Kids & Irish Drinking Songs

Oh calm down, its empty.

Country music and Irish tunes.

When it comes to defining my musical tastes, that pretty much sums it up. I listen to one radio station, 98.1 FM out of Providence, that plays country music. I have one CD in my car, Great Big Sea, which is a Newfoundland Celtic band. And on the rare occasions I do break out my iPod, it’s full of both country and Irish. Needless to say Will is bombarded with my music and has taken to it like a duck to water.

But lately I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.

**********************************

Preschool: “Hi Mr. Gouveia, I was wondering if I could have a word with you about William.”

Me: “Of course. Is everything OK?”

Preschool: “Well, William’s been acting a little strange lately. Saying some very odd things. I don’t mean to pry, but is everything OK with your marriage?”

Me: “Excuse me? My marriage?? Why would you ask me that?”

Preschool: “William keeps saying something about a ‘scolding wife’ and saying ‘I swear to God I’ll hang myself if I get married again.’”

Me: “Oh, well that’s a simple misunderstanding. You see—”

Preschool: “And it seems to me either you or your wife has a drinking problem that is taking its toll on William.”

Me: “Neither one of us has a drinking problem. Why would you say that?”

Preschool: “When we ask him what he wants to drink during snack time, he either asks for ‘whiskey in a jar‘ or something called the ‘old black rum.’ I assume you know it’s highly unusual and inappropriate for a 3-year-old to mention such things.”

Me: “Yes but it’s not as bad as you think—”

Preschool: “Not as bad as we think? Mr. Gouveia, your son is talking about about a zombie named Tim Finnegan rising from the dead after mourners at his wake used his body to cool down their alcoholic beverages.”

Me: “It’s just a song called Tim Finnegan’s Wake, it’s really harmless.”

Preschool: “Harmless huh? Is it harmless that Will asked if one little girl was a mermaid, and then said he desired some ‘tail?’”

Me: “To be fair, that’s just kinda funny.”

Preschool: “No Mr. Gouveia it is not funny. Hearing a toddler talking about Drunken Sailors, pulling dead horses named Charlie out of ponds, the night Patty Murphy died and how he used to work in Chicago does not constitute good parenting.”

Me: “Hey, it’s better than rap.”

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16 thoughts on “Kids & Irish Drinking Songs

  1. I monitor what my kid sees, hears, does. However, he came home and said “mom, Bobby bit me on the nipple.”

    So there you go. He’s exposed to S&M at 2.

  2. Heh.

    Well, if it would make them feel better, you could switch him to labor songs of the Great Depression and see where it gets you.

    Wait, never mind.

    Sea chanteys?

  3. At least he’ll always know what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning. That could come in handy some day.

  4. Smitty: If my son is shaving a drunken seaman’s belly with a rusty razor early in the morning then something has gone horribly wrong.

  5. My son likes to sing “You’re Fuckin PERFECT!” at the top of his lungs. we only listened to the unedited version of that song ONCE.

    He also sings about how you get your washing machine back if you sing backwards (Rascal Flatts, Backwards)

  6. I think that’s a hoot! Also always good for a hearty chuckle is a young one singing Davincis Notebook’s “Enormous Penis” – as I remember a friends son doing some years back. Gosh I wonder wear my Brontosaurus cd is; though, I’m not sure I want my 3 yr old going around singing “Enormous Penis” the whole album is such fun. Aaron, you’d really get a kick out of their “Another Irish Drinking Song”.

  7. I always say that if I didn’t need to worry about notes being sent home, I would not care what my daughter said, as long as she was using the words correctly.

    She is in love with the song Pumped up Kicks, which I recently found out had unintelligible verses about being a serial killer (of children). I am a bit disturbed by this. My husband has just realized maybe we need to stop listening to Tenacious D in the car, too.

    That said, she has taken to copying my utterances. “Shit” when she got toothpaste on herself (at least she used it properly!) and “Oh my goodness gracious” while pretending to cook. Apparently I’m part sailor and part nun.

  8. I decided it was time to star watching what we listen to in the car after my 2 year old daughter spent 2 days telling everyone we met to “shake it for me, girl” after we were listening to a country station in the car. Admittedly, it’s not the worst lyric she could have picked up, but it definitely told me not to let hubby listen to Disturbed, etc in the car with her.

    I have no doubt my daughter is going to be an expert at using inappropriate language, as my father is king. My biggest concern is keeping it from her until she understands that sometimes it’s ok to say those words (at home), and sometimes you can’t. Around my mother-in-law, for example. I dread the first time Gwen says something around my MIL, as it will result in a screaming session heard for miles around. Hell, these people think that leaning penis and vagina in sex ed in high school is profane and horribly disgusting.

  9. OMG. Too funny. Our six-year-old was on the playground this June, with a group of friends, calling girls sexy bitches. The group was punished by losing recess the following day. We didn’t hear about it until the next day, when he and another boy called two girls sexy ladies. The punishment was eating lunch in the principal’s office. He didn’t take that too well and flipped over the office chairs and started screaming at the dean of students. When I picked him up from school – he was suspended for the rest of the day – I asked him why he had done it. (Keep in mind, my son has done far worse in the past and we’ve gone through several day cares – all for things we’d find minuscule but are too much for him. Ie. He recently knocked down a kid twice his size for tagging him out in capture the flag when he was already out. Reason for punching him: Maybe he shouldn’t be a stupid 10 year old. )
    He calmly said to me, that he didn’t deserve to eat lunch in the principal’s office. He didn’t call anyone a bitch today. I said the issue was the word sexy. He looked at me confused and asked how a word he hears on the radio and television all the time is bad. I had to explain that it was an adult word. Go figue

  10. Too funny.

    My fiancee thought it great use of his time one night to watch Jeff Dunham while his then 7 year old daughter was sitting right next to him on the couch. I urged him to turn it off, knowing full well the skit and what was said during it. Well, as was foretold, the line he didn’t want to hear repeated from his daughters mouth was uttered by Jeff Dunham’s character Peanut, followed by a rousing chorus of his daughter repeating it several times immediately after and laughing hysterically (imitating dad). And with that, dearest fiancee turned said skit off and admonished himself for not listening to me…

    Really, the show “Kids Say the Darnedest Things” would not be appropriate these days when you realize all the things the kids ARE saying on a normal basis. As you said though, still better than rap.

  11. I don’t know about you guys, but growing up outside of Boston we were TAUGHT Irish drinking songs when I was in school. What do you do with a drunkin sailor and the Unicorn song were both taught to me in Kindergarden.

  12. Will knows the Unicorn song too. Although I haven’t sang that one in a while.

    “Green alligators and long-neck geese, humpback camels and chimpanzees. Rats and cats and elephants, but sure as you were born…the loveliest of all was the unicorn!”
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