MJ Speaks Out

MJ is a private person.

Actually, private is an understatement. She’s very, very averse to people knowing her business. She doesn’t have a website, her name doesn’t pop up on Google and that’s the way she likes it. Well, I guess I should say she was like that up until we got together. Because, as you all know by now, I’m pretty much an open book. I’m gregarious and social by nature. I’ll tell a complete stranger my life story five minutes after meeting him.

But MJ, not so much. That’s why I was amazed when she agreed to let me chronicle our lives with little to no restrictions two years ago. And today I’m equally stunned. Why you ask?

Because MJ asked to write for the blog.

Please know that it takes a lot of guts for someone intensely private to put herself out there, especially under these circumstances. But with the protester video exploding all over the Internet, she felt it was an important time to speak up. And I’ve never been so proud of her.

I present to you my (much) better half.

——————————————————————-

Yesterday was the second worst day of my life.

The first was when I heard the radiologist tell us that there was a major birth defect with the baby. I have always lived my life believing everyone is entitled to their opinion. Our country was founded on freedom and I have always taken pride in my ability to speak my mind and voice my opinion. I also take special pride in my freedom, because I know how quickly it can be taken from us. Hearing the stories from my two best friends who have fought for our freedom, I will be forever grateful for them and the millions of other men and women who have given me that freedom.

Back to yesterday, there was nothing worse in the world as the protesters telling me that I am killing my unborn baby. REALLY?!?! Are you sure its me killing my unborn baby and not an ultra rare birth defect??  Then the signs saying “God is Pro-Life.” Seriously, if he is pro life then why am I carrying a child that is dying inside me? Or my personal favorite, which was “Take my hand, not my life.” I would love to. But instead I have to sit in a chair staring at these assholes telling me how I should feel and what I should be thinking.

As I looked around I saw many women with their sisters, friends and boyfriends with the same look as I had: FEAR! We all were there for one reason or another but we were all taunted by these strangers who think they know what is best for us. How do perfect strangers know how we feel? As I entered the building I never had such hatred for those people. I wanted to go across the street and tell the ones who just yelled to me that I was killing my unborn child that it was the other way around. The baby was killing me.

Regardless, they have no idea what is going on. But as far as they are concerned I was killing an unwanted pregnancy.

As I looked around the waiting room the only thing I wanted to do was to go over and tell each one of those women that those assholes outside have no idea what they are going through and have no idea that these people are good people. As I woke up, the women who were upstairs are now next to me and I realized that these women are educated. There was a nurse, an executive, and myself a manager.

We were all there for a different reason but no one knows what the reason is. So who is to judge? The people who were yelling at me and the other women definitely have no right to judge us.

As I walked in and they yelled at me and made me feel ashamed I wanted to run and never come back. But I can’t run I have to be here. I knew I had nothing to be ashamed of but they made me feel that way. It got me to thinking that if I feel like that how do the other women feel? How many young women have they scared off from getting help from birth control to counseling about their reproductive health? I wanted to help all the women who were scared off by the judgmental idiots carrying signs. Even if it was just one woman.

As I kissed Aaron goodbye I could not stop thinking about all the women who never went to get help because they were scared of these assholes. I vowed that when I wake up, I’m giving these assholes a piece of my mind and hopefully give someone the ability to get the help they need without being screamed at.

I have always believed that out of bad comes good. As we were leaving yesterday I looked around and realized all the protesters were gone and a marked cop car was parked in front of the building. As we turned to go home I asked Aaron, “What did you do?” He looks at me and says with a straight face “I didn’t get arrested!”

As we drove home, Aaron told me what had happened and how he went over there and had a talk with them. I was overcome with pride that he was able to single-handedly have the cops called on him by the protesters and that the protesters had to clear out. As I settled in for the hour ride home I finally felt a sense of peace, because we were able to give someone the opportunity to get help, make an informed decision about their body and future without being taunted or bullied by the people who have no idea what was going on!

Aaron doesn’t think he did anything heroic. I know better.

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73 thoughts on “MJ Speaks Out

  1. as someone who has “been there” without any other options, your husband is a hero indeed.

  2. Oh MJ I am SO sorry, as a late miscarriage person myself its excruciating to hear about. YOU are a hero too, you went through those nasty people yelling at you.

    I cry as I write this. I KNOW its really so freakin hard.

