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“I’m Tiger Woods and I want my privacy.”
That’s been the refrain on Tiger’s website, where he has offered a half-assed apology for his actions while simultaneously delivering a sharp criticism to the evil media who just won’t seem to leave poor Tiger alone. But, as you may have already surmised by my surly tone, I don’t feel bad for Tiger at all. And his pleas for privacy are falling on deaf ears, and rightly so.
My problems with Tiger in all of this are not that he cheated on his wife, made a mockery of his marriage and created a shit storm that his family now has to endure for the foreseeable future and beyond. Although all of that is true. No, my problem with Tiger is that he’s an amazing hypocrite who thinks he is above the law and the rest of us.
Consider the facts:
Tiger Woods tore ass out of his driveway at 2:25 a.m. early last Friday morning. He hits a fire hydrant and then a neighbor’s tree. His wife Elin used a golf club to bust out the back window in a supposed attempt to “rescue” Woods. Woods was found with cuts on his face, blood in his mouth and unconscious laying in the road. On Saturday Woods blew off police officers. The next day he refuses to talk to police again. By Monday he told police he would only provide them with the basic information, despite police attempts to investigate whether domestic violence was taking place. On Tuesday Woods is cited for careless driving and given a $164 fine, but the police do not file criminal charges. Soon rumors of infidelity start floating around and so far four women have been identified, complete with text messages and voicemails from Woods basically admitting an affair.
OK, forget the fact that he’s a lying, cheating asshole for a minute because I’ll address that later. What I want to focus on is how Woods was treated.
First of all, this is a public incident. Police had to respond, it was an accident with injury, and that is a public record that anyone should be able to access. It did not happen in Tiger’s home, it happened on the street. So spare me any privacy details because police officers paid for with taxpayer money are dealing with this thing.
Now, let’s say it’s just your average schmuck this happened to and not the most prolific and wealthy golfer on the planet. Do you think you or I would’ve had the option to decline police questioning? Do you think we could’ve simply said “Nah, I’m all set officers. I don’t feel like talking.” HELL NO! Someone else besides Tiger wouldn’t have had the opportunity to decline police questioning. But because he’s rich and famous, he thinks he is above the law. And he’s right.
And give me a break with the whole “my wife saved me by breaking the window and pulling me out to safety.” Have you seen Elin Woods? She is a 5’4″ beautiful, skinny, Swedish model. Are you telling me that she had the foresight to grab a golf club, smash the back window and pull a man who is 6’2″ and 185 lbs over two seats and out a window? No way in hell.
Mrs. Tiger was likely pissed at her husband for being a philandering douchebag, chased him outside after a fight in the wee hours of the morning and smashed him and his Escalade with an 4-iron, causing him to crash. And frankly, that makes Elin even hotter in my book.
And when the mistresses started coming out of the woodwork, we found out that Tiger has been sleeping around for years. Then, like clockwork, he did what all famous people eventually do when they’re caught with their pants down and have no other defense. He blamed the media.
“Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy.”
Sorry Tiger, I’m not buying your bullshit.
Celebrities like Tiger Woods are so hypocritical it makes me insane. They have no problem with the media when they’re gracing the covers of magazines, appearing in commercials and raking in endorsement money. They have no problem with the media when they allow a reporter to come inside their world and write a fluff piece after viewing a carefully crafted day in the life in which every detail was pre-planned by some public relations guy. Celebrities use the media to gain exposure, fame and fortune. And all of that’s A-OK.
But as soon as Tiger screwed up he bitched and moaned about his lack of privacy. He villified the very same media that helped lift him up to the lofty perch from which he just fell. And now, in a pathetic attempt to blame everyone except himself, he’s trying to make everyone feel bad for him by blaming the people whose sole existence is to ferret out the truth.
And that, my Tigerrific friend, is truly pathetic.
There is an unwritten and unspoken contract celebrities have with the rest of the world, and like anything else in life, it’s good and bad.
The bad parts include trashy headlines in disreputable tabloids. And celebrities have to deal with paparazzi lurking around every corner, always hounding you and interfering with your outings. There is absolutely less privacy involved in being a celebrity, and all too often your personal life will be scrutinized, publicized and aired out in the open for all to see and hear. I’m positive that at times it’s infuriating and unfair.
But guess what the good part is? BEING FILTHY FUCKING RICH!
Seriously, Tiger is living the good life. He has unlimited financial means and he can do anything. Tiger is literally hindered by nothing. He lives a life the rest of us only fantasize about. He has the unbelievable luxury of never again having to worry about money, where the next mortgage payment is coming from, whether he should use what little he has to buy groceries or pay the electric bill. He wants for NOTHING.
That, my friends, is the trade-off. And Tiger gets a pretty good deal if you ask me.
Truthfully, I’m happy to see this latest development because it means that Tiger — this walking, talking, corporate logo of a human being — is not all he’s cracked up to be. Tiger is a billionaire professional athlete who does things that no other human beings can do on the golf course. But you know what? I can do something he can’t.
I can be a faithful and devoted husband. I can be a father who doesn’t teach his children that it’s OK to hurt the ones you’re supposed to love the most. And I’m a man who takes responsibility for both the good and the bad in his life, without acting like a complete coward while trying to blame everyone but myself. My mistakes are my own, for better or worse. Tiger’s mistakes appear to be the media’s fault. Ridiculous.
The bottom line is Tiger deserves neither our pity, nor his privacy in this instance. And the best way for him to avoid the media spotlight, is not to cheat on his wife, lie to everyone and hurt his family.