Stop Procreating

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

I’m in somewhat of an argument with some of the women on one of my parenting Web sites.

It’s regarding women who get pregnant almost immediately after they give birth to their first child, even though they clearly aren’t ready to have another baby. Now I’m not talking about couples (or a single mom) with a good job, place to live and the means to care for children one way or another. I’m not talking about the people who planned for kids so close in age who are ready for the challenge, nor am I talking about the women on birth control who, for one reason or another, got pregnant despite taking precautionary measures.

But I’m shocked at the number of women who had just had babies in April, having more. The subject headings are “OMG can’t believe I’m pregnant again” or “How am I prego again so soon??” And then you click on some of these posts and you find that they weren’t even on birth control. Well common sense dictates that even if you’re breastfeeding that only reduces the chance of getting pregnant, it doesn’t eliminate it. So if you’re not on birth control and you’re having unprotected sex, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how it happened. And then they’ll go on to say that they’re on goverment assisted programs, don’t have any money and some of them are in less than stellar relationships or they don’t even have their own place to live.

It’s just crazy and annoying as hell that this happens. Yet I’ve personally seen these women who go out and get pregnant because they know there are taxpayer programs out there that will float them while they continue not to work and leech off the system. Again, this does not apply to the people in the categories I listed previously, but how can these women justify getting pregnant again when they’re clearly in no position to provide for more children?

My wife wouldn’t let me near her until she was able to go back on birth control, for this exact reason. While we would probably scrape by if we had another baby, it would be extremely difficult. We have no more room in our condo and we can’t sell and buy a bigger house right now. We’d both probably have to pick up another job each and that leaves no one to care for Will. And besides, we want to enjoy this time with Will before we start thinking about having another one. To have them so close together can really cheat the older child out of attention, at least in my opinion.

Some of the women said it’s none of my business, but I think it is. If they’re on welfare or other federally or state subsidized programs then it’s all of our business. Let’s just hope the women who act this way can stop popping babies out like they are human Pez dispensers!

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8 thoughts on “Stop Procreating

  1. Hi, I have been reading your blog for awhile now and it is pretty darn funny. My husband and I have a 4 month old son, so we share alot of your view points.

    Like you and MJ we work hard to make having a child work. I work days, he work nights, he looks after our son 3 days a week, the other two days he is in daycare (thats all we can afford), and I look after him on the weekends, while my husband works. We don’t have family nearby to help, so we do what we have to do.

    My husband work with some people that continue to have kids while they can’t afford to and therefore require some sort of assistance. The way he puts it, we are both working hard to pay for our kid and theirs. It does anger me that we have to work hard and hardly see each other, while other people choose not to work full time or marry their baby daddy’s because they might lose their benefits.

    Enough venting, keep up the good work.

  2. I agree with you 100%. It makes me sick when I here about people having kids just so they will receive financial assistance. It makes you wonder how these poor kids are being brought up. And it is our business since we are taxpayers.

  3. I concur. People need to think before they take another hot beef injection.

  4. So let me get this straight…you have a Wii, yet you spend your time arguing with pregnant women on websites? Ok – your fault!

  5. I agree also. I can’t say though, that I haven’t thought about that tax credit for next year. It’s going to help a lot now that I’ve missed out on work for a couple of months of recovery.

    In some countries, you get paid to stay home and raise your children.

  6. I totally agree! It’s not fair for them to take all of the government credits away from people in trouble who actually need a bit of help to get by. Did anyone here about that women in Ohio who was ordered by the judge not to have anymore children (not sure how that is constitutional). She lived on welfare and kept having children to up her payments. These poor children were uncared for and neglected. Birth control is available for FREE in most Planned Parenthood Centers. Get some!

  7. It’s sad that these cases give anyone else that receives assistance a bad rap. Granted there are people that will take advantage of the situation but a lot of people are simply trying to get by and being on public assistance of any kind is something akin to falling into a black hole. A lot of people don’t realize it but it’s more of a trap than an assistance. If people had a little more understanding of how these programs work and the reality of the situation it puts people into, maybe they’d make some changes in the system instead of just complaining about their tax dollars.

    When we had our first son, everything was peaches. We paid for everything ourselves and never received help. When we got pregnant with #2 it was unplanned for and despite birth control. While I was on maternity leave I tried to find something that would help with daycare so that I could return to work. Note the desire to NOT sit at home watching soaps. I found out the only way to get help with daycare was to go on welfare then they give you help with daycare so you can go to work and get off welfare. Are you following that logic? In other words, if I already had a job, they couldn’t help me. They would only help me if I signed up for welfare. My job wrote a letter stating I was being laid off but could come back whenever I wanted to. I went in signed up for welfare, got my childcare situated and went right back off welfare before any money ever hit my account.(we still make rather off color jokes about me being a welfare mom, lol) The reality was, we both wanted to work, we both always had, neither one of us believes in terminating pregnancy. So in those circumstances, there was little other choice.

    Then came #3. Yup, his nickname is Patch. Because that #$@& does NOT work! In retrospect, our relationship may have ended in part because after two prevention defying pregnancies, I refused to let him touch me anymore. I was terrified that nothing would work. It put a huge strain on our relationship, and eventually it all fell apart.

    (I realize I’m being long winded today but bear with me)

    As a single mom, even with a great deal of support from their father, it’s a constant struggle. I found out what a HUGE sandpit assistance is. Last year when my job was going to give me a raise I did the math and found out that raise was going to cost me over $300 a year. There is an enormous gap between the income cap for assistance and the actual cost of living. I found myself in a position of not being able to afford a raise!! How friggin ridiculous is that?!?!

    Contrary to popular belief, I’m not an ‘exception’ to rule. I work in a place, as you yourself know, that brings me into contact with hundreds of people on various public assistance programs. Most are not sucking off the system, they’re either limited by it or resigned to it and it’s hardly the carefree lifestyle some think it is.

  8. Right on JEE. You’re absolutely right. And like I said in my post, my rant was certainly not aimed at people on faulty birth control, because that will happen. And the “Patch” nickname made me spit out my water I laughed so hard.

    Assistance programs are definitely a double-edged sword. Necessary for many, abused by some and confusing for all. Like you said, you had to NOT have a job to get the help you needed. Systemic changes are absolutely needed and you hit the nail on the head.

    If birth control had failed me not once, but twice, the only assistance I’d need would be a rubber room to live in! Kudos to you for being a kick ass mom in a really tough situation. If only there were more like you!

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