FF: An Awkward Moment

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We had a…well, let’s just call it an “incident” last weekend. You guys know me by now, I’m honest to a fault. There’s really not much I hold back on and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So you might be wondering why something blog-worthy happened a week ago and I’m just getting around to it today.

The short answer is because the incident in question is embarrassing, I’m still kicking myself over my reaction and frankly, it really freaked me out. But it’s amusing and although I’d like to be one of those noble bloggers who writes for me and me alone, I’m not. I’m here to entertain you and to collect comments like the filthy attention whore that I am.


Last weekend Will and I went for a run along the Cape Cod Canal and it was great. When we got back it was time for a quick shower and then we had to get to my parents house.

Will was walking around the house with his sippy cup, guzzling milk and generally minding his own business. I was in my bedroom, where I stripped down (ladies, try to hold back your excitement at the thought of me sans wifebeater and in the buff. I’m taken!) and started to walk toward the shower. I stopped when I saw a sleeve of pictures from CVS on MJ’s nightstand and quickly began to thumb through them

There’s one cute picture of Will. There’s Will at his birthday party. There’s another one with Will with spaghetti all over his face. I was so lost in my son’s cuteness captured in these photos that I didn’t notice him walk in the room behind me. And then, without warning…

It happened.

It was a brief but painful tugging sensation and when I looked down, I saw Will had grabbed hold of Capt. Happy and was tugging.

Now I want to say right up front, there is nothing wrong with what happened. He’s 13 months old. He’s curious about his surroundings. He’s constantly touching everything because he’s got a whole world in front of him in which everything is new and full of wonder. And as his father, I should’ve realized that. I should’ve realized it was not a big deal and I should’ve gently taken his hand and said “No! Don’t touch!” I should’ve remembered that there is nothing perverted about anything a 1-year-old does. Then I should’ve gone to take my shower and not made a big deal about it.

That’s what I should’ve done.

Instead, when I realized what he was grabbing, I let out a girly horrified shriek and immediately darted into the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I had to, I couldn’t look him in the eye after that.

Because that’s a mature reaction from a grown man, right?

MJ came running from the other room because she thought something awful had happened. When she found out what I was so upset about, it was her turn to be upset. She barged into the bathroom while holding Will, and I grabbed the nearest towel to cover myself as if I had been violated. She chewed me up and spit me out about how ridiculous I was being.

I knew she was right, but it didn’t matter.

Look, my son reached out and took hold of my trouser snake. Sorry, but that caught me off guard and rightly so. It was just so…creepy. I went into the shower and sat down and rocked under the stream of water like I had just been in a shower scene in Oz. You expect a lot of things to happen when you become a parent, but having your son grab hold of your manhood when you’re not looking was not on the list.

When I finally composed myself I exited the bathroom and went to find my poor son who was so upset when I yelled and jumped away from him, that he started crying. The two of us stood there, awkwardly looking at each other. I gave him the “guy nod” and tried to steer the conversation toward the weather. Then because of my wife’s icy stare I’m a good father who knows better, I picked him up and gave him a kiss and sat down on the couch.

And we proceeded to watch the New England Patriots 2001 Super Bowl DVD. And we high-fived, farted and scratched ourselves. Because we’re men. Manly men. Men who just want to forget that any penis-touching incidents ever occurred.

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27 thoughts on “FF: An Awkward Moment

  1. This was soo funny. How did he get his little hands around it..LOL

    I cover myself in front of my 16 month old. I always have since he was born. I’m sure it’s not life altering at that age if he see’s me..but if you didn’t, at what age would you begin to be more private with your child? That is a decision I did not want to make, so I have always made it a point to not be “exposed”.

    I found this comment hard to write into words for some reason.

  2. Ain’t no big thaing! You said it man, “we high-fived, farted and scratched ourselves. Because we’re men. Manly men. Men who just want to forget that any…”

    We are men! Shaka-

  3. LOL, that’s too funny.

    I never strip down unless I’m in the bathroom already, that’s where the hamper is so this hasn’t been a problem. The only time Squirt see’s me is when he watches me go to the bathroom(we’re begining to work on potty training and the easiest way to learn is by observation). And then I’m beyond vigilant in making sure he keeps a safe distance…

  4. That’s hilarious. We’re a fairly naked family (at home, not like at the grocery store), but this has never happened. And I’m not sure how. I’m pretty sure I would have had the same reaction you did.

    As long as you bonded later it’ cool. Mom will never understand. It’s not her fault, though. There is no way she ever could.

  5. You didn’t finish the lyrics….

    We’re men. We’re manly men. We’re men in tights.

    Or am I the only one who still remembers that movie? lol

  6. ROTFL.

    Our second daughter, Charlotte, has grabbed hubby a few times. He just gently moves her hand away and pretends it never happened.

    The other day he stayed in bed until his um, morning you know what faded. Didn’t want her thinking it was a joy stick.

    Thanks for sharing such a personally humiliating experience with us.

  7. at that age is not such a big deal to let them see you naked. now grabbing it, well, he’s curious. if it hurt then maybe i understand the girly scream lol i totally see why your wife scolded you. lol thanks for a good laugh this morning.

  8. JEE- that’s exactly what ran through my head when I read it! Glad to know I’m not the only one….

  9. I can see being startled by that. My little one at 6 months was taking a nap with me and I had my shirt off. I guess he woke up before I did, and I was awakened by an 16lb creature latching onto my nipple! I imagine I had the EXACT SAME shriek you did lol!

  10. I will never be naked around my son again. I will forever live in fear of him pulling on my manhood like he is sounding the horn on an 18 wheeler. Thanks for that.

  11. I wonder what your reaction would have been if it was your daughter? Naked and kids is ok, if you act like its weird they will too. All of my daughters at one point in time have treated my satchel as a their own personal boxing trainer. If he was 5…that would be weird.

  12. I was trying to think of something comforting or witty to say but sorry, I’m still laughing my ass off here.

  13. Now that was a good one!

    In our household, we’ve learned not to make a big deal on stuff like that, otherwise it will happen over and over again with kids just laughing away at my misery.

  14. Have you ever called him Willy? Just wondering…cuz I wouldn’t anymore! But thanks for sharing the story. As if I wasn’t already worried enough about being naked in front of my daughter now…

  15. That is hilarious. Sorry to laugh at your misery, but it is. The worst that has happened to my husband is my daughter tried to breastfeed from him.

  16. I would have been more impressed if he grabbed on, swung between your legs and yelled “Tarzan”. πŸ™‚

  17. Hilarious post! Thanks for sharing that funny and embarrassing story. The truth is always so amazing. It’s cool to be naked around your kids when they are young like that. Like sticking his finger in a light socket, they are testing things out to see what happens and how you react. No biggie. If there’s a next time, you’ll know how to react from this funny experience.

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