Seriously, I was always doing something. Going to a Sox game, hanging out with friends, playing basketball, going to a movie…I couldn’t stand to sit around and do nothing so I was always out and about. There was no way for me to realize it at the time, but a lot of that wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as I thought it was. It’s only after you get married and have a kid that you realize how much your life revolves around other people.

Take the present as an example. MJ and Will have been gone since Thursday night. Friday was no problem because I worked and then went to my parents house to hang out with them and some friends. Saturday I had to work so that was easily taken care of as well. But today? Today is a different story.

First of all, I got home from work late last night and realized I can’t sleep in an empty house anymore. It’s too quiet. And besides, I’m so well trained to not make noise I can’t even relax. You should’ve seen me last night sitting in the dark watching TV with the volume on low. When I got up to go to the fridge I was tiptoeing around so I wouldn’t wake the baby. It took me 45 minutes to realize there was no baby there to wake.

Now, this morning, I’m completely and totally lost. I don’t know what to do with myself at all. I’ve cleaned up around the house a little, taken the dogs for a walk, made myself breakfast but I’m just so lost. It’s a beautiful day and the sun is shining, but it’s weird. A beautiful day by myself isn’t a beautiful day unless I have my wife and son here to share it with me. Nothing is good anymore unless they’re here.

And a few minutes ago, I found myself standing absent mindedly in Will’s nursery. I was playing with his toys and looking at some of the framed pictures. Then I picked up some of his clothes and got really sad, because they smelled just like him. I love that baby smell. Picture a grown man standing alone in a nursery on the verge of tears while incessantly sniffing a pile of baby clothes. Actually don’t picture that…it sounds kind of creepy when I lay it out there like that.

So maybe I’ll hit a movie or take a walk along the canal. I should go to the gym but I can’t seem to work up the will for that. I used to look forward to my sporadic single weekends when I could relive my single days and live like a caveman, but now I just want to see that crazy cute little midget walking around smiling at me. I know this sounds pathetic, but I can’t help it.

I miss my family.

This isn’t quite how I pictured his first birthday, but sometimes life just gets in the way. I’ve talked about our good friends Alicia, Vic and Baby Vic (my godson) and how special they are to us. They live in North Carolina where Vic is stationed. Unfortunately, Vic’s mom isn’t doing so well and her aggressive form of Cancer has left her with precious little time. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose a parent, and I know that Alicia and Vic are having a really hard time with this.

Alicia and MJ have been friends since…well, forever. And best friends are always there for each other. Period. End of story. So even though Will’s first birthday is today and MJ’s birthday is tomorrow, there was never a moment’s hesitation with the decision for MJ and Will to fly down there so MJ can take over some household duties for them and look after little Vic.

Will I miss my boy and my wife this week? Yes. Am I a little disappointed that I won’t even get to see my son on his first birthday? Absolutely. But do I regret the decision to send them down there? Hell no. I only wish I had the time to take off so I could go down there myself and help out.

Even though Will won’t remember this birthday, I’m actually very proud of him. You see, there are very few traits of mine that I hope to pass on to Will. But one of them is dedication and loyalty when it comes to friends and family. More than anything, I want to instill in my son the need for selflessness when it comes to helping out those you love. MJ is the same exact way.

There are parents who obsess over their kid’s first birthday. They throw elaborate theme parties and buy them mountains of presents. I don’t have statistics to back this up, but I’m willing to bet most parents would NEVER allow their kids to skip town on their first birthday. But when I think back to Will’s first birthday, it will be with a sense of pride mixed with some sadness. The sadness isn’t for me, it’s for Vic, Alicia and little Vic who’s losing a grandmother. My heart breaks for all of them. I can only hope my cute little 1-year-old will turn on that smile and warm some hearts during an otherwise somber occasion. If he lessens the load of any grieving relatives then it’s a birthday well spent. Not to mention my saintly wife who is doing the exact same thing.

So Happy Birthday little man. Your present is that you’re learning at an early age that there’s nothing more important than the people you love. This is your first lesson that it’s always better to give of yourself and always get the backs of your friends, even though I have to admit I almost didn’t let you go when it was time for you to leave. There were no tears because we all know guys don’t cry, but if we did…well, this might’ve been an occasion where a tear or two slips out. Is it dusty in here??

I miss you already and I hope you have a great birthday. And don’t worry, your party and that mountain of presents will be waiting for you when you get back! I love you and I want you to know that being your dad has been the best experience of my life.

And whether you’re religious or not, keep the Banks family in your thoughts and prayers too.