Tag Archives: Patriots

The Patriots with Another Miracle Finish Against the Browns

Pat_Patriot_LogoIf it seems like I’m beginning to collect a library of unbelievable memories this season, it’s because I am.

First the Patriots pulled off a miraculous comeback win against the New Orleans Saints (my phone was dead so the video is someone else’s). Then they overcame a 24-0 deficit to beat Peyton Manning and the Broncos. And last night, I hit the trifecta as I was present for yet ANOTHER miracle finish.

With just more than two minutes to go in the game, the Patriots were trailing the Cleveland Browns by 12 points. And although the Patriots have pulled horseshoes out of their asses twice already this season, some fans just never learn because a bunch of people began to head for the exits.

Screw those morons.

Tom Brady led the Patriots down the field and scored a touchdown with a little more than a minute, and after the 2-point conversion it was a 5-point game. Thanks to a personal foul penalty on the touchdown, the Patriots ensuing onside kick was moved up 15 yards. But still, all the Browns had to do was recover it and the game would be over. Here’s what happened (NSFW due to my nervous swearing).

But even then, the Patriots had to go 40 yards in less than a minute with no timeouts. No easy task for sure, but this is Tom Brady we’re talking about.

After a couple of plays and an admittedly ticky-tack pass interference call in the end zone (hey, the Patriots were due for a call to go their way after getting robbed in the Jets and Panthers games), the Patriots found themselves with 1st and goal at the 1. Just one yard away from perhaps their biggest miracle to date.

Here’s the result (again, NSFW because of swearing).

The Patriots lost their most important offensive player next to Tom Brady in Rob Gronkowski, and I still don’t expect them to do anything much in the playoffs. But with all their injuries this year, I’m really proud of this Patriots team. And regardless of what happens, we’ve some some unbelievably special games this season.

And the best part is when I look back on these videos I’ll see a familiar pattern. The Patriots win, I scream like a maniac, and I immediately turn the camera toward my dad — the screaming maniac who taught me how to be a screaming maniac and also to ALWAYS stay until the end.

I can’t wait until my boys are filming me going nuts at Gillette Stadium one day.

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The Patriots, Red Sox, and Why We Stay Until the End

fen_boysI don’t remember much about my first trip to Fenway Park.

My first memory is the Green Monster. I had seen it on TV, but in person it loomed like the Great Wall of China to my 7-year-old mind. I remember the rickety wooden seats in the third-base grandstand being ridiculously uncomfortable (some things never change), to the point I had to sit on my red backpack. I remember Roger Clemens was pitching because I had begged my dad to pick a game when the “Rocket” was on the mound. And I remember thinking Fenway Franks taste a million times better than hotdogs at home.

I can’t tell you how many strikeouts Clemens had, what the score was, or even who won. But I’ll always remember being with my dad, because at one point during the game he grabbed my brother and I and said “I always dreamed about taking my boys to Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox.”

On Saturday night, it was my turn to live the dream.

Continue reading The Patriots, Red Sox, and Why We Stay Until the End

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Three Generations of Patriots Fans

pats_gameWhen I went to my first Celtics game I took in the cramped confines of the beautifully antiquated Boston Garden in a fit of parquet wonder. And every Boston kid remembers the day he first laid eyes on the lyric little bandbox of a ballpark that is Fenway Park. The grass impossibly green, Pesky’s Pole flashing down like a lightning bolt in right field, and the Green Monster looming in left. Both the Garden and Fenway are marvels — resplendent in every way and rich in unique history — that leave you slack-jawed and awestruck.

Sullivan Stadium — where I took in my first New England Patriots game — was none of those things.

Simply put, it was a shithole. It was built in 1971 for a paltry price of $7 million, and one look at it explained why. No luxury boxes, no real club seats to speak of, and not a frill to be seen anywhere. There was ugly concrete as far as the eye could see, and fans were treated to aluminum benches with no backs. Think I’m exaggerating? Well, before the first preseason game all of the toilets overflowed — a sign of things to come regarding the team’s on-the-field fortunes. But hey, considering the Patriots were forced to play at various Boston stadiums (Fenway, Boston College, Harvard) because they were the redheaded stepchild of the Boston sports scene for years, at least they finally had a home of their own.

Back then you couldn’t give Patriots tickets away because no one wanted to watch a craptastic team play in a rundown pit of a stadium with their asses frozen to an aluminum bench. But even though Sullivan Stadium couldn’t hold a candle to the Garden and Fenway, it was OUR place. Every Sunday, these guys and that place were ours. For better or worse. Almost always worse. It wasn’t flashy and it certainly wasn’t trendy, but we loved it. In the cold, in the rain, in the snow. We were there because the Patriots were our thing.