    I promise, from this day forward to get in the face of the shouters, the ones who DONT know. The ones that dont know that you WANTED your baby, you planned on your baby, and fate fucked you over.

  3. It is truly amazing that you can still, in some small way, find a sense of peace through this all. My wife is pregnant and I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. Also, as a christian, I feel a need to apologize for those few who profess to follow Christ and so openly practice hatred.

    Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your side of the story.

  4. MJ- I am a follwer of Aaron’s blog and I truly am grateful that “he put on a set” and confronted those horrible people. I pray that you find peace with the trauma you have gone through both physically and emotionally. It is women like you that I admire. I had a miscarriage late in the pregnancy and have been unable to concieve since then.

    You and Aaron are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Leeann

  5. I am blown away by the both of you.

    Aaron DID do something very heroic. But so did you. MJ, thank you for speaking up. It takes so much courage to share an experience such as yours. You both are amazing. Will is blessed to have such strong parents. May you both find peace in the coming days.

  6. I hope you and Aaron are proud of the courage you displayed in so many ways. The people outside that clinic aren’t pro-life, they are anti-choice, and what so few realize is the drastic difference between those labels. But you both have shown their true colors.

    My best wishes to you and your family.

    Nathan Greenberg
    Founder
    ProActiveDads.com

  7. MJ,

    I had to terminate a pregnancy, my son was diagnosed with trisomy 18, almost 11 years ago, and he was stillborn at 21 weeks…I am so very very sorry that you had to go through this kind of hellish trauma with those awful people outside the clinic.

    There are a couple of websites I think you might find useful, http://babylossdirectory.blogspot.com/ and http://www.glowinthewoods.com/ where other women write who have gone through medical terminations and miscarriages, and pregnancy losses. Sadly, there are too many of us on the net.

    If you ever want to email or chat, or whatever, you can reach me with my email or twitter….I’ll be thinking of your family tonight.

  8. MJ & Aaron, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for going public about your ordeal. It reminded me of a pro-choice activist I met many years ago. She spoke with protesters in front of a clinic once and asked if they would be willing to help a woman who changed her mind and carried her baby to term. Not one of those fuckers would.

  9. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I cannot even imagine the horror you have gone through from the moment you found out there was a problem until this equally horrible day. But what Aaron did WAS heroic! Those people have no right to judge anyone. I wonder what they would do or how they would feel if we stood outside their homes or churches and screamed at them everytime they made a decision we didn’t agree with. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s nothing more heart-wrenching than to be told that the baby you are carrying has a defect. We said goodbye to Owen (anencephaly) an hour after he was born. And I want to apologize on behalf of idiot Christians everywhere. Being a midwife I’m very pro-embryo/prolife but I would never protest. I honestly can’t think of a worst way to hurt the “prolife” cause than to picket/protest at clinics. They should spend more time supporting free prenatal clinics/adoption/ etc..
    I agree with Lori…. those people need to speak up and help a girl out…if they feel so strongly about it.

  11. I’m full of so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, reading these posts and watching this video.

    The first thing is: I am so, so sorry for your heartbreak. I know it’s real and I know it’s huge. I am grasping for anything to say to give a little bit of comfort, but I suspect that the sympathy of a stranger is just so small, next to your loss.

    The second thing is: if this tragedy had to happen to the two of you, and if you had to be harassed by bottom-feeders outside of your clinic, I am impossibly grateful to you both for documenting the experience. I have been volunteering as an abortion clinic escort for about a year (since Dr. Tiller was killed) and it’s breathtaking to me how vile the harassment outside clinics is. But equally breathtaking is how many people say to me (if this comes up in conversation, and call me a zealot, but I’m sick of the silence, so I make sure it does): “I had no idea this was happening.”

    The choir I preach to knows it for sure. And now, so do the people whose lives intersect with yours. So thank you. I HAVE to have hope that shining a light on the hate these people peddle will help fight it. And, oh, it is hate. If those horrible women cannot hear YOUR story, of all stories, without being able to resist the kneejerk response of arguing with you and judging you and shaming you and calling you names—well, then, it’s clear that there’s no Christian love in those shriveled hearts. None.

    The last thing I want to share is a site that may be helpful, if you haven’t found it already. It’s called “A Heartbreaking Choice.” They’re stories, resources, and forums for those who’ve suffered a loss similar to yours. The address is http://www.aheartbreakingchoice.com . Uh, it’s 1996-ugly over there, but: good stuff anyway.

