MJ Speaks Out!

This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

As I have started to mourn my early and mid-20s (I tried to fit into my old club clothes and shoes, it did not go so well) today it made me reminisce when Aaron and I started dating and how household chores and general roles played out in our relationship. It also got me thinking how much he used to do and now that Will has come into our lives how little he does and how much more I do now.


In the beginning, I lived in a one-bedroom loft in Mansfield, MA. It was an old deli storefront turned into an apartment. I loved this place. Wonderful location, great neighbors, and no guys. I moved out of a great house rent free living with my

Dad and brother, which is not a bad deal for a right-out-of-college 20-something woman who was taking on the world. Except, as we all have learned, being married and living with guys is not the cleanest thing in the world. I’m not claiming that you could eat off the floor in my house but I always tried to have my house clean. These included the clean sheets, dishes done, and clean clothes to wear. This quickly changed when Aaron and I started dating.


At first it was all fun and games. That new relationship where you always have your best foot forward and never want to let your guard down. As most of you know it does not take Aaron long to let his guard down. Shortly into our relationship I realized that he has NO clue about running a household. All it took was a trip to his house in Brighton.


Upon entering his house (which was cleaned according to him and his roommates) you are met with the stench of stale beer, dirty socks (underwear), and a faint odor of random girls. As you continued through the house you were met with sticky floors, molding food, and a fridge that had nothing but beer! I should have run but love makes you do things you never would do.      


As our relationship grew so did my understanding (lack thereof) of men and their idea of timely cleaning and getting things done. It was not until we bought our house did I understand that Aaron need to be “trained” he has no idea how to do his own laundry, clean a bathroom properly (yes, men there is a way to clean a bathroom), or that things need to be done in a timely manner.


Timely manner is not in Aaron’s vocabulary. His idea of timely is letting the dishes sit in the sink for a week until I do them because our house smells like a dump because of the food left at the bottom of the sink. I can remember one time we had a dinner party and Aaron “did the dishes” but left all the hand washable dishes in the other side of the sink. They sat there being switched from one sink to another for weeks until I did them. Once I did them I place them to the side of the sink to let them dry. Bad idea! Aaron placed them back in the sink to be washed. This went on until I made him wash them himself. He finally got the idea.


As wives we should not have to wait until our husbands feel it is the right time to do their chores. They should do it that day or when we asked. I have been asking Aaron to put in an AC in our wall for over a year. It is still sitting in our hall closet. Granted Aaron is not the handiest person around but all of our friends are and they have offered to help us but he has not done it.


This brings me to our other problem in our house. Our deck. Our deck looks like a dump swap. We have a couch, chairs, bikes, and not one but two grills. I have been asking Aaron to get a truck and move the stuff off the deck since early March it still has not disappeared.


I guess his idea of timely is when I get so mad that I throw the stuff at him. This is a much better method then nagging him until he gets off the couch and does it.


For all the lack of housework Aaron does he makes up with how he takes care of Will. Aaron is a great father! He is the most attentive father I have ever met. For the first two weeks of Will’s life I never touched a diaper or do anything but bond with Will. When Aaron is home I never change a diaper, get Will in his PJs, or put Will to bed. For all of Aaron’s faults I would not change a thing about him!

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7 thoughts on “MJ Speaks Out!

  1. So he doesn’t always do what you want him to do when you tell him to do it? That bastard!

  2. Great post MJ! Ah ha…yes, chore debate. We had a reckoning after I moved in and it was a nightmare. But, I’ve got a solution! Give Aaron a date that you want the deck/closet/clothes cleaned up. If it’s not done by then, everything left on the deck/closet/clothes that is his goes to the dump or to charity trucks. It only took one time of me emptying the floor of his clothes to Goodwill before he figured out that I’m not the maid. Can’t wait to read your next post!

  3. We just had this debate TODAY!!!

    I’m 34 weeks pregnant and I cook, clean and watch our son AND work all day. When he gets home I take a break…passed few days, he’s been taking a break with me.

    He sprained his wrist and so I give him that…it’s painful to do stuff…but HELLO EVERYDAY IS PAINFUL TO ME!!!

    I think it’s a matter of communicating. He’s not all that good at it, I tried to talk about it delicately and he got angry with me…but no sooner than 4 minutes went by when he was loading teh dishwasher, doing the laundry and bathing our son and proceeded to put him to bed…

    I sometimes think we need to understand what we each go through during the day…he’s a man though, and he’ll never know how exhausting it is to be this pregnant and to be a mom to a three year old all day, while cleaning the house and working and doing the finances…When he comes home he talks about work…as if I were jsut sitting here on my butt all day…he just needs to know…just like when Aaron mentioned his realization when he spent the day home how he appreciates everything you do. Face it, guys will put off what they can on some degree…but Aaron and my Bobby will never put off being a Dad.

  4. I can’t hold back from posting any longer. Are you serious?? First of all, read all of the posts on here over the past few months. Look at every time that Aaron is at all critical of women, mothers, or his wife in any way. Immediately afterwards he goes on to bend over backwards in effusive praise for all three groups.

    So when Aaron is there, he primarily takes care of the baby? So when he’s not there, handling the baby is too much to do anything else, but when he is there, he should be able to handle the baby and do all of his “chores?” If he’s a good boy will he get his allowance this month?

    It’s always fun and easy to pick on the guys. A mother’s role is harder, I don’t think anyone’s arguing that. But the amount of credit and respect mothers generally get reflects that for the most part.

    I saw a father’s day card last week that summed it up quite nicely. It said “do you know why Father’s Day is in June? Because about a month after Mother’s Day someone said “hey, did we forget someone?”

    I didn’t want to comment, I didn’t want to rush to Aaron’s defense, but I just couldn’t help myself.

  5. In my house I’m the cleaning challenged person. He was in the army so it’s more ingrained for him. Even at that, with three young boys and a lot of varied interests, cleaning always takes a backseat. Then we’ll be having guests or the plumber, landlord or electrician coming over and I freak out about the house being a mess and people seeing it as if I haven’t blithely ignored it for weeks.

    I am better about it in the warm months though. I have a strong aversion to fruit flies and spiders so I tend to stay on top of it more. Also, buying a Dyson vacuum makes cleaning more fun, lol. I don’t know if it’s just a need to justify spending that much on a vacuum or if it’s the vacuum itself but I do use it more.

  6. I thought I was the only person with 2 grills sitting on my deck. One goes unused and has dead leaves in it. I also have two ugly chairs donated from the boyfriend’s mom that we’ll never use and an old roommates ugly table that now has some sort of mold growing on it from being outside since last spring.

    Rotting food in the sink is the worst. All I ask is that he scrape the food into the trash (directly under the sink) rather than leave food covered plates to sit and mold. Too difficult, I guess.

    We’ve been living together for over two years now. I can’t imagine how different it must be to be married and have a child. I love reading this blog because it gives me some idea of things to expect in the future, and it’s awesome that we’re getting to read your side of things too.

  7. Hey MJ! I am so happy to see you post! I am a huge fan of Aaron’s blog. Ray and I are expecting number three any day now (I have a c/s scheduled for Mon). I find that if I write a “to do list” of general things I would like to get done in say a weekend and then just start tackling them one by one and crossing them off, Ray will usually join in. This way I am not asking/telling him what to do but he clearly knows what needs to be done. It took me a few years to come up with this idea, but I now swear by it. I hope to read more from you soon!

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