I’m in my 30s and I have a wife and one child. I own a house, and although a man is only a man once he buys land and a domicile, it is this very house that is crushing my will to live. But more on that later. Here in the middle class, both of us work full-time. And we work hard. We kind of had to after one of us lost that job when the economy imploded. Sure we make less now, but one of us was also forced to take a job an hour away from home, so we’re spending a fortune on gas that costs nearly $3 a gallon and less time with our families. And because we can’t spend as much time with our kids as we’d like, we need to pay for daycare. That means one of our jobs is paying almost exclusively for someone else to watch our kid, yet we slave away.

But then home values tanked and we were stuck with that exotic mortgage. I know exotic sounds sexy most of the time, but trust me, in this instance there’s nothing appealing about it. It was only supposed to be temporary, you know, until we could refinance or sell the place and get something bigger. But then the market crashed and home values dropped faster than Tiger Woods’ pants. All of a sudden we’re upside down $75,000 and saddled with an adjustable rate mortgage that’s about to shoot up higher than Tiger’s erection when he passes a strip joint. We can’t refinance because we don’t have any equity in the house. We can’t sell the place because we’d still owe a fortune. And we can’t rent it because the rental income wouldn’t even cover all of our expenses.

Not to mention most of us haven’t received raises in a couple of years now, and health insurance costs have ballooned up to nearly unthinkable levels as employers contribute less and less to the cause.

And speaking of expenses, it’s getting out of control. The condo fees are getting a little too close to $300 a month for comfort. And on top of that, the condo association has implemented a 5-year “special assessment” at the rate of $1,100 a year to put new siding on the houses. Not to mention another $140 special assessment for landscaping, which is already supposed to be included in the regular condo fees. Yet my house has no new siding, they don’t do anything besides mow the lawn and the snow barely gets plowed in the winter. Meanwhile NStar is charging me a $500 per month electric bill because energy costs are off the charts.

Although we haven’t used credit cards in years, it became clear  a few months ago we had to lean on them in our time of need. But lo and behold, new credit card regulations are going into effect and the credit card companies don’t like it one bit. So, they began either drastically reducing credit limits on existing cards, or in some cases, canceling them altogether. That means our emergency safety net was suddenly removed, just as we got to the most treacherous part of the tightrope. And the biggest kick to the junk is when you’re hoping for a mini bailout in the form of a tax return, only to discover you owe the government $3,000 because you had to take out withdrawals from IRAs and 401ks just to get by.

Recently, after some simple math, it became clear that making timely mortgage payments, utility payments, condo fee payments, etc was not going to be possible. But because we are proud people who have never fallen behind on any payments in the past, we wanted to be proactive. So, being the responsible middle class folks we are, we began calling around.

We tried to refinance our mortgage and were rebuffed. We tried to negotiate with the condo association and were shat upon. But perhaps the most frustrating part was appealing to the mortgage company. We explained our situation to them and told them for at least a few months, we weren’t going to be able to pay on time. And so we asked for assistance, noting that we were doing so ahead of time to stay in front of things.

Wanna know what they said? They told us there was nothing they could do for us until we were at least two months behind in payments.

Incredulous at their response, we asked them if we were correct in surmising that they could do nothing to help us now, but if we were derelict in our responsibility to pay them for the next two months, then and only then could they step in and help us.

Does anyone else see how fucking backward this is?!?! No one can help the middle class until the middle class is so broke they become the poor. It actually benefits me NOT to pay the mortgage, so that I can receive help to then — you guessed it — pay the mortgage. Maybe I’m a goddamn lunatic here, but wouldn’t it be more cost effective to assist people BEFORE they get to the point where they’re considering walking away from a home with no equity of which they’re in arrears?

And make no mistake, people are walking away from their homes. And who can blame them? A lot of the middle class didn’t put money down on their homes, they’re upside down and with the market correction may never see any kind of profit. Where there used to be a strong connection to our homes, many see them as an anchor around their necks. There’s no “pride of ownership” related to a home that is slowly killing you. So people are taking the credit hit, weathering the foreclosure and starting over.

