As a parent there are some days where everything just seems to click effortlessly and life just falls into place without lifting a finger. An unexpected bill arises but it’s OK because you got that bonus at work just in time.  That bill you thought needed to be paid? It turns out you already paid it and just forgot. Everyone is healthy, you’re managing to put a few bucks away in your savings and the real estate market/economy are improving.

This is not one of those days.

We’re in a rut where nothing seems to be going right. I thought everything would drastically improve once MJ landed a job, but that hasn’t exactly been the case. We literally ran out of money a couple of months ago and some bills went unpaid. And now they’re coming to collect. Worse than that, in addition to the bills we knew we missed, we’ve found a half dozen we thought we paid but haven’t.

There’s something wrong with my stomach, yet finding a primary care physician has been more difficult than searching for meaning in a Vin Diesel movie. But at least I have health insurance right? Well, thanks to the tanking economy I found out that in a month I’ll have to dish out an additional $150 a month to keep the same health care plan. Not to mention the company stopped its 401k match.

And just for fun, Haley has infected ears again. I want nothing more than to take my poor dog to the vet, but we can’t afford it. She has all of her shots due next month and we can’t afford two appointments. Because anytime you bring your animal to the vet — and in this case knowing there’s antibiotics and everything else necessary — it’s at least $250. I thought we had done the smart thing and were on the road to saving money by giving up Fenway and only having one dog. Guess not.

It’s just one thing after another and just when you think you’re caught up, something else happens. All we want to do is get back to even and we can’t. One step forward, two steps back. MJ gets a job, my health insurance co-pays go up. We get rid of Fenway, Haley costs twice as much to care for. We pay off the rest of this year’s car payment only to find $600 in hospital bills that slipped through the cracks. Not to mention our condo is currently worth $100,000 less than what we paid for it four years ago, so we can’t sell it or even rent it out to try to live somewhere cheaper.

I just want to be able to give Will everything I had as a kid. But honestly, that’s not possible. We went to financial counselors for the first time ever and what a waste of time. You know what they told us? That we pay out more than we make. No fucking shit! Thanks for that news flash asshole!

What do you do when you’re trapped in quicksand with nothing to grab onto? Right now, I’m just going to hold my breath and claw like hell.

All of this begs the question: Is this recession actually good in that it may have positive effects on dads being more active with their kids?

I think it’s still too early to tell if there will be a true cultural shift among fathers resulting from this economic fallout. But with so many men losing their jobs, there’s no doubt the amount of fathers bringing their kids to daycare and standing in line at the grocery store is on the rise. And sure, many of them may not want to be there and they’ll go back to working 60 hours a week as soon as they can find a job. But others may not feel that way.

Maybe a few laid off dads will realize what’s important, what they’ve been missing. And maybe some stay at home moms, who are forced into the workplace out of necessity, will realize a part-time job is beneficial not only financially, but to their self-esteem and their sanity too. The potential result could be the balancing off of gender roles and an improved work/life balance for everyone.

And if this does indeed happen, wouldn’t it force more companies to at least take a hard lookat things like paternity leave, more flexible hours and re-evaluate the time off employees get in order to spend with families?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m grasping at straws as I watch all our savings dry up and MJ’s job search falter. I feel like such a schmuck. Overtime isn’t an option for me. I am trying to find more freelance gigs on the side for extra income, but so far it’s just been the Parents magazine thing (still don’t know when it’s coming out). So do I get another job? What the hell kind of job would I get? If I do that it pretty much guarantees I don’t see Will, like, ever. And I can’t bear the thought of that. But I also can’t bear the thought of foreclosure and not paying our bills.

Maybe I’m just desperately trying to see some good in this otherwise completely bleak situation this country is in, but I can hope right?