Quick Hits

This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

First of all, I want to start this dreary Monday morning out with a funny story that I’m sure you’ll all love.

On my way into work, I had to drop something off to my wife at her bank. A few minutes before I got there, she sends me a text message that says “We are all fine. Someone tampered with nightdrop.” She was referring to the slot where people can drop their deposits in after hours and on the weekends. Apparently someone had tried to break in and since I work in the same town and constantly peruse the police reports and surely would’ve noticed it, she didn’t want me to worry.

So I get to her and because I am a reporter, I start poking around. I asked her how badly the dropbox was damaged, when it happened and how much money, if any, was stolen. Now you’d think that because she is my wife, who loves me, who decided to have a child with me, that she would answer me. Well…you’d be wrong. She looked me dead in the eye and said “no comment.” Then she reminded me that the miniscule amount of information she had given me was all off the record. She then proceeded to tell me if I really wanted more information I’d have to go to the police and get it from them.

Can you believe that shit!?!?!? As a reporter I get no quoted all the time. But by my wife??? That’s just harsh. But that wasn’t even the worst of it.

I saw a police car pull up while I was inside the bank and told my wife I’d simply wait until he came inside and then ask him questions directly. Well at that point, my loving wife not-so-gently reminded me that I was on private property and therefore did not have the right to be inside. I thought she was kidding, but she was not.

“Are you threatening to throw me out?” I asked incredulously.

The answer was a resounding yes. And not only that, she said if I didn’t leave then she’d have the police officer escort me out. And technically she’s right, it is private property and she can ask me to leave at any time. But I can’t believe my own wife threatened to have the police escort me out of her building.

The lesson as always, is that women are evil.

But onto baby-related items…

We took a red eye trip to Old Orchard Beach on Saturday night, arriving at 9:30 p.m. to stay with my friend Alex at a shoddy little motel on the beach. We arrived and Will was happy and smiling, although you could tell he was tired. My wife and Alex proceeded to drink some (ie TONS) of red wine and by 1:30 a.m. they were still going strong. I, however, was beat and so I told them I’d go to bed with Will while they went out on the beach and had fun.

Will was so cuddly and cute and we slept peacefully for an hour and a half. That is, until they came back home and all hell broke loose.

MJ was trashed and as soon as she got in, she decided that Will sleeping in the bed with us was a bad idea. So she committed the cardinal sin of “Never wake a sleeping baby” and picked him up and tried to get him to sleep on the floor.

Let’s just say he didn’t like that too much. The end result was a 30 minute screaming fit for the ages at 3 a.m. in a crowded hotel. I was so pissed at her and even though it was throwing gas on a fire, I kept reminding her how peacefully he was sleeping prior to her arrival. Finally, when she was at the brink, I said I’d take him and try to calm him down.

Within five minutes he was quiet and I could see him rubbing his eyes out of exhaustion. But when I went to lay with him back down on the bed, I discovered that my lovely wife had beat me to it, and had proceeded to lay down spread eagle on the bed, fast asleep, leaving us no room. So Will and I ended up sleeping on the floor together listening to Mommy snore. And in the morning do you think I got a thank you or a “nice job honey?” Nope, nothing. Somehow it was all my fault, even though all Will and I were guilty of was sleeping blissfully together.

The good news is I was wide awake at 7 a.m. so I was able to pawn Will off on a hungover MJ and go for a run. Since it was low tide I was able to run directly on the beach and it was fantastic. I’m not a beach or ocean guy personally, but going for a run in the early morning hours and listening to the waves was pretty cool. Then it was off to our friend’s baby’s christening, which was surprisingly good. I am not religious at all so I always dread church, but the priest was a great guy. He was wearing sandals and he was really laid back. He even got the kids in the congregation involved in the christening and his sermon was meaningful and entertaining. I hate to say I enjoyed church but I really did.

That’s especially noteworthy since MJ and I are having some…well, let’s just call them “disagreements” about the spiritual path we envision for Will. That’ll probably be tomorrow’s post so stay tuned.

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