This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.
We had a meltdown at the Gouveia house this weekend. Frankly, I’m surprised it took this long but it landed with a thud on Saturday.
I’m not sure exactly what caused it. I think it was just a combination of a lot of small things just building up and then overwhelming us all at once. I’m sure it’s normal and everyone goes through it, but it was ugly around these parts for a few hours.
I’m sure it all stems from the lack of sleep we’re getting. Lack of sleep makes us cranky. A crying baby exacerbates that crankiness. My wife being used as a human pacifier adds some more tension. Then, just for fun, throw in two dogs who are still curious and confused as to why there’s a small, noisy human taking so much attention away from them. So the dog jumped off the couch while the baby was sleeping and apparently MJ thought her tags jingled too loudly. A few minutes later the baby woke up crying and MJ immediately started yelling at the dog. All I did was remind her the dog made noise five minutes before the baby woke up so she shouldn’t take it out on the dog. A few minutes later I was on the computer and I looked over and saw her crying her eyes out silently on the couch. I asked what was wrong and received the standard “nothing” response. That drives me nuts. Who cries when nothing is wrong. Women are insane.
Anyways, a little later we were watching Scrubs on TV. And fittingly enough, the episode we were watching consisted of a husband and wife who just had a baby. The husband was making a video diary of the baby’s first day home from the hospital and when he went into the baby’s room he found his wife holding the baby and sobbing uncontrollably.
“I can’t do this,” she said. “We have to give her back.” The mom on the TV show then went on to describe how she wanted to throw her newborn daughter out the window when she wouldn’t stop crying. Just then I looked over at MJ and saw her nodding in agreement.
I flipped out.
I asked her why she was nodding and she proceeded to tell me that she’s felt that way herself. My wife told me she has thought about tossing my infant son out a window. I was horrified and I told her in no uncertain terms that she was a terrible person for thinking this. I mean hey, I get frustrated with Will when he cries but I’ve never wanted to harm him any way. Anyways, I may have told MJ that I think she’s horrible for thinking that and it was all downhill from there. She told me she can’t wait until I go back to work and I shot a few choice phrases her way too. It was ugly.
And ladies, you may think I’m the bad guy here. But I don’t care, because this blog is called the “Daddy Files” and it’s supposed to be thoughts from the Dad’s point of view. And since I’m the Dad, I say homicidal thoughts concerning an infant are not par for the course. It’s crazy talk. Yet I read all these articles online about how this is a common thing among women. Well if that’s the case, I’d like to state for the record that women are frickin’ insane and I’m glad I’ll never understand anything about your gender. Throwing a baby out the window…what the hell?
I’ll miss Will a lot when I go back to work tomorrow and I’ll probably call a dozen times to make sure he’s OK. Especially with thoughts of MJ tossing him into the Canal fresh in my mind. But maybe getting back to work is a blessing in disguise. Maybe we need a little separation and time apart to gain back an appreciation for one another. I love her to death, but I’ll never understand her. Nor would I want to.