    Again, I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that now the so-called pro-lifers of the internet are showering you with still more of that Christian love that would make Christ ashamed. But you’re both pretty kick-ass to take them on, and pretty kick-ass to share with everyone else. Best of luck to you both, and to your beautiful son.

  12. MJ, thank you for sharing your story with us. It was a heartbreaking one and I’m sure not easy to share. The treatment you endured at the hands of the protesters, during one of the worst moments of your life was appalling and I’m sorry you had all that negative emotion piled on top of all the emotions you were feeling.
    We all have things we believe strongly in, I know that. I have my own. In my case, though, I live my beliefs quietly. I wish the protesters would have done the same. They are preventing women from getting the medical attention they need.
    Aaron was pretty gutsy and courageous for what he did. Good for him!
    I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I’ll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. Hello, MJ! I am so sorry for your and Aaron’s loss. It had to be a difficult thing to go through, not to mention having the added pressure from those protesters. Unbelievable.

    Stay strong!

  14. MJ — DF’s my guy, which makes you my girl. love, thoughts and prayers are what i’ve been channeling to you. i read the post about that horrific encounter just yesterday and i agree w/ your assessment. aaron did do something heroic. the reason he doesn’t think so is because he’s blinded by the love for you which guided his actions. and that, too, is a noble thing, indeed.

    one quick note — please don’t confuse the knitwits you saw carrying pictures of Jesus, yet spewing hate rhetoric, to be Christians in any other regard than name only. and how you categorize does not define you, no matter what your self-assessment is. how you portray yourself is what counts. those folks are Christians. they’re hate-filled cowards.

    do they deserve your ire? you bet.

    but don’t forget, they deserve your pity, too.

    again, i’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. i sincerely hope and pray that you find the perfect path toward healing.

    much, much, much love… john cave osborne

  15. Hey MJ,

    For what it’s worth I am really proud of you and Aaron. Proud of Aaron for being a true man and sticking up for his family (and documenting it and sharing it), and proud of you for breaking your silence. Please continue to take care of each other, and fight the good fight.

    Liz

  16. You are so lucky to have such an awesome husband. I’m sorry about your baby. Must have been so hard and then to have those people yelling at you — those people who know NOTHING about you — must have been so horrible. I love how he told you on the way home.

    So, as a result of your story, I’m interested again in being an escort. Walking with women going into clinics to help protect him against these people. I walked with a friend once into one and it was helpful for her. I’ve been the one walking in too.

    Thanks for writing a post!! It’s wonderful to hear your voice.

  17. {Hugebigassbearhugs}

    You my dear, are one hell of a woman and I applaud your courage and GREATLY appreciate you sharing your unimaginable, heartbreaking yet courageous story with us.

    My prayers are with you and your beautiful family

    XOXO

  18. I’ve always been against abortion but I have never stopped think about a woman, such as yourself, having to go to a place like this for the reason you did. You didn’t want to be there. You wanted your baby. I’m not the type to stand outside of a clinic with signs and scream at the women going inside, but I have never really stopped to think about their situations either until now. You and your husband have really opened a lot of eyes by sharing this with the world, including mine, and I’m glad you did.

    I pray that you are able to conceive another baby and have a very healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby because you deserve it.

  19. On behalf of women everywhere (and also just from me, having been in something akin to your shoes), THANKS to you and your husband for being so brave and so vocal. The hate that’s paraded around under a banner of “life” makes me want to puke.

  20. MJ, I have always known you were a strong woman (back in our Berkshire Towers days), but through this you have also shown grace and compassion. Lots of love and support to you, Aaron and Will.

  21. Hi MJ, I hate what you and Aron are going through. When my wife and I lost our first pregnancy at 22 weeks it was one of the hardest things I had ever experienced. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Aron as you go through this shitty time in your life.

    Kevin

  22. MJ, I applaud both you and Aaron for your amazing strength and unshakable love for each other. You have faced the harshest adversity as a parent, and I believe you will both be stronger. You faced hatred and closed-mindedness and did not let it stop you. I praise both of you and I will continue to pray for your strength and courage to move on. Know that ya’ll are very loved and surrounded by people who will support you in any way we can.

