MJ is a private person.
Actually, private is an understatement. She’s very, very averse to people knowing her business. She doesn’t have a website, her name doesn’t pop up on Google and that’s the way she likes it. Well, I guess I should say she was like that up until we got together. Because, as you all know by now, I’m pretty much an open book. I’m gregarious and social by nature. I’ll tell a complete stranger my life story five minutes after meeting him.
But MJ, not so much. That’s why I was amazed when she agreed to let me chronicle our lives with little to no restrictions two years ago. And today I’m equally stunned. Why you ask?
Because MJ asked to write for the blog.
Please know that it takes a lot of guts for someone intensely private to put herself out there, especially under these circumstances. But with the protester video exploding all over the Internet, she felt it was an important time to speak up. And I’ve never been so proud of her.
I present to you my (much) better half.
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Yesterday was the second worst day of my life.
The first was when I heard the radiologist tell us that there was a major birth defect with the baby. I have always lived my life believing everyone is entitled to their opinion. Our country was founded on freedom and I have always taken pride in my ability to speak my mind and voice my opinion. I also take special pride in my freedom, because I know how quickly it can be taken from us. Hearing the stories from my two best friends who have fought for our freedom, I will be forever grateful for them and the millions of other men and women who have given me that freedom.
Back to yesterday, there was nothing worse in the world as the protesters telling me that I am killing my unborn baby. REALLY?!?! Are you sure its me killing my unborn baby and not an ultra rare birth defect?? Then the signs saying “God is Pro-Life.” Seriously, if he is pro life then why am I carrying a child that is dying inside me? Or my personal favorite, which was “Take my hand, not my life.” I would love to. But instead I have to sit in a chair staring at these assholes telling me how I should feel and what I should be thinking.
As I looked around I saw many women with their sisters, friends and boyfriends with the same look as I had: FEAR! We all were there for one reason or another but we were all taunted by these strangers who think they know what is best for us. How do perfect strangers know how we feel? As I entered the building I never had such hatred for those people. I wanted to go across the street and tell the ones who just yelled to me that I was killing my unborn child that it was the other way around. The baby was killing me.
Regardless, they have no idea what is going on. But as far as they are concerned I was killing an unwanted pregnancy.
As I looked around the waiting room the only thing I wanted to do was to go over and tell each one of those women that those assholes outside have no idea what they are going through and have no idea that these people are good people. As I woke up, the women who were upstairs are now next to me and I realized that these women are educated. There was a nurse, an executive, and myself a manager.
We were all there for a different reason but no one knows what the reason is. So who is to judge? The people who were yelling at me and the other women definitely have no right to judge us.
As I walked in and they yelled at me and made me feel ashamed I wanted to run and never come back. But I can’t run I have to be here. I knew I had nothing to be ashamed of but they made me feel that way. It got me to thinking that if I feel like that how do the other women feel? How many young women have they scared off from getting help from birth control to counseling about their reproductive health? I wanted to help all the women who were scared off by the judgmental idiots carrying signs. Even if it was just one woman.
As I kissed Aaron goodbye I could not stop thinking about all the women who never went to get help because they were scared of these assholes. I vowed that when I wake up, I’m giving these assholes a piece of my mind and hopefully give someone the ability to get the help they need without being screamed at.
I have always believed that out of bad comes good. As we were leaving yesterday I looked around and realized all the protesters were gone and a marked cop car was parked in front of the building. As we turned to go home I asked Aaron, “What did you do?” He looks at me and says with a straight face “I didn’t get arrested!”
As we drove home, Aaron told me what had happened and how he went over there and had a talk with them. I was overcome with pride that he was able to single-handedly have the cops called on him by the protesters and that the protesters had to clear out. As I settled in for the hour ride home I finally felt a sense of peace, because we were able to give someone the opportunity to get help, make an informed decision about their body and future without being taunted or bullied by the people who have no idea what was going on!
Aaron doesn’t think he did anything heroic. I know better.
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The Humanist who clings to values such as morality and ethics is no different than the theist who clings to values such as hope and faith.