Continue reading Three Generations of Patriots Fans

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One Giant Slap

I’m too fucking upset to write a real post because I just watched my Patriots lose to the Giants…again. Even though the game was well within reach. If Brady doesn’t take a stupid safety and puts it in a more catchable place for Welker—OK, I have to stop before I hyperventilate again.

As if the game wasn’t bad enough, yesterday also marked the end of the first month of our FatSlap Weight-loss challenge. As expected, the Viking beat me. Therefore, I got slapped. On video. Make sure you scroll down to the bottom to see it.

Our stats are as follows:

Aaron’s starting weight: 281 lbs
Aaron’s current weight: 260 lbs

Alex’s starting weight: 399 lbs
Alex’s current weight: 350 lbs

Here’s the slap video. The before and current pictures are underneath. Congrats to Alex and welcome to Dave, our third man in who starts this month. Stay tuned next month for twice the slapping!

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The Patriots Will Win the Super Bowl Because the Giants are a Bunch of Dicks

As you all know, I’ve been a diehard New England Patriots fan my entire life. I stress the “entire life” part. You tell most people you’re a Pats fan these days and they automatically assume you jumped on the bandwagon back in 2001. Not so. My dad has been a season ticket holder for 39 years, which means I’ve been going to game since I was 6. I have many vivid memories of being on the wrong end of blowouts while sitting on aluminum benches. Yet we persevered and kept the faith. Faith which has been rewarded and then some.

I won’t lie and tell you 2007 didn’t hurt something awful, despite the three previous Super Bowl wins. The blown perfect season at the hands of the Giants was a huge blow. Not just to lose, but to lose because Eli Manning somehow (and no one — including Eli himself — knows how) got out of a sure sack and David Tyree pulled off the most miraculous catch you’ll ever see…well, it still haunts me. It haunts me like Bucky, Buckner and Boone haunts Red Sox fans. It’s the kind of loss that kills you as a fan and leaves you pissed off and wondering “what if” for the rest of your days.

Which is why it’s amazing and fortuitous the Patriots have a chance at revenge. At redemption. To exorcise the demons that haunt them — and us as fans — to this day. And make no mistake, they will.

I can’t do much to guide Tom Brady’s perfect passes or heal Rob Gronkowski’s high ankle sprain. I’m a writer, not a football player. So to that end, I offer the Patriots (and the football gods) this humble poem. And the video of my awesome son showing Giants fans what’s up. Make sure you get all the way to the end.


Twas the night before game day, & all through Lucas Oil
Tempers were flaring and starting to boil.
The Pats and the Giants are all set to attack,
In hopes that New England can earn some payback.

Pats fans are haunted because ’07 lingers,
As Eli slips through our D-line’s fingers.
For 4 long years all us Pats fans can see,
Is that lucky fluke catch by David fucking Tyree.

But it’s a new day & in Brady we trust
Not to mention our defense has shaken its rust.
The Giants spent this week talking some smack,
But their confident facade is starting to crack.

Canty’s an idiot who’s making heads spin
That jackass all but guaranteed a win.
Then Pierre-Paul said Brady’s afraid,
And the Giants are planning a victory parade.

Eli, that hick, is truly incomplete,
Whining about reporters who don’t think he’s elite.
It’s clear to all these Giants can talk,
But come Sunday we’ll see if they walk the walk!

But a few guys on the Pats might have something to say
Like Matt Light who’ll give Osi a very tough day
And Welker, that runt, he’s out of control
He’ll reek havoc on hapless Antrel Rolle

Benjarvus never fumbles, Branch is airtight
And Osi will never get past Matt Light
Over at tight end Hernandez is no honk
And it’ll be a fiesta with my main man Gronk!

But really it’s all about Brady, The Man
He plays the position like no one else can
#12 passes on the field pretty well
Then he goes home & has sex with Gisele

It’s a tale of two cities, Boston vs. New York
Those Big Apple douchebags can fuck themselves with a spork
Wanna hear something they don’t like to admit?
They really play in Jersey, that godforsaken pit!

┬áThis will be Boston’s 8th title in four years
I’ll enjoy it even more watching New Yorkers shed tears
So to Coughlin, B. Jacobs & Justin Tuck
Your season is over, Big Blue is fucked!

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