Of Strippers and Wives

Strippers and wives/girlfriends usually don’t mix. In fact, I think the subject of bachelor parties can often lead to some battle royales between men and women. Some guys at the bachelor party this weekend were single and without a care in the world. Others had girlfriends, who had chided them in a good-natured manner about not getting TOO drunk and out of hand when the strippers were around. And then…well, then there’s the third category: the guys who have to lie to their significant others about strippers because their wives/girlfriends are completely nuts and wouldn’t allow them to go if they knew.

You know the type. These women are uptight prudes who consider being in the same room as a stripper a form of infidelity. Now keep in mind, I don’t even like strippers. I’m not kidding around, I actually detest them. Sure they’re usually hot and nice to look at, but I hate the fakeness of it all. They’re not happy to be there and they’re not moaning in ecstasy while strangers grope them for money. And they don’t want to chill out and be friends with you. They’re there for the cash, plain and simple.

But at bachelor parties, strippers are less about sex and more about humiliation for the groom. And I’m OK with that. I won’t go into the details but whether it’s getting smacked on the ass with a belt or having to walk around on all fours barking like a dog, it’s funny to see your buddy get dumped on by a couple of tiny, naked women. And as long as you’re not getting anything “off the menu” afterwards, it’s all good, clean fun.

Until the wet blanket rears her ugly head…

Now I know I’ve given MJ some crap in this space in the past, but the one thing I’ll never take away from her is how cool she is. She doesn’t care about strippers. She knows I’m not going to cheat on her. And she knows it’s a guy thing that’s going to happen whether she likes it or not, so there’s no point in getting upset about it. Hell, I gave her a play by play of my bachelor party antics and she was laughing hysterically. She’s really great like that and it’s just one of the many reasons I married her.

But the mistake some guys make, is thinking that their wives/girlfriends are that cool. They go on and on at the bachelor party about how their girlfriend wouldn’t care. How she’s so awesome. How he’s going to tell her everything and they’ll both have a good laugh. They don’t heed the warnings from the older, more experienced guys who have been there before and made the same mistake. And so they go home and they regale her with stripper stories, expecting a hearty laugh.

Yeah, doesn’t work that way.

Instead she’s angry. Not only that, but in some cases she accuses the guy of cheating on her. And THAT is the most ridiculous part. Cheating is fooling around or sleeping with another person outside of the relationship. Getting a lap dance without kissing or any kind of sexual activity is not cheating. Do you hear me prudes? NOT CHEATING! There isn’t a universe in existence where that would qualify as cheating. Unfortunately, if the guy isn’t willing to stand up for himself he inevitably is made to feel like he did cheat. Like he did do something wrong. And what was a fun, memory-filled night with the boys becomes something dirty. Sinful. Something that can never be discussed again for fear of retribution.

And that sucks. And so does any woman who would take that approach. A guy (hopefully) only gets married once with one bachelor party. So if licking whipped cream off a stripper’s hot body is something he wants to do before he ties the knot, so be it. That’s our right as soon-to-be husbands, and this coming from a guy who doesn’t even like that stuff. Hell, I didn’t even get a lap dance at the bachelor party on Saturday, but I sure as hell don’t begrudge anyone who did.

My grudges are saved for the women who seek to ruin what should be a fun night with friends. Shame on you.

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40 thoughts on “Of Strippers and Wives

  1. I agree with you. Bachelor parties are supposed to be fun. For all the guys. And the women who have such hatred for bachelor parties are the same ones who think looking @ porn is cheating. Prudes.

  2. Daddy Files you are EXACTLY right, women need to be more open minded about those things and be able to laugh. HOWEVER, on the up side of that coin, their mates NEED to share the same attitude and I know a lot of men out there who unfortunately have double standards when it comes to this. It HAS TO BE A 2-WAY STREET.

  3. Techie question … how does one post their picture in the comment section? Probably obvious but is eluding me.

    RE: Party … “humiliation for the groom” doesn’t sound like a fun evening to me but to each his own.

  4. For the same reasons you list, Dave doesn’t care for strippers either. So my complaint isn’t the boobies, it’s the cost.

