This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.
If you haven’t been to www.babycenter.com and lurked on the bulletin boards, you’re in for a real treat.
I go there for a couple of reasons. First of all my wife is not very communicative and she never tells me what’s bothering her. So I go read about what other moms are stressing over and then I ask her if those issues are bothering her too. She won’t tell me what’s wrong but if I guess it then she’ll talk about it. It’s not a perfect (or rational) system but it works. So while I was perusing some of the posts from moms, I came across this one and nearly lost my mind. Check it out:
“Okay, my husband always tells me how sexy and hot i am BUT, why is it when i went to his inbox on his cell I find that he’s stupid work buddy sent him one of those annoying sing nudy picture of a girl with her boobs showing. How would he like it if he seen a hot sexy guy or something like that on my email. AND he even but a lock on it so when he erases his inbox it stays on there. MAN i’m so pissed off. I can’t help it. Sorry just wanted to vent. But i cant wait til he wakes up!”
Are you kidding me?!!!?! I couldn’t believe what this woman was writing and I had to read it three times to fully grasp the ridiculousness of what she was upset about. I mean seriously, a wife getting upset about a picture of a naked girl on a guy’s phone?? You’re kidding me right?
Look, as we all know, my wife is so far out of my league I’m not even sure if we’re the same species. I worship her and she is the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with, hands down. However, I have viewed more Internet porn since my son was born than I care to admit. Why? Simple, because if I didn’t alleviate some tension once in awhile, I would snap. And it’s not just me, this is how most guys are. And you know what? It is not a reflection on you. Whatsoever. At all.
Most women do not want to have sex in the first few months after they give birth. And I don’t blame them. But just because your sex drive disappears doesn’t mean ours does too. In fact, it was just the opposite for me. Even though my wife had a few extra pounds after the baby was born, I found her EVEN SEXIER than before. But she still has almost no interest in sex or sexual activities, so I have to do SOMETHING!
This woman’s husband chose to view a nudie picture of a girl on his cell phone every now and then. This is not a big deal and she should let it go. If it was a picture of her sister or neighbor, then she’d have a problem. But if he’s slapping the ham occasionally to an anonymous Internet girl, it’s just for sanity’s sake. Once she’s in the mood and she gives him the green light, she won’t be able to keep him off of her and, most likely, the nudie girl will be deleted.
But I think a better and more important question is, what the hell was she doing spying in his cell phone?!? That’s not cool! He’s in trouble for having a picture of a naked anonymous girl on his phone, but she’s blame-free for violating his personal privacy and rifling through his phone? No no no…that doesn’t fly. If anything, she’s the guilty one here.
However, the craziness didn’t end with the initial post. I’m not sure how it happened, but pretty soon a few of these nutcases were going on and on about how “I’m the only one my husband should see naked, now and forever!” and “He has no right to disrespect me like that!” Then, one person even brought up religion and how viewing Internet porn is against God’s will and how it is contributing to society’s downfall. Here’s the exact passage and note the bold type for emphasis:
I’m not going to pretend that I can “force” religion on anyone or that everyone is going to believe as I do, but since I DO believe that the bible is the word of God, I will be translating that into my life. I believe it is a guide we are to live by and I believe that when people live by it their lives are better. I believe this because I’ve seen it. I believe it because I’ve lived it.
It seems to me a great many people, (most of us), are hardwired to expect the kind of treatment the bible discusses. The respect, love and partnership that is laid out in the bible is what a lot of people look for in relationships, (now whether they get it or not…that’s a different story!), and I also believe that’s because we look for God when He’s not there.
Before anyone gets all icky-sticky on me…3 short years ago I was a non-believer, too. I grew up in a Christian home, but I hated Christians and church and all that because I was mad they were “forcing” their ideals on everyone else. The fact of the matter is, when you believe this way, you can’t help but translate everyday life into it.
Blame the divorce rate on what you will, but when this country served God and not materials, we prospered. Check us out now…the entire world hates us, our economy sucks and our family values have been flushed down the toilet.
OP–I hope you can have a heart-to-heart with your husband and that he understands and respects your feelings. I hope that you can both come to a loving and satisfactory resolution.
This is where I snapped. Religious wackos almost always do this to me. So I posted the following in response:
Are you kidding me??
Look, if religion and the Bible works for you that’s wonderful. Knock yourself out. But DO NOT tell me the entire country would be better served living out their lives according to a fictional book.
The entire world does not hate us because we don’t read the bible. Our economy doesn’t suck because we don’t all believe in God. And family values aren’t in the toilet because we all haven’t embraced Christianity. The world hates us because our president has isolated us from the rest of the world for the last eight years. Our economy sucks because that same president has lead us into recession complete with a housing slump and exhorbitant oil prices. And a note on family values while we’re at it because, as a Christian, I’m guessing you don’t believe in gay marriage. In fact, you probably view gays marrying each other as an affront to god right? If that’s the case, it’s people like you who lack values of all kinds.
Some of you people need to lighten up. Seriously. If your marriage can’t hold up on account of Internet porn then there’s surely some deeper, more serious problems lurking underneath the surface. And this stuff about not letting your DH look at other women is absurdly funny. I think what amuses me most is that you actually believe they’ve never laid eyes on another woman or looked at some sort of lingerie magazine, Internet site, Playboy, etc. It’s human nature, just like I’m sure you check out other guys from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with it! As long as you don’t cheat or obsess about another person, there’s no harm and no foul.
But to say “Well it bothers me when he does that so he’s not allowed to do it” is ludicrous. Since when are husbands supposed to blindly obey the irrational wishes of their wives? If my wife said that to me (which thank goodness she wouldn’t because she’s a sane, down to earth person) I’d tell her that I love her and only her, and that she’d have to get the hell over it fast.
The only good thing about this thread is I have even more love and appreciation for my wife after reading some of these posts.
THIS ALL STEMMED FROM A GUY WITH A PICTURE OF A NAKED GIRL ON HIS PHONE!!! Why can’t these women realize that guys looking at porn means NOTHING in terms of how we feel about our wives. Women are out of commission for a few months after giving birth, so we resort to alternative means so we don’t go crazy. Like they said in the movie “There’s Something About Mary,” it’s crazy to go out into the world with a loaded gun, so to speak. That’s how people get hurt. So ladies, just let us do our thing until you’re able to your thing, and then we can our things together. It’s that simple. No bibles, no spying and no wifely decrees about what we are and aren’t allowed to look at.
Shouldn’t this all be common sense?