Maniacal Mommies!

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

If you haven’t been to and lurked on the bulletin boards, you’re in for a real treat.

I go there for a couple of reasons. First of all my wife is not very communicative and she never tells me what’s bothering her. So I go read about what other moms are stressing over and then I ask her if those issues are bothering her too. She won’t tell me what’s wrong but if I guess it then she’ll talk about it. It’s not a perfect (or rational) system but it works. So while I was perusing some of the posts from moms, I came across this one and nearly lost my mind. Check it out:

“Okay, my husband always tells me how sexy and hot i am BUT, why is it when i went to his inbox on his cell I find that he’s stupid work buddy sent him one of those annoying sing nudy picture of a girl with her boobs showing. How would he like it if he seen a hot sexy guy or something like that on my email. AND he even but a lock on it so when he erases his inbox it stays on there. MAN i’m so pissed off. I can’t help it. Sorry just wanted to vent. But i cant wait til he wakes up!”

Are you kidding me?!!!?! I couldn’t believe what this woman was writing and I had to read it three times to fully grasp the ridiculousness of what she was upset about. I mean seriously, a wife getting upset about a picture of a naked girl on a guy’s phone?? You’re kidding me right?

Look, as we all know, my wife is so far out of my league I’m not even sure if we’re the same species. I worship her and she is the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with, hands down. However, I have viewed more Internet porn since my son was born than I care to admit.  Why? Simple, because if I didn’t alleviate some tension once in awhile, I would snap. And it’s not just me, this is how most guys are. And you know what? It is not a reflection on you. Whatsoever. At all.

Most women do not want to have sex in the first few months after they give birth. And I don’t blame them. But just because your sex drive disappears doesn’t mean ours does too. In fact, it was just the opposite for me. Even though my wife had a few extra pounds after the baby was born, I found her EVEN SEXIER than before. But she still has almost no interest in sex or sexual activities, so I have to do SOMETHING!

This woman’s husband chose to view a nudie picture of a girl on his cell phone every now and then. This is not a big deal and she should let it go. If it was a picture of her sister or neighbor, then she’d have a problem. But if he’s slapping the ham occasionally to an anonymous Internet girl, it’s just for sanity’s sake. Once she’s in the mood and she gives him the green light, she won’t be able to keep him off of her and, most likely, the nudie girl will be deleted.

But I think a better and more important question is, what the hell was she doing spying in his cell phone?!? That’s not cool! He’s in trouble for having a picture of a naked anonymous girl on his phone, but she’s blame-free for violating his personal privacy and rifling through his phone? No no no…that doesn’t fly. If anything, she’s the guilty one here.

However, the craziness didn’t end with the initial post. I’m not sure how it happened, but pretty soon a few of these nutcases were going on and on about how “I’m the only one my husband should see naked, now and forever!” and “He has no right to disrespect me like that!” Then, one person even brought up religion and how viewing Internet porn is against God’s will and how it is contributing to society’s downfall. Here’s the exact passage and note the bold type for emphasis:
I’m not going to pretend that I can “force” religion on anyone or that everyone is going to believe as I do, but since I DO believe that the bible is the word of God, I will be translating that into my life.  I believe it is a guide we are to live by and I believe that when people live by it their lives are better.  I believe this because I’ve seen it.  I believe it because I’ve lived it.

It seems to me a great many people, (most of us), are hardwired to expect the kind of treatment the bible discusses.  The respect, love and partnership that is laid out in the bible is what a lot of people look for in relationships, (now whether they get it or not…that’s a different story!), and I also believe that’s because we look for God when He’s not there.

Before anyone gets all icky-sticky on me…3 short years ago I was a non-believer, too.  I grew up in a Christian home, but I hated Christians and church and all that because I was mad they were “forcing” their ideals on everyone else.  The fact of the matter is, when you believe this way, you can’t help but translate everyday life into it. 

Blame the divorce rate on what you will, but when this country served God and not materials, we prospered.  Check us out now…the entire world hates us, our economy sucks and our family values have been flushed down the toilet.

OP–I hope you can have a heart-to-heart with your husband and that he understands and respects your feelings.  I hope that you can both come to a loving and satisfactory resolution.