    Because if you’re going to drop $200, you might as well LIKE it.

  5. This is why people see you as an asshole yano. So your wife is cool with it, and that is one of the many reasons your married her and that is great, but most woman who are NOT cool with it let the men they are seeing know this before they progress into the relationship. So if they knew this going in, they should respect it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about things and you yourself have said we should respect that but you are a hypocrite in that sense. You just attack these woman and calls them prudes and say they are crazy nuts when you do not know any of the reasons they disapprove. Strippers are not just a MEN’S thing, some men do not care for porn or strippers, just like some woman to not care for shopping or heels. Not all men enjoy the same thing, and not all woman are going to be ok with it but that does not give you the right to classify them as crazy, nuts, or prudes. Try opening your mind like you ask everyone else to do instead of lashing out all the time.

  6. Anonyhty:

    To not allow your husband/boyfriend to go to a bachelor party with his friends simply because there will be strippers there is DUMB! That’s my opinion and I’m stating it. I’m not saying these women have to love it, but c’mon! Take the stick out of your ass for one second long enough to see how DUMB it is not to allow someone to do something they really want to do just because you don’t like strippers. That is NUTS, it is DUMB and they are PRUDES.

    I know my wife likes to watch Inside Edition every night. And I am not cool with that. I wasn’t cool with that before we got married and I told her so. By your rationale, she should “respect” me enough to stop watching it because it bothers me so much (and it does!!). But that rationale is complete bullshit, because by doing that you’re simply stomping your feet, getting what you want and claiming that if the other person doesn’t comply then they don’t “respect” you.

    You know what respect is? Respect is disagreeing, yet allowing your significant other to do what makes them happy because you love him/her and you both extend each other that courtesy. Respect does not mean “do what I say or else you’re a disrespectful asshole.” That’s an old trick played on men by women for ages and it’s complete crap.

    So whose mind is really closed here? I would never tell my wife not to do something she really wanted to do, and vice versa. You, on the other hand, want to pass out a list of restrictions to your significant other based on your personal likes and dislikes, and if he dares violate any of them you cry “disrespect.”

    Sorry, but that doesn’t sound like an open mind. At all.

  7. Oh, and Aunt Becky, I agree for the most part. But you shell out the money for the bachelor, not yourself. All the money I spent on Saturday night was for the groom-to-be, not a cent of it was for me.

  8. I think VERY highly of you. You are one of my favorite bloggers and I love that you say what you think, regardless of possible backlash but this:

    “So if licking whipped cream off a stripper’s hot body is something he wants to do before he ties the knot, so be it. That’s our right as soon-to-be husbands…”

    What the fuck? It’s a man’s RIGHT? So what you are saying is that the night (or week, whatever) before a guy is about to pledge his life to someone it is OKAY for him to be doing sexual things with someone else. Am I getting that right? So what if, before getting married, the last thing a woman wanted to do was another man? Would that have been HER right? I can tell you one thing (and if you think this makes me a prude then you would be VERY wrong, I’m far from prudish) and that is that if my husband had spent his “last night of freedom” with another woman, licking anything off her body, then there wouldn’t have been a marriage the next day. If a person (man or woman) still feels the need to be touching anyone (other than the soon to be spouse) in any sexual way then maybe that person just isn’t ready to commit.

    Men are all free when it comes to THEIR sexuality but then they turn around and condemn their wives for doing the same thing! (And I am not saying that YOU do this but it DOES happen – A LOT.) A man can go to strip clubs, have porn, whatever he wants because society says it is “normal” for a man. But a woman can’t even hang out with her guy friends anymore because society says that women can’t “just be friends” with a guy. It’s bullshit.

    For the record, I don’t think that LOOKING at other people is cheating. But licking something off someone’s body? Yeah – I’d call that cheating.

    And that’s all I’m going to say about that. On that note, hope you had fun at the bachelor party! ;)

  9. Damn Daddy Files – What kind of bucket of worms did we spill over? Whew!!!

  10. My husband once went to a work convention. He attended all the necessary sessions and learned a lot. His co-worker wanted to go to a local strip club. My husband, being a bit bored, said ok. He wasn’t thrilled, but his co-worker was the only one he knew. So they went. Now the co-worker was a strutting kind of guy . . . until he entered the strip club. Then he turned into a bumbling dork. My husband had a couple of drinks and a lot of laughs, especially when one stripper tried to do a lap dance and the guy turned at the wrong moment and got a breast in the ear. When he told me, I thought it was hysterical, because I knew the co-worker, too.

