My Kid’s a Money-Maker

I had the day off yesterday so Will and I spent it with my parents. Well, to be honest, Will spent most of the day with my parents as I took the opportunity to get absolutely hooked on the hit TV show Sons of Anarchy. If you don’t watch it, start immediately. It’s unreal.

But I did tear myself away from the boob tube long enough for us all to go out to lunch together.

So as we got out of the car my dad told me Will needed a diaper change. And since many men’s rooms are not equipped with that nifty little changing table, I decided to change Will on the back seat of the car. Imagine my surprise when I undid his diaper and found a welcome surprise staring me in the face.

A quarter.

Will had a shiny quarter firmly pressed against him just south of his belly button and above his junk. At first I was dumbfounded and I just stared at it for a second. I thought maybe he had grabbed a quarter and jammed it down into his diaper, but then I realized I had him dressed in a onsie. There was no way he could’ve accessed the front of his diaper. And my dad swears up and down there was no money of any kind in my son’s nether regions when he last changed him.

So what happened? I have three theories:

1) Will is a good looking young man. So good looking, in fact, I think he realizes it and he’s putting it to good use. When we’re not looking closely enough I’m pretty sure Will is harnessing his inner Chippendale and stripping for money. All of these “play groups” he’s in are nothing more than an opportunity for Will to shake his money maker at all the rich little female toddlers. He throws “Wheels on the Bus” on the CD player and suddenly a gaggle of crazed little girls start stuffing money into his diaper. Kid probably takes home more per week than I do.

2) I’ve always known my kid is money, but now that he actually defecates $$$ I’m even more amazed. Not only doesn’t his shit stink, it’s profitable. He must be aware that we don’t qualify for Welfare or other social assistance programs, so my little Houdini is popping quarters straight out of his body for us. That’s a good son. I just hope he didn’t eat a dollar and lose the 75 cents in change!

3) This may be the least likely scenario considering my other two theories are exotic dancer and Will’s puported ability to turn feces into U.S. currency, but I’m thinking maybe, just maybe, Grandpa hasn’t quite mastered the art of the diaper change.

Nah!! I like the first two better.

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12 thoughts on “My Kid’s a Money-Maker

  1. Will said “Let me put a quarter in my diaper – I bet my Dad blogs about it”. As usual, he was right. The kid knows you.

  2. what ‘state’ was on the qtr? I need a south dakota to complete my useless set. then again if it’s a NY qtr it is truly sh__!

  3. Not to rain on your parade, but he totally could have dropped it down the collar of his onesie and it could have slipped into his diaper… but, nah, you’re probably right about the pooping money thing….

  4. Hey Hey Hey Daddy Files. Shake Shake Shake that Money Maker 🙂 Look how your fantasizing at Will’s age now. You gonna live your life vicariously through him 🙂 Sounds good Daddio!

  5. Damn. Will’s like the goose that laid the golden egg…don’t question the quarter. Just accept it.

    Just think…if he produces one a day, you’ll be able to play the slots….

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