I don’t work in finance.
- One mom asked me what the theme of Will’s 1st birthday is going to be. Ummm…he’s fucking 1. We don’t need a theme. Or invitations. We’ll call up friends and family and get a cake. He’s more interested in wrapping paper at this age, so a friggin theme is a little over the top.
- Another mom started in on me because I’m looking forward to turning Will’s car seat to forward facing when he’s a year old. She said it’s too dangerous, even though it’s perfectly legal. These overprotective moms are the same ones who are going to have 8-year-olds suckling them down the road.
- Will’s birthday is April 3, just before opening day at Fenway. I want to start a tradition where he and I go to Opening Day every year for his birthday, but money is tight and those tickets are expensive. All the more reason to chance it all at the blackjack table.
- Is it morally wrong to bring an infant to a casino blackjack table as a good luck charm? You know, like those old ladies at Bingo with their troll dolls.
- I want to apologize to all the people I’ve accidentally called with my new Blackberry while the phone was in my pocket. My ass did not mean to contact you and if I farted while the phone was inadvertently calling you…well, my apologies.
- I kind of like having MJ without a job because she’s home with Will. Do you think some kind, wealthy Internet benefactor will read this and pay her $60,000/year to be a stay-at-home mom? Crazier things have happened.
- Alex Rodriguez is a filthy fucking liar and I’m thrilled the Yankees have to put up with his ass for the next 9 years. Wouldn’t it be great if they miss the playoffs again after all the money they sunk into Teixeira, Sabathia et al. God I hate the Yankees.
- My car just hit 100,000 miles. We have no money, MJ has no job and every dime we spend goes toward the roof over our heads or the baby. You just KNOW something’s gonna happen to my car. Every time I get in I chant a Native American spell to ward off evil spirits.
- And finally, Pam from The Office is the hottest woman on TV. I will not argue about this.