    When I related this to a friend, she looked at me and said, “You weren’t mad that your husband went to a strip club?” No, I wasn’t. He even shared a funny story. And if you knew my husband, you would know he’s as uptight and conservative as they come. I knew I had nothing to worry about. It’s not cheating, it’s looking and so what?

    This happened when we were married less than five years. Even that early in our marriage, I was secure.

    That said, if I found out my husband licked something off the stripper’s body, got down on all fours and was beaten with a belt, or anything else, I’d be upset, very angry, probably disgusted. Looking is fine, touching is a no-no. It’s a matter of respect for one another and your marriage vows.

  11. Sorry, but that’s not even close to cheating. Not even in the same area code or ballpark as cheating. Look, if your fiance makes out with someone or sleeps with someone at his bachelor party then that’s cheating and he’s a jerk. But if all of his friends pitch in and ambush him with a stripper who gives him a lap dance and gives him a few whacks with a belt, that is NOT cheating. Not even a little bit. That’s normal, run of the mill bachelor party etiquette. Hell, at my bachelor party in Canada I had a stripper rip off my shirt and whack me with my own belt in the chest. It was painful and I had no idea it was coming. But my friends paid her to ambush me. And I told MJ all about it because (after I healed) it was really funny.

    And yes, I think it is a guy’s right to have a decent bachelor party. It’s also a woman’s right to have a male stripper or whatever she wants at her bachelorette party. And for what it’s worth, the stories I’ve heard from bachelorette parties but bachelor party antics to shame. But in either case it’s not cheating. It’s blowing off some steam after what was almost definitely a hectic, stressful process of planning a wedding. And as long as there’s no actual cheating then no harm, no foul.

  12. So then what does it mean when the strippers decide to quit the profession on the way to his bachelor party? Poor Ricky.

  13. I don’t think you have the right to call me close minded at all, and I think that watching a TV program is very different than having a naked person give you a lap dance so you really can not compare the two at all. And your definition of respect is crap. Respect is caring about how theo ther person feels, and weighing out whether or not a stripper is worth hurting their feelings just because “it is a man’s right” Bullshit Aaron. Everyone has different feelings about these things, and if your fiance is someone who is uncomfortable with it then you should respect her and realize SHE means more to you then a stripper. A stripper does not HAVE to be part of the party in order to have fun.

  14. My husband took off a stripper’s underwear with his teeth at his bachelor party. Maybe I should have cared, but I didn’t. Strippers never bothered me… And bachelor parties are a rite of passage! I think I am pretty cool with strip clubs too, in fact, I have been wanting to go for a long time now… it just hasn’t happened yet. I can’t stand when women get all uptight about strippers and porn… what’s the big deal?

  15. A few salient points here –

    1. Know your significant other. If this kind of thing is going to bother them, then you should know about it before you do it – then decide if you still want to go ahead. Don’t be surprised.

    2. Men have no rights

    3. Why on God’s green earth would you tell your fiance about a night like this if you were not absolutely certain she would be cool with it? You have no one to blame but yourself.

    4. Men have no rights

    5. If you are a woman with severe problems with this type of activity, you should have had a discussion with your guy about what you think is acceptable and what is not – especially if you know this group! Complaining after the fact is sort of like saying “Well, I didn’t think it was possible the pit bull might actually bite someone!”

    6. Men have no rights.

  16. Liz: That is freakin horrible. And also hysterically funny. I agree, poor Rick.

    Anonyhty: I don’t have the right to call you close minded but you can feel free to call me an asshole? Could you be any more hypocritical?

    You’re right in part, respect is caring about how the other person feels. That’s why the guy should be up front and honest and not lie about what’s going to happen at the bachelor party. But she should also respect him enough to trust him and let him do what he wants to do, because there is no harm coming from it.

