No Sex in Front of College Roommates

In a story that is comical yet sickeningly telling of where we’re headed in today’s society, the Boston Herald is reporting that Tufts University has crafted an institutional rule against hooking up with someone while your roommate is present.

This is one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a while.

First of all, if this rule was in effect when I was in college I’d still be in jail. Hell, my roommate freshman year not only could’ve had me locked up, but I’d probably still be paying the lawsuit he inflicted upon me. And you know what? We’re still friends to this day. As roommates we knew there would be times one of us kicks the other one out in the name of getting some ass. Because dammit, THAT is what college is about. Sure it’s about learning and bettering yourself, but make no mistake, 75% of the college experience is the social aspect of it all. And that includes the ability to be free from parental constraints with a place of your own to have crazy (albeit safe) monkey sex with as many people as possible.

But beyond the puritanical bullshit part of that story is a more disturbing trend. And that is the further pussification of today’s youth.

Look, dealing with a roommate is College 101. Sometimes you luck out and get a good one and you’re friends forever. But most times you get someone with a different background and a whole other set of values and beliefs. So guess what? You need to work it out. You need to learn the art of communication and compromise. Basically, you need to learn how to resolve differences and learn to live in the real world.

So if your roommate is banging his girlfriend and you have a big test the next day, then TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. Instead of the administration making rules for every single scenario that might arise which only serves to coddle these kids, let them hash it out on their own. With all the technology available today there should be no confusion. If you bring a girl home, text message your roommate to see if it’s cool. Or if you’re that one guy out there without a cell phone, you can always put the towel on the door knob.

Or, if you’re an inconsiderate prick like me, you just toss all of your roommate’s stuff out into the common room and tell him you owe him one. But either way, let these kids deal with it on their own instead of trying to legislate every single little bit of conflict that comes up.

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11 thoughts on “No Sex in Front of College Roommates

  1. I didn’t know whether to laugh or shake my head in sadness when I heard this on the news. It’s completely ridiculous – going to the administration because of a minor disagreement about how your roommate is spending his/her time? I can see getting some assistance if your roommate is performing a nightly ritual of sacrificing a chicken all over your laptop, but this is just a normal communal living issue. You are correct – it is simply the next step in doing everything for the next generation so that they are too pampered and entitled to do anything for themselves.

  2. It drives me crazy to see how seemingly every situation brings about a new rule or law now. Are we as a society incapable of solving our own problems anymore? Do we need someone to tell us how to behave in every aspect of our personal life? What a crock. Leave it up to the powers that be to legislate the fun right out of life.

  3. Damn right you’d owe me a ton of money if this rule was in place! Hell, I even found another room to stay in for Valentine’s Day for a girl who thought Patriot’s Day was a day for the football team, not the patriotic holiday celebrating the Revolutionary War soldiers from Mass. In fact I think you still owe me for that one! Anyways, I think we coddle teenagers too much and need to let them learn how to interact without mommy or daddy (or a college administration in this case) stepping in.

  4. OMG! Too much information on your college days!

    Anywhoo…if you can’t stand the heat, get outta the kitchen. All these kids are whiners. That’s what we get for coddling these brats, giving them cell phones when they’re 9 years old and making rules for every fucking thing under the sun. It makes them unable to experience life to the fullest and realize that people do have sex – sometimes right next to you.

  5. The mind to be that made this rule apparently didn’t do such things while they were in college. Old fogies.

  6. I really don’t need to hear that college 75 percent of college is all about the social aspect as my oldest is a freshman in college on her own for the first time. And please don’t tell me about kicking roommates out of dorm rooms so the remaining roommate can have sex. Please, don’t tell me this! I didn’t have the dorm experience during college since I lived at home. So, you’re saying I missed a lot of sex? Well . . . hmmmmm.

    All I can say is your college experience sounds like a wild ride. My antics sound very tame in comparison.

  7. Oh boy. Sorry SurprisedMom. What I meant to say was college students are rigorous in their studies and think of nothing else but furthering their academic achievements. They shun frat and sorority parties, they have no idea what beer tastes like and they don’t even mingle with the opposite sex.

    Better? ;-)

  8. My favorite segment is this:

    “Things were going swimmingly (or so I thought), and just as I was ready to go nuclear, I was stopped dead in my tracks by MJ.
    MJ: “You know, I’m not a piece of meat.”
    I didn’t respond or really hear her for that matter, because all that was going through my head was “BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES NAKED WIFE BOOBIES!”
    MJ: “Hey! Did you hear me?”
    ME: (realizing she’s talking but not registering the words) “Yeah baby, you’re so hot!”
    MJ: (getting irritated) “Seriously, why do you have to grope me like an animal?”
    ME: (also getting irritated) “Because you’re so hot I can’t help myself. It’s a compliment. Now where were we?”

    Now that seems to be the beginning of the end of ANY quality time that my wife and I have. It is not that she doesn’t get home that late but she is apparently “exhausted” all the time and QT for us doesn’t happen unless it is around 5am or so and…well you get the picture. Anyway I agree with you here Daddy! Score one for another male not being understood.

  9. Can you just imagine what pussy rules will be put in place by the time our sons get to try to spread their wings? The world has gone truly mad!!!!

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