Meanwhile those of us working several jobs apiece and breaking our backs to pay everything on time (or slightly behind) are met with no assistance, liens on our homes and threatening letters from lenders and bill collectors. And whether it’s a car repair, home repair or medical problem, we’re all one major unexpected bill away from serious motherfucking trouble.

This is why the middle class is disappearing. The middle class makes too much money to qualify for much of the available aid out there, but not enough to make all the ends meet. It’s like being stuck in some hellish limbo where things admittedly could be worse, but at the same time there’s no real chance of them getting any better. It’s a never-ending struggle and swimming upstream is so fucking maddening sometimes, I feel like just sinking to the bottom so someone will come rescue me.

But I can’t. I can’t imagine getting behind on the mortgage. I would feel too much guilt, because I’ve been taught personal responsibility. And that’s what the bigwigs bank on, the pride of the remaining class that will keep them paying into a money pit that will never benefit them.

I thought our President might provide some relief, and for the first time in a long time I was hopeful. Turns out I was naive. There’s no help on the way. No white (or in this case, black) knight coming to the rescue. We either need to give up and be dirt poor, or hit the lottery (or land a book deal) and move up to the wealthy stratosphere.

Because those of us in the middle are nearly extinct, and we’re running out of reasons to keep trying.

My buddies at Dad-Blogs had a fantastic ideas last week, and that was for all of us fathers to write something complimentary about our wives. And it couldn’t have been more timely.

I’m very proud of MJ, and I’m eternally thankful for her. But today, I’m extra proud. Because today, my wife is going back to school for her master’s degree in business!

It’s something she’s wanted to do ever since she graduated from college nine years ago. But you know how it is, life kind of gets in the way. When she graduated she took a job as a teller to pay the rent on her apartment. They recognized how great she was and in three years she was a bank manager and a top performer.

Then MJ and I started dating and we hit a crossroads. She was an inch away from taking a job down in Florida. We were only 6 months into our relationship, but I was totally in love with her already. She hinted at me moving to Florida, but I’ll never live anywhere except New England. However, I never asked her to stay, I told her to do what makes her happy.

She chose me.

From there it’s the same old story. Engagement, marriage, house, mortgage, baby. She always wanted to go back to school and she always had jobs that would reimburse her for it. But she always decided it wasn’t the right time, we didn’t have the money, etc.

Truth be told, I’m not sure if we have the time or money now. Sure she gets a hefty reimbursement from work, but we have to front the money until next year. Not to mention her one book for her class cost a whopping $214. Can you believe that? FOR ONE BOOK!! Forget credit card companies, the textbook industry needs some regulation. And she can only take one class a time, which means this will be a 2-year process from start to finish. She’s taking the 3-hour class on Monday nights, which is when my parents watch Will overnight into Tuesday. It’s also the only time MJ and I have to spend together as a couple.

I’m disappointed to lose that time to reconnect with her. And we’re going to struggle even more financially now. I mean really struggle. This is an undertaking that’s going to require time, sacrifice and lots of overtime at our respective jobs. And not that we’re pregnant with Kid #2 yet, but it’s been discussed. Two parents working full-time, one parent going back to school part-time, one toddler, a potential newborn, a dog, two cats and lots of bills that need to be paid.

Some people have already told MJ she should wait to go back to school so she can focus on her family. But you know what, those people can go to hell.

My wife is always trying to better herself. And going back to school is what will make her happy. And in the end, that will do nothing but help our family. More knowledge, more skills, more money = better ability to pay bills, a bigger house and a sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment you can’t put a price tag on. Her first class hasn’t even started yet, but I can already see MJ is happier. Because she’s doing something. She’s taking action. And I admire the hell out of her for that.

