Strippers and wives/girlfriends usually don’t mix. In fact, I think the subject of bachelor parties can often lead to some battle royales between men and women. Some guys at the bachelor party this weekend were single and without a care in the world. Others had girlfriends, who had chided them in a good-natured manner about not getting TOO drunk and out of hand when the strippers were around. And then…well, then there’s the third category: the guys who have to lie to their significant others about strippers because their wives/girlfriends are completely nuts and wouldn’t allow them to go if they knew.
You know the type. These women are uptight prudes who consider being in the same room as a stripper a form of infidelity. Now keep in mind, I don’t even like strippers. I’m not kidding around, I actually detest them. Sure they’re usually hot and nice to look at, but I hate the fakeness of it all. They’re not happy to be there and they’re not moaning in ecstasy while strangers grope them for money. And they don’t want to chill out and be friends with you. They’re there for the cash, plain and simple.
But at bachelor parties, strippers are less about sex and more about humiliation for the groom. And I’m OK with that. I won’t go into the details but whether it’s getting smacked on the ass with a belt or having to walk around on all fours barking like a dog, it’s funny to see your buddy get dumped on by a couple of tiny, naked women. And as long as you’re not getting anything “off the menu” afterwards, it’s all good, clean fun.
Until the wet blanket rears her ugly head…
Now I know I’ve given MJ some crap in this space in the past, but the one thing I’ll never take away from her is how cool she is. She doesn’t care about strippers. She knows I’m not going to cheat on her. And she knows it’s a guy thing that’s going to happen whether she likes it or not, so there’s no point in getting upset about it. Hell, I gave her a play by play of my bachelor party antics and she was laughing hysterically. She’s really great like that and it’s just one of the many reasons I married her.
But the mistake some guys make, is thinking that their wives/girlfriends are that cool. They go on and on at the bachelor party about how their girlfriend wouldn’t care. How she’s so awesome. How he’s going to tell her everything and they’ll both have a good laugh. They don’t heed the warnings from the older, more experienced guys who have been there before and made the same mistake. And so they go home and they regale her with stripper stories, expecting a hearty laugh.
Yeah, doesn’t work that way.
Instead she’s angry. Not only that, but in some cases she accuses the guy of cheating on her. And THAT is the most ridiculous part. Cheating is fooling around or sleeping with another person outside of the relationship. Getting a lap dance without kissing or any kind of sexual activity is not cheating. Do you hear me prudes? NOT CHEATING! There isn’t a universe in existence where that would qualify as cheating. Unfortunately, if the guy isn’t willing to stand up for himself he inevitably is made to feel like he did cheat. Like he did do something wrong. And what was a fun, memory-filled night with the boys becomes something dirty. Sinful. Something that can never be discussed again for fear of retribution.
And that sucks. And so does any woman who would take that approach. A guy (hopefully) only gets married once with one bachelor party. So if licking whipped cream off a stripper’s hot body is something he wants to do before he ties the knot, so be it. That’s our right as soon-to-be husbands, and this coming from a guy who doesn’t even like that stuff. Hell, I didn’t even get a lap dance at the bachelor party on Saturday, but I sure as hell don’t begrudge anyone who did.
My grudges are saved for the women who seek to ruin what should be a fun night with friends. Shame on you.