Stay At Home Dad

This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

I have to work this Saturday night. That means I get a day off during the week, and I picked today.

I’ve been looking forward to this because secretly, I’ve been a little jealous that MJ gets to stay home and not work for three months. Because sure, she’s taking care of Will but in my head I pictured her taking care of Will 30 percent of the time, and relaxing on the couch the other 70 percent. I know, I know…all the stay at home moms will be up in arms here, but I can’t help it. Having never stayed at home during the week with a baby, i just figured he slept most of the time and when that happened, you could pretty much do whatever you want. Watch TV, grab a sandwich, play video games…I looked at it like a mini-vacation.

And as usual, I was a little off…

It’s only 11 a.m. and I’m exhausted. The baby woke up at 5:30 a.m. and yours truly was up with him. He slept intermittently until about 8 a.m., which means I barely slept at all. Then I changed him because he pooped on his diaper and his onsie. Then I changed him again 10 minutes later because he took an even bigger dump. Even though I wanted to go back to sleep the dogs were restless so they had to be walked. When I got back inside, I figured I’d nap a little bit but my cell phone rang and kept me up. Then MJ woke up and we had breakfast.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention the dog vomit I had to clean up early this morning. Good taste and common decency requires that I not divulge what the dog ate to make him sick, but let’s just say it was ultra disgusting and of a personal nature. I still have the willies just thinking about it.

Then I had to watch Will again on my own because MJ had to talk to a Bank of America lawyer for some litigation stemming from an employee she fired a few years ago. While she was on the phone, an assessor from the Town of Bourne came by to do an inspection. That meant I was holding Will and trying to control the two dogs who wanted nothing more than to jump all over the poor woman. Actually I shouldn’t call her a poor woman, I’m sure the assessed value of our house will go up so the town can collect more property taxes. God bless America. Shortly after her departure, the FedEx guy rang the doorbell. That made Will cry and the dogs freak out.

Did I mention our air conditioning doesn’t work and it’s approximately 194 degrees in here?!?!

Anyways, I’ve learned that being a stay at home parent is not a vacation. In fact, I think it’s harder than work. At least the office has air conditioning! I’ll never question the devotion of stay at home moms again.