The last 48 hours have been nothing short of mind-blowing.
I posted a recap of Alexandra’s story on the Good Men Project site on Saturday. By Monday morning, it exploded all over the Internet. It landed on Salon, Jezebel, BoingBoing, Rachel Maddow’s blog and Slate to name a few. The You Tube video of my confrontation with the protesters is currently around 370,000 hits. And my amazement and incredulity at how many people have taken an interest in our story is clear off the charts.
First of all, in perusing all the chatter about our story I’ve noticed a few people making misstatements and others have had questions. So here goes:
- This video is not made up. Our lost baby was not made up. The pain we felt from losing a child is not made up. All of it is real. Very, very real. Anyone who would fake this kind of thing is the lowest form of life, and I’m certainly not in that category.
- I am not just doing this for the money. In fact, I’m not making ANY money off of this. Look around this site. Do you see any advertising? No. Sure my blog is getting more hits but that doesn’t translate into dollars for me. I’m set to make a few media appearances in the next couple of days, and none of them are paid. I’m just happy our story has jump-started the discussion.
- The protesters. There is a 35-foot buffer zone in Massachusetts by law, and these protesters were obeying it at the time. So while we didn’t have to pass right next to them, they were across the street shouting things at us. So while I never felt physically threatened by any of them, it was their incredibly cruel words I was protesting. And yes, even though I didn’t get it on tape, they absolutely shouted things at us at we entered the clinic.
Now, having addressed these issues from the haters out there, I want to take this opportunity to thank the overwhelming majority of you who embraced me and enveloped me with so much unmitigated love and support it made my head spin. The thousands of e-mails, comments and tweets you’ve left me have restored my faith in, well, everything.
From the 20-year-old college student who had to navigate protesters by herself last week to the woman who is now a grandmother but still recalls the horror of having to deal with anti-choice zealots decades ago, your stories were intensely personal. And the fact that you shared them with me means more than you’ll ever know.
But I have to admit, it’s all made me pretty uncomfortable.
MJ wants to kill me because I cannot take a compliment and I certainly won’t admit I’ve done anything extraordinary. So when people started using the word “hero” to describe me I freaked out a little. Soldiers are heroes. Teachers are heroes. Firefighters, police officers and doctors are heroes. Me? I’m an overweight knucklehead who could barely operate the camera on his cell phone after getting pissed off at a couple of ignorant old ladies for yelling at his wife.
And honestly, I didn’t really have a benevolent agenda. I wasn’t thinking about the greater good when I shot that video. I was being selfish, because it felt good to fight back against ignorance and shame the people who tried to shame my wife on the worst day of her life. My two goals were 1) Showcase their stupidity and 2) Not get arrested. I can say with 100% certainty that “Make a passionate but nonviolent argument in favor of women’s reproductive rights and basic human decency that will be viewed by nearly half a million people on You Tube” was not in my brain.
But my wife — who is much smarter than I will ever be — told me that whether it was inadvertent or not, I had done something worthwhile. Something unique. Something most people don’t talk about. And she told me it would resonate with people, especially those who have been negatively affected by similar protesters in similar situations.
I still maintain I’ve done nothing special. But I hope, at the very least, I’ve started a discussion. I hope a few people think about standing up to these people in nonviolent ways. I hope a few of the protesters conceivably take a look at what they’re doing and at least tone down the rhetoric. And while I understand the minds of ultra-religious fanatics are so set in their respective dogmas that they might not ever change, I hope people realize that doesn’t preclude the rest of us from fighting back and speaking up.
But while so many of you have thanked me for doing good, I am the one who should be doling out the thank yous.
Thank you. Thank all of you. I’m just a putz of a newspaper reporter who will never be famous. Tomorrow there will be some other viral video burning up the Internet and I’ll be an afterthought. And I’m OK with that. I’m not in this for fame and I gave up on fortune a long time ago.
But some things will remain permanent for all time.
I will keep all of your e-mails. All of your messages. All of your personal stories. It’s the most amazing feeling to open yourself up and leave yourself vulnerable to the world, and then have the world reach right back to you with open arms. There is nothing that can be done to erase the pain of what we went through losing Alex in July, but your words and gestures took as much of the sting away as possible. And for that I will be eternally grateful.
I have no idea where things will go from here, but I hope as many of you as possible stick around. Thank you all.
@BS detector
Do you not get tired of being plain out wrong? You are so stuck on the fact that people are calling him a hero that you are being completely oblivious to everything else. You are just as terrible as those women outside the clinic. His wife was carrying a nearly dead baby inside of her that had no chance of survival so excuse the fuck out of her for having an abortion.They did not choose for this to happen to them. To women who have had abortions and were going to the clinic and had these protesters shout horrible things at them, he is a hero to them. I don’t understand why you have taken such offense to that. He stuck up for his wife and for himself and people are admiring that, why you feel the need to twist this and make him out to be a bad guy is so beyond me.
I am o proud of you.
I saw your video come by on my facebook feed and I thought, “Thank God, it’s happened.”