Can you prove to me humans hold rights anymore than you can prove to me a god exists? Face it, The Atheist who claims to hold absolute knowledge in a lack of a deity is no less foolish than the theist who claims their doctrine is unquestionable, This is an utmost fact, The entire debate for and against god are both metaphysical positions made up of opinions, there is little truth to be found and even less facts to be proven.
Thank you for speaking out, both of you. I’m so glad that somebody finally called these assholes out on their tirades and preaching of hatred. This whole ordeal makes me want to do the same and help victims of their harassment however I can, and I plan to should I ever get the opportunity.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through, even without the harassment. I’m very thankful that you and your husband have the courage to stand up to these monsters and share doing so with the rest of us; you’ve inspired me greatly and I hope to continue what you two have started. I wish you both the best of luck in the future.
Hello Aaron.
I wanted to thank you and your wife for sharing your story. This is something that most people never have to go through; something that most people can’t even conceive of happening to them. I’ve been fortunate, myself. I’ve never had to support friends or family members through something as heart-wrenching as this. Which is why I’m all the more grateful that you are sharing this in such frank and raw language.
Exposing your pain and grief and frustration to strangers across the world probably seems like a strange thing to some people, but in the end, you’re stating one side of an argument that few people ever hear. With most news coverage gravitating around clinic bombings, pro-life activism, ethical issues and moral debate, we lose sight of the people at the heart of the issue. People like you and MJ.
But then, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, judging from the outpouring of well wishes and empathy in your comments. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your grief, and me and mine wish you all the best. Our thoughts are with you.
Thank you both…this is what it really feels like as a woman, as a couple, this is never a decision made easily or in isolation. thank you so much for sharing this horrific moment in your lives so that others can understand. my thoughts and prayers are with you. be well.
I’m incredibly moved by your courage, both you and your wife. I’m so angered that you experienced such hatred and judgement at such a horrible, difficult time. It just reminds me that we can never really know what other people are going through. Who are we to judge? Sending you love and hope peace comes your way shortly.
Everyone has already covered your bravery (both of you) and I have tried to be as supportive to Aaron as I can be from 900 miles away but, MJ, please know that despite the years that have separated us, Dave and I have thought of you every day through this and hope that you and Aaron find peace in this hard time. We owe you so much- don’t think we have forgotten it. You were always stronger than anyone else I know- as this post shows. It’s nice to know some things never change, despite life’s cruelties.
This is my first time stumbling upon your blog and I’m so effin’ glad I did. You are both my heroes. It’s comforting to know that there are still people in this world who haven’t shoved their close-minded heads up their tight asses. I commend your strength, feel for your situation and wish I could give you some definite high-fiveage for putting the holier-than-thou crowd in their place. You’re especially rockstars for sharing the story. I’m sure many people needed to hear it.
ThebestIsYettocome: What on earth are you talking about? This is a woman who went through a harrowing situation, and all you can say is some cooked-up, cryptic nonsense about not being able to prove human rights. How… contrived…
…I mean, come on! Is northing sacred to Man? How can we do anything as humans if there is no good for which we strive. Well… I won’t lose my head. But I will have you know that there are Christian Humanists out there, and that I am one of them.
MJ: I hope my retaliatory post in your defense didn’t unintentionally add to the potential violence that could come to this thread. Stay strong!
It takes strength to write when someone or something pierces the soul, and I have to say your words are clear and to the point. I hope that you proceed with recovery without any obstacles, and also I am relieved that you point out the opportunities given to others. Thank you for your words on this matter. I am honored to read them.
I’m so glad you have a husband who did stand up for you. Because on that day, you deserved nothing more than the utmost respect and for people to support you, not belittle you for something you weren’t even doing. I am sickened that you had to deal with those people on that day. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story here, though it must be very hard.
I am sorry that you had to go through that, all of it, and I am grateful that you had someone with you who could provide such excellent support.
I had an abortion at the age of 21, and while it was the best decision I could make at the time, the protesters made it even more excruciating, a thing I hadn’t thought would be possible.
I thank you for sharing this.
Love you cousin!!! You are, by far, one of the strongest women I have ever known!
I am so proud of you. You did the thing you had to do, that you didn’t want to do, and you have a wonderful husband that supports you.
