He’s Got Bite

Camera cuts to the interior of a house. Mother and father sit with a toddler in between them on their couch. Soft music is playing in the background. A golden retriever curls up snugly at their feet.

The young boy is in pajamas and the parents in sweats and comfy clothes. It is obviously near bedtime. The boy is laying between the parents on the couch and snuggling with them. Mom and dad look at each other, then at the boy. Both smile. Life has never been better.

The father is munching on a piece of cheese and it gets the boy’s attention. He slowly sits up, looks at his father and says “Dadda, peeees?” as he begs for a bite. There’s no way the father can resist. Caught up in the Hallmark moment, the father puts one end of the cheese in his mouth and lets the other end dangle down by his son’s face.

If there was a studio audience watching, it would’ve been the precise moment they collectively say “Awwwwwww.”

But then things go horribly wrong.

The boy was hungrier than the father thought. And instead of slowly taking the other end of string cheese in his mouth and having a slightly modified Lady & the Tramp moment, the boy cuts right to the chase. In a scene out of “When Animals Attack,” the boy opens his mouth wide and lunges. Instead of going for just his half, the boy wants the whole thing.

Suddenly there’s a howling screech as the father tries to free himself from his son, who is ferociously biting the dad’s lip in a frantic effort to get every single bit of the cheese possible.

And the boy smiles.

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4 thoughts on “He’s Got Bite

  1. Come now, you don’t give the boy enough credit. Tell me, how well can you motorboat your wifes rack with half a bottom lip? Uh huh.

  2. JEE: Nice. When are you going to get your own wildly successful blog instead of one-upping my writing in the comments section every day?!?

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