  23. mj- i left a comment on your husband’s post yesterday with the video and i had very few words. i simply stated that i commended him on taking action and was so sorry for your loss.

    while that still holds true, after reading your words, i feel convicted to share even more in my comment… again, my deepest condolences to you and your husband for the loss you have endured. i have not experienced a miscarriage, my husband and i have a 27 month old little maniac.

    but i was raped nearly 10 years ago and have experienced the wrath of protesters outside of the clinic where i graciously received the morning after pill out of fear of a pregnancy resulting from the rape.

    i too consider the action your husband took to be heroic.

    and i wish you peace.

  24. @nic: I can’t speak for my wife, but thank you for sharing that. That could not have been easy to post. The fact that you suffered a life-altering atrocity and then had to endure people screaming at you to protect a rapist’s potential offspring makes me so furious I can’t even see straight.

    By the way, our son is 27 months too so you have a new reader of your blog. Thanks again!

  25. Courage seems abundant in your family. It took a lot of it to write for us during the toughest time in your life. Especially given your last experience with guest blogging and your personal nature! Maybe this experience will you set you guys on the path of helping others in similar circumstances. Your tragedy may be someone’s blessing. Maybe the lack of protesters saved someones life that day. Someone that otherwise would have fled and paid a serious price.

  26. Thank you both for sharing your story with us. I agree, Aaron IS a hero for what he did. What happened to you all absolutely enrages me, but hopefully good things can come from revealing the truth behind those uninformed, uneducated and hateful people.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  27. the people who protest outside clinics and condemn women for their actions are not spreading the word of god, or trying to save unborn babies.

    they are merely unfocused zealots who have been brainwashed to believe that their religion/beliefs/morals are those that all mankind should adhere to.

    no one person has the right to judge another.

    it saddens me to see all the hate and anger in this world…and in your situation, the judgment of others towards you when they know not what you suffer.

    i lost a baby nine years ago by miscarriage, and it doesn’t matter how your pregnancy ends…when there is no child to be held and loved afterwards it is heartbreaking for all who had dreams for him or her.

    my condolences to you.

  28. Bravo to you.

    Each of us has our intensely personal struggles, but it takes a special kind of bravery to speak out and speak for those who just can’t. I think the comment left by @theladya is proof of the importance of what you did here today. Nothing in life is even a little bit black or white.

    Well done.

    And I’m so sorry for your heart.

  29. I was directed here by Thingamababy, and simply wanted to say thank you. My son is just over two and we are talking about a second child and I appreciate you sharing what’s happened to you over this whole experience.

  30. Heroic actions were taken in a time of great pain and sorrow. Aaron, job well done for stepping up and taking those actions. MJ, the pain you must feel is heartbreaking to those of us following the journey. I hope and pray the both of you find peace in the coming days.

    And I just want to reiterate what has been said before. There is a difference between pro-life and anti-choice. The God I believe in with all my heart calls on me to love my neighbor as myself, and to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Never would I want to cause another pain and humiliation, because I don’t want that done to me.

    He also reminds me that it is not my place to judge others. However, to completely break that command, I judge the two of you to be some of the bravest, loving and couragous souls I have ever found. Good luck to you as you move forward.

  31. I came here through Thingamababy. I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. It is horrible – HORRIBLE – that you had to terminate your pregnancy in the first place, and even more so with all of the other chaos people so unfairly threw into your life. I am picking up the feed for your blog, and hope to read soon that you are adding to your family, if that is what you choose to do. You are both very brave and strong people for everything you did, and for sharing it with the world.

  32. Hi there Aaron,
    I know your dad from way back and found your blog and MJ’s recent post after getting a link from a mutual friend.
    I just wanted to take a minute to say I admire you so much for several reasons: for confronting those protesters, for being so open with your feelings, for encouraging others to speak their minds, for being such a great writer, and for being such a loving husband and father.

    Some years back my husband and I went through a very similar nightmare – we were joyfully anticipating our first baby after an early miscarriage, I was 15 weeks pregnant when I got the news that our baby had a terrible rare birth defect. This child, too, would either die in my womb or be born destined to die a miserable death within a few days. Devastating and horrible as it was to imagine, our choice to terminate the pregnancy was clear. We were fortunate in that we never encountered protesters and our healthcare professionals were unfailingly sympathetic and sensitive.

