There are lots of things I could’ve posted about today. Like the fact that I want to go postal on some of my wife’s managers or how she ended up in the emergency room earlier (it’s OK, she’s fine). But to take my mind of things, I’m going to answer the bell from Cape Cod Gal who tapped me to write some random crap about myself. So here goes…
- I have a butt ear. Seriously, my left earlobe is shaped like a butt. Everyone always asks me if someone ripped an earring out of my ear. In elementary school I was briefly called “Butt Ear.” Thank God Will doesn’t have it.
- Speaking of nicknames, mine was “Gooba” all through school. I don’t know why.
- I have gay relatives. I have gay friends. I’m a vocal proponent of gay rights and gay marriage. Yet when I think of the possibility of my son turning out to be gay, I’m petrified and I don’t know why.
- I have the strangest fascination with midgets. I freak out with joy and wonder whenever I see one and one time this midget heard me. I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop staring.
- I’m an insensitive prick who makes fun of how emotional my wife gets, yet when that damned commercial about animal cruelty comes on TV with Sarah MacLoughlan playing in the background…well, it gets a little dusty in the Daddy Files mansion.
- If I were in charge of making commercials, every single one of them would involve either monkeys or mascots fighting each other.
- I once sent a friend on a blind date pretending to be me, and then crashed said date while it was still in progress.
- I love doing the Electric Slide. The old version, not the newer one.
- The Indigo Girls are on my iPod. And it’s more than one song.
- I have an unexplained fear of peas. Seriously, peas are fucked up.
- I think tattoos are disgusting and trashy and every time I see my wife’s tramp stamp and the ugly ass butterflies on her back, I have to choke back vomit.
- I desperately want to learn how to play the guitar, but lack the time and willingness to learn. Therefore I treat Guitar Hero as if it were real life. And I. Fucking. Rock.
- I hold grudges so severe that my friends tell me I should list the ability to hold grudges on my resume as a special skill.
- And finally, I considered not marrying MJ when I found out she hates Seinfeld. How can you not like Seinfeld?!?!!? It’s still kind of an issue…
Anyone who’s bored and feels like listing some random info about themselves on their blog, feel free!