FF: Random Friday Thoughts

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I hate e-mail forwards. Who doesn’t, right? Usually they’re trite, stupid, tacky crap and because of that I delete them instantly. Yesterday I received one and opened it accidentally, and I’m glad because it cracked me up. It was all about some random thoughts tailored to people my age and they brought back lots of memories and laughs. So I’ll be using some things from the forward and some of my own to bring you an unoriginal, but hopefully entertaining Fatherhood Friday post taking you down memory lane.

  • Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and the game wouldn’t work? To fix it you take the cartridge out, blow in it and it would magically fix the problem? My question is, how the hell did every kid in America know how to do that??? There were no Internet message boards and we couldn’t jump on Twitter to figure it out, yet it was widespread kid knowledge. I know I’ll sound like a grumpy old man but today’s kids are soft.
  • Speaking of Nintendo, remember Duck Hunt? My mom was so strict about guns, my brother and I weren’t even allowed to have squirt guns. Yet we were allowed to virtually blast our feathered friends into oblivion for hours on end down in the basement. Go figure.
  • You ever watch a movie when you were younger and then re-watch years later as an adult only to realize you had no idea what was really happening when you first watched the movie? My parents loved the movie “Pretty Woman” with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, and I liked it as an 11-year-old because I liked long, red hair. Imagine my shock a few years later when it clicked and I realized Julia Roberts was a common street whore who Richard Gere randomly picked up on Hollywood Blvd and played house with for a week.
  • While we’re on the topic of movies, I have a real problem when it comes to watching my favorite movies with other people. Since I know all of my favorite movies by heart, I usually end up with my eyes on the other person who hasn’t seen it yet. And if that person fails to laugh at the appropriate moments or is unappreciative of the movie, I get ridiculously upset. Needless to say MJ and I don’t watch movies together.
  • After I go grocery shopping and it’s time to bring everything in the house, I’m determined only to make one trip. I take 15 bags in one hand and the plastic loops cut off circulation to my fingers. I have bags hanging from my shoulders and my neck and I risk permanent injury, but that’s still better than making two trips.
  • I nearly cried recently when a group of my friends were at a party and decided to play the long treasured game of Beer Pong, but instead of pouring beers straight into the cups we filled them with water and they agreed to drink from their own beers. The idea was to cut down on the spread of colds and germs. What the hell??? You only have to drink those beers if you suck and you lose, so really this is just added incentive to play better!
  • The only thing more pointless than the existence of pennies at this point, is the fact that schools still teach cursive writing.
  • I think I’m going to change the name of my Fantasy Football team to “The Stepdads,” because I hate all the other players who aren’t mine, and I’m going to beat them mercilessly.
  • When someone says “I’m street smart, not book smart” all I hear is “I am not smart.”
  • I would like to officially make a motion that the term “catching the Swine Flu” be redefined to mean hooking up with a fat slampig you met at the bar. Moving forward, when two guys are talking and one says “Hey did you hear, Dave caught the Swine Flu last night” it should be translated accordingly.
  • Bad decisions are OK because they make for the best stories. Even a choice to catch the Swine Flu.
  • If Carmen Sandiego and Waldo ever had a kid together there would be an Amber Alert daily.
  • Have you ever been walking down the street and suddenly realized that you’re headed in the completely wrong direction. But since there are people around and you don’t want to look crazy, you have to do something like check your watch or pretend to get a text on your cell phone, wave your arms in an exasperated state and only then can you turn around and go in the right direction?
  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets filthy. Socks can get pretty funky and all of these must be washed. But pants? Pants can be worn for all of eternity without a trip to the washing machine.
  • Don’t you hate it when your cell phone is ringing, you run to get it and just miss the call. So then you call the person back and it rings and rings until it goes to voicemail and you wonder where the person could’ve gone off to in the span of 8 seconds.
  • If you have a blind date or you’re meeting someone off the Internet, don’t you get worried that you’ll inadvertently mention something on the first date that you learned about them from stalking them online?
  • My son has a monkey that he uses as his “lovey” and it makes him feel safe. Except it’s so filthy and smells like it was just removed from a dead skunk’s ass. Jack Bauer is better off using it as an interrogation tool on terrorists at this point.
  • Is there anything worse than being at a concert and standing next to the guy who feels the need to belt out every single word of every single song just to prove that he’s the band’s #1 fan of all time?
  • The answer is yes, because the guy sitting behind home plate on his cell phone constantly waving to his friends watching TV is worse than Concert Guy. Cell phone guy must die.
  • Has anyone else realized how much pressure Facebook puts on us when you get that friend request from the loser in high school? You know you should friend him/her because you’ve been out of school for nearly 15 years and you’ve matured and risen above the pettiness. But still…what if everyone else sees you friended the loser? Clicking ignore…
  • One of life’s most unanticipated pleasures is when you find out someone you’re Facebook stalking left their profile public. It’s like Christmas morning combined with your birthday!
  • Who do we have to petition to bring back nap time for adults?
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13 thoughts on “FF: Random Friday Thoughts

  1. When we bought Super Smash Bros for the Wii it came up with a disc read error every time we put it in. I called EB Games in the mall and talked to some 20 year old techie genius who gave me a long rambling explanation about duel layer discs and laser sensitivity and dust. He said the only thing I could do was send it to Nintendo and they would clean it for free and the disc would then work.

    I called him back 15 minutes later to tell him that all I had to do was blow into the Wii and the game started working, lmao!!

    I still have my Nintendo. Every time it breaks down I buy new parts and take the damn thing apart and fix it myself.

    And I am right there with you on the movies thing. I have watched movies as an adult that had me calling my mother and asking what the hell kind of parent she was, lol. Who let’s their 8 year old grow up on Weird Science and Dirty Dancing?!?!

  2. Pant. Since I teach preschool and my pants always get slimed in paint, mud, drool, blood, etc. it just doesn’t make sense to wash them until Friday.

  3. I got that same email last week. Email forwards are out of control, but I laughed at it too. Nice job with some of the personal touches.

  4. I DO NOT recall the last time I enjoyed a post as much as this one! You are sooooo clever – you really really should write a book based on being a first time dad AND things that drive you crazy! I’d pre-purchase it in a second.

  5. Thanks Glamour Girl, but a good portion of that post was hijacked from an e-mail so I definitely can’t take credit for this one. I just added to it a little here and there.

    But please don’t let that stop you from heaping glowing praise on me and telling me I should write a book. I’m a complete attention whore and I thrive on compliments! =)

  6. My parents were the same with guns, but didn’t care about Duck Hunt. I never understood it, but didn’t question their logic, either.

  7. The blowing into a Nintendo cartridge was a secret passed down to you slightly younger people from people like me because we started with Atari. How everyone networked this secret? Intellectuals just think alike! Great list

  8. Great personal touches to the list! This was very clever. Nap time should be mandatory for every adult, especially those with children. Naps are wasted on the young.

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