I’ve been sick for a week with my third sinus infection in four months. And because I’m an idiot, each time I’ve been sick I’ve tried to beat it myself. Using a mixture of positive thinking, DayQuil and NyQuil, I set out to conquer my stuffy, congested demons. Which, of course, fails miserably and just delays my recovery time until I break down, call into work sick and go to the doctor.
But even though I’m miserable, the only silver lining is after I see the doctor, when I take the rest of the day as a sick day.
Yes I’m stuffed up, coughing and constantly hacking up green mucous. But at least I’m home on the couch. So while I’m resting, I’m enjoying a rare moment to watch whatever I want on TV. Whether it’s catching up on On Demand shows like Californication or my new favorite Shameless, I delight in being a total couch potato because I know I won’t have the opportunity again for ages.
This morning I couldn’t take not breathing anymore so I called in sick and prepared myself for the doctor’s office, and then a day filled with movies and TV. Until my plans changed rapidly.
“He’s got a fever of 101,” MJ said this morning. “Looks like you’ve got company.”
Most dad bloggers would lie to you right now and talk about how cool it is to have a day at home with their kid. But I, dear readers, am honest. And that’s why you love me. Or at least put up with me. So for the sake of transparency, I will tell you my initial reaction went something like this:
Instead of watching Hank Moody hook up with beautiful, naked women on Showtime I’d now be sitting through Mickey & Minnie flying to Mars. It meant Timmy the sheep and Handy Manny would be gracing my TV, when what I really wanted to watch is William H. Macy & his family of hilarious white trash scam artists drop F-bombs and act out their shenanigans all over the Windy City. And instead of playing a few games of Bond wherein I get to shoot as many people as I want and blow them up with grenades and timed mines, I’d be trying to dodge landmines of my own when Will takes a huge dump in his pull up.
Look, it’s not that I don’t love Will. I do. But he’s a little kid. And when I’m sick, I’m even more of a little kid. I know I speak out against stereotypes, but in this case I’m a classic male. I turn into a whiny little bitch when I’m sick and I just want to be left to my own selfish devices. Except when I need something, at which point I attempt to guilt MJ into acting like my personal maid. I’m terrible.
But I can’t be terrible with a sick toddler at home.
The day started off rocky. Will kept saying “I want something dad. I want something.” When I asked him what he wanted, he would only tell me to come walk with him. I told him dad’s sick and resting on the couch. That led to tears. Which led to me yelling which led to more tears. Which ended in a timeout. For Will, not me.
Then we watched some TV. But apparently when a kid is on the brink of turning 3, he turns into John Madden. Which is to say he turns into Captain Obvious and narrates everything that happens on whatever TV show you’re watching, even though you’re right there and can see everything. Moreover, he makes me confirm it and repeat what he’s said for good measure. Case in point:
“Dada, Mickey Mouse in a rocket ship.”
“Yup. Mickey’s in a rocket ship.”
“Dad, Donald with Mickey in the rocket ship.”
“Dad, Donald with Mickey in the rocket ship. Dad. Dad. Dad, Donald with Mickey in the rocket ship. Dad. Dada. Dada, Donald—”
“Yes buddy. Yes. Donald is with Mickey in the rocket ship. Gotcha.”
“Dad, where they goin in the rocket ship?”
“Hopefully they’re aiming straight for us.”
“What Dad? The rocket ship is coming here????? Yay!!! Tell Mama, Dad. Tell Mama Mickey is coming here in a rocket ship.”
But after I got over being a selfish prick (and apologized for mistakenly telling my soon-to-be 3-year-old he was getting a visit from Mickey), we got out a book. Then a puzzle. And pretty soon we were having a ball. Granted it was begrudgingly, but it still ended up being pretty fun.
However, I can’t wait til he’s old enough to watch my shows and blow stuff up in Bond!