I don’t know if I should thank my good friend Alicia for sending this article to my attention, or make her pay for the therapy I’ll need for the nightmares I now have of this happening to Will.
Apparently, toddlers having their little man parts crushed by a falling toilet seat during potty training is a real problem. Don’t believe me? Read the article here.
As if potty training wasn’t hard enough, now parents need to be mindful of heavy wooden and other ornamental toilet seats. Apparently children like to rest their mini trouser snakes right on the bowl after lifting up the seat. But sometimes the lid falls and — SMACK — they’re members of the Vienna Boys Choir.
Here is an artist’s illustration of what that probably feels like:
However, there is a silver lining to everything.
The good news is, experts have a solution to not having your pecker crushed by an uncooperative toilet seat. One of them is to get a no slam lid, which is what we’re currently rockin’ in the Gouveia household. It’s pretty cool because you press it down lightly and it just kind of floats gently down to the bowl. The downside of this is that you get so used to it that when you go to someone else’s house you just casually push the seat down and it nearly breaks with gravity’s force, making an exceptionally loud noise and causing everyone to question what you were doing in there. Very humiliating.
But the suggestion I like the most is that the doctors advise you to leave the toilet seat up. Hallelujah!!! I’ve been personally advocating this for years and MJ has fought me every step of the way. Little did I know the whole time I was leaving the seat up and causing my wife to fall ass first into the cold toilet water when she sleepily gets up to pee in the middle of the night, I was actually saving my son’s life. Well, saving his penis anyway. And any guy knows that thing is our life.
I’m a hero. I’m an advocate of child safety in the home. My inability to remember to put the toilet seat down flat out saves lives. So remember all you moms out there, instead of yelling at your husband for leaving the toilet seat up, praise him instead. He is just looking after the well being of your son.