    And if you don’t like the TV analogy, how about this one? I didn’t like it when my wife hung out with some of her male friends who she previously dated. And at first, I put up a stink about it. By your “logic,” she should’ve immediately “respected” me and told me she’d never hang out with them again right? Well instead, she told me I could either trust her or not trust her and those guys were her friends and I should get the hell over it. And you know what? She was right! It was my issue, my shortcomings causing the problem. Just like it’s a woman’s issue and her shortcomings for stomping her feet and demanding he stay home from a bachelor party just because strippers will be there.

    And I love how you insert your own version of what’s fun and what isn’t. The bachelor party is for the groom, and if the groom wants strippers then it DOES HAVE TO BE part of the party. And if my wife was uncomfortable with the presence of strippers yet I attend anyways, that doesn’t mean the strippers mean more to me than her. It means she has unfounded concerns and insecurities and I’m not going to allow them to force me to miss an innocent night out with friends.

  17. Oh good lord. Strippers are fun as hell, lol. Well female strippers. Male strippers are just kinda gross. There’s something skeevy about a man in spandex. I’ve gone to the strip club with my man a couple times and we had a damn blast. Maybe it’s not for everyone but, if you can harness your inner dirty little whore and watch your man watch you get a lap dance, lmao…..well. It pays off for you in the end. Just make sure you stop for icy hot and gatorade on the way home.

    As for Aaron being an asshole, well, as soon as they remove the gun held to your head you’ll be free to search a blog more in keeping with your own ideals. Seriously, what kind of person has the audacity to log onto a blog, maintained and paid for by someone else and claim that owner doesn’t have the right to say what ever they want? If, as you stated, the topic was already discussed prior to progressing in the relationship, then she also knew that he DOES enjoy it so why shouldn’t SHE respect HIS feelings? Why the hell does it always come down to her delicate fucking sensibilities? That pisses me off. Maybe if people stopped pandering to other peoples insecurities there would be more resolution in relationships and less communication issues.

    An awful lot of woman seem to take it for granted that how they feel should override how he feels. He should just adapt to her wishes, concerns and issues because ‘he would if he really cared’. Bullshit. When you introduce that bullshit reasoning into a relationship you slam the door on open communication and honesty. No one wants to open up to someone that has already proven unreasonable about their point of view. Then the women want to turn around and whine about ‘why don’t you ever open up to me’. Please.

  18. You are not at all listening to what I am saying. You judge women who do not want their husbands to partake in this without even wondering or caring why they feel this way. You just immediately dismiss at them being uptight or controlling or prudes. What I am trying to say is that if the woman, as the old guy said, has told her significant other before that she is not comfortable with this and he choose to see her anways then he needs to respect her wishes. And as for your wife with her friends…were any of them naked, giving her a lap dance and having her lick stuff off them while they whipped her? I think not…

  19. Whoa Anonyhty –

    I didn’t say he needs to respect her wishes if they have the4 conversation beforehand. I said, and I quote myself – “then decide iof you still want to go ahead with it.”

    That is different from saying “If she has a problem, I won’t do it”. Now, if that is what he decides – that’s fine. But it is a judgment the guy has to make – how important is it to his wife-to-be or wife, how upset will she be, and is it a reasonable position? You can’t bow to every unreasonable request made of you by your spouse, in either direction. But at least you know what you are getting into. You have an obligation to be aware of how your significant other feels about it – but not an obligation to bow to it. Though it may well be the smart move…

    And by the way – men have no rights…

  20. @ Anonyhty

    And you are making assertions without wondering or caring whether the man made his own feelings known and SHE ALSO moved forward with the relationship and now wants to have a fit of pique. So why shouldn’t she respect his wishes? Are you running on the assumption that she made her feelings on the subject known and he simply went along and agreed and is now trying to flip the script? No where in your suppositions do you seem to take into account the fact he may have stated how he felt also. You put the onus solely on him and by doing so, you tell on yourself.

