Tag Archives: Halloween

My Son Was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Kids. We love ‘em, don’t we?

That’s why, as parents, we work so hard to take care of them. We nurture them as babies, providing sustenance, food and shelter. We shower them with unrelenting love and guide them as they utter their first words and take their initial wobbly steps into the world. We wrap them in a blanket of love and security as they grow, because it’s important as parents that we always make them feel safe and protected. That bond between parent and child leads to a solid foundation of trust that should never be violated.

Unless, of course, you can leverage all that trust to trick your kid on video and put him on national television.

That’s right. Will was recently featured on the late night talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live. It was a bit Kimmel does in which he tells parents to tell their kids they ate all the Halloween candy on video, and put the reactions on YouTube. Now I know what you’re thinking — “That’s SO mean.” Well, the counter argument is it’s also hilarious. Don’t believe me? Check out the video. Will is at 2:52.

As you can see, the reactions varied. Wildly. And since we pull no punches around here, we can just say what everyone else is thinking: some of those kids are HUGE brats! Now you could argue they’re acting out because they’re being tricked by their parents. However, I say it’s moot. If your kid starts throwing water bottles and haymakers at you simply because his candy is gone, something is rotten in the state of parental Denmark. And the whining from some of the older kids? Yikes.

And even though this is a little underhanded for parents to do, I think it’s a nice test of how your kid reacts to and handles bad news.

Now to be fair, Will did cry. But even though he was sad, he still had the wherewithal to say “I’m not mad” and keep things in perspective. But what I’m really proud of him for wasn’t shown in the Kimmel video, but in the uncut version that I put up on YouTube. Take a peek.

The part I love is towards the end. He already thinks I’ve stolen his Halloween candy, and then I ask him if I can have his future candy that he hasn’t even collected yet. I thought for sure he’d tell me to take a hike, but instead he said “A little bit, sure.”

And that, my friends, is proof that my wife is raising this kid right!

Also, check out this video from a Plainville boy who was also on the show. He’s a really sweet kid and obviously being raised right. Must be a southeastern Massachusetts thing!

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Scaring My Son on Halloween

Halloween is by far my favorite holiday.

Screams, scares and Snickers bars. Ghost, ghouls and GOBS of candy. People allowing their imaginations to run free with creative costume ideas, and women everywhere unleashing their inner slooze in the form of slutty cops, slutty beer wenches and slutty nurses.

Let’s face it, any holiday that simultaneously promotes the consumption of sweets, barely clothed women and riles up religious fundamentalists is my sweet spot.

But I digress…

Having Will just ratcheted up my love of Halloween even more. So far he’s been a devil, a monkey, a dinosaur and Spiderman. This year he’s going as Wolverine. But the coolest thing is he REALLY likes to be scared. We’ve taken great pains to explain what’s real and what’s made up, so he’s got a solid handle on separating reality from fiction. We probably let him watch a few movies most parents wouldn’t, but he takes it in stride and if it’s ever too much we just shut it off. No harm no foul.

But some things happen that are just out of our control.

I was down in the basement letting the dog out when I saw Will not-so-stealthily sneaking down the stairs in an effort to scare me. As I spotted him, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks with a worried look on his face. He was looking past me, clearly troubled by something he saw behind me. I wheeled around quickly but there was nothing there. I asked him what was wrong and he told me one of the basement lights went on and off.

“Dada, the light just went on and off really quick. Why did the light do that?”

Glancing around at the Halloween decorations and knowing that we have had many discussions about what’s real and what isn’t, I decided to have a little good-natured Halloween fun with him.

“Well bud, I think you’re old enough to know the truth. You see, ghosts don’t like the light. So when they get really bothered by bright lights, they touch the light bulb to make it go out.”

I know what you’re thinking, but I swear on his life he knew I was kidding. He even started to smirk with that “you’re pulling my leg” look on his face. Everything would’ve been fine except —

At that exact moment, the light bulb made an audible buzzing sound and then went completely out.

Before I could turn to him and explain it was just a coincidence, it was too late. My poor son turned pale white, got the most scared-shitless look on his face I’ve ever seen, and flew up the stairs shouting “OH MY GOD THE GHOSTS ARE REAL! THE GHOSTS ARE REAL!!!!”

Happy Halloween.

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Happy Halloween

Sometimes I hate working on Saturday nights. Tonight is no exception. While I’m in the office my wife and son are trick-or-treating. Look at how cute they are:

Oh well. I hope everyone else has a great Halloween. Stay safe. And if you’re on the Cape, stay out of trouble or else I’ll be the one writing about you.

