We all know the benefits of running and exercise. You lose weight, look better, feel better, have more energy and all of your newfound sexiness leads to a much more robust sex life (if this last one isn’t a benefit, it should be!). But lately, MJ and I have discovered a couple of downsides to all of my workout efforts.
The fact is, it’s summer. Sweltering temperatures are bad enough on their own, but when you run 10 miles in 90-degree heat it creates an epic smorgasbord of sweat and stink the likes of which rival any high school locker room. Plus, when I get home from a long run I’m exhausted. I just want to hydrate and rest after I’m done stretching. More often than not that rest turns into a nap. At that point I’ve run in tropical heat, come home, and then slept as I allow the stench to cake on my body. Of course I shower, but it seems like I need multiple hosings to actually get clean. And to add insult to injury, my lips are killing me because I didn’t think to put any lip balm on so they’re cracked and nasty.
The end result is me with jacked up lips with the rest of me covered in sweat that’s soaked into my pores for hours on end accompanied by the fact that I now smell like Bigfoot’s taint.
Thankfully, the good folks at Nivea for Men have guys like me covered. They sent me two helpful products which I immediately tried and really liked. And I’m kind of a body wash/lip balm snob. They gave me:
- Platinum Protect 2-in-1 Body Wash
- Replenishing SPF 4 Lip Balm
Honestly, Nivea gave me a bunch of marketing jargon to include in the review but that shit doesn’t mean anything to me, so I doubt you’ll care about “Smart Deo Technology” or “Jojoba Oil” either. So I’m going to rate these products my way, which I think will be more to the point and helpful.
The body wash smells good. I’m not being obtuse or purposefully vague, it’s just…good. It’s a low-key citrus scent and while it’s not overpowering, it does get noticed. The first time I tried it was right before I hung out with a bunch of guy friends at a cookout. Not five minutes after I walked in, my friend Alex started sniffing and said “who’s wearing body wash and trying to impress a bunch of chicks even though this is a sausage fest?”
But, for the record, when the one and only chick in my life who matters smelled me for the first time, she immediately consented to getting down and dirty. Which leads me to say, with complete scientific certainty, that Nivea Platinum Protect 2-in-1 Body Wash for Men will increase your sexual activity by approximately 214%. So they’ve got that going for them…which is good.
Now, regarding the lip balm, I have strict requirements that my lip balm must adhere to, and the Replenishing SPF 4 Lip Balm definitely fit the bill.
First of all, I freaking HATE greasy lip balm. There’s nothing worse than smearing this stuff on your lips and feeling like you just puckered up and kissed the BP oil spill. Plus your lips get all shiny and — even worse — sticky. I have a dog in the house which means every piece of furniture is covered with hair. So if I’m wearing run-of-the-mill lip balm, I end up with disgusting, hairy lips only a female sasquatch would find sexy.
But Nivea’s lip balm isn’t like that at all. You put this stuff on and within seconds you’re good to go. No sticky residue or annoying oil slicks on your face. And as a bonus, it even survived a round in the dryer when I left it in my pants pocket, earning this lip balm extra points for durability.
So there it is — two ridiculously good products from a solid company (I like their shaving cream for sensitive skin too). And they’ve offered to do a giveaway as well, which means if you want to try these out (or if you’re a woman and want your partner to smell better) you can win them for free, courtesy of Nivea.
So first, go “like” Nivea for Men on Facebook. Then come back here and leave me a comment, telling me a story about the worst you’ve ever smelled in your entire life. The person who entertains me with their filth the most will win the Nivea prize package.
*Nivea sent me body wash, lip balm, and compensation for this post. However, my opinions are my own and were not restricted in any way. In other words, I write whatever the hell I want.