  21. JEE: I love you. Will you come and strip for us at our fantasy football draft later this month? ;-)

    And frankly, this train of thought has gotten hilarious. So by Anonyhty’s reasoning, this is how it should work:

    All future married couples should make a list prior to getting married about potentially controversial topics. Apparently if the woman registers a complaint, whatever it is should be strictly adhered to by the man, even if he disagrees. Failure to comply could result in him being labeled a disrespectful cheater.

    Seriously, married couples are going to disagree. And they are going to inevitably hurt each other’s feelings, whether intentionally or not. So maybe a woman is firmly against bachelor parties with strippers because she feels it debases their vows. But he is going for a night out with friends and the strippers are merely an afterthought. WHY IS SHE RIGHT AND WHY IS HE WRONG??? His feelings are just as valid as hers. Just because a woman is upset about something, doesn’t mean she has good reason to be upset. And it certainly doesn’t mean he should bow and bend to her every whim. That’s not a marriage, it’s a dictatorship. This “my way or the highway” mentality displayed by some women is why so many guys fear getting married in the first place. Because something as simple and innocuous as a bachelor party ends up becoming a federal case.

    And if your marriage can be threatened over a lap dance then I’d suggest there are some far deeper issues at hand.

  22. LMAO!!! I don’t even like seeing me nekkid so I’m fairly certain no one else wants to either. Aside from people with chubbie fetishes (and that’s just odd) and my guy and he doesn’t count, love is blind and all that.

  23. I actually fairly enjoyed reading this. I think it is an interesting issue. I had a friend who recently threw a bachelor party for his friend and they went to not one, but several strip clubs. Well it turns out the groom (though NOT a prude) isn’t particularly fond of strip clubs. He still had a good time, but it was not exactly what the groom had in mind. Neither did any of the other men. There were actually some of them who left before the party was over because they had really just wanted to hang out, not look at naked women. Now, I know this is not usually what happens. The strip club bachelor parties are usually thrown for men who enjoy it. Still, I found it interesting. I, on the other hand, was at the bachelorette party at the time. Some of the women there found out the men were going to strip clubs and were distraught. Actually tried to CALL THEIR HUSBANDS/FIANCES in the middle of the party. Now my husband was at said bachelor party, and to be honest, I don’t really care if he goes to a strip club. I don’t think I would be pleased if I found out he was touching or licking any of the girls, but it certainly wouldn’t cause a war in our house. He was having fun with his friends. But the idea that the women were trying to disrupt the men during their party? Inexcusable. I told them to chill out. I think they have a right to CARE. But not necessarily to interfere. It was not their husband/fiances choice to be at said strip club, and you should trust them and not be a wet blanket.

    That said, there was a male stripper at our party and it was the first time I had seen one. I was actually quite disgusted by it. I have a feeling female strippers are a little more tasteful than that was. Blech.

  24. Also, I think a lot of the negative comments to this post missed one important thing Aaron said. Ladies, do your man a favor, and if you aren’t cool with him looking at strippers, tell him BEFORE the party. Aaron said that many of the guys go “thinking their girlfriend is cool with it” and go home and tell them stories and get yelled at. Now I can’t think of any good reason a man would automatically think that (without asking) unless the information was given to him that she was, indeed, cool with it. As theoldguy said, make sure you KNOW ahead of time how people feel. Then make your decision.

  25. At one of my buddies bachelor parties he got his underwear ripped off him and got his ass eat on stage at a strip club. That is what it is all about, embarassment and maybe even a little pain.

  26. Otter –

    Please tell me you just missed the “b” key in the middle of that sentence!

  27. Teresa: Thank you having the good sense not to call him. There is nothing worse than a call (or 7 calls) from the wife/girlfriend during a boys night out. And yes, I’ve never seen a male stripper but I can’t imagine it being pleasant. And not even because I’m a straight guy. It’s just that the female form is beautiful while the male form is…well, not.

    Otter: Yes, please tell me you meant to type “beat” and not “eat.” Eating ass or having your ass eaten by a stripper is definitely across the line.

  28. What if the bachelor calls the bachelorette from the strip club and asks her to bring him more money? What does the Bachelor Party Handbook say about this?

    My now husband was said bachelor and I was said bachelorette. Him and all of his groomsmen were hammered and out of money. He was the only one brave enough to make the call!

