I should be happy about Will’s most recent milestone — ditching formula in favor of whole milk — because it’s just one more positive development as he nears his 1st birthday. He’s eating solid food, he’s at the top of the charts for height and weight and he’s working on drinking milk out of a sippy cup instead of a bottle. Yes, these developments are important and should be celebrated all right, but that’s not why I’m happy. I’m happy because…
FORMULA IS RIDICULOUSLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE!
I figured it all out. Check it:
24 oz Nestle Good Start (w/ Cultures): $30.00/container
Weeks Will was on formula: 32 weeks
Containers per week: 1.5
I’m not a math major, but that adds up to a whopping $1,440!
Now I should add that MJ breastfed Will for three months and she wanted to continue longer, but Mother Nature had other ideas. And while I’m not a woman, I’ve seen what breastfeeding does to a nipple. I’m still having nightmares so I can’t blame any woman who switches over to formula feeding.
But can you believe that shit? It cost $1,440 just to feed this kid formula for 8 months. Had we done it for the whole year, that’s nearly $2,400 give or take. And when you consider the fact that you spent all that money on something he just peed/pooped out in the end, it makes you even more depressed.
$1,440 for 8 months. Maybe it’s because the economy sucks and money is so tight right now, but I cringe when I think of what we could’ve spent that money on. Things like:
- One month’s mortgage payment
- Five months worth of car payments
- At least 14 hands of blackjack at a $100 Foxwoods table
- One standing room only ticket to see a Red Sox-Yankees game
- Four sessions with a moderately priced prostitute
- One appointment for MJ to get her hair and nails done
- An initial visit with a divorce lawyer (that was MJ’s!)
- 246 shares of Bank of America stock (hehehehe…assholes!)
But now we’re free. Free of formula at last! Free to put that $180 a month toward any one of the above listed items if we so choose. We are slaves no more. Well, not really anyways. We are now obligated to buy copious amounts of whole milk, but at $3.19 a gallon that’s substantially less than we were paying those crooked formula swindlers.
So take that formula vendors! I will now spend my money on prostitutes and casino gambling instead of my son and there’s nothing you can do about it!