This is where I snapped. Religious wackos almost always do this to me. So I posted the following in response:
Are you kidding me??

Look, if religion and the Bible works for you that’s wonderful. Knock yourself out. But DO NOT tell me the entire country would be better served living out their lives according to a fictional book.

The entire world does not hate us because we don’t read the bible. Our economy doesn’t suck because we don’t all believe in God. And family values aren’t in the toilet because we all haven’t embraced Christianity. The world hates us because our president has isolated us from the rest of the world for the last eight years. Our economy sucks because that same president has lead us into recession complete with a housing slump and exhorbitant oil prices. And a note on family values while we’re at it because, as a Christian, I’m guessing you don’t believe in gay marriage. In fact, you probably view gays marrying each other as an affront to god right? If that’s the case, it’s people like you who lack values of all kinds.

Some of you people need to lighten up. Seriously. If your marriage can’t hold up on account of Internet porn then there’s surely some deeper, more serious problems lurking underneath the surface. And this stuff about not letting your DH look at other women is absurdly funny. I think what amuses me most is that you actually believe they’ve never laid eyes on another woman or looked at some sort of lingerie magazine, Internet site, Playboy, etc. It’s human nature, just like I’m sure you check out other guys from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with it! As long as you don’t cheat or obsess about another person, there’s no harm and no foul.

But to say “Well it bothers me when he does that so he’s not allowed to do it” is ludicrous. Since when are husbands supposed to blindly obey the irrational wishes of their wives? If my wife said that to me (which thank goodness she wouldn’t because she’s a sane, down to earth person) I’d tell her that I love her and only her, and that she’d have to get the hell over it fast.

The only good thing about this thread is I have even more love and appreciation for my wife after reading some of these posts.



THIS ALL STEMMED FROM A GUY WITH A PICTURE OF A NAKED GIRL ON HIS PHONE!!! Why can’t these women realize that guys looking at porn means NOTHING in terms of how we feel about our wives. Women are out of commission for a few months after giving birth, so we resort to alternative means so we don’t go crazy. Like they said in the movie “There’s Something About Mary,” it’s crazy to go out into the world with a loaded gun, so to speak. That’s how people get hurt. So ladies, just let us do our thing until you’re able to your thing, and then we can our things together. It’s that simple. No bibles, no spying and no wifely decrees about what we are and aren’t allowed to look at.

Shouldn’t this all be common sense?

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11 thoughts on “Maniacal Mommies!

  1. From reading about your college days, I wouldn’t be telling you anything new when I say that there are other ways to please each other in marriage… alternative ways to satisfy WITH your wife and not looking to another woman. I think that porn is an easy way out in my opinion.
    I’m offended by a lot of things you’ve said and I’m not going to be visiting your blog anymore.

  2. Post-partum moms often react strongly to things they might not normally- your criticism, while understandable, is not warranted in this situation in my opinion.

  3. I’m glad I decided to table my outrage until I read the whole thing. I couldn’t believe she went through his cell phone and you were going to let that slide, lol.

    The religious fanatic speaks for herself, smh. I guess she doesn’t recall that Bush’s platform was ‘family values’ and we can see where that got us. Pffft.

    The feelings that these people had speak to their own insecurities where there husbands are concerned. I get on my guy about internet porn all the time. I don’t care how much he watches, I care when it mucks our computer all up, lol.

    I had to stop going to those boards for moms when I had my first son because it gave me a headache to consider these were the same people I was going to have to make nice with when my child was old enough to socialize. It was a scary thought. It inspired one of my blogs ‘Psychotic Ramblings from the Housewives of America’. I bet I could have managed an entire book on that premise.

  4. Aaron’s criticisms are well founded. I do not doubt the hormonal changes in a post-partum female, however what is being discounted is the hormonal pressure of testosterone in a man. There is an amazing double standard that continues to surface over and over from many of the respondents on this board (most noticeably anonymous ‘guests’). Men are supposed to react completely sympathetically to a woman’s emotional reactions—even if irrational—as due to the changes that occur during and after pregnancy. Yet, when the script is flipped men are supposed to resist their own hormonal impulses. That is absolutely absurd.

