I’m not going to go so far as to call Tommy a mistake or completely unplanned. MJ and I were considering a third but we decided to table the discussion for a few months so we could take stock of where we were and how things were going. I thought that was the smart, conservative, common sense play — especially because, well, I wasn’t exactly sure a third kid was what I wanted.
Two weeks and a couple of pink lines later, the decision had been made for me.
I was more than a little anxious at the thought of a third child. For starters, we lived in a rented duplex we had already outgrown with two kids. Second, I was unhappy in my job and looking to make a move. But lastly, I had always planned on stopping at two kids. Two seemed manageable with man-to-man defense as opposed to being outnumbered and having to resort to zone. Not to mention all the studies that show parents of three kids are the most unhappy and stressed. I just thought it would be…a lot.
But all of that evaporated the second I held Tommy.
He was so chill and alert — eyes open from the start. And somehow I was 100% certain beyond all measure of a doubt that we hadn’t been complete until that very moment. I don’t know how all this stuff works or why it happens this way, as mysteries of the universe owe us no explanation. But I do know I had been worried for no reason because five seconds after holding him, I realized I hadn’t known what I had been missing until right then.
I was right about it being a lot, though. A lot of love. A lot of cuteness. A lot of Tommy’s fundamental awesomeness and his big personality that cracks me up every single day. A lot of brotherly devotion among all three of my boys. And a lot of dope-slapping myself for ever doubting it could be any other way.
And when Tommy arrived, so too did my resolve to improve our lot.
I got a new job the exact day he was born, that allowed me to work in public relations in Boston and join a fantastic group of people where I’m truly happy. From there, I worked my butt off to save enough money to buy a new house in a picturesque town with a wonderful school system where all my kids will thrive. We went from bursting at the seams and paying someone else’s rent to each kid having his own bedroom and even a little yard in which to play.
In a way, it was Tommy who inspired me and gave me the push to be the best version of myself I could be.
So to Tommy, I say #ThanksBaby. Thanks for making me realize I don’t always know what I’m talking about and surprises can be fantastic instead of frightening. As someone who LOVES to be right more than just about anything, it’s been the pleasure of my life to have been so wrong.
Sunday is Father’s Day and I’ve partnered with Pampers on their #ThanksBaby campaign. In addition to this post and some great stuff from me and other dads on social media, we’re also hosting a Twitter chat on June 17 at 8 pm EST, where you could win a VISA gift card worth $250.
Also, please check out and share this amazing video from Pampers honoring dads.
Disclosure: I have partnered with Life of Dad and Pampers for this campaign, but as always, all opinions are my own.
“Stick to parenting.” “I thought this was a parenting page, stop talking politics.” “You make this look like a parenting page but it’s just the liberal agenda in disguise.”
I’ve gotten a lot of comments over the years far worse than the ones above, yet I’m less irritated with the threatening and hateful rhetoric than I am with the criticism that comes with running a parenting page that also talks politics.
First of all, this is free content. Facebook isn’t paying me to have a page or write things on it and I don’t host ads on my website so I’m not using that traffic to monetize my site. I do it because it’s fun (most of the time) and I gain some sense of satisfaction from it. If you were a paying customer then MAYBE you’d have some ground to stand on because you could argue you’re not getting your money’s worth, but seeing as this is free and Facebook is optional, stop your bitching.
Second, I’m not hiding anything nor am I out to trick anyone. Yes, this page is mostly about parenting. However, right there in the “About” section DIRECTLY ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE, here’s what it says:
Yup, that’s right. The same people bitching about the “liberal agenda” masquerading as a parenting page didn’t even bother to check the freaking “About” section, which would’ve told them, in no uncertain terms, I regularly write about politics.
Third, this is my page. I created it, I crafted it, and I and I alone decide what gets posted. That means the people whining about what’s on my free page that they’re under no obligation to visit, have essentially come to my virtual house where they decided to bitch about how I decorate and offer me unsolicited advice on how it can look better.
To which I say “Get bent. Screw you. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
You want to disagree with me? Fine. I love debate and I’ll gladly engage in it with you. But debate the issue. If you think Donald Trump is the best president we’ve ever had and all my criticisms are unfounded, then argue your point. Prove it. Back up the things you say with facts and supporting evidence. I promise, I’ll hear you out. I’ll disagree with you vehemently, but I’ll listen.
What I won’t listen to is you telling me what I should and shouldn’t be writing on the page I created and run all by myself.
I’ve been doing this a lot of years and 99% of the time it isn’t that people don’t want to talk politics — it’s that they don’t agree with MY politics. It’s so indicative of the ridiculously polarized environment in which we currently find ourselves. When people find their way to my page via a non-political article they enjoy but then scroll through my archives or social media and discover I’m a liberal, that’s it. After discovering they don’t share my political views, they can’t like one or two things about me — they have to dislike EVERYTHING about me. Because otherwise, they’re supporting liberals and liberals are BAD. It’s all or nothing, middle ground be damned. Even though they like the parenting and fatherhood stuff, they don’t want to hear me mix in my political views if they don’t jive with their own.
