On Thursday night I attended a dinner for work. Every year the company has a night out at a local restaurant to welcome all the interns. We’re supposed to talk and get to know each other and all that happy horseshit. So I went and I had MJ and Will meet me there. I really liked most of them and they seem like a great group. I had fun…right up until one of the little bastards made me feel old.
We were going around the table and they were all telling us how old they are. Most of them are seniors in college, somewhere around the age of 21. Then a few of them started asking the staff reporters how old they were. Except none of them were asking me. Feeling a little left out, I said “Doesn’t anyone want to guess how old I am?” At which point our news intern, who I will refer to as Satan from here on out, crippled me with a verbal parry that might as well have been a kick to the genitals.
“You’re married and you have a baby. You’re ancient.”
Ancient? ANCIENT?!??! Why you little…
I’d like to say I calmly replied with an appropriate verbal retort, gently reminding him that not all people with children are “ancient.” But instead, I think I said something like “Ancient?!!? I’m only 29 you little motherf*cker!!!”
I spent the rest of the weekend trying to prove I am anything but ancient. That night I stayed out and drank with all the interns to the point that I had to stay overnight at my buddy’s house in Hyannis. Unfortunately, that meant I spent my day off on Friday laying on the couch unable to move. But Saturday night I was back at it, and I attended a party until 2 a.m. after I got out of work. And not suprisingly, I was fighting off sleep all day yesterday.
In about five weeks I turn 30. And that never bothered me, until Thursday night when some smart ass 20-year-old intern turned my world upside down. Now I’m petrified of no longer being able to say I’m a 20-something and I feel like time is slipping away through my fingers.
After all, I feel like I was just in high school. Oh wait, that was 12 years ago. But college wasn’t so long ago, that’s where all my stories are from. Huh? I graduated from college eight years ago? Can someone check that math, it doesn’t seem right. I mean seriously, I”m a newlywed for God’s sake. Hmmmm…what’s that you say? I’ve been married more than 3 years now? Well shit.
How the hell did all this happen?