    Your blog posts capture so much exactly of what we felt and went through – the questions of burial, the agony of encounters with happy pregnant women and babies. I share all this just to say again that I admire you, that I share your pain from a distance, and that I send you all my heartfelt and most sincere wishes for peace in your hearts and joy in your lives. The pain and anger does mellow and even disappear eventually, I assure you, and all the happiness of your darling son and good marriage will help speed the healing for you both.

    Please give my very best to your father and a special hug to your wife from a stranger-now-friend who’s been there.

    The happy postscript is that soon after our sad sad time, I got pregnant again and we have a totally healthy and wonderful 7-year-old boy now who is named for my dad Henri, who was your dad’s principal.

    Warm regards,
    Henrietta

  33. Thank you for sharing your side MJ and just want to express to you how sorry I am that you two had to go through all of this.

  34. MJ – I was introduced to Aaron’s blog by a mutual friend who was at a loss for words over the news you had received from the ultrasound. I’ve been following his blog ever since. I admire the courage and strength that the two of you have as you go through this entire ordeal. I cannot even pretend to imagine all that you both have gone through and I’m very sorry for your loss.

    I applaude your decision to speak out and I applaude Aaron for standing up to the protestors. If your thoughts/feelings/experience help even one woman, you’ve paved the way for every woman from here on out.

    Again, I am sorry for your & Aaron’s loss and wish you all the best in the future! I’ll be staying in touch with the blog!

  35. I am very sorry for your loss. I’ve not been in your shoes, and I know no words of comfort, other than to express my sympathy.

    I am so happy that your husband took a stand against the protesters. I’ll never understand why they can’t find a better use of their time. My OB/GYN’s office performs abortions for medical reasons only (like yours; a strictly voluntary abortion wouldn’t be performed there, but a medically necessary one for an existing patient would be) and during my pregnancy with my first child, I had to endure the protesters at each visit. It was ridiculous to witness this! I don’t know what happened, but they were, thankfully, gone during my 2nd pregnancy.

    Again, I am sorry for your loss.

  36. MJ, I love you!

    And Henrietta, thank you so much. Your Dad was such an influence in so many lives (including mine) and it is obvious he and your Mom produced an amazing daughter. Thank you so much, and give little Henri a hug for me!

  37. @DaddyFiles just wanted to respond to your comment above and say thank you. i have come a long way since being raped almost 10 years ago and speak of it quite openly now in the hopes of promoting awareness and advocating for survivors. i appreciate your sensitivity so much.

    squeeze that 27 month old of yours, and know that you too have a new reader who has the utmost respect for you.

    peace,
    nic

  38. I am soo very sorry for what you had to go through. I just had an emergency D&C myself and couldn’t imagine having protesters involved! It was gut wrenching enough without.

    Your husband is indeed a keeper!

  39. MJ, I’m terribly sorry about what you’ve gone through these past couple of weeks — but I’m glad you had Aaron there with you ever step of the way, and I’m doubly glad that you’re proud of his extraordinary grace and courage in the face of such blatant assholery. Which may not be a word, but which should be.

  40. I am so sorry for what happened to you. I wish you all the healing in the world and this just proves we need to do what we can to shame these arrogant pricks into silence.

  41. MJ, I commented on the original post and I wanted to come back to once again express my condolences to you. I am sorry you had to not only deal with the loss of your baby but the hate of people you don’t even know. No one should have to endure what you and your husband endured. Exposing these people has really helped to shine a light on the harassment women have to face on what is arguably the worst day in their lives. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story.

  42. Just goes to show what I’ve been saying all along. Compared to you, Aaron is a pussy.

  43. BiggestBroEver: Putting aside the fact that this is not a religious debate and I won’t have it turn into one, there is one absolutely hilarious thing to note…

    MJ is Catholic and very much believes in God. I don’t, but she does. Please refer to our previous wars over whether or not to baptize Will as evidence.

    Feel free to leave comments, but stay on point.

  44. Daddy Files: Ignore Thebiggestbro ever. He is very off topic and wrong on so many levels.

    I dont believe in God, but feel no animosity towards those who do. That being said, I think what you did took a lot of courage, and most people would not have done that. Plus, you were as nice as could be when two people just insulted and hurt your wife. Major props, hope everything went well!

  45. The Humanist who clings to values such as morality and ethics is no different than the theist who clings to values such as hope and faith.