Sure, there are some people who genuinely don’t want to talk politics at all, and those people I direct to my good friends at Life of Dad. There’s something to be said for desiring a little escape from the overwhelming political mess and divisive atmosphere we’re in right now, and I’m glad there are sites out there that provide it.
But my page is not that. It was never meant to be that. It never will be that. And in fact, I feel a responsibility to talk about politics MORE, not less, as we get further into the failed experiment of the presidency of Donald J. Trump.
The thing that infuriates me the most is the belief that parenting discussions should be separate from politics, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
What’s happening under Trump is unprecedented and awful and must be discussed at length. And newsflash — it not only impacts you as a parent, it affects your children as well.
The anti-immigrant sentiment has many children worried about losing their family members and having their lives uprooted when Trump deports them. There’s been a spike in hate crimes since Donald Trump won the election, as xenophobia and fervent nationalism has caused increase violence under the “America First” umbrella — especially in the classroom where some teachers report bullying is on the rise in the name of Trump.
And just last week, Trump began the process of pulling the United States out of the Paris Agreement. The man who holds the highest office our nation offers doesn’t believe in basic science, and has us joining Syria and Nicaragua as the only two nations who won’t do their part to combat climate change.
The main goal for every parent is to leave the world a little better for their kids than they found it, yet we’re living under a presidential regime that is pro-coal, anti-science, and anti-planet. If you can’t see the importance of politics as it relates to parenting in the context of “we need to take care of the freaking planet for our kids,” then something is fundamentally wrong with you.
Think about that — we can’t even agree on saving the planet. That ain’t right.
So no, I will not stop talking about politics on my parenting page. As comforting as it may seem to bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is normal, that’s just not the case. So while all well-reasoned, intelligent, factually based arguments are welcome on my page, the one thing you aren’t allowed to do is tell me what I should and shouldn’t be writing about. Facebook is free, so if you want a parenting space without politics, start your own or scroll on by to one of the other millions of pages out there.
What’s happening in our world is worthy of discussion, especially among parents.
On Sunday, I put our canoe on top of our minivan, loaded up the fishing gear, and decided to take my 3-year-old for a canoe ride down the Charles River. When we parked the car at the put-in point on the river, I had a panic attack as a horrific feeling of dread and anxiety washed over me.
I forgot my phone at home.
Truth be told, my first instinct was to jump back in the car and go get it. But I stopped for a second and calmed myself in order to contemplate something truly outrageous — spending the next few hours in nature with my son sans smartphone.
I thought of all the articles I’ve read telling me what a deadbeat I am for using my phone so much around my kids. I thought of how valuable it could be to be present in the moment and not witness life through a small screen. I also thought about the epic tantrum Sam would throw if I told him we had to go home and then come back and how much I hate detours, but I swear I thought about the value of the no phone thing too.
In the end, I decided to go it without technology. Just a dad and his son. Fishing and paddling and talking and connecting with one another and nature. Besides, who needs a camera when the mind’s eye is so wondrous, right?
Well fuck that shit, because the answer is me — I need a camera. And going without my phone was absolutely awful and I’m never doing it again!
I know you were expecting another one of those “I was addicted to technology but I went without it and I had some spiritual epiphany and now I’m a different man and a better father and I’m here to annoy you with my newfound anti-smartphone wokeness” bullshit, but that’s not happening. And here’s why.
First of all, the scenery was really beautiful along the river and capturing some shots would’ve been nice. Second, we saw deer, turtles, an otter, and a family of geese. It was really cool. Know what wasn’t cool? Sam asking me to take a picture each and every time wildlife appeared, and having a fresh new meltdown every time I reminded him I didn’t have my phone on me. It was nice being in the moment with multiple tantrums.
But the big reason I’ll forever kick myself for not going back for my phone is because Sam caught his first fish on this trip — and I missed it.
I’ve let him reel fish in after I’ve hooked them, but this was the first one he caught after casting with no help from me, setting the hook, reeling it in, and then landing it in the canoe. When he realized he had a fish on he FREAKED OUT with excitement and began reeling like a madman. He was shouting “I’VE GOT A FISH! DADA I’VE GOT A FISH! I’M A REAL FISHERMAN!” and his shrieks could be heard clear across Populatic Pond. He and the fish battled but eventually Sam got the better of him and plopped a smallmouth bass into the canoe. Once in the boat, Sam screamed “I CAUGHT A FISH ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!” with triumphant resonance. And as a proud papa, my smile widened as my eyes watered. And at that moment Sam turned to me, cocked his head to one side, and said something I’ll never forget.
“Dad, you got that on video right?”
Don’t get me wrong, it was as Kodak a moment as they get and I’m thrilled I was able to see it. But know what would’ve made it better? A video or picture I could look at any time I wanted. Something I could show relatives and friends. Something I could show him years from now when he’s unable to remember any of this. Hell, something I can refer to when I can’t remember any of this.