You deserve every second of this viral stuff. When it all settles down. I know you’re going to be just as amazing and down to earth of a guy. <3
Enjoy it.
Thank you. Whether you think so or not, you are a hero of sorts. Being selfish does not negate heroism. You were thinking of yourself and your wife, and in doing so also spoke out for others who have been too scared or depressed to do so.
I literally stood up from my chair and starting clapping and cheering after seeing your video on the young turks.
These people live an an insular community, and are never challenged. They pick on the weak and defenseless. Thank you for doing what is right. And my condolences for your loss.
Daddyfiles:
Let me first say that I appreciate your response. In some weird way, I feel like I’m talking to a celebrity so I’m getting a weird giddy feeling as I type. =)
I get that you didn’t record them because they were religious, but between your blog and the things people have written on your youtube video, it seems that their religion is the motivating factor behind a lot of it. It seems to beget a lot of hatred towards Christans while at the same time, people are getting fired for even mentioning muslims. It just strikes me as odd. but most likely, irrelevant.
I didn’t mention the circumcision idea to start a debate on it, it was simply to relate my protesting experience. I could have used some Father’s Rights marches, but the circ one seemed more relevant. As for knowing who was a doctor and who was a secretary or other person going in and out of a building, it doesn’t really matter. When human rights are violated, it’s cause for war (for lack of a better term). In war, there are casualties. There has never been a war, to my knowledge, that did not cost innocent people their lives. But they are acceptable losses towards the greater good. You do your best to minimize the damage, but in the end, it’s impossible to sort them all out. Think about this, do you remember the protest of the 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis Minnesota? People were bussed in from all over America. They held signs, sang songs of protest, marched in the streets. And it didn’t take very long before the people decided their message wasn’t getting across and they had to act. They started to destroy the town. They beat up anyone that stood in their way. The police had to wear full riot gear to fight back the protestors. Or dare I even mention the Rodney King riots? Time, in those cases, was of the essence. If the King rioters waited to organize a peaceful rally or petition their congressmen, how many other black men would have had to suffer ass-whoopins by white police with wooden batons? So, as you can see, time was of the essence in your case. Please do not take that as a defense of what these ladies did, rather a reason and how the same tactics have been used successfully in the past.
How does it effect me if women have the choice for abortion? There are countless ways. First, any child that I help to procreate would be a part of me as well. Yet I do not get a choice. I do not get to abort. Yet it would effect me, emotionally, psychologically, possibly even physically. The mental health of the woman is often stated as a need to keep abortion legal. What about the mental health of fathers?
Your question though is misleading. There are literally hundreds of laws that would probably never affect me, does that mean I should not have an opinion on them? Odds are, I will never be the victim of a rape. Does that mean that I should keep my opinion of rape to myself? Should I not stand up for the innocent victims of rape? Should I not shout down with my loudest voice, any proponent of rape? If there were a building where men could go to legally rape women, do you not think there would be both male and female protestors outside, carrying signs, and verbally assaulting anyone that went through the door?
You last question “why can’t ardent pro-life advocates just tend to their own business while leaving the people who do want/need to have an abortion the hell alone?”
My answer to that is simple. Why didn’t people leave those who wanted/needed to own slaves alone? Why didn’t the people who wanted to allow women to vote just sit there and shut the hell up? I think, when people see an injustice, whether it effects them or not, have a duty as human beings, to stand up and say something. It’s the very same reason you said something to those ladies. You perceived an injustice and did what you thought would make it right. Judging by the amount of comments and views of your video, many people agree with you.
Two more quick questions for you. For the first time in like 30 years, more Americans poll as pro-life (If memory serves, it was like 51% to 42% pro-choice). Polls also indicate that in most states, if abortion were put on a ballot, it would be made illegal. First, what would you and your wife have done if abortion had already been made illegal and how would your life be different (other than the 15 minutes you’re getting now =)? Second, do you think, with Americas sentiment obviously trending into the pro-life direction, that Roe v Wade will be tested in some matter in the near future? And if you have time, what do you think the outcome(s) will be?
Thanks again. I certainly appreciate your time and the tone. this is a tough discussion to have. I am glad to have it with you.
So violence is ok if it gets you what you want…wow. You think RODNEY King is an example to use of how to get what is right? How about MARTIN LUTHER King instead? Scary…
I’m telling you, that goat licked my hand before it bit me. It seemed entirely reasonable. I thought I could interact safely with the goat. Damn thing…
DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS! But what do I know…
All discussions about abortion, always, end up with the meaning of personhood. You might as well skip the usual prior arguments and get directly into it. For example, the analogy the young guy made about slaves. Of course you can’t leave a slaver alone. The answer is immediate: slaves are people. So is a fertilized egg, some say. No it’s not, some others say.
You may skip the stuff about DNA, too. I think most people are sick of DNA arguments (and twins), be it defending them or refuting them. In fact, given it seems like we’re going to witness a civil and intelligent discussion, it would be nice if it were original, too. Don’t let it turn into a FAQ’s crossfire, like almost all discussions about abortion are.