And sure, this is going to be hard. Her class time, the studying, the extra expenses…a lot of that is going to impact me big time. Because she works an hour away, I already have the bulk of childcare duties during the week. But with class time and her having to study, that just increased quite a bit. Not to mention I’ve already started taking every extra shift and overtime possibility I hear about because I know we’ll need it. And when you see your wife only 2 hours a day with one night (Monday) to yourselves, it’s painful to take that one night away. But I never hesitated to tell her to go for it.

After all, that’s what marriage is all about. Compromise and supporting each other.

MJ puts up with my crazy sports habit. She understands how important it is for me to go to Patriots/Red Sox games. And when I shell out money to play fantasy sports, she never criticizes me even though she has no friggin idea what the point is and thinks it’s stupid. But you know what, she supports me because she knows it’s important. She doesn’t belittle me or the things I love. She doesn’t try to control me, restrict me or put down those things, even when she thinks they’re the dumbest things on Earth. And THAT is why I married her. Because I could never spend my life with someone who constantly judged me or the things in which I’m interested and love.

And that’s why I’m more than happy to return the favor. Good luck baby, I know you’ll knock em dead!

But the ad I want to hit on is this one from Target:

Basically, I want to take a flame thrower to this bitch.

First of all, we’re in a recession. Times are tough everywhere, and because of that it’s more important than ever that couples talk about their finances and make joint decisions that take into account their family’s best financial interests. Yet in this commercial, the wife buys herself a big screen TV without consulting her husband. Then, when he rightfully takes offense and gently tries to remind her that spending should be kept to a minimum, she gives him all kinds of attitude.

But then, just to push her bitchiness over the top, she says, “Maybe Santa doesn’t need any help doing Santa’s job.”

This is where the ad goes from being shitty television, to a shitty commentary on the readily accepted roles played by men and women. First of all, the guy was just trying to stick to their previously established plan of spending less during difficult times. Sounds pretty reasonable right? But then she goes out and submarines him by spending hundreds (possibly thousands) on a new TV. Then, when he sticks up for himself, she basically tells him gift-giving and how they spend money is none of his damn business.

Or, in other words, it’s a woman’s job and he should just shut the hell up and not question her infinite wisdom.

I know women such as this one, and they make me want to tear what’s left of my hair completely out. It’s funny, because a lot of women I know complain their husbands aren’t involved enough. Yet this guy is just trying to save a few bucks, but she gets angry even though she’s the one who deviated from the plan. She should be happy he’s taking an interest in his family’s well-being.

But what really gets me is the double standard.

Think for one minute about what would happen if the roles in this TV commercial were reversed. What if a man was telling a woman to mind her own business because men don’t need any help deciding how the family’s money is spent? Because maybe men don’t need any help leading the family and making all the decisions. That’d go over as well as a fart in church and you know it.

And what’s with her creepy, passive-aggressive smile at the end? She looks like an inmate at the asylum who mixed up her medication and is on the verge of going on a 6-state killing spree.

I think my main point here is that some multi-national advertising agency needs to come to their senses and hire me to write these commercials. Sure each product would be pitched by either fighting mascots or monkeys dressed in people’s clothes, but at least we wouldn’t have to watch this crap.

But I’m a journalist. And in case you didn’t realize it, newspaper reporters aren’t paid diddly shit. But what we lack in compensation we make up for in being overworked, unappreciated stress cases who are widely reviled by just about everyone and often times even blamed for many of society’s woes.

A recent CNN article even put journalists in their #4 spot on a list of jobs that are low paying and highly stressful. And unless you’ve been living under a rock these past few years, you know newspapers have been suffering from poor circulation numbers and plummeting revenues, meaning it’s very possible the newspaper as we’ve always known it could be headed for a total modification at best, and extinction at worst.

When all of this is taken into account, it begs the question: why am I still a journalist?

I left a sales job in 2006 to come back to the newspaper business. I don’t want to get into salaries, but I had to take a substantial pay cut to do it. Although my earning potential was MUCH higher where I was, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t writing. But why is that, you ask? Why is my happiness mysteriously tied to a job that stresses me out, keeps me on call 24/7 and pretty much guarantees that I’ll never be paid a handsome sum of money?