All of these parenting “gurus” tell you to live in the moment so I’ll be able to remember things clearly, but I work 50+ hours a week while raising three kids. My days start at 5:15 am and don’t end until the maelstrom of dinner and bedtime has concluded around 10 pm. Half the time I don’t even know what day it is, and I legit can’t remember my kids’ names. I called one of them the dog’s name yesterday. So having every photo and video I take automatically back up to Google Photos and be categorized online for perusal any time I want is HUGE for me.
An that’s the other thing. One of the arguments from these smartphone critics is “You’re taking a photo you’re never going to watch again so what’s the point?” Well maybe we’re a bunch of narcissists in this house, but we watch old videos and go through old pictures constantly. Once in awhile we’ll spend entire evenings going through YouTube videos from years ago and watching the kids grow up. And EVERY SINGLE TIME we say “Oh wow, I completely forgot about this. This is great.”
I hate to break it to these professional parent-shamers, but it’s entirely possible to take pictures and videos of your kids and “be in the moment.” Using a smartphone to record kids and being present are not mutually exclusive things, and I’m not sure why it’s now socially acceptable to simply believe that’s the case. If you overdo it then sure, it can be a problem. That’s true for anything — especially dispensing judgey parenting advice on the Internet.
Lastly, when I got home, MJ was FURIOUS at me because if something had happened I would’ve had no way to call for help. So in addition to missing a milestone moment, not being able to capture the cool animals, and disappointing my son, the absence of my phone got me chewed out by my wife to boot.
All I know is I’m going to wield my smartphone all the time and capture as much of my kid’s childhoods as humanly possible. And I’m not going to question that decision or feel guilty about it for one damn second. Because some day years from now, MJ and I will be sitting down getting happily misty-eyed at random videos we’ve taken over the years.
The beauty of this technology is that it’s allowed us to retain the random, wonderful moments that are too often lost through the holes in memory’s floorboards. It’s the virtual recycling bin that allows us to reuse the overflow of memories our minds are simply too full to comprehend for the long-term. Or, more simply put, it allows me to live in future moments as well as the original one.
I will hold on to the memory of Sam’s first fish for as long as my addled mind allows. But I sure do wish I had caught it on video.
Look at that face. Cute as hell? Absolutely. But the puffy face, filth, and perpetually runny nose? Welcome to springtime allergy season at the Daddy Files household.
I don’t remember this being a problem when I was a kid. I played outside all the time, delighted in baseball, and rolled around in freshly cut grass. But my kids? They are snot factories and the tap is always running (right down their faces). When the seasons change, my kids are more stuffed up than the teddy bears they use for snot rags and it lasts for MONTHS!
And as it turns out, I’m not alone. Did you know:
Allergies are the third most common chronic disease among kids 18 and younger
Allergies prompt 17 million doctor visits each year
The hardest part is nighttime when they lie down. As soon as they go horizontal, the coughing begins. And then the hacking. Followed by copious amounts of nose-blowing. We have to put boxes of tissues right next to their pillows so they can have access to them all through the night. Picking them up in the morning is a joy, let me tell you.
Antihistamines seem to help a little bit, but they never cure the sleeping issue. It’s actually gotten so bad we’re actually taking Sam to an ENT next month to see if there’s anything else going on in addition to allergies.
In the meantime, if you’re a parent of a kid with chronic allergies, here are some tips to keep in mind if you’re thinking about giving your children a dose of something, courtesy of KnowYourOTCs.org (who I’m working with on this sponsored post):
Some OTC oral allergy medicines are available in different dosage strengths. Read the Drug Facts label carefully for appropriate child dosing information and contact a healthcare provider as directed.
Some oral allergy medicines may cause excitability or nervousness, especially in children. If you have any questions, contact your child’s healthcare provider.
Never use any allergy medicine to sedate or make a child sleepy.
In the meantime, check out this great infographic and if your kids are anything like mine — good luck! You’re going to need it this allergy season.
I’m gonna be totally honest with you — I never thought about expiration dates on over-the-counter medication before. Also, I had a bunch of it in my medicine cabinet.
I’m not alone, either. Check out these stats:
62% of adults have never sought information on how to properly dispose their expired over-the-counter (OTC) medicines
50% of adults say they typically dispose of unwanted or expired OTC meds in the trash but only 8% mix them with undesirable substances before tossing
I hate cats and I loathe the taste of coffee, so kitty litter and coffee grinds have always been undesirable substances to me. But little did I know both would actually come in handy one day. That’s because they’re included in the three simple disposal steps:
Mix medicines (do not crush tablets or capsules) with an unpalatable substance such as kitty litter or used coffee grounds
Place the mixture in a container such as a sealed plastic bag
And although I generally try to keep my ugly mug off video, I’ve teamed up with some great Know Your OTCs bloggers who all combined to form one awesome video.
This is a sponsored post. I am collaborating with the CHPA (Consumer Health Products Association) Educational Foundation and knowyourOTCs.org. I was compensated for this post but as always, my opinions are my own.