No one will know what a woman feels when she has to go through something like this. It is different for each of us. For anyone to tidily cast things as pro choice or anti choice, they are trying to make something as complex as the human experience into black and white. There is nothing simple or black and white about it, just as life is not simple. Neither is death.
Stay strong, know that you did right because it was what you had to do, and be thankful you live somewhere where this right, however weakened it has become, is still available to us.
I found you via Blogography.
I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you and Aaron. As a Christian person those people make me sick for judging and spreading hatred. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.
I found you through Thingamababy. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I terminated a pregnancy 3 years ago for anencephaly. I think there are a lot of us out there, but so many are afraid to tell their story. I have always been very vocal about what happened to us, and am grateful I was able to deliver in a hospital. As providers dwindle, I am fearful what the future holds for thousands of other women. I am grateful for what your husband did and posted on you tube. I forwarded it to my best friend, whose sister also terminated for a fatal defect. I see your husband is a journalist, maybe he will help tell our stories…
I am so very sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing your story with us. I think that takes a lot of courage. I hope you and your family are well, I look forward to reading more posts in the near future. Bright Blessings your way
MJ and Aaron, I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a child is a forever life-changing thing and nothing is the same again. You two seem to have a wonderful commitment to each other, your son and to life. I have no doubt in my mind that you will come through this stronger even. I lost my first child, a daughter also, at 23-24 weeks gestation due to severe eclampsia. Her name was megan Leigh. We were told that she was not yet viable according to testing, but the pregnancy had to be terminated to save my life. Before things proceeded to that point, we took a very bad turn for the worst and they delivered her in a crash c-section the next day. She did survive for one week, but all in all, she just wasn’t strong enough yet and we lost her.
I’m been a part time clinic escort over the last year or so. Recently, I’ve avoided the clinic altogether. I wasn’t sure if we were even making a difference or if a difference could even BE made. Your experience reminds where I need to be though and it’s back to fighting for the rights I believe in, the ability to keep other women from having to walk through that gauntlet of shame alone, and doing my best to serve as a shield between those protesters and the women that need me there. Thank you for bring that reminder sharply into focus for me.
I wish you and your family the very best possible.
Thank you for sharing yourself.
MJ,
Thank you for sharing your story with us all, that took an incredible amount of courage to write after such an ordeal. They had no right to judge the decision you and Aaron made, you did the only thing you could have done in the circumstances. I feel so sorry for your loss, since it’s clear that baby Alex was very much wanted.
I simply can’t understand the mindset of these protesters that they want to cause so much distress to women – they’re no better than the WBC. At times like this, I feel fortunate to live in the UK and not the US. Their arrogance is breathtaking, and they should be ashamed of themselves for behaving like that.
There are a great many people who I’m sure will be thinking of you and wishing your family all the best (myself included).
thank you for sharing your story. i’m so sorry for your loss. no woman should ever go through this.
those protesters – their karmas will catch up with them.
your hubby sounds like aces. i pray for peace as you and your hubby heal from losing alex.
Thank you for sharing this on behalf of others who have had to make this choice. I was “lucky” enough to have my termination in a maternity ward, so I didn’t have to go through the protesters. Our lost baby had no bladder, kidney and his/her lungs would never work. This baby was planned and loved and wanted. I hope you get the peace you need to survive this hard time. God Bless.
I don’t know you guys, but I love you anyways! I can’t begin to understand the pain you are enduring but I can sympathise with you on the loss of your child. 2 months ago today we lost our child. I have 2 sons from a previous relationship, who are “happy accidents”, but this would have been JM’s first child. We planned this one and it took 2 years for me to get pregnant and just days after we decided that even if the baby had Downs Syndrome or anything of that nature we’d keep the baby no matter what, I started spotting. The next day we found out in the ER that there was no heartbeat anymore. Fortunately I passed it naturally and didn’t have to go through what you did at a clinic, but you handled yourselves much better than we would have been able to. We probably would have been arrested, both of us… I admire your openness and honesty and your ability to share your story with the world. I wish you all the best in the world.
I just ran across this. Taking your experiences to the next level in anyway that can potentially make the lives of the next people who walk in your shoes easier is heroic. There’s very little room for people to make judgments with enough conviction to warrant picketing. Way to think on your feet, man.