    Can you prove to me humans hold rights anymore than you can prove to me a god exists? Face it, The Atheist who claims to hold absolute knowledge in a lack of a deity is no less foolish than the theist who claims their doctrine is unquestionable, This is an utmost fact, The entire debate for and against god are both metaphysical positions made up of opinions, there is little truth to be found and even less facts to be proven.

  46. Thank you for speaking out, both of you. I’m so glad that somebody finally called these assholes out on their tirades and preaching of hatred. This whole ordeal makes me want to do the same and help victims of their harassment however I can, and I plan to should I ever get the opportunity.

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through, even without the harassment. I’m very thankful that you and your husband have the courage to stand up to these monsters and share doing so with the rest of us; you’ve inspired me greatly and I hope to continue what you two have started. I wish you both the best of luck in the future.

  47. Hello Aaron.

    I wanted to thank you and your wife for sharing your story. This is something that most people never have to go through; something that most people can’t even conceive of happening to them. I’ve been fortunate, myself. I’ve never had to support friends or family members through something as heart-wrenching as this. Which is why I’m all the more grateful that you are sharing this in such frank and raw language.

    Exposing your pain and grief and frustration to strangers across the world probably seems like a strange thing to some people, but in the end, you’re stating one side of an argument that few people ever hear. With most news coverage gravitating around clinic bombings, pro-life activism, ethical issues and moral debate, we lose sight of the people at the heart of the issue. People like you and MJ.

    But then, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, judging from the outpouring of well wishes and empathy in your comments. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your grief, and me and mine wish you all the best. Our thoughts are with you.

  48. Thank you both…this is what it really feels like as a woman, as a couple, this is never a decision made easily or in isolation. thank you so much for sharing this horrific moment in your lives so that others can understand. my thoughts and prayers are with you. be well.

  49. I’m incredibly moved by your courage, both you and your wife. I’m so angered that you experienced such hatred and judgement at such a horrible, difficult time. It just reminds me that we can never really know what other people are going through. Who are we to judge? Sending you love and hope peace comes your way shortly.

  50. Everyone has already covered your bravery (both of you) and I have tried to be as supportive to Aaron as I can be from 900 miles away but, MJ, please know that despite the years that have separated us, Dave and I have thought of you every day through this and hope that you and Aaron find peace in this hard time. We owe you so much- don’t think we have forgotten it. You were always stronger than anyone else I know- as this post shows. It’s nice to know some things never change, despite life’s cruelties.

  51. This is my first time stumbling upon your blog and I’m so effin’ glad I did. You are both my heroes. It’s comforting to know that there are still people in this world who haven’t shoved their close-minded heads up their tight asses. I commend your strength, feel for your situation and wish I could give you some definite high-fiveage for putting the holier-than-thou crowd in their place. You’re especially rockstars for sharing the story. I’m sure many people needed to hear it.

  52. ThebestIsYettocome: What on earth are you talking about? This is a woman who went through a harrowing situation, and all you can say is some cooked-up, cryptic nonsense about not being able to prove human rights. How… contrived…
    …I mean, come on! Is northing sacred to Man? How can we do anything as humans if there is no good for which we strive. Well… I won’t lose my head. But I will have you know that there are Christian Humanists out there, and that I am one of them.

    MJ: I hope my retaliatory post in your defense didn’t unintentionally add to the potential violence that could come to this thread. Stay strong!

  53. It takes strength to write when someone or something pierces the soul, and I have to say your words are clear and to the point. I hope that you proceed with recovery without any obstacles, and also I am relieved that you point out the opportunities given to others. Thank you for your words on this matter. I am honored to read them.

  54. I’m so glad you have a husband who did stand up for you. Because on that day, you deserved nothing more than the utmost respect and for people to support you, not belittle you for something you weren’t even doing. I am sickened that you had to deal with those people on that day. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story here, though it must be very hard.

  55. I am sorry that you had to go through that, all of it, and I am grateful that you had someone with you who could provide such excellent support.
    I had an abortion at the age of 21, and while it was the best decision I could make at the time, the protesters made it even more excruciating, a thing I hadn’t thought would be possible.
    I thank you for sharing this.

  56. Love you cousin!!! You are, by far, one of the strongest women I have ever known!

  57. I am so proud of you. You did the thing you had to do, that you didn’t want to do, and you have a wonderful husband that supports you.

