Sure it’s usually something of the “mama” or “dada” variety. And if we’re being honest, let’s cop to the fact that sometimes that first word isn’t really a word. It’s something the kid utters that MIGHT be a word. Maybe is a word. Or at the very least, could be a word. So we count it. Because despite how each of tries to play it cool, we’re all rushing toward that particular milestone so we can call our parents, tweet about it and put it on Facebook.

When Will started talking it was a very proud day for me. But it’s nothing compared to the last month.

Will isn’t talking anymore. He’s communicating. He’s stringing together longer (and grammatically correct no less) sentences. He’s reading facial expressions and deciphering tone of voice. And frighteningly enough, he’s even harnessing a little bit of dad’s sarcasm and purposefully joking around.

And I cannot get enough of it.

When I pick him up from daycare I always ask him how his day was. And he proceeds to tell me about every little bit of it. How Jacob pushed him after he growled at him. How Miss Marcie scolded him, but he knew he deserved it because he didn’t want to pick up his toys. And he even asked me to give another one of the boys in his class a hug one day, because Will was sure the boy was sad for some reason.

And that’s all good. Really, really good. Unfortunately, with the good comes the…other stuff.

We do not let Will shoot guns, even with his fingers. He knows that is strictly forbidden and ends with a toy being taken away. But one day about two weeks ago he was watching Spiderman and had an epiphany. When I came around the corner it appeared—to the untrained eye—he was shooting guns again.

“Will!” I said with exasperation. “How many times do I have to tell you NO GUNS!”

“Dada, calm down. It’s not guns. I’m shooting spiderwebs. And spiderwebs are OK because they no hurt people.”

First of all the little shit told me to calm down. Second, he had me. I told him it was OK to watch Spiderman because Spiderman was a superhero who helps people. And if Spiderman uses his webs in non-violent ways, how can I in good conscience tell Will  he can’t emulate Spiderman? So now he walks around shooting spiderwebs everywhere he goes, all the while proudly citing his newfound loophole. He better not turn into a lawyer.

Then we were watching one of my favorite family-friendly movies, The Sandlot. When it got to the part where Squints starts “perving a dish,” Wendy Peffercorn pops up on screen in all her lifeguard glory. This movie first came out when I was a freshman in high school, and I spent many a lonely night thinking of Wendy. So I guess I probably shouldn’t have been TOO surprised at what came out of my son’s mouth next.

“Wow dada. She is SMOKIN’ hot!”

He said it just like that. With the emphasis and all. He also said it again when MJ tried on her dress she wore to Nate’s wedding, but I’d have to agree with him there. It’s nice to know we share the same taste in women. I should’ve named him Oedipus.

But by far the coolest—and most shocking—thing Will has said lately came just before we left for Delaware.

We weren’t doing anything noteworthy at the time, just hanging out. But all of a sudden Will turned to me and looked me dead in the eye, with a very purposeful and determined expression on his face. And then he told me something I’m always going to treasure.

“Dad, I love you. You’re my best friend.”

Then, a few seconds later, he asked me if I had something in my eye because they were red and I couldn’t stop rubbing them. Yeah buddy, dad definitely has something in his eye.

]]> http://www.daddyfiles.com/2011/03/16/talking-with-my-son/feed/ 5 http://www.daddyfiles.com/2010/04/11/will-all-the-single-ladies/ http://www.daddyfiles.com/2010/04/11/will-all-the-single-ladies/#comments Mon, 12 Apr 2010 00:54:29 +0000 DaddyFiles1 http://www.daddyfiles.com/?p=2226 There are many things I hope to pass on to my son. A rapier wit, unrivaled intelligence, never-ending handsomeness and gargantuan manhood. But some of my traits are better left on the sideline.

One such flaw of mine is the dreaded White Man’s Shuffle in place of actual dance moves. While I learned at an early age I would never be dancing with the stars, I hoped against hope my darling son might somehow be blessed with Fred Astaire-esque fleetness of foot. I happily dreamed of Will being the star of his middle school dances, surrounded by girls chanting “Go Will, Go Will!” as he busted some sweet moves and cut a few rugs. Hell, I would’ve settled for the Napoleon Dynamite dance.

