For some great blogs and some entertaining writers head over to Dad Blogs and check out Fatherhood Friday!
We had a…well, let’s just call it an “incident” last weekend. You guys know me by now, I’m honest to a fault. There’s really not much I hold back on and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So you might be wondering why something blog-worthy happened a week ago and I’m just getting around to it today.
The short answer is because the incident in question is embarrassing, I’m still kicking myself over my reaction and frankly, it really freaked me out. But it’s amusing and although I’d like to be one of those noble bloggers who writes for me and me alone, I’m not. I’m here to entertain you and to collect comments like the filthy attention whore that I am.
Last weekend Will and I went for a run along the Cape Cod Canal and it was great. When we got back it was time for a quick shower and then we had to get to my parents house.
Will was walking around the house with his sippy cup, guzzling milk and generally minding his own business. I was in my bedroom, where I stripped down (ladies, try to hold back your excitement at the thought of me sans wifebeater and in the buff. I’m taken!) and started to walk toward the shower. I stopped when I saw a sleeve of pictures from CVS on MJ’s nightstand and quickly began to thumb through them
There’s one cute picture of Will. There’s Will at his birthday party. There’s another one with Will with spaghetti all over his face. I was so lost in my son’s cuteness captured in these photos that I didn’t notice him walk in the room behind me. And then, without warning…
It was a brief but painful tugging sensation and when I looked down, I saw Will had grabbed hold of Capt. Happy and was tugging.
Now I want to say right up front, there is nothing wrong with what happened. He’s 13 months old. He’s curious about his surroundings. He’s constantly touching everything because he’s got a whole world in front of him in which everything is new and full of wonder. And as his father, I should’ve realized that. I should’ve realized it was not a big deal and I should’ve gently taken his hand and said “No! Don’t touch!” I should’ve remembered that there is nothing perverted about anything a 1-year-old does. Then I should’ve gone to take my shower and not made a big deal about it.
That’s what I should’ve done.
Instead, when I realized what he was grabbing, I let out a girly horrified shriek and immediately darted into the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I had to, I couldn’t look him in the eye after that.
Because that’s a mature reaction from a grown man, right?
MJ came running from the other room because she thought something awful had happened. When she found out what I was so upset about, it was her turn to be upset. She barged into the bathroom while holding Will, and I grabbed the nearest towel to cover myself as if I had been violated. She chewed me up and spit me out about how ridiculous I was being.
I knew she was right, but it didn’t matter.
Look, my son reached out and took hold of my trouser snake. Sorry, but that caught me off guard and rightly so. It was just so…creepy. I went into the shower and sat down and rocked under the stream of water like I had just been in a shower scene in Oz. You expect a lot of things to happen when you become a parent, but having your son grab hold of your manhood when you’re not looking was not on the list.
When I finally composed myself I exited the bathroom and went to find my poor son who was so upset when I yelled and jumped away from him, that he started crying. The two of us stood there, awkwardly looking at each other. I gave him the “guy nod” and tried to steer the conversation toward the weather. Then because of my wife’s icy stare I’m a good father who knows better, I picked him up and gave him a kiss and sat down on the couch.
And we proceeded to watch the New England Patriots 2001 Super Bowl DVD. And we high-fived, farted and scratched ourselves. Because we’re men. Manly men. Men who just want to forget that any penis-touching incidents ever occurred.