    No one will know what a woman feels when she has to go through something like this. It is different for each of us. For anyone to tidily cast things as pro choice or anti choice, they are trying to make something as complex as the human experience into black and white. There is nothing simple or black and white about it, just as life is not simple. Neither is death.

    Stay strong, know that you did right because it was what you had to do, and be thankful you live somewhere where this right, however weakened it has become, is still available to us.

    I found you via Blogography.

  58. I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you and Aaron. As a Christian person those people make me sick for judging and spreading hatred. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.

  59. I found you through Thingamababy. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I terminated a pregnancy 3 years ago for anencephaly. I think there are a lot of us out there, but so many are afraid to tell their story. I have always been very vocal about what happened to us, and am grateful I was able to deliver in a hospital. As providers dwindle, I am fearful what the future holds for thousands of other women. I am grateful for what your husband did and posted on you tube. I forwarded it to my best friend, whose sister also terminated for a fatal defect. I see your husband is a journalist, maybe he will help tell our stories…

  60. I am so very sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing your story with us. I think that takes a lot of courage. I hope you and your family are well, I look forward to reading more posts in the near future. Bright Blessings your way :)

  61. MJ and Aaron, I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a child is a forever life-changing thing and nothing is the same again. You two seem to have a wonderful commitment to each other, your son and to life. I have no doubt in my mind that you will come through this stronger even. I lost my first child, a daughter also, at 23-24 weeks gestation due to severe eclampsia. Her name was megan Leigh. We were told that she was not yet viable according to testing, but the pregnancy had to be terminated to save my life. Before things proceeded to that point, we took a very bad turn for the worst and they delivered her in a crash c-section the next day. She did survive for one week, but all in all, she just wasn’t strong enough yet and we lost her.

    I’m been a part time clinic escort over the last year or so. Recently, I’ve avoided the clinic altogether. I wasn’t sure if we were even making a difference or if a difference could even BE made. Your experience reminds where I need to be though and it’s back to fighting for the rights I believe in, the ability to keep other women from having to walk through that gauntlet of shame alone, and doing my best to serve as a shield between those protesters and the women that need me there. Thank you for bring that reminder sharply into focus for me.

    I wish you and your family the very best possible.

  62. MJ,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us all, that took an incredible amount of courage to write after such an ordeal. They had no right to judge the decision you and Aaron made, you did the only thing you could have done in the circumstances. I feel so sorry for your loss, since it’s clear that baby Alex was very much wanted.

    I simply can’t understand the mindset of these protesters that they want to cause so much distress to women – they’re no better than the WBC. At times like this, I feel fortunate to live in the UK and not the US. Their arrogance is breathtaking, and they should be ashamed of themselves for behaving like that.

    There are a great many people who I’m sure will be thinking of you and wishing your family all the best (myself included).

  63. thank you for sharing your story. i’m so sorry for your loss. no woman should ever go through this.

    those protesters – their karmas will catch up with them.

    your hubby sounds like aces. i pray for peace as you and your hubby heal from losing alex.

  64. Thank you for sharing this on behalf of others who have had to make this choice. I was “lucky” enough to have my termination in a maternity ward, so I didn’t have to go through the protesters. Our lost baby had no bladder, kidney and his/her lungs would never work. This baby was planned and loved and wanted. I hope you get the peace you need to survive this hard time. God Bless.

  65. I don’t know you guys, but I love you anyways! I can’t begin to understand the pain you are enduring but I can sympathise with you on the loss of your child. 2 months ago today we lost our child. I have 2 sons from a previous relationship, who are “happy accidents”, but this would have been JM’s first child. We planned this one and it took 2 years for me to get pregnant and just days after we decided that even if the baby had Downs Syndrome or anything of that nature we’d keep the baby no matter what, I started spotting. The next day we found out in the ER that there was no heartbeat anymore. Fortunately I passed it naturally and didn’t have to go through what you did at a clinic, but you handled yourselves much better than we would have been able to. We probably would have been arrested, both of us… I admire your openness and honesty and your ability to share your story with the world. I wish you all the best in the world.

  66. I just ran across this. Taking your experiences to the next level in anyway that can potentially make the lives of the next people who walk in your shoes easier is heroic. There’s very little room for people to make judgments with enough conviction to warrant picketing. Way to think on your feet, man.

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