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My Halloween Evolution

Check out Fatherhood Friday over at Dad-Blogs.

(***First off, everyone wish a Happy Birthday to my brother Nate. He’s 28 today and he’s coming up to visit from Baltimore! Happy Birthday!!!)

There are only three types of people in this world I don’t trust:

Yankees fans, vegetarians and people who don’t absolutely love Halloween.

Seriously, what’s not to love about Oct. 31? You can dress up in totally weird/funny/sick costumes and no one looks at you funny. You get to watch scary horror movies. Pumpkins are involved. If you’re a kid it’s the one day of the year you’re allowed to eat all the candy you want, and if you’re adult you’ll most likely be dressing up like a moron and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

No matter how old you are, Halloween is a win-win.

But I will admit, it has changed dramatically over the years. I guess that’s only normal right? Life is cyclical and as we get older and gain more life experience, annual events like Halloween are bound to mean different things to each of us at various points in our lives. For example:

When I was a little kid I loved Halloween because we could wear costumes to school. My earliest memory of a Halloween costume was when I was 5 and my parents wrapped me in Ace bandages and I went as a mummy. The only problem is when I was little, I was a huge pussy. Everything scared me. That didn’t stop me from enjoying when I scared other people, but if someone dared turn the tables on me I would cry like a bitch.

Fast forward a few years and my Halloween memories take me directly back to my grandmother’s house. She lived on a quiet, suburban street and had a shitload of trick-or-treaters every year. Her house was notorious among local kids because she went all out and made it a haunted house. She had half-buried bodies in the front yard along with a slew of tombstones. When the scared kids got to the doorstep, they were greeted by my uncle wearing a grotesque mask that had blood dripping from its mouth as chains rattled around his legs. My grandmother — who was a piano teacher and sang in the Boston Pops — would be dressed like a witch playing scary music on the piano and laughing maniacally. It was really, really cool.

Except one year, we scared one of the kids a little too much. My grandmother always placed fake bodies outside, and one year we got the idea to plant a real person among the dummies. So the kids would walk up the steps with a false sense of security, and then BOOM, one of us would jump from our prone position amidst the fake bodies and scare the piss out of them. Well, my mom jumped out at one kid and he got so scared his reflexes kicked in and he punched her right in the face.

In high school things changed a bit, and like most teenagers I was too cool for Halloween. That was for little kids, and dammit I was a man now. Of course that didn’t stop me from sneaking off and collecting some candy when my friends weren’t looking.

College was when my love and appreciation for Halloween was rekindled. Just picture thousands of parentally liberated, horny young adults all getting together while imbibing alcohol on Satan’s holiday. More important, I learned a very crucial thing about women and Halloween. Neil Patrick Harris said it best on the TV show How I Met Your Mother:

“You know what I love about Halloween? It’s the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag.”

Never were truer words spoken. College Halloween parties were legendary. All the girls were barely dressed. They all chose to go as Playboy bunnies, slutty nurses, French maids…it was truly a thing of beauty. And not only were they barely dressed, they were also trashed. Hell, when I attended my first college Halloween party I was dressed as a chick. I had a black dress with a slip up to my hip, fishnet stockings and HUGE balloon boobs. Of course my girlfriend had dumped me two days prior to be with another woman, so in hindsight this may have been a confusing time for me. But it was great nonetheless, and it meant the meaning of Halloween was forever changed.

Since then, my costumes have been pretty low maintenance. One year I cut out a bunch of pictures of hot chicks from magazines, taped them all over my body and went as a chick magnet. Another year I tied a bow around myself and attached a tag to my wrist that said “From: God, To: Women” and I went as God’s gift to women. You get the point, I’m a moron. But that’s OK because Halloween is one night adults can be morons.

We do stupid shit like dress up as Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, with a stingray attached to our chests. One buddy dressed as a piece of shit one year. Another guy I know wore a cardboard box and attached a shelf to the front of it, with a sign that said “Free Mammograms.” How can you not love Halloween?

But now that I have a son, Halloween has changed once again. Now it’s all about the little guy. Last year he was a devil. Very cute.

This year, due to his love of monkeys, we got him a monkey suit. And damned if he isn’t the cutest fucking monkey I’ve ever seen.

Well, apparently he’s a White Supremacist monkey in that last picture. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but it’s cute nonetheless.

So c’mon people, tell me about your all time favorite Halloween costumes, and what Halloween means to you. Do you make a big deal out of it, either yourselves or with your kids.

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