    Sex within a relationship in the best of circumstances is a partnership and both parties help and foster the needs and desires of each other. I strongly suspect that those individuals who are offended view sex not as a partnership, but as something to be lorded over their partner and doled out when they feel their partner deserves it. That offends me.

    Moreover, the people who cite the Bible as their source of sexual behavior need to rethink their position. One of the most striking examples of this is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. When the townspeople asked to ‘know (carnally)’ the angels, Lot offered up his daughter to be raped by the village people instead. Additionally, after the city’s destruction Lots daughters get their father drunk and commit repeated acts of incest, yet the God of the Bible doesn’t punish them (after raining fire and brimstone on the city and turning his wife into a pillar of salt for looking back at the city). Not a book I would wish to get my sexual values from. I digress, but my point is hypocrisy abounds regarding sexuality and its practices. People should really hold their indignation in check.

    Like Aaron, reading these responses makes me appreciate my fiancée even more.

  5. Babycenter = Insecure women who need to feel better about themselves
    First the woman (more likely a girl) needs to get help she obviously has relationship issues. If she has had a traumatic relationship that has caused these insecurities that needs to be dealt with before her next divorce.
    Second The woman using religion to prove her point may also need a history class in addition to help.
    Third I have insecurities! I won’t like it my husband was not discreet. I really don’t want to know that looking at other naked women excites him, realistic or not. I don’t care if he looks but I would not expect to see anything like that saved on his phone. He would not do that because he respects my feelings. That being said, He does have certain drives and IF he wanted naked pictures of me or something similar to get him through say a deployment. I would not have a problem providing that for him. But I would expect that any “art” of me naked would be secured and not available on his cell phone! My husband and I have talked about these thngs and we do trust each other, because how else can you have a stable relationship.
    Fourth The problem with most women is that we veiw sex as an expression of love. That’s where some men get a little confused. However the women who actually use sex as a form of control should be charged with some form of emotional abuse, neglect, or rape!

  6. a lot of pregnant women are more driven sexually, and will even watched porn…ahem…with their spouse…and then when their hormones are down and they don’t feel good abotu themselves…they don’t want to know their spouse is looking at it…

    We talk about it a lot…he has needs…I have needs…sometimes our needs don’t match up, but we mutually respect each other. If I don’t like it, I ignore it. It’s ignorance to think thta men don’t look at nude women…you just have to be secure with yourself to appreciate who he really wants, and if he’s getting it from her…

    Also, Aaron, it makes me feel better when you say that the nude girl gets deleted if he’s getting it at home…because then I know when he’s looking at porn without having to peak!:) haha

  7. Certainly not to excuse the woman for checking her man’s phone (inexcusable) I do understand the rantings of a postpartum mom (I was one not so long ago!) But the religion part is just absurd! Not following a religion does not bring chaos and porn will not bring the world to an end! I appreciate TBHIV’s comment about the double standard- I agree with you that there is a double standard for sure- however when you are in the post partum “momement” you don’t see it AT ALL (or atleast I didn’t). I came around and I am sure a lot of woman do. Don’t condemn us all due to the comments of a few!

  8. I just want to chime in here that I have no idea if this woman is postpartum. She never mentioned it and I didn’t assume it, so I’m going on the assumption that she’s not. Just wanted to clear that up.

  9. I was surprised to see a quoted post from Babycenter, Aaron. I’m a regular and I personally just skip these kinds of posts. I too have a view similar to yours but have come to the realization that arguing with anonymous people over the Internet rarely accomplishes anything (as I’m sure you too already know). Instead I spend my time in the threads that provide me with the information for which I visit Babycenter in the first place. To the poster that bashed it in your comments – they need to stop generalizing. Babycenter is the primary online community I’d recommend to any pregnant woman, woman with children, or father for that matter. There is a wealth of information in the collective mind that is a result of its forums. It has been a valuable resource for me during and after my pregnancy as well as for cloth diapering, an endeavor I wouldn’t even be trying if it weren’t for Babycenter. Key is to sift through the junk and focus on the meat. Anyway, I just felt the need to defend Babycenter. =)

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