It’s a Mystery

“Hello sir, welcome to Verizon. What can I help you with today?”

With supreme confidence and an air of annoyance, I showed the clerk my poor Blackberry. Nothing was cracked or broken on the outside, but the screen was totally unreadable and pixelated beyond belief. I could still receive and make calls, but I had no idea who was trying to reach me and there was no way to figure out who the hell I was calling. Needless to say retrieving my e-mail and looking at text messages was not an option.

“There’s something wrong with my Blackberry, I either need this fixed or I need a new phone,” I told him matter of factly.

“Oh wow,” the clerk said. “Well it’s pretty clear the screen is broken on the inside. How did this happen?”

PIcture, if you will, the inside of the Daddy Files mansion about three hours earlier. The camera cuts to an out-of-shape 30-year-old writer. Music is blaring from an iPod and the father approaches his toddler son, who is clutching the dad’s cell phone in his strong little hands.

“Uppy, uppy, ance!”¬† the excited boy screams. Which is toddler for “Pick me up and dance, bitch!”

The father complies. The dad takes the cell phone in one hand and the boy in the other. Then they start rocking out around the living room. They’re jumping, spinning, laughing and prancing around the room. The boy’s giggles escalate and the dad’s smile widens. Just as the bodhran starts to crescendo and the son reaches a fever pitch, the boy shouts “More, more!”

The dad — although out of breath — kicks it up a notch. Jumping a little higher, moving a little faster, the dad really starts to get into it. As the song ends, the dad launches into a whirlwind spin in the middle of the living room. Spinning and spinning, faster and faster, until…

The cell phone slips out of his hand in the middle of his sweet cyclonic dance moves. It rockets straight into the far wall.

Father and son stop spinning, each one looking at each other with jaws open and at the same time, they exclaim “Uh oh.”

“Sir? How did this happen?” the clerk asks as I snap back into reality.

“Damned if I know, I woke up and it was like this. You guys really need to make better phones.”

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9 thoughts on “It’s a Mystery

  1. God that is great!

    Mickey was pretending to dunk a basketball near a lake at the petting farm Summer of 2008 when his phone flew out of his pocket and went straight into the water. RUINED. I don’t think Mickey understood my hysterical laughter but there was something about a 40 year old man trying to look cool then jumping into a pond. I can still see it…as I can see your story. You painted a perfect picture!

  2. So will it make you mad to know that when Ray’s phone kept freezin on him, they gave him a new Blackberry Storm because it was “faulty device”. We have insurance too but they didn’t make us pay the $50 they just gave him the phone. I was shocked.

  3. We’re having the same problem with Big K’s iPhone. It’s not working and we’re sure it has nothing to do with the fact it was dropped in a puddle.

  4. If you dropped the phone in a puddle it might be to late to try this but I have been told if you get your phone wet to put it in a bag of rice over night. It absorbs all the moisture out of it! My friend said it worked for her.

  5. So . . . did you get a new phone out of them? Also sorry about your Pats last night was really hoping for a great game there. You have a great blog and I would love to talk to you more about working together. Check out the link and email me if you are interested. Good luck with the rest of the season — at least you still have a starting QB. Trying being a Steelers fan right now.

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