Call me naive if you want, but the answer is because of the truth. Specifically the search for it and exposing it.

I take my job very seriously. Between the print version and online, each story I write is easily viewed by 100,000 people. That means unlike other jobs where you can slack off and screw up without major consequences, readers rely on journalists to be accurate, fair and balanced on a daily basis. My name is attached to each story I write, and that means my credibility is at stake every single day. Readers trust me to present them with an accurate depiction of what happened, and it is my job to hold people accountable and find the truth at all costs.

As you might imagine, when you do that much digging you inevitably end up pissing people off and stepping on some toes. And that can get pretty heated at times, believe me. You get screamed at, threatened with lawsuits and sometimes just threatened.

But despite all that, this is a job I take to heart and hold sacred. It’s why I fight so hard when someone isn’t giving me answers to which the public is entitled. It’s why I run down leads and tips, investigate, ask questions, make public records requests and keep an eye on what’s happening. Reporters are watchdogs and gatekeepers. We hold people accountable and make them explain themselves. And without people taking up that role, you don’t even want to know how much would be swept under the rug.

As a father, I know there will come a day when Will asks why we don’t live in a house as big as some of his friends. He’ll ask me why we don’t drive fancy cars. He’ll want to know why he can’t have some of the nicer things that the dads of his friends are able to buy him. And when I explain why, he’ll probably ask me why I don’t just get another job that pays more.

I’ll tell him there is nobility is being someone dedicated to truth. I’ll tell him doing something you love (even if it’s a love-hate relationship at times) is worth the trade off of making barely enough to get by. And I’ll tell him that being entrusted with the task of delivering the truth to the people is a damned important thing.

I think he’ll understand that.

]]> http://www.daddyfiles.com/2009/12/05/truth/feed/ 13 http://www.daddyfiles.com/2009/04/08/silver-lining-in-economic-mess/ http://www.daddyfiles.com/2009/04/08/silver-lining-in-economic-mess/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:58:06 +0000 DaddyFiles1 http://www.daddyfiles.com/mybloghtm/?p=1193 Fathers 29 years old and under have ignored traditional gender roles and stereotypes about the 1950s Leave it to Beaver lifestyle more than any other generation, according to a 2008 study from the Families and Work Institute. Dads in this age group are spending 4.2 hours per workday with their kids, closing the gap on mothers who average 5.1 hours. And 79 percent of households in that age group are dual income families, with women bringing in 44 percent of the family’s total income.

All of this begs the question: Is this recession actually good in that it may have positive effects on dads being more active with their kids?

I think it’s still too early to tell if there will be a true cultural shift among fathers resulting from this economic fallout. But with so many men losing their jobs, there’s no doubt the amount of fathers bringing their kids to daycare and standing in line at the grocery store is on the rise. And sure, many of them may not want to be there and they’ll go back to working 60 hours a week as soon as they can find a job. But others may not feel that way.

Maybe a few laid off dads will realize what’s important, what they’ve been missing. And maybe some stay at home moms, who are forced into the workplace out of necessity, will realize a part-time job is beneficial not only financially, but to their self-esteem and their sanity too. The potential result could be the balancing off of gender roles and an improved work/life balance for everyone.

And if this does indeed happen, wouldn’t it force more companies to at least take a hard lookat things like paternity leave, more flexible hours and re-evaluate the time off employees get in order to spend with families?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m grasping at straws as I watch all our savings dry up and MJ’s job search falter. I feel like such a schmuck. Overtime isn’t an option for me. I am trying to find more freelance gigs on the side for extra income, but so far it’s just been the Parents magazine thing (still don’t know when it’s coming out). So do I get another job? What the hell kind of job would I get? If I do that it pretty much guarantees I don’t see Will, like, ever. And I can’t bear the thought of that. But I also can’t bear the thought of foreclosure and not paying our bills.

Maybe I’m just desperately trying to see some good in this otherwise completely bleak situation this country is in, but I can hope right?