Randomness

There are lots of things I could’ve posted about today. Like the fact that I want to go postal on some of my wife’s managers or how she ended up in the emergency room earlier (it’s OK, she’s fine). But to take my mind of things, I’m going to answer the bell from Cape Cod Gal who tapped me to write some random crap about myself. So here goes…

  • I have a butt ear. Seriously, my left earlobe is shaped like a butt. Everyone always asks me if someone ripped an earring out of my ear. In elementary school I was briefly called “Butt Ear.” Thank God Will doesn’t have it.
  • Speaking of nicknames, mine was “Gooba” all through school. I don’t know why.
  • I have gay relatives. I have gay friends. I’m a vocal proponent of gay rights and gay marriage. Yet when I think of the possibility of my son turning out to be gay, I’m petrified and I don’t know why.
  • I have the strangest fascination with midgets. I freak out with joy and wonder whenever I see one and one time this midget heard me. I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop staring.
  • I’m an insensitive prick who makes fun of how emotional my wife gets, yet when that damned commercial about animal cruelty comes on TV with Sarah MacLoughlan playing in the background…well, it gets a little dusty in the Daddy Files mansion.
  • If I were in charge of making commercials, every single one of them would involve either monkeys or mascots fighting each other.
  • I once sent a friend on a blind date pretending to be me, and then crashed said date while it was still in progress.
  • I love doing the Electric Slide. The old version, not the newer one.
  • The Indigo Girls are on my iPod. And it’s more than one song.
  • I have an unexplained fear of peas. Seriously, peas are fucked up.
  • I think tattoos are disgusting and trashy and every time I see my wife’s tramp stamp and the ugly ass butterflies on her back, I have to choke back vomit.
  • I desperately want to learn how to play the guitar, but lack the time and willingness to learn. Therefore I treat Guitar Hero as if it were real life. And I. Fucking. Rock.
  • I hold grudges so severe that my friends tell me I should list the ability to hold grudges on my resume as a special skill.
  • And finally, I considered not marrying MJ when I found out she hates Seinfeld. How can you not like Seinfeld?!?!!? It’s still kind of an issue…

Anyone who’s bored and feels like listing some random info about themselves on their blog, feel free!

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14 thoughts on “Randomness

  1. I have hated Seinfeld forever. my husband LOVES the show and watches it every night. it drives me nuts. It is banned from our bedroom..if he wants to watch it he has to go to the livign room!! :)

  2. My husband said the same thing about me when I said I hated Seinfeld. BUT after he convinced me to watch them from the beginning (he has them all on dvd) the characters sort of grew on me. Now the show is more like one of those rather endearing but extremely annoying relatives that you love but can only take in small doses.

    I sometimes hope one of my kids ends up being gay. Mostly because that would bother the hell out of my in-laws. In the end I don’t wish that for them because being gay is harder than being straight in this world. It’s sad.

  3. Okay….I have some comments

    The Electric Slide rules. Yet when I imagine you doing it, I laugh my ass off.

    There is nothing wrong with the Indigo Girls. YOU listen to Irish jig music.

    MJ’s tattoos are lovely. She should be allowed to kick you in the balls for making mean comments about them.

    Seinfield is a dumb show. Now..”Friends”…there’s something classic about that show.

  4. What is with all you women who hate on Seinfeld??? George Costanza was perhaps the most hysterical character ever. And now Larry David carries that on with HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” which is also funny as hell.

    Second, Irish music is awesome. This is a fact and as such is indisputable. If you disagree, I will jig all over your face!

    Friends? FRIENDS?!?!!? You think Friends is classic??? You have issues. Serious, deep issues.

  5. Good morning, I’m doing my HASAY rounds and haven’t heard from you in awhile. You still with us? Don’t be a quitter, Cape Cod Girl is going to kick your butt if you do.

  6. My dad and I both detest Seinfeld. Neither of us have ever been able to figure out why it was such a hit! It always makes me feel less strange to hear that other people hate it, too. I’m with you on Irish music, though–great stuff.

  7. Speaking of midgets, and I often do, I was in the ER myself a couple weeks ago. I had an allergic reaction. My whole body, including my throat, was swollen all to hell. They rushed me in, hooked me up to an IV and put me on oxygen, the whole nine. Then they pumped me full of enough benadryl to knock out a herd of buffalo. In the midst of all this I look up and see a midget pushing a trash can that is almost as big as he is. Being the mature, privacy respecting adult that I am, I immediately took a picture of him with my cell phone.

    And yes, Seinfeld is one of the most hilarious shows I’ve ever seen. SERENITY NOW!!!

  8. I told my husband that when we have our next (and final) child, we should name it Seven. (1. Because it will be child #7 and 2. Because it’s a darn cool name, as George Costanza pointed out.)

    Don’t think the name will stick though…

  9. I was in Italy at the same time as the International Little People’s Convention was being hosted in Venice. TOUR BUSES FULL OF MIDGETS. There was a one-armed midget.

    My friend and I turned down an alley in Florence and saw two midgets circling each other with crow bars. For serious.

  10. Wait a minute, wait a minute…

    Tour buses full of midgets? Midgets missing limbs? A midget fight?!?!?!?

    Seriously, my head would’ve just exploded. But what happened with the midgets and the crowbars? Don’t tell me you didn’t stick around to watch. You only have one chance to see a crowbar midget fight, I hope you didn’t waste it!

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