    I told him hell no I’m doing my own bachelorette thing.

  29. rmt: Wow. I have to admit, I’m half horrified and half impressed that he made the call. I’m hoping that they went so crazy that they ran out of money, and not that his friends are cheap bastards who wouldn’t pony up. If it’s the latter, I think it’s admirable (and a little sad) that he called you after his friends failed him. But you also did the right thing by giving him a “hell no” and enjoying your own bachelorette party.

    In the end, my ruling would be that his telephone call was more funny than offensive. But I wouldn’t have had the balls to call, I’ll tell you that much.

  30. Old Guy, you crack me UP! “Men have no rights,” is priceless, and then you picked up on the hopefully missing “b” that I was about to jump all over.

    As for the strippers, I go to strip joints with my husband every once in a while, and we have fun with it. We joke about not sitting too close to the stage so no crabs fly off the stage and land in our drinks, and I have to laugh at the dreamers wasting their money on the overpriced drinks and the fantasy crap. Bachelor parties have never bothered me either, since the husband is more of a germophobe than I am, and he’s way too cheap to pay for anything off the menu!

    I do have to say, though, that I’ve heard of (and, unfortunately, seen since the invent of camera phones) a few of our friends doing things at their bachelor parties that were not only repulsive but definitely would be considered cheating by every woman on the planet. It all depends on where the party is held, who hires the strippers and where they come from.

  31. If my husband doesn’t want me licking whipped cream off some guy’s sack then I don’t want him licking whipped cream off some chick’s tits. Just a thought.

  32. Alicia: If it’s for a bachelor/bachelorette party then it’s fair game either way. Besides, neither the groom or the bride to be should tell the other person what went on that night. I do because I’m an idiot and because MJ knows I hate strippers anyways.

  33. I’d rather lick whipped cream off of some chick’s tits than off of some guys sack. Just a thought.

  34. DaddyFiles: And the male stripper was just so… blech. He was grabbing girls against their will and, no dancing, gyrating, or anything else remotely interesting involved, shoving his junk in their face. I don’t see how that is supposed to be either funny or arousing. Blech.

  35. Wait until you’ve all been married for 25 or 30 years. Your wife just gives you a can of Cool Whip and says don’t wake me when you come home!

  36. OMG!!! Look what I missed! I love me a good pissing match.

    We have one rule in our house about the whole stripper thing: If he goes to a strip club, he gets nothing when he comes home. I do not clean up another woman’s mess. Other than that, get out the $1 bills and grind away.

    And you are one of my favorites, and I think your brash, loud, outspoken ways are fabulous. Those who do not appreciate, should stop reading and find a nice PC knitting blog or something. This is real life here. Just rub some dirt on it!

  37. I have a 3 month old, so I’m playing catch-up on my daddy files reading and couldn’t resist commenting on this hot-button issue.

    Why would you want to lick a stripper? (I imagine she’d taste like HPV and hot garbage.)

    My boyfriend told me the story of his first and only encounter with a strip club, which I find amusing. He and his buddy went up to Canada for a few days, went to the club, and after a few drinks my boyfriend asked for a lap dance. He put his hand on the girl’s hip and immediately regretted it because he could swear that he felt every other guy’s hand that had ever been there. Grossed out, he apologized to the girl, paid her, and hid in the bathroom. He, much like myself, thinks strippers are (sometimes) nice to look at (at a distance) but pretty gross when you get closer. He doesn’t dig slutty chicks or fake tits.

    We’re getting married next summer, and he’s already told me that they’re going to be wasting money at a Casino rather than on strippers. I don’t really care, I think bachelor/bachelorette parties are a time to be silly and drunk and stupid one last time with your friends. (I would be pissed if he licked a stripper though, I’d make him get his mouth swabbed at CLAB.)

    I also know he wouldn’t be threatened by a male stripper, but he’d also have no reason to be. I’m not into hairless, oiled men shoving their thong-clad junk in my face for singles. Blech. I’ll take a sex-toy/lingerie party over that any day.

    Women don’t need to worry about strippers, if you’re in a solid relationship with a good man, a little dirty, harmless fun is exactly that-harmless.

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