Parenting is a Lot Like Golf

I hate golf.

Seriously, it’s a vile game. And one of the most frustrating experiences on the planet. Basically you spend hours on end hitting a dimpled ball with a crooked stick. You hook and slice a lot, but the ball seldom goes where you want it to. You hit the ball in the woods, in the sand and in the water. You try to work on the basics and get your swing right, but everything just seems to be going wrong. Which causes you to yell obscene profanities in a very straight-laced environment, but that’s nothing compared to the five clubs you smashed to bits in a fit of rage.

It gets so bad you’re ready to quit the game completely and never look back. Until…

You tee off on the last hole and it’s perfect. The ball rockets off your club and goes straight as an arrow towards the green. It lands and rolls three feet from the hole, leaving you slack-jawed and stunned. You forget all about your previous troubles and celebrate like mad, because that one perfect shot is suddenly all you can think about.

I’m starting to learn that golf is a lot like parenting.

Will was absolutely driving me nuts on Saturday. In addition to that, I just have a lot going on personally and at work and I was in no mood for his antics. My wife and I were standing outside an apartment in Mansfield, arguing about whether or not we should rent it because she loved it and I didn’t. We were both frustrated which means my parenting level was far from ideal. In golf terms I was in triple bogey territory.

But then came my hole-in-one. As I was leaving to go to the gym, Will stopped me and grabbed my hand.

“Dada, don’t go yet,” he said. “I want you to have this.” And with that, he handed me one of his most prized possessions — his toy Brachiosaurus. I asked him why he was giving it to me. Know what his answer was?

“Because I want you to have your best luck at the gym.”

And suddenly I was Tiger Woods (before the adulterous whore-mongering) winning the Masters. In golf, as in parenting, you fuck up. A lot. Let’s face it, parenting is largely trial and error, so you’re constantly shanking things and working to correct them. But when you suddenly see all your hard work culminate in a moment in which everything comes together and is perfect — well, you forget about everything else. All the shittiness melts away and all you can think about is that perfect moment.

And that’s what keeps you coming back again and again without giving up completely. I know I’ll end up in the bunker or some other hazard soon enough, but I’m enjoying the good times as they happen.

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5 thoughts on “Parenting is a Lot Like Golf

  1. my son on the whole is well behaved for an energetic 3 year old (yesterday was his birthday) and he only really gets to be a handful when he’s sick, or tired. And he’s that way because he hasn’t been sleeping. Which means mommy doesn’t sleep so my patience is nonexistent. I have a short temper at those moments.

    But I feel like I could climb everest after a triatholon when he throws himself in my arms with a happy squeal, wraps his arms around me after a long day at work and a 3.5 hour commute (each way!) and calls me his “special girl” (I have NO idea where he got that from!)

    “I’m so happy you’re home momma. You’re my special girl!” – he’s just too damn cute..

  2. This is wicked funny to read as I just used this analogy the other day. A good friend of mine just found out his wife was pregnant and was going through the obligatory “Holy shit! What have I gotten myself into?” moment. He was asking me what fatherhood was like and I was struggling to come up with a good answer. But I finally came back to golf.

    “You know how when we play golf, we get all pissed off when we slice, chunk or f-ck up in general?” I asked him. He nodded.

    “But remember how much you want to play another round when you hit that perfect tee shot and then knock down the put for a birdie? That’s parenting. A whole lot of crap surrounded by that one sweet moment which overshadows it all.”

    I think he understood…
    Big Dan recently posted..Swearing In Front Of My KidsMy Profile

  3. “And suddenly I was Tiger Woods (before the adulterous whore-mongering)” I think you mean before his wife and the whole world FOUND OUT about the adulterous whore-mongering ;)

  4. Every weekends, we( whole family) love to spent our moment in playing with golf,because this is the most exciting activities for us were we find the real essence of happiness…
    marriane recently posted..1300 numberMy Profile

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