You rule. Period.
thank you for standing up to them. not many people have the balls to do so, and it’s not like they’re accomplishing anything but berating innocent women.
Just saw the video and the background story. First, I’m really sorry that you and your wife had to go through all of that.
It’s pathetic that those protesters only think of people who get abortions in such a narrow-minded way. Come on, no girl grows up with the goal of getting an abortion one day.
Thank you for posting that video. It means a lot to me to see others who are willing to stand up for what is right. I am just a 15 year old kid procrastinating on his history homework but that video was well worth my 2:40 seconds.
youngguy: Wow. I’m going to respectfully end at agreeing to disagree here on all counts.
First of all, the fact that you want to go to war over circumcision is unbelievably frightening. Hell, the fact that you even compare it to war shows a massive disconnect from reality. And lastly, that you are willing to accept the loss of innocent lives over it is, well, a little too crazy for my taste.
You advocate destroying a town simply to get your political point across. I have news for you my friend, that is terrorism. And the fact that you’re openly advocating unnecessary violence means you are a person with whom I no longer have any desire to converse.
Respond if you have to, but I’m all done.
I hate to be one of those people who leaves a little piddly comment like “yeah, you tell em!” and nothing else, but I wanted to add another voice to the support you’ve been given. Thank you for having the courage to tell them how you felt. I wish only the best for you and yours, especially after those insensitive cowards rubbing salt in your wounds at a time of such grief.
Also: Yeah! You tell em!
Be good.
-R
Thank you for unmasking these hypocrites! I wish you and your family all the best!
Greetings from Austria.
I don’t have the words I need to express how I feel about this. I’ve been reading about this since you first posted it, and I’ve been speechless. I think that what you did took amazing amounts of courage and integrity. I think that the people who protest outside clinics should be… I don’t know what I think should be done to them. I know that they are legally provided the option to protest, but that shouldn’t include the option to make other people miserable.
Best I can come up with, in my lack of words, is to simply say that I have been sending positive thoughts your way and will continue to do so, and hope that this isn’t too awkward.
I am sure I am echoing many other posters when I say thank you. You were composed the entire time and that, sir, speaks so much about who you are. I know you were hurting but it was obvious that, above all else, you were protecting your wife.
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through but, as I am sure you can tell from the comments you have received, you have the whole world behind you now. I hope that you speaking out will make people think twice before they judge someone they don’t even know. Best of luck to you and your family!
You are a wonderful example of a father and husband. I can’t tell you how much I admire you for standing up to those self-righteous dingbats. I’m a Christian, and in my opinion, their methods are completely inappropriate. Causing more emotional pain to those that are already suffering is intolerable and inexcusable. You handled it incredibly well.
Take care!
I stand by my previous statement. You fuckin rock. Nuff said
I just have to thank you for taking care of so many wackjobs as I can guarantee that for a few moments the world has been a kinder, gentler place.
You have done good and while the reason for this “journey” of yours is terrible you can rest comfortably knowing that you did the best that you could do. It is too bad if some people can’t see it.
You’re wife is right, you did do something extraordinary. You stood up for something you felt passionate about. The people who stand outside of the clinics are bullies, no different than those cruel children on the school yard hollering day after day at the kids they’d not like. We fight hard to protect children whonare being bullied, I teach my children to stand up for each other, their friends, and for strangers who are being bullied. More of us should stand up for ourselves and not shy away from the few – but hurtful – bullies. I don’t see these same extremists outside McDonalds yelling at people buying their kids that crap – but sadly tasty – food.
I wonder if see same people would be so willing to have private aspects of their lives scrutinized, and then hollered at when they were making a tough choice that was right for them & their personal and private situation…?
I’m sorry you had to go through all of that and I’m even more sorry that people doubt your intentions–money? Are you kidding me?
I don’t know who is worse, the protesters or the doubters.
People just suck, ya know?
I don’t think people in general suck, but some who DO suck pretty loudly.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are an awesome human being. I wish there were more like you.
*hugs*
Hey. My name is Katie and I’m a 20 year old student from New Zealand. Just wanted to say, thanks for standing up to those woman. I am a Christian and hate the way we are represented by people such as these. I hope they see how big this video has gotten and feel ashamed enough to change. I am so sorry for your wife’s and your own loss. Keep up the great work
Wow, you are fantastic. The message that you have put out will have far more impact on the world than a couple of bigots standing outside abortion clinics. This message will be reaching the people who need it – who like you have had to make difficult (but necessary for whatever reason) decisions. I am 15 weeks pregnant with twins and would be absolutely heartbroken to be in your position… but know that because of you speaking out, Alexandra’s life will influence so many more lives than just yours and your wife’s. Thank you for confronting those people… It was so necessary.
Thank you.
Thanks, no one ever stood up for me, i felt as though u did, just thanks.
you r amazing! I m so glad that you stood up to them since they obviously have no clue. your wife should be proud of you!