Alas, it is not to be. The following video proves my little guy is damn cute for sure, but his geeky dancing is sure to get him exiled to the uncertainty of the far wall at dances. And not to spoil it, but make sure you watch til the end.

I was tying away on the laptop yesterday while sitting on the couch. Will was on the floor flipping through a book. Suddenly he glanced up at me and smiled, and then began pointing excitedly and shouting “Pezza, pezza!”

At first I thought he was asking for pizza, so I went to the fridge because I thought he might be hungry. But as soon as I stood up he immediately started saying “No dadda, no.” It took a few more rounds of me asking him what the hell he was saying before I figured out he was trying to say “pencil,” and reaching for the pen I had behind my ear. I figured because he’s become so fond of drawing and painting lately he wanted to hone his skills, so I got him some paper.

But he wasn’t interested in drawing. Instead, he took my pen and promptly wedged it behind his right ear. And then he flashed me the widest goddamn grin, pointed to the pen and said “See? Like Dadda.”

Apparently he wants to be overworked, underpaid and see all the fruits of his labor get hijacked by online news aggregators who steal content and give it away for free.

But seriously, it’s overwhelming and flattering when your son copies you. We all know how religious I am, and Genesis states, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him.” Of course, in that scenario I’d be comparing myself to the Almighty, which I think we can all agree is pretty accurate. But if you doubt my abilities as Creator, you could also draw parallels to Frankenstein’s Monster. Then again I’d be a mad scientist and Will would be the grossly disfigured, 7-foot-tall reanimated corpse. He is a pretty big kid, so maybe I’m onto something.

Either way, there’s this little being in my house who I am in charge of shaping and molding. And for some reason (most likely because I’m one of two adults he sees on a regular basis) he is going to strive to be like me and act like me. Just like I derived so much of who I am from my father, I now have a 3-foot-tall toddler who’s copying my every move. And this time, instead of repeating an errant swear I accidentally let loose, he was doing something incredibly cute and heart-warming. And in that moment, me looking at him and him smiling back at me, I was nearly moved to tears by the enormity of it all.

Then he threw the pen at me.

Oh well, I’ll take my moments however I can get ‘em.

Simply put, the kid commands a room.

First of all, the #1 comment we hear from people immediately after they meet Will is concerning his hair. Apparently there’s a shortage of towheaded babies out there, because when people see him they say “Oh my gosh look how blonde he is. I haven’t seen a blonde baby like that in years!” And as soon as Will realizes they’re looking at him and talking about him, that’s when he turns on the charm.

First he starts off with some eye contact and a little wave. Then, once he has them on the hook, he finishes them off with a little chirp and that toothy smile where he scrunches his eyes and balls up his fists. And if it’s a cute girl, he might blow them a kiss or do the “touchdown” signal, at which point I have to beat them away with a stick to stop them from taking my son home with them.

This happened today while we were shopping in the Carter’s outlet near our house. Now keep in mind, the employees there see nothing but a steady stream of kids every single day. And yesterday was no different. Babies of all ages, strollers everywhere. And yet when Will walked in, all eyes were on him. Within 5 minutes he had both of the sales girls out from behind the register playing with him. After they rang us up and played with Will for a few more minutes, one of the girls took me aside and said “He is seriously the cutest little kid I’ve ever seen. He’s just adorable. I can’t believe it.”

I smiled and thanked her for the kind words. I swear Will winked at her and he may have slipped her his number. And I know this sounds conceited, but it’s far from the first time some stranger at some random place has said this to me. He’s so outgoing, friendly and he’s a complete exhibitionist. MJ gets a little embarrassed about it sometimes because she’s a private person who just wants to blend in and not stand out in a crowd.

But that’s just not in the cards. I truly believe Will has something special. A presence. I know it’s crazy to think a 13-month-old has the ability to read people and react accordingly, but I swear Will does it on a consistent basis. And he just has this ability to make people so happy. Not just family and friends, but complete strangers as well. They end up THANKING US simply for letting them hold Will or play with him for a few minutes. And Will? He eats it up. He loves the spotlight.

He’s a little too much like his old man. Except better looking.